Tag Archives: successful

You Winning or Naw?

Black Twitter is outraged at Amanda Seales, who portrays Tiffany DuBois on the hit HBO series “Insecure“, for pointing out a few of the ways in which you’re either winning or losing in life. I personally agree with her Tweets, particularly these:

Yes, that is a screenshot from my phone. Yes, that is my reply to her tweets.

If you’re mad at Amanda Seales’ tweets, welllllll…. do better, get out your feelings, then watch “Feel Rich” on Netflix. It’s a similar concept, but directed towards our health and eating habits versus our spending habits.

Fact: We spend too much money on the wrong shit, usually material possessions, because we’ve been taught a lie that we need that shit to feel good, look good, be successful, have sex, have friends and be happy.

Wake up.

After we buy that shit and we don’t feel better, look better or get anything else we were promised, we just go out and buy more shit, then complain about all the money we don’t have, so we can’t do things like travel, eat right, exercise or learn something new.

Wake up.

Improving yourself is possible at every income level. No excuses. No debate. You either want it or you don’t. But don’t get mad at the spoken truth. Don’t get mad at Amanda Seales because you think she’s talking about you. Get mad at yourself because YOU FEEL LIKE SHE’S TALKING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE DOING THE SHIT SHE’S TALKING ABOUT.

It’s true that a person’s life experiences (traveling for instance), are of greater value to their lives than buying material things (houses, shoes, cars), regardless of race, gender or socioeconomic level. And if you can afford Jordans you can also afford to travel simply by saving the money you would have paid to buy those Jordans.

“But traveling is too expensive, let me count the ways…”

Planes aren’t the only form of transportation. There’s MegaBus, Amtrak, Greyhound and they all cost less than a pair of Jordans. Google it. If you can’t afford a 5 star hotel, there’s AirBNB options that are affordable. Hell, I’ve used AirBNB and could afford a 5 star hotel, but I just like getting more bang for my buck when I travel. Let’s also keep in mind that Living Social and Groupon are in the travel business now and have great destinations and inexpensive deals.

Traveling can be spontaneous, but it can also be planned, like a goal, and give you something to look forward to, which is something that also adds value to your life. Look at places that interest you now, pick a place and save up for the cost, then go. You always plan on buying those Jordans, so you can plan a trip, too.

“Only rich, black people from the suburbs can travel and have passports.”

I’m from Detroit. Not Detroit adjacent, not Detroit proper. Detroit. Born, raised and educated. The “hood”, and I’m proud of it. I own 2 pair of basic Nike’s that retail for less than Jordans and I still bought them on sale, so they cost me less than $100 each. I own a passport. In 2016 alone I traveled away from my state by plane or car a total of ten times. In 2017, while at the airport, I enrolled in CLEAR. I’ve already paid for my hotel stay in Miami for my 7th trip there in 2018. I’ve also started my plans to return to New Orleans for Essence Fest in 2018, which has become an annual trip for the last 6 years, regardless of where else I go. I’ve been traveling since I was in the first grade, so maybe I’m not the typical black person from the hood. However, I’ve been more places than some people I know who make more money than I do and have more education than I do and live in suburban anywhere. I can honestly say I’m surprised by how many successful, affluent black people I’ve met that don’t travel, but own expensive shit. It would he nice if more black people in general set their priorities better and strived to do more than impress people by buying Nike’s or Louboutins, especially if the greatest distance they ever traveled was either on someone else’s dime or only one state away from home.

You can’t convince me that traveling is hard to do if you wear expensive shoes, that you waited on for months and stood in line for hours to buy. But if that helps you sleep at night and gives you a false sense of winning, by all means, enjoy yourself.

Personally I’d rather stand in line at TSA and at my designated gate…..but that’s just me winning.

Upgrade Yourself

I’ve been reading a lot from both men and women complaining about the kind of people they are meeting and dating. Women are complaining about men not having jobs, money and ambition. Men are complaining about women being gold diggers, lazy and expecting too much from them. I find it all comical, yet very sad. I find it comical because the majority of the people complaining don’t have their lives together, yet expect others to tolerate it. Some of the people complaining also have extremely low standards, meet a person that meets those low standards but they expect the person to exceed them, as if by magic.

I find it sad because it’s making men and women more divisive than we already are. We no longer seem to appreciate the good things about people and overlook them in exchange for superficial, temporary characteristics that we like, then we don’t understand why our relationships fail. People no longer strive to build friendships that turn into relationships. People just want to have sexual relationships that turn into…well, a hot mess later on. Everything that looks good to you, isn’t always good for you.

First Law of Attraction: You attract who and what you are. There are exceptions to this rule, of course, because there are so many people who pretend to be someone they are not in an attempt to impress a person when they meet them. But for the most part, if you’re looking for a person with wealth, you will need to be wealthy or aspiring towards wealth yourself. If you’re looking for a person who is employed, you will need to also be employed. If you’re looking for someone educated, same should be true of you. If you want someone ambitious, you should make sure that you are as well. Point of clarification: ambitious doesn’t mean you talk about all the things you’re going to do “one day”.

Second Law of Attraction: There will always be at least one quality you’re looking for that a person lacks, so you have to decide if it’s a nonnegotiable (i.e. deal breaker) or not. No one is perfect and no matter how compatible you are with someone, you will always find that there is one thing that person is incapable of giving you. Some of those qualities you seek may be superficial and therefore, you should be able to live without them. But if there are flaws in a person’s character, work ethic and integrity, or they negatively impact that person’s health and freedom (you know what I mean), you may want to reconsider dating them.

Third Law of Attraction: The more you upgrade yourself, the more likely you are to meet someone who is of equal or greater caliber. I’ve learned that the more you upgrade yourself, the more options you have, and the more you can say no to people who aren’t on the same level that you’re on when they approach you. It’s also not about a person’s occupation. Whatever they do, if they don’t have the desire to do it well, there may be an issue with their self motivation. Beyoncé couldn’t upgrade Jay Z had she not already accomplished certain things herself as an individual. You can’t expect to take a person who has never had anything, never been anywhere, doesn’t possess any drive or ambition and lacks basic common sense and turn them into a multi-millionaire. If a person has never given birth to a good idea and had the desire to make it on their own, you coming into their lives won’t change that. Self motivation is a key factor in everyone’s lives. It’s the same part of a person that tells them they need to work in order to pay bills and eat, that determines how successful they will or won’t become.

Fourth Law of Attraction: Be the person you want to have and do it for yourself, not to get a man/woman. This means you need to already have some of the aspects of the life that you want to share with someone else. If you’re in debt, and you don’t want someone broke, get out of debt. If you enjoying traveling, and you want someone else who does, get yourself a passport, some frequent flier miles and go somewhere. If you want someone who is successful, become successful yourself. What happens if you don’t meet someone after you’ve done these things? You will have lived a blessed, successful, enjoyable life on your own terms. You will have had experiences that you can share with your grandchildren. You will have rocking chair memories in when you’re older and can no longer do those things. You will be happy as an individual, regardless of whether you had someone there to share it with or not.

You can’t wait for someone else to come along and upgrade you. That’s not a logical expectation. If you don’t have anything to offer someone else other than your good looks, you’re not going to obtain the person you want to attract.

Men, if a woman has a job, a career, aspirations, children, a car, a mortgage, insurances to pay, and she’s keeping herself groomed (which isn’t cheap),  it’s not likely that she’s going to want a man who adds more bills to her plate, unless she lacks self-esteem or is controlling. If you’re not a provider, you won’t last long in her life because she doesn’t need you. That doesn’t make her a gold digger; that means she believes in self-preservation. You also can’t expect her to lower her standards to accommodate you. You can’t expect her to give you everything you want or need, but you can’t relieve some of the burden or responsibilities she already has. Why should she when she can have what she wants and needs without you? It is true that a woman can do bad all by herself. So if you’re not on her level, upgrade yourself or leave her alone.

Women if you’re always dating men that have nothing to offer, in exchange for orgasms, all you will ever get is orgasms. If the most important thing to you is how a man puts it down in the bedroom, instead of his accolades in the boardroom, you will always have the man who is good in bed, but bad for you emotionally. If he didn’t have a job when you met, him, you can’t expect him to become employed if you’re taking care of him. That’s the truth. I believe that if you don’t work, you don’t eat. If you want a man who is a provider, show him that you can compliment him by being responsible and independent [read Miss Independent for a better understanding of independence and how we don’t use the term appropriately]. If you want a man to respect you, have respect for yourself. This means you will need to have boundaries (like not posting naked pictures of yourself on Facebook), and not allow yourself to be persuaded to let men cross or ignore your boundaries. Men may like to have the girl that’s hot, cute and always down for whatever to play with, but they never want her to be their wife. A man who knows his worth, wants a woman who does also.

Upgrading yourself isn’t easy. It’s a step by step process, that first begins with self assessment and admitting that there are characteristics about you that you can improve upon. These characteristics may span from your attitude to your bank account, from your job to where you live. It may require that you step out of your comfort zone, make new friends or acquaintances or even get a complete makeover. But if you do it for yourself to improve your life and well-being, you will see that the type of people you attract will also improve. There will always be the occasional opportunist looking for someone to take advantage of, leach off of or otherwise take their kindness for weakness. Becoming a better person will allow you to avoid those types of people as well. You don’t have to take my word for it. Try it for yourself and see what happens.

~ “You don’t do it for the man, men never notice; you just do it for yourself, you’re the f*cking coldest” – Drake, “Fancy

My Plans For Super World Domination Start Here

I’m working diligently with my best friend to coordinate the events for the I Feel Good: Mind, Body and Soul Women’s Conference. I’m proud to say that the plans are going very well. There are always minor hiccups in any plan when you’re dealing with people, such as schedules and finances, but overall I’m very pleased with what is developing thus far. As with anything I do, I think it can be better. I admit that I have some personal issues to contend with where this conference is concerned. Contrary to what anyone may think, this conference is not just about me.  I don’t want people to think that I’m out for myself in this attempt. It wasn’t even my idea. Yes, it’s my Brand, my image, my reputation and my name associated with it, and I’m going to be held accountable if it’s an epic failure and praised if it is a success. However, this is more about the young women in the community who need to see that women can do more than pose nearly nude in mens magazines, strip at strip clubs and have sex with famous men to become famous and rich. It’s about the young women who unfortunately don’t know better and need to see examples of adult women who are successful, fashionable, educated and talented who didn’t get there because of who their father is, who their stepfather is, who their baby daddy is, or who their husband is – but instead, they climbed ladders and over walls because of who they are as women and what they contribute to this world.  It’s about helping young women to define their own beauty beyond how big their behinds are or aren’t, whether their hair is natural or not and showing them examples of beautiful women who look just like them and come in all shapes, sizes and complexions. It’s about showing them that beautiful women are in every industry and that we possess a multitude of talents and knowledge. It’s about redefining our worth, our image and empowering ourselves, so that even if a young woman decides to pose in a mens magazine she does so knowing the ramifications and she (hopefully) owns the copyright to her photos [everyone won’t do what we think they should all the time, but let’s take baby steps towards something a little more positive].

I want to encourage more woman-ownership, more women in television, more women on reality shows that got to where they are on their own.  There are too many women on television who are only famous because of semen. Yes, that’s what I said. This is not a kiddie website, so let’s be honest. Kim Kardashian, Amber Rose, all of the Basketball Wives, all of the Baseball Wives and all but three cast members of Love and Hip Hop are famous only because of who the men are in their lives. We wouldn’t know who any of them were otherwise.

{Flashback} Remember when women were famous for being talented? Remember when models actually wore clothes in magazines?

I miss those days.

I also want to use this conference to bring more awareness to some of the dangers that young women face and obstacles that they have to endure. We know, but sometimes I feel like we’re too tolerant of what happens to young women as if it’s normal. Young women being raped, abused, kidnapped, killed and going missing is becoming too prevalent. Not just where young Black women or poor young women are concerned. Please don’t think there are color lines drawn here, because there aren’t. This is about woman-kind in general. Our socio-economic and racial differences no longer protect us from harm.

So when I say that I have personal issues where this conference is concerned I truly mean it. This is my Super World. What I do, what I”m working towards in media and what I see possible in this world is personal for me. However, I don’t want my Super World to only have a handful of women in it. I want to help cultivate a generation of Super Women and Super Girls. I want a legacy of a League of Super Women who make a difference in their communities and in the lives of other young women through media and outreach. I want the I Feel Good: Mind, Body and Soul Women’s Conference to grow larger and more popular every year, and last long after I’m no longer here. I take this very personal.

This is MY Super World, but it’s not here just for me. I’m striving for world media domination and I want to build this empire, then pass the torch one day and retire. I’m extremely thankful to everyone stepping up to facilitate workshops and volunteer. We are still in need of more volunteers, we also need financial sponsors, media partners, and vendors who have products and services related to the focus and purpose of the conference. If you’d like information please email us using the Contact Us form on this website or send an email to events@superwomanproductions.com with CONFERENCE  in the subject and provide us with your information and tell us what your interest is (vendor, sponsors, volunteer). A separate website is being developed specifically for the conference in a few weeks. I also need your prayers to keep me focused and energized towards fulfillment of this purpose that is completely in the Master’s Plans. This isn’t easy, not even for Super Woman.

My plans for Super world domination start here, but they don’t end here.