Tag Archives: Super Woman Brand

I Admit To Failing

There’s a preconceived notion that people who are successful are equally successful at everything they do and in all areas of their lives. People who are successful often have experienced failure; not only prior to becoming successful at what they’re good at, but also in other areas. Every first attempt at anything can result in failure just as repeated attempts at the same thing can, if a person isn’t learning more and growing during the experience.

As successful as other people think I am in my business and career, many attempts I’ve made to develop different ideas and projects over the years, have failed. Some worse than others, even to the degree that they won’t be attempted again. I receive a great deal of rejection emails from companies and brands I seek support from for my events and projects. I’m averaging approximately two rejection emails per day. They are always accompanied by an explanation. The most popular being:
•We’ve already supported events for the year.
•We only support specific causes and this doesn’t qualify.
•We don’t have the personnel to assist at this time.
•You don’t have a large enough social media following.
…and the list goes on.

Not only have I learned to expect rejection, I’ve learned that I have to decide in the beginning of the project or idea that I want to pursue, exactly how I’m going to move forward without any assistance or support, so that I don’t have to rely on others who may only reject me when asked. Being prepared to handle everything alone reduces the likelihood that I will have to feel disappointed later. It’s also partly how I came to be known as Super Woman; I go it alone whenever necessary.

I’m not nearly as successful as I’d like to be and it will take a lot longer than I’d like to get there because I started my business as a second career that I never planned for. I’m literally learning about my own business every day. I know that my level of success is determined by many factors and I weigh them all; including my accomplishments and failures in other areas of my life.

There is one area of my life where I admit to being a complete failure:

Dating and relationships.

It’s just something I’m quite terrible at and I have been my entire adult life. The older and more mature I become, the more I fail at dating. It has gone from me dating a lot, without anything serious developing, to men not asking me out at all and only offering me compliments privately on social media. I’ve been on about 5 dates in the last year. Men just don’t want to court me. Of course, they also have a variety of explanations, including, but not limited to:
•”I’m not interested in dating anyone.” (wants to remain single)
•”I’m not ready for commitment.” (has commitment phobia or already in one)
•”You’re too busy for me.” (is codependent and lacks confidence)
•”I’m too busy with other things in my life.” (doesn’t want to give attention to one woman when he can have many)
•”You don’t need a man in your life.”
•”There are plenty of men who want you, so I can’t compete.”

Those last two I can’t translate any other way and are complete fabrications by the men who have said them in my opinion. I have never said that I don’t need a man and I have no idea where all these imaginary men who want me are supposedly residing or even who they are. But I digress.

Of course my friends and relatives have made considerable attempts to keep hope on life support, by telling me how awesome I am, by introducing me to single men that they assume might be interested in me and they try to make me feel better with logic by telling me:
•Men think they’re immortal so they are waiting to get married later in life. (yes, but I don’t want to date anyone my father’s age or older)
•Men are intimidated by you/your success. (sigh, it’s only going to get worse then)
•Men all just want to be players and date a bunch of different women. (doesn’t that get old eventually?)
•Men are just stupid and confused. (and?)
•Men assume you’re already taken. (why? and why not ask me?)
•Men fear rejection. (so do women, big deal)
•You’re just not meeting the right men. (where are the right men?)
•There are plenty of men wishing for a woman like you. (but they clearly can’t say so)
•Your Boaz will find you one day. (Oh, God)
•You’re still young and there’s plenty of time for marriage. (if you say so)

Regardless, whether these statements are true or not, I still fail at dating. If I can’t date anyone more than one time, how can I ever expect to get married again and have it last for the rest of my life? Whenever the rare occasion arises that I actually like a man enough to want to date him, he friend zones me indefinitely and showd no interest in dating me in return. When a man asks me out, I don’t know if I’m even on a real date or not. The few men who actually asked me out in the last year, do so inconsistently (every six months or longer) which is a clear indication that they are just not that into me. That inconsistency presents new concerns for me to contemplate because it’s been so long since I’ve seen that man. I wonder:
•What should I wear?
•Should I expect food?
•Should I be prepared to ask for separate checks?
•Should I drive myself or ask him to pick me up?
•Should I shake his hand or hug him  when I see him?
•Should I thank him when I leave?
•Is he only asking me out because he wants free book publishing?
•Is he only asking me out because he expects sex?
•Is he secretly married or in a relationship and I don’t know it?

All of that is too much to worry about and by the time I get dressed I’m a nervous wreck, for no reason at all. I don’t believe in dating for just for “fun” or to get a free meal. At the age of 40, if I give of my time, rearrange my schedule, spend time and money to get my hair and make up done, put on something impressive, leave my house and allow a man into my personal space, my goal is to find out if there’s any interest in developing a committed relationship between the two of us, over a reasonable amount of time, or not. That is my only intention at this time in my life. I can have fun and a meal with my friends, by myself or with Super Son. After all, I’m busy.

My schedule is often an excuse men like to use against me. Many men have claimed they don’t ask me out because I’m always working or going places. What they don’t realize is that my ambition was born out of me not having a reliable, consistent, interested and loyal man to share my life with. Instead of crying and complaining about being alone, or wondering what’s wrong with me, I decided to find ways to occupy that increasingly extra time in my life more productively, with hopes that it would eventually make me wealthy. My goals are an equal and opposite reaction to the rejection I’ve received during my failed dating experiences.

My bad dating experiences have altered who I am on a deeper level and changed me into a very driven, ambitious, goal-oriented, single, business woman, who is very mindful of what and whom she invests her time and energy towards. It’s a huge benefit for me in business and since I wasn’t successful at dating and relationships to begin with, I don’t see the need to change for ‘what ifs’ that may not ever materialize. To some degree I’ve even convinced myself that no matter how successful I become, how well I take care of myself (financially, spiritually, physically), how well I dress, how engaged my social media presence becomes or anything else, there’s a great possibility that I will still fail at dating and relationships. Some of the best advice I ever got from a very successful, married man (guess who that might be), was that I need a man who realizes that you are the missing element in his life and success”. However, if men don’t see me as a woman they want to combine lives with, that is something beyond my control. All I can control is making sure I don’t waste my time or energy needlessly trying to convince a man otherwise. That is time I can’t recoup and energy that I could’ve put into myself, one of my causes, or others in my life who need me.

I know that saying I’m a failure may seem to be a self fulfilling prophecy. But it isn’t. Admitting that I don’t succeed at dating actually makes me more self aware of what I am good at doing. It creates a deeper appreciation for the achievements and blessings I do have. I may be single, and bad at dating, but I am a great mother, a published author, a published writer, a business woman and I use my gifts in ways that inspire others. Would a man want to date a woman with all of that going for her? Maybe. Maybe not. I’ve discovered that some men don’t want the “next Oprah Winfrey” for a wife.

The good news is that today we don’t have to find out. Instead my energy is going where it is currently needed; into the Super Woman Brand. I’m able to focus on the opportunities coming my way and broaden my business relationships, instead of lowering my standards or wasting my time. I can’t share the details of the opportunities until the ink dries, but when I do share them, know that they have been a work in progress by myself or whomever I’m working with on them. Overnight celebrity, or Instafame, have never been my goal. My goals are bigger than that. As a result, through the practice of patience, I strongly prefer slower growth that builds strength and resilience, so I can withstand more, both professionally and personally.

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. ~Moliere

Stop Body Shaming

There’s too much fat/skinny shaming among women. Everywhere I look women are pointing out each others physical flaws; from Instagram to comments on websites and blogs, there is shade between women who are on either side of the weight scale.

Skinny vs. Plus Sized

I’m neither skinny or plus size, standing at 5’10” in a size 10 dress, size 12 (sometimes for comfort) jeans. I’m in the middle of the debate looking at both sides like Really? I wonder why we can’t just strive to be the HEALTHIEST version of ourselves, regardless of our varying body types or stereotypes associated with them? There are some ‘skinny’ women that can’t walk a half mile without becoming out of breath, just like there are some plus sized women that can run a mile effortlessly. There are people on both sides of the scale eating unhealthy and not getting enough exercise. Why not look in the mirror, go to your doctor and decide what’s best for you personally and work on that? For some women, getting healthier may result in weight loss (smaller), muscle gain (bigger or more toned), improved breathing, better stamina AND a more youthful appearance. And if any of that happens, don’t go sit on the other fence throwing shade and taking shots at other women because they are thinner or bigger than you are. I know what it’s like to be plus sized and struggling to lose the weight. Believe it or not, I had a medical condition at one time in my late 20s and I was a size 16. It took me over 2 years to lose weight and go to a size 12. The one thing I didn’t lose was something I have always had; the curves that create my booty and thighs. I learned to embrace those attributes, instead of making excuses for them or trying to minimize them. My thighs may not rub together as much as someone else’s, but they look good on me. My breasts may not be as big as someone else’s, but they also look good on me. My stomach may not be as flat as someone else’s but it looks good on me, and it’s looking better because I want it to, not because some magazine article, or pretend model on Instagram or a man who isn’t worthy of my attention told me I needed to change it. I’m working to make that personal change because a smaller waist helps me avoid a heart attack with all of the stress in my life and business. That’s my motivation at 40 years old – to avoid dying because of something preventable.

Exercise is for more than looking good.

Exercise reduces stress and the adverse effects of the daily traumas we experience when racists go out and shoot up churches, or people around us are losing jobs and hope. Exercise isn’t a badge you hold over your sisters head because she’s not with you at the gym. All of us as women, need to have better relationships with food, water, exercise, health, and each other. I encourage you to stop letting the Kardashians and other Instafamous nobodies tell you what you should look like, what to inject into or remove from your bodies. Instead, get to know the healthiest version of yourself, not to compete with other women, but because it’s going to improve the quality of your life.

Love yourself and be the healthiest you can, for your own quality of life and longevity. The healthier you are the more you’ll appreciate your individuality, regardless of your shape or size.

Comfort Levels

We all have an idea of what makes us comfortable; the ideal weather conditions for our favorite activities, the perfect temperature for our favorite beverages, the number of people in our inner circle. This is our comfort level. It is similar in theory to our comfort zones, but not quite the same. Comfort levels adapt more quickly based on external factors or experiences and it can be a positive experience. Our comfort zone is where we retreat to when those factors are not in agreement with what we want, or with what we think we want, and it’s often based on fears of the unknown.

My comfort level is changing. What was once something that made me happy has come to the point where it is no longer enough. I want more. It’s not enhancing my life, business or purpose. It has run its course and is coming to its conclusion. I have lived in the same city for forty years and I’ve spent the last seven years building my brand in this city. There is only so much I can accomplish in this location. So what am I to do since I recognize this?

Some people would be willing to fight to keep things exactly the same so that they wouldn’t have to concern themselves with the unknown. I am clearly not like some people. I’m very interested in finding out what the unknown has to offer. I want a challenge to learn from. I want to broaden my consumer base. I want to expand my network. I want to make more money. I want more opportunities. I want warmer weather. And the beautiful part is that I don’t have to dismantle my company to do it. Because I stepped out of my comfort zone years ago and made a decision to use technology to operate Super Woman Productions and Publishing, I can effectively remain in business in one city, and reside in another city that is more in line with my comfort level.

When and where this change will take place isn’t known as of yet, but the steps are being taken in the direction I want to go towards….and some bags and boxes are already packed. When the time comes I will be ready to accept the opportunities.

Has your comfort level changed?

Are you willing to step out of your existing comfort zone to be happier?

New Year – New Beginnings

I enjoy New Years. I don’t enjoy it for the parties or the pomp and circumstance. I enjoy an opportunity to have a new beginning. Even when you have a good year to begin with, having an opportunity to improve on it can be highly motivational. Whatever you didn’t finish in 2014, you can complete with bravado in 2015. Whomever or whatever you should have eliminated from your environment in 2014, can be left at the door in 2015.

New beginnings are beautiful. New beginnings are empowering. New beginnings should spark a desire within to become even better than you were yesterday, or this year. If you’ve been a fan for a while, you’re aware that I don’t believe in making resolutions. Instead, I elect to set goals for myself that can be achieved and measured. I am proud that I have completed many of my goals in 2014. Those few tasks that were completed are still many steps ahead for 2015, simply because I started on them and set realistic expectations, then I allowed the Masters Plan to improve upon them one day at a time. You can do the same. Begin your new beginning now. Not another year from now.

That goal you’ve been trying to get on the right foot with but it keeps going left, may simply need the insight of someone who can mentor you in order for it to grow and flourish. But you have to start today.

That weight you want to lose can be gone before you know it and you may just need someone to motivate you and encourage you to adopt healthier eating habits or more physical activity more often. But you have to start today. And that person to motivate you could be the same person you see in the mirror.

That education you may want to pursue might be available for free online. Google it. But you have to start today.

Some opportunities are indeed once in a lifetime; however some opportunities are there for the taking when we take the necessary steps toward them. That then creates additional opportunities that you may not realize. But you have to start today.

If Super Woman Productions and Publishing can assist you with your new beginning by helping you publish your books, by speaking at your events or for your groups to motivate you, by helping you prepare for interviews for television or radio, by advertising your products and services, or by involving you or your business in our events so that you can meet others who can assist you, those opportunities have been made available to you. That’s what the Super Woman Brand is here for and that’s what I strive to do with my books, blogs, events and words; encourageentertain and empower YOU.

Start your new year today. 

Start your new beginning today. 

 

Look For Inspiration In Everything

People often seek inspiration in the hope that something will hit them like a bolt of lightning and catapult them into greatness. When people don’t find the inspiration they seek, they then become defeated, never realizing that inspiration was all around them the entire time, but they were too focused on seeking it somewhere particular. When I’m interviewed or even sometimes in general, people will ask me what has been my inspiration. I don’t recall all of the answers I may have given over the last five years, but at the core, I’m inspired by life. I’m inspired to live a purposeful life, whatever that may be. I don’t have a definition for it. And there honestly isn’t a deep explanation either. But because I’m inspired to live purposefully, I don’t seek to find inspiration in a magic pill or miraculous experience.

My life before many of you knew who I was, was often filled with experiences that were sometimes devastating. I’ve had more than my fair share of near death experiences and drama. Where some of those situations would have driven other people completely crazy, they strengthened me to want to do better, live better, be happier and not rely on other people to help me get there. Not to say that I don’t have the occasional obstacle, but I have a lot less of them than I would have had otherwise. I’ve embraced my inner strength and made it an essential part of my life and my career. As a result I now have more options that I can use.

My journey has also brought me to a place where I see inspiration in everything. Everything?! Yes, everything. I don’t seek inspiration solely from other people. I find it all around me on a daily basis. Inspiration is in the sunrise every morning. Inspiration is in Jill Scott’s “Golden“. Inspiration is sometimes even in a color palette of eyeshadow on Sephora.com. I’m serious. I look for inspiration in everything I see, hear and experience on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes, inspiration is present and sometimes it isn’t. When it isn’t I don’t get upset, defeated or worried either. I acknowledge that instance was a second in time that will pass and life goes on. I’ve been inspired to reach out to different people to express interest in business with them. Sometimes I get a positive response from that person and sometimes I get a completely negative response such as a rude email. If it’s the latter, so what. Life goes on and I keep it moving. It doesn’t diminish or tarnish my inspiration. I just know that is one person I will not consider for any future possibilities. They go on the “do not associate with” list. I’m not exaggerating either, I really do have such a list. I have that list because it inspires me not to put myself in uncomfortable or compromising situations with individuals I know I can’t do business with.  Which also eliminates the potential for drama. See, inspiration can be in everything.

I encourage everyone to start looking for inspiration in everything around you, where you go, the color of the sky, that day’s experiences…everything. Do it for about two weeks and see if it changes your life even a bit. I’m not saying the all the inspiration will feel good. Some of what you begin to see inspiration in will cause you to see some things differently or make some hard choices about your life, your relationships or your career. But hard choices that you are willing to make to improve who you are as a person are never a bad thing, no matter how hurt you may feel in that moment. But first you have to recognize inspiration in different forms instead of hoping for it to come down from heaven like a dove. God puts messages in small places. We have to just be open to them.

I recently added Super Woman Productions and Publishing to Pinterest. As I was pinning and creating boards for current and future public viewing, I found images that were inspirational to me for different reasons. This prompted me to create a board titled Look For Inspiration In Everything. I hope you will check out my boards, and that you will begin to look for inspiration in everything too.

 

Super Woman Brand On Pinterest