Tag Archives: stalker

Predators Are Not Sexy

There’s a screenshot of an alleged message from a man to a woman circulating around social media. In the message the man is demanding that the woman spend time with him. ICYMI :

Men, first of all, if you have to threaten, stalk, harass or intimidate a woman into going out with you, you’re a predator. If you are messaging women repeatedly trying to guilt, shame or demean them into going out with you, you’re a predator. If you think it’s perfectly acceptable to disrespect a woman and her boundaries because you want her attention focused on you, you’re a predator. If you think you have the right to have a woman’s time, attention, and body at your disposal simply because you have a penis, you’re a predator. If you are sleeping with a lot of women then emotionally hurting them, knowingly spreading STIs to them and trying to control them with sex, you’re a predator. If you become so angry that you would physically harm or kill a woman for rejecting your advances, you’re a homicidal sociopath….and a predator. If you are a man who cosigns this kind of behavior when conducted by other men, you’re a predator.

 

You’re a predator.

And until you raise your own self esteem and lower your male entitlement, you will always be a predator.

You’re the Harvey Weinsteins of the world. Lording your perceived power over women in the workplace, at the nightclubs, at the parks, churches, schools and on social media because you think your manhood makes you special. You forget that without women, you wouldn’t even exist. Your only existence is because of a woman giving birth to you. Yet you repay womankind by preying on us for your own pleasure. Deep down you know you’re insignificant, but instead of improving yourself, your self hatred spills over into how you speak to and treat women. Your self loathing isn’t repaired by the money in your bank account, the designer clothes you hide yourself in or the expensive car you drive.

In fact, a lot of predators have no significant financial means or career achievements to boast about. All they have is a penis. Because of that, these predators feel like women should die for their attention because that’s all they think women live for – getting a man.

A lot of predators that I’ve encountered think women are so desperate for attention from men that we should drop our lives, goals, kids, friends, family, plans & careers to be in their company. For what? What are you going to do with my time? Take me to a movie? Buy me a meal? Expect to have sex with me afterwards? Boy bye. Life is about so much more than some insecure, low self esteem having dude with too much time on his hands that wants to control women because he can’t control himself. Dates should be mutual and both parties should want to be together, otherwise it’s not special. It’s definitely not worth being threatened over.

What was most outrageous about the comments were ones from women saying they’d get dressed and leave the house with this man when he arrived. Very few women thought his language was a red flag of danger. In fact, they thought it was romantic because “he must’ve made important plans”. Plans? Really? To do what exactly? Why sit in a car, at a restaurant or movie theater with someone who clearly has anger issues while you feel uncomfortable? This is the kind of person that will kill you in an abandoned house, then go home to his wife like nothing happened. There’s nothing romantic about his message.

It’s disrespectful.

Then there are the men claiming a woman they don’t know (the recipient of the message) is a stuck up bitch because she’s playing games.

News Flash: being busy isn’t playing games.

Being busy is either actually being busy or trying nicely to tell you that there’s no interest in seeing you because just flat out saying that no longer works. I wonder how many of the men who commented in agreement with talking to women like this would also say it was OK for their daughter or sister to agree to going somewhere with this predator? Or does that change things for them? Why? I’m someone’s sister and daughter too; so is she…and so is she. If it was their daughter, sister or mother, receiving this type of message, those same men would want that other man dead or in jail because then it would be wrong. Predators with this mindset towards women lack overall respect for women until it happens to a woman they feel it shouldn’t happen to, like mom, sister and daughter, not realizing that mindset is exactly why it happened to mom, sister and daughter in the first place. That’s that “it’s OK for me to rape, stalk, harass, torment, disrespect your woman, but you can’t do it to mine” thought process that is a root cause to the problems of violence towards women.

Why can’t a woman’s boundaries be respected regardless of who she is? Some of us really have better things to do with our time than spend it with men we don’t want to be with. Why can’t men understand these complete sentences when spoken by a woman?

  • I’m busy.
  • No thank you.
  • No.
  • Don’t contact me anymore.

If a woman sent that kind of message to a man, she’d be called crazy and dangerous by both men and women.

Stalking isn’t the equivalent of romance. Threatening a woman is not the equivalent of making plans for a date. Predatory behavior is not acceptable. It never has been. It never will be. Pay attention to how many predators are losing their power. If you conduct yourself in this manner, eventually you will be next.

The Old College Try

I tried the relationship thing recently. It didn’t work. Now he’s stalking me. I’ve never understood how a person can decide they don’t want to be with someone, walk away from the relationship and then stalk the very person they said they don’t want to be in a relationship with. Is that the definition of insanity or bi-polar? I’m not sure, however I can rest assured that I was not the cause of the demise of the relationship. I put forth effort, I was open minded, I was committed – I gave it the old college try. And just like in college, if a major I’ve decided to study isn’t working out in my best interest,  it’s time for me to change my course schedule.

I could say a whole lot of things about him that are ALL true, but it’s not necessary because I’m the prize and he already knows it. I don’t have to tear him down to prove my worth, like he’s attempting to do to me. I know that the best revenge is to be fabulous. And fabulous, I am.  A man didn’t give me my self esteem and a man can’t take it away from me. Particularly one who isn’t the man God made for me, or even half of that. In a couple of days he’ll still be mad and I’ll be working on my upcoming media projects. In a few months he’ll still be talking about me in a derogatory manner while I’m in and on magazine covers (bragging that he knows me). In a few years he’ll be trying to capitalize off the imaginary sex tape that he claims he has and has threatened to post on Facebook and Twitter (who does that?). In a few years, I’ll still be fabulous and he’ll be a distant no one that meant nothing in my past. One day he’ll be an old man with no companionship because he alienated everyone with his poor attitude. And I’ll be the reigning Queen of All Media. The deepest truth is that I was just trying something different. I didn’t love him. I barely liked him. I only wanted what he claimed he would do for me. He didn’t produce any of what he said he’d do. That made me unhappy so I sought satisfaction within myself and in someone else. This man put on the facade that he thought I wanted, like some men do, then his real self started to leak out. He couldn’t plug the leak, so it all burst forth. Now he’s gone. *happy dance*.

Now I have yet another interesting life experience to add to my vast collection of fiction based loosely on my real life. I smell a best seller. Regardless of whatever flaws he thinks I have and tries to “out”, at the end of the day I already know I was the best thing he never had. The minute he exited my life, my life improved. Business picked up. I actually wish he really did have a sex tape or pictures of me. Do you know how many people make money off of that? I have bills to pay so I could use the extra money from the scandal. Plus, I can handle it because I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done – in or out of the bedroom. Anyone who knows me, knows that my brut honesty begins within. I know where I went wrong (I wanted the financial assistance he claimed he could provide – which is against my independant character), but I also know that he created many more wrongs than I did and forced the relationship downhill like an avalanche. The difference is that I can change my error because I know what it is. Ask him what he did wrong and he’ll say ‘nothing’. He’s on a lonely boat sailing down the river named denial.

I actually take this experience as God’s way of telling me I was working outside the Master’s Plan. I’ll take that as a grown woman should and get back on the path laid out for me. God has someone else in mind for my life companion. Maybe I haven’t even met him yet. And I’m okay with that. I’m a work in progress and whomever he is, he is also a work in progress. When we finally do come together we will be the best for one another – emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially. When my husband comes into my life, we will be true partners – not two people taking advantage of one another.

In the meantime, I will marry my shoes, build my brand and enjoy the company of the most amazing, talented and gorgeous men I know. Enjoying the fabulous single life (#fabsinglelife) is a lot better than stress and drama perpetuated by someone else’s issues any day.

The life lesson for today is:

love the life you are in to the fullest. It’s the only one you get and don’t let anyone take that from you.

Class dismissed.

Here I go fighting with Facebook…again

Over the last few years, I developed a small following of individuals on Facebook and on some other social networking sites.  A lot of it is solely for the purpose of networking for The Brand, some of it is entertaining and some of it is actually social. Of my current 1,800 Facebook friends, I probably know 10% of them personally and another 10% I’ve met casually or are acquainted with outside of Facebook. Over the past several months, Facebook has implemented their own form of “Community Standards” that allow people to anonymously complain about people’s pictures and wall posts that they find “offensive or inappropriate”. It covers things such as harassment and (Facebook) identity theft also. What I’ve found is a) it’s just another tool for haters to hate, and b) it’s not protecting anyone from actual harm. Young adults are still being bullied via Facebook and there are still hate mongers, racists and plenty of inappropriate and offensive things slipping through the cracks because the haters only care about reporting what they think needs to be reported, not what protects society as a whole.

Recently, for the second time, someone reported one of my photos as “sexually explicit” and “inappropriate”. The photo they were referring to is actually the back cover of “The Goodie Bag”. In the photo I’m wearing a bra and panties, with black stilettos while laying across and bed with a gorgeous male model holding one of my legs. My breasts, my behind and my vagina are not visible at all. There’s no kissing, touching or hugging taking place in the photo. My body is barely touching the male model’s. It’s a beautiful picture of me. The photo is sexy without being overtly sexual and it speaks to the tone of “The Goodie Bag”, while it leaves something to the imagination. If someone thinks the photo is more than that, it’s their opinion and they are entitled to it. Just like I’m entitled to look fabulous in the photo. The truth is, the pictures inside of “The Goodie Bag” are a lot sexier and the language is completely sexually explicit. It’s erotic fiction; it’s supposed to be. I know that it was likely a hater who reported the photo because they don’t have anything better to do. I can’t wait to see how they will react when the pictures forThe Goodie Bag II” come out.

***yes, there are haters everywhere…including on Facebook***

Once again I find it completely hilarious, and hypocritical, that someone thinks that one of the best pictures of me on Facebook is “inappropriate” with all the near naked women in thong-kinis all over that very same social network. Some of these other women go so far to gain attention that they actually “tag”  people in their photos forcing innocent people to have someone else’s nakedness displayed all over their wall for all of their friends and relatives to see without prior knowledge or consent. You have to be a “friend” to see my pictures, unless you “like” my fan page. If you “like” my fan page, you know what the purpose of it is and there’s no need to report anything because you’ve made a conscious choice to be included in the content by willingly clicking the button. No one forced you into it. No one “tagged” you into it without your knowledge of consent. You made a choice. If you don’t like it, don’t look. Pun intended.

We have the freedom of choice. Or so I thought. But Mark Zuckerberg and his Facebook developers seem to think that they have more freedom of choice than the users of Facebook. Now that Zuckerberg is a gazillionaire, you can’t add him as a Facebook friend. You can’t send him a message to his inbox, you can’t tag him in a post or picture, you can’t write on his wall or ask him to join a group. He has been stalked into hiding from the rest of us. But he hasn’t done much to protect users like us from being stalked. He has made himself completely untouchable via the social network that he created (or stole, depending on which version of the story you decide to believe). However, he’s constantly making decisions for Facebook users that compromise our right to choose for ourselves. What’s with people being able to add you to a group without you knowing what the group is about? According to Facebook, only your friends can add you to a group. But it’s hell to remove yourself from these groups. The option isn’t even available for mobile Facebook users. It must be done from a computer. That’s not fun.

I’m am constantly and randomly being added to groups by my “friends”. Usually it is the “friends” that I don’t actually know personally or am not acquainted with outside of Facebook or they’d know I don’t want to be a member of a group I know absolutely nothing about. There’s nothing wrong with creating a group to market your product of service, supporting your beliefs or charity, but the beautiful thing about consumerism is that people get to select where they go for their products and services. The beautiful thing about America is that we can all have our own beliefs and support our own charities without being forced to participate in someone else’s.  As a consumer you get to opt out of unwanted emails or be placed on “do not send” lists. Facebook groups are not like that. The creator or any member of a group can “add” any of their Facebook friends to that group without any forewarning.  You find out you’re a member by notification. It’s like walking into a game of Russian Roulette that you didn’t know was taking place, and someone puts the gun to your head, pulls the trigger and *bang!* you’re a member of their group. Every time I get an email notification from Facebook I feel like I got jumped into an online gang. I get bombarded with other people’s opinions, thoughts and ideas through my personal assistant at all times of day and night. Some stuff is interesting, but for the most part it’s an overload of information that I don’t have the time or patience to read or understand. I don’t get to turn it off  immediately. No, that would be too convenient. I have to go to my computer and click “Leave Group”. Then I get threatened again with a message that says if I leave the group I’ll have to be invited in order to return to it. Doesn’t that sound a lot like a gang? Or even the mafia?

I don’t know which is worse, how Facebook allows haters to harass people using their “Community Standards” as a tool of suppression, or how they allow groups to target people at random for mandatory participation. All I know is that if I created a group and forced people to participate, someone, somewhere would complain and I’d be threatened by Facebook – again. Well, while Mark Zuckerberg sits in his Ivory Tower away from us peasants, passing his Facebook laws, I will continue to do whatever I like and post my pictures on my Facebook page, regardless of who does or doesn’t like it. You do not have to be my Facebook friend. It is your choice. I, unlike others, won’t force anyone to participate by adding them to a picture or group that they aren’t actually in or want to be a part of. I respect everyone’s right to choose for themselves, whether I agree with their choices or not. 

I’ve also decided that regardless of how many haters complain, I’ll remove my incredibly beautiful photos from“The Goodie Bag” when Facebook bans all of the haters, pedophiles, porn stars, naked wanna-be-models, racists and bullies from Facebook. So take your time and enjoy the photos. And if you want to know what all the fuss is about, purchase a copy of “The Goodie Bag” here.