Tag Archives: strength

New Year, New You!

Every New Year, people make resolutions dependant upon habits they had the previous year. Statistically every year, those same resolutions last approximately until February 1. Making resolutions for New Years is a tradition passed down through our culture. The issue is that the ability to keep those resolutions has not be passed down as well. Personally, I don’t believe in making resolutions of any kind. I believe in making changes, making money and making a difference. As a result, every year instead of making temporary resolutions for my life, I make permanent improvements. I refer to it as my New Year, New You Personal Campaign©.

How do I do this? I self assess myself, my situation, my finances, my life and then I make firm decisions on how to correct the things I do not like and know that I have control of. I make changing things a realistic goal. Then I put an effective, realistic plan in place to achieve my goals. Sounds easy. It can be, once it is put into practice repeatedly. That’s the first key – putting it into practice. Being a person who talks about what you’re going to do is easy. Being a person of action is a little more difficult because it actually requires action on your part.

Many of my goals are related to each other or have other goals dependant upon their achievement. One of my permanent improvement goals include getting into better shape. Not that I’m overweight, but I know that I have to maintain my health and that the better I look, the better I will feel and vice versa. Plus clothes cost too much to replace them if I gain weight. I’ve been there, done that and refuse to do it again. Therefore, my regimen begins immediately. Not tomorrow, not next week – IMMEDIATELY. That is the next key –  NOT procrastinating and making excuses for putting off making those changes because you’re too busy. I know all about being busy. After all, I am Super Woman.

I’m a goal setter and go-getter. Two things that work well together. Living purpose driven is a lifestyle for me. It’s what I do and it’s something I want to pass on to others. Everyone’s purpose is going to be different, I don’t expect everyone to aspire to be me or anyone else. I expect everyone to be their best self. It’s finding your purpose that is most important and making changes in yourself is necessary to do this. As with anything new, it has to be introduced in stages. So if you’re willing to learn, I’m willing to teach. These are the steps to begin journey to a New Year, New You.

Step 1 – Self Assess:

Step 1 is the root of the tree. What things about yourself do you know you need to work on? This is often the hardest part for anyone because it requires that you be completely honest with yourself about yourself. It’s the only way to be successful on this journey. Are you overweight? Do you smoke or drink too much? Are you depressed or lack self-esteem? Are you in an abusive or unhealthy relationship? Do you have a poor attitude? Are you difficult to get along with?

Once you have clearly self assessed yourself, write down the things you recognized about yourself and acknowledge they exist and need to change. Once you have done this, guess what, you have achieved goal number one: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. Acknowledgement is everyone’s first goal to achieve in this process.

Step 2 – Serenity: 

This step requires prayer. There is a prayer many of us know, but often fail to pay attention to. In Step 2 you need to ask God to grant you the strength to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know they difference. You need to add this to your prayers on a daily basis. Why is this important? Because I’m willing to bet you wrote something down in Step 1 that you have no control over and left out something that you do. Example, if you wrote down “get married” or “get a husband” as something you want to change but you’re not even dating or in a relationship, you haven’t properly self assessed yourself. Instead examine why you want a husband or why you want to get married. In Step 1 if you wrote down that you want to get a better job, but didn’t write that you need to go back to school or develop a skill to get a better job, you haven’t properly self assessed yourself. If you wrote down that you want to start a business but didn’t write that you will research business models, you haven’t properly self assessed yourself. Remember Step 1 is the root of the tree. It’s the foundation for achieving. If you didn’t write anything down, I’m here to tell you that you are in deep denial. No one is perfect and many of us aren’t striving to be. But there are at least five things we all could improve upon in order to become better individuals.

Step 3 – Identify the positive:

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. For every negative, there is a positive. Once you have self assessed and began to practice serenity, you can clearly identify positive behaviors to replace any negative ones you currently have. I know you’re thinking that you’ve done this before, but I guarantee you haven’t. Identifying the positive can sometimes be difficult because we spend so much time being one way, that we don’t know how to be another. Complainers complain because they don’t know how not to. Liars lie because they don’t know how to tell the truth. Over eaters overeat because they don’t know how not to. However, just like a negative behavior can begin, so can a positive one. A lot of it is about our own choices. This step may also require that you lose some friends. As much as we like to believe that everyone likes us and wants what is best for us, that just isn’t true all of the time. During your journey to a new you, there will be someone who says something negative to try to dissuade you from continuing. They will give you many reason why you won’t succeed and if you listen to them, you won’t succeed. Those people may have to be dismissed from your life, either temporarily or permanently, in order for you to reach your goals. This is another time when Step 2 will come in handy if you put it into practice.

Step 4 – Become a person of action:

Don’t talk about it, be about it. This is extremely crucial in being successful. Once you have identified the changes you can make, separated out the ones you have no control over (usually other people and their actions or inactions), you can began to seek help and start putting the positive actions into practice. Write the goals down. Put them in you iPhone, iPad, Blackberry… wherever you need to as a constant reminder. But be bold enough in your desire to achieve and take the plunge. People who run marathons started out by taking a walk. Then they made a decision to run. Next they set a goal to enter a marathon and discovered they needed to train. The same thing can be true of anything you want to change or improve in your own life. No excuses. No complaints. Treat it like Nike and just do it. Get into “training”. Train your mind, train your body, train your spirit and change your world.

Step 5 – Have fun with it:

Change doesn’t have to put a gray cloud over your life. Change can be enjoyable, adventurous and fun. Nowhere does it say that a person can’t enjoy change. Change can be hard, but change is GOOD. Without change, there is no growth. I’m speaking from experience when I say this. Keep in mind that just because you are changing doesn’t mean you have to shun others who are not. It may just mean you can’t spend a lot of your time with them. And eventually, those people may no longer remain a part of your life because their season has ended. But if someone sees that you are having an enjoyable time embracing your change instead of crying in a corner, that person might just ask you how you did it. Then you can share these steps with them and the two of you can support each other. You have now become a beacon of light in someone else’s world.

Which leads to the last step…

Step 6 – Get support:

I don’t expect any of you to achieve these goals overnight or even in a year. I’ve been doing this for years now so I can tell you it isn’t Instant-Fix-Your-Life-Mix *just add water. I don’t even want you to read this and believe that. This is a long-term plan and should be repeated every year, or as often as necessary, until you are where you want and, more importantly, need to be. Therefore, if you get stuck on any step in this process, ask for help. Get support and discuss with other like-minded people. In fact, for anyone who is bold enough, I will help you personally. If you put together your Self Assessment and email it to me at ask@superwomanproductions.com I will personally help you set goals and be a supporter of you achieving those goals.

Periodically, through my website I’m going to share with you my New Year, New You Goals and Achievements to help keep you motivated. I will show you that I live what I speak so that you will be encouraged to do the same. Anytime you see an infinity symbol on a page of my website or in a blog post you will know that was one of my goals.

The infinity symbol looks like this: ∞   

◊Happy New Year… Happy New You!

Superheroes Need Heroes, Too

Some days I am divided between the human woman that I am inside, and the superhuman woman I have become. The expectations are great. These are two conflicting sides always at battle for balance in my life. They need each other. They can’t survive without the other. They are co-dependant entities in one body with one entity born from the other. It’s not the same as having multiple or split personalities. It’s a dualism that a lot of people who are entertainers and creatives have. It’s that dualism that allows us to be “on” and able to entertain people one moment, and become quiet and shy the moment that curtain closes. 

In spite of my internal struggle with my duality, I recognize that I’m so blessed to have friends around me. This keeps me from being “alone” in this world. I have very close, understanding friends that I have relationships with. Some of my friends I’ve known since high school. Some I’ve known only for a few weeks. Some are “super” women like Kimberly Swift, Charmaine Fuller, Kimberly Cooley and Regina Nyatui. Some are “super” men like Michael Burnett and Lloyd Parchment who are both intelligent, sexy, strong, good men that remind me that men like them do exist in this world. Without their perspective and encouragement to live my single life fully, I’d drown in heartache. There are a few more people that are on my list and they know who they are. They are the people outside of my bloodline that I can confide in and trust with my authentic self without fear of judgement. They make me laugh, comfort me when I cry and have an understanding of me as a person that others don’t. I trust that they won’t sale any stories to the tabloids and they always have my best interest in mind. They don’t allow me to fall and lay down. They don’t allow me to be right when I’m wrong. They know I’m crazy but they don’t discourage my brand of crazy because they know it has its benefits. They make me get up and keep going, even when I don’t feel like it. They remind me of my worth and never let me leave the house looking a hot mess. They protect me and I feel safe with them in my life. I don’t think they even realize the impact they have on my life. I pray that I can repay them for their unconditional friendship one day soon.   

There’s a reason why these particular people are my friends and have outlasted many of my intimate relationships. To someone on the outside looking in, the friendships might seem like a fluke. I’ve had men I’ve dated even verbally challenge the strength and validity of my friendships because they couldn’t believe I have these amazing people in my life. Well, amazing people, have amazing friends. My friends are all different people with different personalities and different talents. My friends keep me balanced and they keep me sane. They help and encourage me to be Super and they still love me when I’m not. They give me tough love when I need it and allow me to be vulnerable also. Some of my friends are near me and some are far away. What demonstrates genuine friendship is that no matter how many days, weeks, months or years go by, with one phone call, we can catch up. The positive energy doesn’t vanish if we’re in different cities, timezones or states. I appreciate them for that. They are my heroes. Superheroes need heroes, too.

I will always need, love, appreciate and value them all, even the ones I didn’t name. I am ME because of THEM. I am Super Woman because I have Super Friends.  If you want to know who I am, look at my closest friends. They are a direct reflection of me, and I of them.

What about your friends? 

 

Breakthrough

It is said that in order to rebuild something, first you have to tear it down. I’ve been feeling that lately. Anything that can go wrong, does. Every step I take leads me into a wall. Every investment I make fails to result in a return. Or so it seems as I look out the window of my world. No one can ever tell me that God  doesn’t have a sense of humor. He laughs at me regularly. He gives me hurdles and when I jump them, He makes the next ones higher, just to see if I can jump those, too.  

I know that everyday isn’t easy. It isn’t supposed to be. Often the things worth having take the most work and are the hardest to acquire. No matter who you are, how much money you make, or where you live, there are days when you feel tested. Some days we are tested heavily, and other days, not as much. It’s the growth that comes afterwards that you can look forward to and then appreciate.

It is better not to fight the change, the challenge or the test. Embrace it. Embrace it fully and face whatever fears you have about it. When it is all done, you will be blessed, even if you can’t see it. We aren’t given tests or challenges in our lives to break us down. We are given them to build us up and make us able to face the next challenge and appreciate the blessings we receive in return. If life was easy all the time, we wouldn’t live it completely. We’d become complacent and bored. We’d become too comfortable. The challenges and the triumphs are what make living worth living.

As you are going through your challenges, don’t seclude yourself from others. Don’t reject your friends and those who care for you. When we go into hiding because we are facing adversity, others don’t see the adversity, they only feel the rejection from us. Your friends and loved ones may understand you better than you know. But if you don’t give them the chance to be in your corner, they won’t know you need them. Also, having someone to confide in helps to relieve some of the stress you feel from the test you’re facing. Holding emotions inside often creates more stress and problems in the long run. Plus, some tests aren’t tests specifically just for us. Some tests help to reveal who around you should or shouldn’t remain in your life by testing their resilience in your time of difficulty. Admitting you need help, love and support from others does not make you weak. The admission reaffirms your strength. When you are able to trust in others, you prove yourself to be trustworthy.

Going through challenges in life makes you human. Embrace your humanity.

Abuse of Power

I rarely forget what men say to me. A man once told me that if I knew the power I have over men, I’d be dangerous. What’s interesting to me is that I do know that power.  I know it as well as I know myself. I know my own weaknesses, vulnerabilities and strengths. When it comes to the power this man was referring to (my sex appeal) I am very much aware of what I’m capable of. However, I choose not to abuse the power. I choose not to manipulate men. I choose not to play games. I choose not to utilitize everything I have in my womanly arsenal to tempt, deceive or destroy. Even though I could.  I could post pictures of my body in full profile here on my website or on Facebook. But I choose not to. I could post pictures of myself many places on the internet in nothing but a thong with my booty right in the camera. But I choose not to. I could do a lot of sexually explicit things. I have the body for it, men like it, but it would defeat the purpose of what I’m striving to do.

People have different opinions of nudity and the extent of what should/could be shown. I recently posted a picture on Facebook attached to an event to promote my first time hosting a friend’s radio show in his absence. The picture is inside my book “The Goodie Bag”, on page 61. Someone, named Jan Davis, allegedly reported the photo as pornographic and I was asked to remove it. What’s funny is that the only thing you can see in the picture is the male model’s back, my arms and one of my legs. No breasts, no booty, no nothing else.  Yes, we appear to be nude in the picture and we’re locked in a sensual embrace. But there’s nothing pornographic about it. The other thing I found funny is that there are women all over Facebook with little to nothing on with their booties bent over, spread wide and up high. Some of them are wearing merely dental floss and pasties, if that. There are thousands of “big booty girl” groups on Facebook that men ogle over daily.  I’ve been asked to provide pictures for them, but I’ve refused. Some of these groups literally feature porn actresses and male magazine models who pose completely nude all the time.  It’s how they make their money. But my picture is pornographic and not deemed suitable “for a family oriented website like Facebook” (quotation from Jan Davis,  who allegedly reported my one photo, while other people run sexually rampid on Facebook).  I wonder if Jan Davis polices everyone on Facebook, or just me.  Either way, she’s not very good at it (allegedly). But I digress.

My point is this. There’s a lot of things I could do. Yes, my book is erotica. It is very sexual in nature and the language could definitely be considered “written porn”. In some of the stories I get downright raunchy and if you have the imagination for it, you could truly find yourself discombobulated by it.  That’s what makes it good erotica. But the visual aspects are a tasteful, sensual enhancement to the written words. I could’ve gone way, way, way to the left and flat out put in photos that were beyond anything used to promote the book on Facebook, but I didn’t. If I had, I’d probably have three or more Facebook profile pages as a result of the overwhelming friend requests from men that I’d receive. That would be an abuse of womanly power. I personally think the photos of me I have are already more than enough. They are professional photographs, not PhotoShop enhanced and are for the purpose of marketing “The Goodie Bag“, not to get a man.  I believe in leaving something to the imagination. I think it’s actually more sensual and sexy to do so.  The slightly sexier photos are included inside the book “The Goodie Bag” and you have to be eighteen years old to buy it.  The photos of other women on Facebook are often their profile pictures, taken in their bathrooms, with their camera phone.  I’m just saying.

Now, I’m not saying I’ve never taken male magazine type photos; I’m not a hypocrite. I’m just saying the public may never get to see them and if they do, it wouldn’t be anything shocking or disturbing to young children.  As a woman, who is a Brand and has aspirations beyond being pretty, I think that my talents should outweigh my sex appeal. I know that’s not going to ever happen. Men look at me first and hear me last, if at all. That’s the way things are. But once a man listens, I want him to be able to see beyond the sex appeal and then hopefully find the intelligence to be equally sexy to him. I want my work ethic to shine as much as the patent leather on my stilettos. I want my mental brilliance to overshadow my curves.  I want my work to be less about what’s between my legs or below the small of my back and more about my entrepreneurial skills and vision.  

I want my self confidence to grab a man by his…

Although I can get attention so many other ways than by being smart, I choose not to. I choose not to abuse the womanly power I possess over men. I prefer to use it to motivate women to be sexy in a way that doesn’t compromise the virtues of being a woman. And I might sometimes decide to do so in a sexually overt manner  –

*pause*

[Public Service Announcement: The Goodie Bag II” is coming this fall and the pictures will be more sexually graphic“The Goodie Bag; The Erotic Fiction Collection” will be available on the Kindle app for iPad, iPhone, Android and Blackberry THIS week so put the kids to bed early.] *resume*

– I can make that decision because I control this Brand. If that also makes people jealous, angry or even causes Jan Davis to (allegedly) report me again, that’s okay too.

If I have your attention, maybe you’ll actually hear me.  With great power comes great responsibility (to whom much is given, much is required) and I take my responsibilities seriously. All women should. And we shouldn’t use our power against men… or each other.

Opportunities in Work Clothes

This year I’ve been going through a lot. Everything I attempt encounters an obstacle. This is almost the fifth month into the year and I’m just not where I want to be. Building my brand is a struggle. Businesswise, it is a struggle because I don’t have access to the finances to utilize certain resources that I need to take myself to where I need and want to be. Yes, I have been blessed to meet and associate with a few influential people, however, they don’t offer their assistance to facilitate my career growth. Their major concern is themselves, and rightfully so. After all, everyone isn’t capable of supporting other people’s careers. Plus, some people believe that I can be successful without them – positive thinking [“That girl’s going to be somebody one day”].

Often my struggle is internal between my wants and needs, my successes and my failures. Being Super Woman is not easyI just make it look like it is. Everything associated with my brand is strategically planned, but not necessarily by me. Some aspects of this plan are in Divine Order and they happen when they should and how they should. Sometimes I don’t like it, but I deal with it regardless. I’ve learned that when we pray for something, God isn’t just going to give us exactly what was prayed for. Instead, He will often give us the opportunity to obtain what we’ve prayed for. It’s just like giving your child a toy they want. Sometimes we have to tell our children they need to earn that toy by getting good grades or cleaning their room. The work makes the reward more valuable.

When I pray for wealth, God doesn’t give me the winning lottery numbers. Instead He gives me the opportunity to do certain things that will put me on the path to becoming wealthy. When I pray to be a blessing to others, God gives me a project instead of a halo, so that I have the opportunity to be a blessing to someone else. When I pray for strength or courage, God gives me the opportunity to be strong in the face of adversity or show courage in times when I feel fear. When I pray for patience, God sends a man into my life who is just like I am – stubborn, headstrong, determined and ambitious – so that I have the opportunity to exhibit patience. I never said God didn’t have a sense of humor in His approach to our prayers.

Although this struggle is both external and internal for me, I believe there will be a time when I look back on everything and feel a sense of accomplishment because I was given the opportunity to achieve my goals. I am trusting in God’s plan; it’s better than anything I can design, stronger than anything I can shape and bigger than anything I can imagine. Where it will take me is where I’m meant to be.

Failure is not an option.

“A set back is just an opportunity in work clothes” – Melvin Van Peebles