Tag Archives: Steve Harvey

I Admit To Failing

There’s a preconceived notion that people who are successful are equally successful at everything they do and in all areas of their lives. People who are successful often have experienced failure; not only prior to becoming successful at what they’re good at, but also in other areas. Every first attempt at anything can result in failure just as repeated attempts at the same thing can, if a person isn’t learning more and growing during the experience.

As successful as other people think I am in my business and career, many attempts I’ve made to develop different ideas and projects over the years, have failed. Some worse than others, even to the degree that they won’t be attempted again. I receive a great deal of rejection emails from companies and brands I seek support from for my events and projects. I’m averaging approximately two rejection emails per day. They are always accompanied by an explanation. The most popular being:
•We’ve already supported events for the year.
•We only support specific causes and this doesn’t qualify.
•We don’t have the personnel to assist at this time.
•You don’t have a large enough social media following.
…and the list goes on.

Not only have I learned to expect rejection, I’ve learned that I have to decide in the beginning of the project or idea that I want to pursue, exactly how I’m going to move forward without any assistance or support, so that I don’t have to rely on others who may only reject me when asked. Being prepared to handle everything alone reduces the likelihood that I will have to feel disappointed later. It’s also partly how I came to be known as Super Woman; I go it alone whenever necessary.

I’m not nearly as successful as I’d like to be and it will take a lot longer than I’d like to get there because I started my business as a second career that I never planned for. I’m literally learning about my own business every day. I know that my level of success is determined by many factors and I weigh them all; including my accomplishments and failures in other areas of my life.

There is one area of my life where I admit to being a complete failure:

Dating and relationships.

It’s just something I’m quite terrible at and I have been my entire adult life. The older and more mature I become, the more I fail at dating. It has gone from me dating a lot, without anything serious developing, to men not asking me out at all and only offering me compliments privately on social media. I’ve been on about 5 dates in the last year. Men just don’t want to court me. Of course, they also have a variety of explanations, including, but not limited to:
•”I’m not interested in dating anyone.” (wants to remain single)
•”I’m not ready for commitment.” (has commitment phobia or already in one)
•”You’re too busy for me.” (is codependent and lacks confidence)
•”I’m too busy with other things in my life.” (doesn’t want to give attention to one woman when he can have many)
•”You don’t need a man in your life.”
•”There are plenty of men who want you, so I can’t compete.”

Those last two I can’t translate any other way and are complete fabrications by the men who have said them in my opinion. I have never said that I don’t need a man and I have no idea where all these imaginary men who want me are supposedly residing or even who they are. But I digress.

Of course my friends and relatives have made considerable attempts to keep hope on life support, by telling me how awesome I am, by introducing me to single men that they assume might be interested in me and they try to make me feel better with logic by telling me:
•Men think they’re immortal so they are waiting to get married later in life. (yes, but I don’t want to date anyone my father’s age or older)
•Men are intimidated by you/your success. (sigh, it’s only going to get worse then)
•Men all just want to be players and date a bunch of different women. (doesn’t that get old eventually?)
•Men are just stupid and confused. (and?)
•Men assume you’re already taken. (why? and why not ask me?)
•Men fear rejection. (so do women, big deal)
•You’re just not meeting the right men. (where are the right men?)
•There are plenty of men wishing for a woman like you. (but they clearly can’t say so)
•Your Boaz will find you one day. (Oh, God)
•You’re still young and there’s plenty of time for marriage. (if you say so)

Regardless, whether these statements are true or not, I still fail at dating. If I can’t date anyone more than one time, how can I ever expect to get married again and have it last for the rest of my life? Whenever the rare occasion arises that I actually like a man enough to want to date him, he friend zones me indefinitely and showd no interest in dating me in return. When a man asks me out, I don’t know if I’m even on a real date or not. The few men who actually asked me out in the last year, do so inconsistently (every six months or longer) which is a clear indication that they are just not that into me. That inconsistency presents new concerns for me to contemplate because it’s been so long since I’ve seen that man. I wonder:
•What should I wear?
•Should I expect food?
•Should I be prepared to ask for separate checks?
•Should I drive myself or ask him to pick me up?
•Should I shake his hand or hug him  when I see him?
•Should I thank him when I leave?
•Is he only asking me out because he wants free book publishing?
•Is he only asking me out because he expects sex?
•Is he secretly married or in a relationship and I don’t know it?

All of that is too much to worry about and by the time I get dressed I’m a nervous wreck, for no reason at all. I don’t believe in dating for just for “fun” or to get a free meal. At the age of 40, if I give of my time, rearrange my schedule, spend time and money to get my hair and make up done, put on something impressive, leave my house and allow a man into my personal space, my goal is to find out if there’s any interest in developing a committed relationship between the two of us, over a reasonable amount of time, or not. That is my only intention at this time in my life. I can have fun and a meal with my friends, by myself or with Super Son. After all, I’m busy.

My schedule is often an excuse men like to use against me. Many men have claimed they don’t ask me out because I’m always working or going places. What they don’t realize is that my ambition was born out of me not having a reliable, consistent, interested and loyal man to share my life with. Instead of crying and complaining about being alone, or wondering what’s wrong with me, I decided to find ways to occupy that increasingly extra time in my life more productively, with hopes that it would eventually make me wealthy. My goals are an equal and opposite reaction to the rejection I’ve received during my failed dating experiences.

My bad dating experiences have altered who I am on a deeper level and changed me into a very driven, ambitious, goal-oriented, single, business woman, who is very mindful of what and whom she invests her time and energy towards. It’s a huge benefit for me in business and since I wasn’t successful at dating and relationships to begin with, I don’t see the need to change for ‘what ifs’ that may not ever materialize. To some degree I’ve even convinced myself that no matter how successful I become, how well I take care of myself (financially, spiritually, physically), how well I dress, how engaged my social media presence becomes or anything else, there’s a great possibility that I will still fail at dating and relationships. Some of the best advice I ever got from a very successful, married man (guess who that might be), was that I need a man who realizes that you are the missing element in his life and success”. However, if men don’t see me as a woman they want to combine lives with, that is something beyond my control. All I can control is making sure I don’t waste my time or energy needlessly trying to convince a man otherwise. That is time I can’t recoup and energy that I could’ve put into myself, one of my causes, or others in my life who need me.

I know that saying I’m a failure may seem to be a self fulfilling prophecy. But it isn’t. Admitting that I don’t succeed at dating actually makes me more self aware of what I am good at doing. It creates a deeper appreciation for the achievements and blessings I do have. I may be single, and bad at dating, but I am a great mother, a published author, a published writer, a business woman and I use my gifts in ways that inspire others. Would a man want to date a woman with all of that going for her? Maybe. Maybe not. I’ve discovered that some men don’t want the “next Oprah Winfrey” for a wife.

The good news is that today we don’t have to find out. Instead my energy is going where it is currently needed; into the Super Woman Brand. I’m able to focus on the opportunities coming my way and broaden my business relationships, instead of lowering my standards or wasting my time. I can’t share the details of the opportunities until the ink dries, but when I do share them, know that they have been a work in progress by myself or whomever I’m working with on them. Overnight celebrity, or Instafame, have never been my goal. My goals are bigger than that. As a result, through the practice of patience, I strongly prefer slower growth that builds strength and resilience, so I can withstand more, both professionally and personally.

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. ~Moliere

Keep Calm…I’m Still Here

It has been a few weeks since I posted. However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t been hard at work for The Company, The Woman, The Brand. I even did something I haven’t done in two years. I went on vacation. No, I don’t mean a stay-cation at the Fortress of Peace of Mind, or a weekend trip. I mean a real, authentic vacation, to another state, for more than three consecutive days. I attended this year’s Essence Festival in New Orleans and although I traveled to the Big Easy for the first time solo (no girlfriends, no boyfriend, no pets, no Super Son), I’m so very glad that I did. This was a trip to refocus and reiterate my purpose, and I was blessed to be around people and hear people speak, that helped me to accomplish that. Not to mention the music performances were STELLAR and before you ask, YES Mrs. Carter (aka Beyoncé) put on a fantastic show.

I also did some networking. Some of this networking I did will hopefully have long-term benefits result from it. I have a ton of video to edit so it can be posted on the Official Super Woman YouTube Channel to share will all of you, from the panel discussions at the Empowerment Experiences and a live performance from Marsha Ambrosius, to Steve Harvey hosting Family Feud. I ate shrimp and crawfish etouffee, chick and sausage jambalaya, turtle soup, fried oysters, crab cakes, conch, and the best peach cobbler I’ve ever had in my entire life, and my family hails from the South. The peach cobbler was so good in fact, it deserved its own Instagram post.

I have grown fond of sharing my experiences and my life lessons with others on a very transparent level, so on July 18, 2013 at 8:30 pm (eastern) I’m going to do something for my Super Fans. I’m hosting a live Google+ Hangout aptly called #AskSuperWoman, so that nine Super Fans can ask me questions which I will answer during the Hangout. The questions can really be about anything, and I have already agreed to answer the questions honestly and frankly. However, it’s best that the questions pertain to something that I know. In advance, let me say that I don’t know anything about physics, I can’t solve world hunger and I’m not giving anyone a loan. But any questions that may be relevant about business, my company, relationships, sex, friendship, entertainment, writing, getting a book published and many other topics that I have some knowledge of, are welcomed.

Participation is very easy. All you have to do is think of something to ask me, go to any page of the Super Woman Productions and Publishing website and click the button on the right side that says Ask Super Woman. An email will open in your browser, and you can type your question, then send it. I’ll receive your question and then invite you to the Google+ Hangout on July 18, 2013 at 8:30 pm (eastern). One (or some) of the nine people selected for the Hangout, will also receive a prize from me for their participation. It’s that easy.

There’s only one catch.

You have to be at least 18 years old.

And there’s another catch.

You have to submit your question by July 14 to be selected and accept the  #AskSuperWoman Google+ Hangout invitation you receive.

That’s it.

You don’t have to pay anything.

You don’t have to sell anything.

I don’t need you to sign any agreements or give me your oldest child. 

 

Then on July 18, 2013, at 8:30 pm (eastern), we are going to have some fun, grown folks conversation via Google+ Hangout. If you don’t accept the Hangout invitation and join the Hangout at 8:30 pm (eastern), you will not be eligible for a prize. So, get your question thought out and send it in to #AskSuperWoman by July 14 and I’ll tell you what you want to know.

~Smooches!  

Keep Calm I'm Still Here
Keep Calm
I’m Still Here

A (Motion) Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

Why Do Men Cheat? That’s not a rhetorical question nor is it one being posed to start a debate, so please don’t email me all of your answers or opinions♥. Why Do Men Cheat?  is a movie. Yes, I said a movie. The movie is written, directed by, produced by and starring Detroiters and guests stars Alex Thomas, Sandy “Pepa” Denton, Cherie Johnson, Bobo Lamb, and Damon Williams. The writers of the movie are Ken Baker, Jr., Tamekia Dobbs, Lauren Johnson and the movie is based upon some of the life experiences of the Executive Producer, Delano Glass. I attended the movie premiere and I was very impressed. I’m not easily impressed.

Before you call the movie man-bashing, don’t judge a movie by its title. The movie delves not only into the excuses men give for cheating, it shows the enabling behaviors of the women, the consequences of their actions and even shows what positive outcomes are available for men who decide not to cheat to remedy their relationship issues. The movie is funny when it needs to be, heartfelt when it needs to be, and relatable no matter what side of the debate you sit on. It’s a story that you may say you’ve already heard, or think you know, but maybe you really don’t. Maybe you’re too biased, depending on your opinion to look at a different viewpoint. After all, every man who cheats has an excuse that he thinks validates his actions, and every woman who knows her man is cheating has an excuse for enabling him. But I digress.

The film stars the very talented and very handsome Wynn SardenWhy Do Men Cheat? is Wynn’s first starring role in a feature-length film [I’m going on record by saying that Wynn Sarden may very well follow the path of his favorite actor (and mine), Mr. Denzel Washington, if he continues to study his craft and take advantage of the blessings and opportunities coming in his direction. Wynn also has a role in Sparkle being released on August 17, 2012]. The first time I saw Wynn was on an in store poster for my stylist Mark England. I didn’t know he was an actor until recently and I didn’t know he was good at it until I saw Why Do Men Cheat? Again, I’m not easily impressed, and I was impressed. Without giving away the movie, Wynn stars as a professional athlete who is faced with the outcomes of his behaviors and the decisions he makes with regard to his relationships with women [a brief interview I conducted with Wynn follows this review]. There are two additional stories included in the movie and you need to pay atttention or you’ll miss something very clever.

Whether you are a man or a woman, single or married, there is something in this movie that might hit home for you. It may not cause all the cheaters of the world to have a come to Jesus moment… but then again, anything is possible. Before you assume that the movie premiere took place in a theater full of angry women with pitchforks and torches, let me dispel that thought. The theater was full… of women and men… a lot of men. Therefore, if you were a single woman, this would have been a good place to go. A single woman in the audience could pay attention to the reactions of the single men during the movie, therefore assessing those who are guilty of similar behaviors, those who have gotten all of the fuckery out of their systems and learned to do better, or those who don’t cheat because they just know it’s not worth it to do so. The only men who could be angry about this movie are those same men who are mad at Steve Harvey for Think Like A Man; the men who don’t want women to know what they do because they have something to hide. If you’re not the cheating type, you won’t be offended by the film. Also, how can you be offended by something you haven’t even seen yet?

There were also some come to Jesus moments for women in the film. Why Do Men Cheat? depicted some of the behaviors that women are guilty of that contribute to men cheating as well; the groupie behavior, the starved for attention behavior, the I want him for myself behavior and other destructive acts that women commit. After all, the men who cheat, need a woman to cheat with. So for every guilty man, there is a woman who was wrong too. More often than not, she knows it or finds out later, but goes along for the ride anyway. Regardless of the excuses that men use, and whether you agree with them or not, Why Do Men Cheat? was an excellent film and I’m looking forward to seeing Why Do Women Cheat?

 

View the video of my interview with

the movie’s star, Wynn Sarden by clicking here  

 

 

Protect The Brand

Protect the Brand. This is one of my business mottos. Recently, I heard Amy DuBois Barnett, Editor-in-Chief of Ebony Magazine and Steve Harvey say the same thing. I’ve gotten accustomed to many people not having any idea of what I was talking about when I say it, so it was truly refreshing to hear other people with the same perspective. So many people call themselves entrepreneurs, but they don’t understand branding and why it’s essential to do so in business. With the exception of myself, I don’t know anyone else doing exactly what I’m doing, the way I’m doing it. Some people are doing a few of the things I do, or do one or two things I do, but no one does everything I’m doing. Therefore, my competition is almost non-existent. However, that’s not the case with other business models. Particularly businesses that are considered traditional. Almost every business has a competitor and a lot of them have learned the same basic techniques for operating their businesses. Although everything you need to open, operate and expand a business isn’t in a book, a lot of the steps and instructions are. I’m sure that we can agree that anyone can follow steps and instructions written in a book. But if that’s all that was required, a lot more people would be successful at it. Statistically businesses still fail in the first five years.

As a result of the availability of basic business operation techniques and information, many people can start a business. Because all the books reiterate and all business students are taught that the most important thing in business is to make money, this further establishes an atmosphere of competition. Everyone wants to make money. Not everyone wants to make a difference. Not everyone wants to become a brand.  But I’ve learned that doing the latter will help improve your chances of the former. If you own a restaurant, your competition could set up shop across the street from you. If you’re a caterer, your competition can be a larger restaurant that decides to expand its business and begin offering catering to its existing customers. And let’s just say for argument’s sake, that their food isn’t even as delicious as yours and their prices are higher. In spite of that, next thing you know, your profits are dwindling. The next thing that comes to your mind is “What are they doing, that I’m not?” Well, if that competing restaurant is Red Lobster and you own a Shrimp Shack, what do you think it is?

It’s the branding.

When you operate a business that is traditional you have to establish yourself as a brand, not just a business, in order to set yourself above others. Businesses eventually go out of business; brands become icons. Becoming a brand takes time and is often more work than just starting a business. For me starting my business was a sign from God, combined with talents I possess and knowledge of how to complete the appropriate paperwork from previous experiences I had in business. It has taken me four years to get where I am so far with The Super Woman Brand. I expect it to take me another four years to get where I want to go, although I’m told that I won’t need that much time, because with every decision I make, I’m branding myself and my business. If something doesn’t enhance what I want to do now or what I want to do in the near future, it can’t be included in The Super Woman Brand.  If an idea or business relationship doesn’t allow me to establish myself or further myself in an area that I want to operate in, it can’t be included in The Super Woman Brand. When you brand yourself, you’re developing business practices and standards, not just appealing to what everyone else wants you to do. It’s requires that you are bold.

Set yourself apart with your brand

I must be doing a pretty good job at branding because there are other people attempting to use The Super Woman Brand by calling themselves Super Woman or Superwoman Productions. I don’t consider them competition, because I’ve already had a head start in developing The Super Woman Brand and they don’t do the same things that I do. I’ve accomplished a few things and they are all positive. I’ve been in a national publication, I’ve been interviewed several times locally on radio and in print, I have credits to my name and a good reputation. So, whether they are a stripper or claim to be a playwright, they aren’t hindering The Super Woman Brand. In fact, if someone attempts to find them, they find ME instead because I am EVERYWHERE on the internet and that is expanding into other areas of media, including television and moviesGoogle me and see firsthand what I mean. Someone told me these other women are only attempting to use The Super Woman Brand because they want to be ME. Imitation is the best form of flattery. I must be doing something right. 

Discover and establish your brand

What do you do that sets you apart from your competition? Find that element and brand it. Use it to market yourself, your business, and catapult your dream. Don’t strive to just become a business person and make money. That’s mediocre. Mediocre doesn’t grow. Strive to become an icon. Strive for growth in your industry and not just for the money. The flower doesn’t dream of the bee; the flower blooms and the bee comes.  It’s more rewarding longterm. It becomes your legacy. It leaves something for others to aspire to. It’s a blueprint for others to follow. It’s part of that dash between the day you were born and the day you die.  Just keep in mind that becoming a brand is a lot more than filling out the appropriate paperwork and putting up a website. It takes time, effort, resilience and creativity. One day other people will want to be YOU and do what you do also

Become a motivating factor to those who come after you.   

PROTECT THE BRAND

 

Why Does a Dog Lick Himself?

When I was growing up and I’d ask my aunt a question like “why do boys do stupid stuff?“, she would answer my question with this question ~ “Why does a dog lick himself?” Of course, I’d say “I dunno”, and she’d say “Because he can… and that’s the same reason boys do stupid stuff.”

As I’ve gotten older, the question remains. And it is still the same answer. In relationships, people have forgotten some basic fundamentals. One in particular is honesty. People use lying as a reason to save a person’s feelings, because they believe telling the truth is more damning. The truth is that lying damages trust and creates fractures in the foundation of the relationship that never heal. Telling the truth may hurt someone’s feelings, but it does a lot less damage in the long run. Telling the truth might mean the relationship ends, but that’s better than having an unhealthy relationship full of anger, deceit, resentment and betrayal.

I bring this up today because too many people like living a lie in their relationships and it’s both unnecessary and unhealthy. Personally, I’m tired of seeing it, hearing it and having it walk up to my front porch uninvited and unwelcome. Unfortunately, it is true that more men lie about stupid things they don’t need to lie about, than women do. Men lie about where they are going and who they are going with. Men lie about who they love and who they want a relationship with. They lie about the color of their socks. Men lie about what they do for a living and how much money they don’t make. Men seem to lie about a lot of things, both big and small, for no reason at all. And they get away with it. Sometimes because women will say “oh, he’s just confused, but I can change him“. You can’t change a person who doesn’t want to change themselves.

Why do men get away with lying? The same reason a dog licks himself. Because they can.

Men get away with lying because so many women accept and tolerate the lies, even when their instincts tell them not to. It’s usually desperation and fear of being alone that causes women to ignore common sense, women’s intuition and the clues that a lie is being told straight to their face. Men only do to a woman what they are allowed to do. Men are well aware of this. Steve Harvey even talked about it in his book. Men understand and value loyalty and respect over love.  If a woman demands honesty from a man, that man may not want a relationship with her, but he’ll respect her more than he respects a woman who puts up with his lies. That doesn’t mean he won’t lie anymore. It just means he’s aware of who he can’t lie to and get away with it. I’ve always preferred having a man’s respect towards me more than his attention or admiration. Which is probably another reason I’m single. But it’s worth it to have my peace of mind.

Women: If a man is constantly lying to you and you remain in a relationship with him, he will not stop lying to you. If anything, he will just lie more often and get better at it. And why should he stop lying to you? His lies got you. His lies are keeping you. He gets everything he wants by lying to you and there aren’t any consequences or repercussions handed down to him when lies are told. Every time he lies, he gives an apology (another lie), and a reason for lying in the first place (another lie) and follows it with a promise to never lie again (another lie). That’s too much lying for me right there. But I see it more and more in relationships.

So many women seem to be accepting of this disrespectful behavior. I say disrespectful because anytime another person takes the time to deceive you, mislead you or takes away your ability to make an informed decision for your life based on truth and facts, they are disrespecting you. A self-respecting person never likes for others to disrespect them in return. The same women who allow men to needlessly lie and accept it, contribute to a cycle where that same man lies to the next woman he meets, and the next and the next, until he has a come to Jesus moment. That come to Jesus moment is usually something extremely dramatic, like a paternity lawsuit, his car being keyed, his house being burned to the ground (ala Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes and Andre Rison circa 1994), or something else that takes a lot of money out of his pocket. I’m not condoning doing these things to men, I’m just saying that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. These types of acts also aren’t necessary to get revenge against a man. The best revenge is to be fabulous; which means being able to walk away from that man leaving him without the privilege of your time, energy or intimacy.

Men often don’t consider what they might lose by lying, they often are only looking for something to gain when they do so. Whatever happened to the truth setting someone free? When did telling the truth become so hard that a person would go through the trouble of creating an entire story about something that never happened, that includes people, places and conversations that didn’t take place, to avoid telling the truth? When did a lie become one of the building blocks in relationships?

I remember a time when a man lied or cheated and was greeted with hot grits in return.  Have the women of the 21st century become such weak doormats that they would rather be with a man that constantly lies to them than be happy, healthy and single? Being single isn’t a bad thing. Particularly since it’s so obvious that a lot of people have no business being in relationships in the first place because they lie. When a person lies all the time they are often referred to as a pathological liar. This was once thought to be a mental illness, but for many it’s just a bad habit that they get away with maintaining and are never held accountable for.

All of the energy that is put into cultivating a lie can be used for many more productive ventures. Instead of lying, why not be an adult, tell your partner the truth and move forward – whether that means the relationship ends or not. A relationship based on a lie is never worth maintaining. It’s a parasite and the only purpose it serves is to drain you dry. It’s a time waster. It’s a dream killer. It’s utter fuckery at the core of it’s existence.

Of course a dog will lick himself because he can. A man will lie to and disrespect the woman he can. Just like a woman will abuse and emasculate the man that she can. I’ve never liked a liar – man or woman. I do my best to avoid anyone who lies to me, male or female. I’ve always believed that a person who would lie to me is a thief and a killer. Neither of whom should hold a position of power in my Super World, personally or professionally.

Integrity. It’s a word people forget and no longer practice. Integrity means doing the right things, even when no one else is watching you. It means being trustworthy. It requires honesty.

Women, please remember this in your relationships no matter what: a man who lies, will cheat; a man who cheats, will steal; a man who steals, will kill. Don’t settle for lies out of fear. If he lies to you, he’s not honest with himself. A man with integrity will always be honest, even when it’s hard or painful for him to do. A man that truly loves you, shows it and will always consider your heart before he does anything that could hurt you. 

Why does a dog lick himself? Because he can.

Why does a man lie to you? Because you don’t demand more from him and let him get away with it by staying with him.

Life is too short to live connected to someone by a lie. If you wake up everyday, fearful that you’ll be alone if you end your relationship with a liar, so you stay in the situation, I have news for you: You’re already alone… you just don’t know it yet.  

~ If you’re a man reading this and you feel like I’m man bashing, too bad. Stop lying to yourself and others and you won’t feel that way. When you know better, you do better.