Tag Archives: shoe-icide

Beautiful People Don’t Need Stuff

This is just my opinion, but the most beautiful people aren’t the ones with the biggest houses, most expensive cars, designer shoes and handbags. The most beautiful people aren’t the ones with the most lavish lifestyles, who take spa days in the middle of the week at tropical destinations. The most beautiful people aren’t chronicled by People Magazine or by Barbara Walters once each year. The most beautiful people aren’t starring on Basketball Wives or Real Housewives of <insert city/county here>.

The most beautiful people in the world are happy people.

How does one correlate beauty with happiness? It’s not a hard connection to make when you consider it. When it comes to physical beauty, people who are happy tend to smile more, therefore, they have less wrinkles. People who are happy, enjoy life, get exercise and rest, therefore extending their longevity and youthfulness. People who are happy, and I mean truly happy, are less argumentative, less nosey and less petty resulting in them having lower stress levels. 

When it comes to happiness from a social standpoint, people who are happy with themselves as individuals as more successful and they are also more encouraging of others. People who are happy know that they aren’t the only people allowed to be happy. These happy people are the motivators, innovators and advocates for better living. They themselves may have gone through ups and downs, had adversity stare them in the face: they stared back and overcame it.

Happy people aren’t happy because they have money either. Happy people don’t live or work for money. Money is a by-product for them because they need it to survive in society, but it’s not their only motivation. Happy people also use their money for more than purchasing superficial material possessions. Some of the most miserable people have money and material possessions. They’re miserable because those material possessions only fuel one thing – the need for more material possessions. Don’t get me wrong – stuff is nice. Having stuff is nice. But life isn’t about stuff and how much of it you can accumulate before you die.

Life is about living.

We’ve gotten so caught up in accumulating stuff just to try to make other people jealous, that we’ve birthed a generation of entitled, spoiled, lazy children that think life is all about stuff. They haven’t been taught that happiness is a byproduct of good relationships. They don’t know that happiness is doing something you love and doing it well. They don’t understand that there are certain things expected of them that may not always make them happy today, but will make them productive in society so that they can pursue happiness with minimal hindrances tomorrow. Our youth lack self-love, self-esteem and, unfortunately, moral fortitude. They think being happy and beautiful means having stuff. They believe that designer labels and expensive cars determine the value of a person.  However, that’s not the reality of life.

Being beautiful on the outside may get you in the room, but being smart and talented will keep you in the room.

Being knowledgeable and driven will earn you respect. Having designer labels isn’t what it once was. You can buy a lot of designer labels from TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Burlington Coat Factory and one of my  personal favorites, Loehmann’s. And if you’re really smart, you know when the sales are and the best times of year to shop so you can really clean up. I’m not knocking designers, I own plenty of attire from many of them myself. I’m knocking the importance we put on having someone else’s name on our bodies, in our hands and own our feet every single day. So much of my designer clothing and footwear (I’m known for my “shoe-icide“) is considered nondescript. Most often you wouldn’t have any idea who I’m wearing unless I either told you, or you were a connoisseur of them yourself. Thus, making me look fashionable, without being trendy. I have my own style, and my own idea of what makes me beautiful.     

Being beautiful isn’t a personal goal for me. As a super girl growing up I didn’t say, “When I grow up I want to be beautiful”. It honestly didn’t cross my mind that I can recall. I wanted to be successful. I wanted to be wealthy. I wanted to have a family. But I don’t remember wanting to be beautiful. Even today, it’s not a goal of mine. My goals (all one hundred zillion of them) are more about me being happy – personally and professionally.  I receive compliments on my physical beauty on a daily basis. Compliments are flattering, but they don’t do anything for me. They affirm that my exercise routine is working and that I have good DNA. Other than that, compliments don’t go to my head. They don’t win anyone brownie points for giving them to me either. As beautiful as anyone may think I am, I’d like to think that they think I’m beautiful on the inside just as much, if not more so, than I am on the outside. Hopefully, they don’t attribute my beauty to how many material possessions I own (or don’t).  Hopefully, people find my intellect a quality that also makes me beautiful. Hopefully, they respect my craft and how hard I’m working to reach my goals. And if not, oh well, that’s their superficiality and their loss, not mine. When I die, I don’t want people to say “Super Woman was beautiful, but she didn’t have enough stuff. It would’ve been nice if she had more stuff“. When I die, I want people to say “Super Woman was beautiful, she gave of herself and her talents, and she was happy“.

 – The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love and something to hope for.” (Allan Chalmers)

Been There, Want That

We’ve all heard the term “been there, done that” in one form or another. It’s a shorter way of explaining to others that you’ve already had that experience previously. We all have a “been there, done that” associated with both good and bad experiences in our lives. Unfortunately, we usually say this when the experience was bad and one that we would prefer not to repeat again in our lives. My “been there, done that” is always connected to relationships with men. I have literally been in almost every situation imaginable. I’ve been in an abusive relationship, I’ve been lied to, manipulated and had my kindness taken for granted. I’ve been stood up, I’ve been let down and I’ve even had men attempt to break me down. I’ve been cheated on, I’ve been the other woman, and I’ve been one of many women.

Been there, done that.

The only experience I have yet to have has been that of the only woman. I’ve yet to experience the love, understanding, partnership and romance that I associate with having a healthy relationship.

Being me seems like a lot of fun to everyone on the outside looking in. I’m told I have “so much going for me” and people always want to know why I’m single. Although I’ve had some men who were less than stellar come into my life [and not last very long], I’ve also dated many very attractive men. I’ve traveled and had a lot of life learning that you can’t get in a classroom. I’m beyond book smart as a result and I’m proud to possess common sense and street smarts as well.  I have a fabulous wardrobe accompanied by a very sexy shoe collection. I’ve worked tremendously hard for everything I have; material, and intangible. And I’ve been told that one day I’m going to be an old lady with a bangin’ body. I’ve always had really great sex, but what I want to have is a really great love affair. I want that connection with just one man, for the rest of my life.

Being Super Woman is a lot of hard work. I have to always be “on” and “ready”. Some men can’t handle that. My beauty is natural, but requires some work on my part to maintain it. Some men feel I’m intentionally seeking too much attention and that makes them insecure when it comes to me. I want someone who can love and accept my most vulnerable self – the woman who wears no makeup, a t-shirt and just her panties around the house – and still find me beautiful and worthy of his heart, his time and his affection.

Ideally, I want someone I can go home to the Fortress of Solitude with and just be myself. I need someone that is capable of being my shoulder to lean on when I need them to be. Someone who supports me and my goals through the bright lights, photo shoots and public appearances, but also supports me when my feet hurt because of shoe-icide. I want a man who doesn’t have any fear of losing me because he knows he put in the necessary work to get and keep me in the first place. I want a man who is proud to let me shine and isn’t ashamed to tell the world he’s with me. I need a man who knows what being a man is about and has what it takes to play the role of Superman in my life story.

That’s what I want.

Until that day comes, I’ll continue to write this chapter in my life –  solo.