Tag Archives: sex

P*ussy Is Already Magical

First it was vaginal rejuvenation, then it was vaginal steaming, now it is vagina glitter.

What the entire f….

All of these products and services doctors are warning women to stay away from because they can be very harmful to women and our reproductive systems. Not to mention they are completely unnecessary to our vaginal health. They are constantly trying to tell us women we’re unworthy and need to fix our vaginas or other physical attributes.  And for what?  So they can get our money (women have a combined $5.2+ Trillion dollars in buying power), damage our bodies (glitter in your pussy is dangerous for so many common sense reasons), lower our self esteem (because if we love ourselves we must be stupid) & make us compete with each other for the attention of men (who wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for our pussies to begin with).

#issatrap

There’s this silent but deadly war against women’s reproductive systems being waged and only noticed when the topic of abortion comes up. This selling of rejuvenation, steaming and glitter for women, is the part of that war that no one notices; the fake out marketing of unhealthy products that tells women tofix your pussy”I love all things shiny, pretty and shimmery, but I will not put herbs, lasers or glitter bombs in my pussy.

I want to know where the penis rejuvenation, steam and glitter products are for men? Oh, wait, that’s right, they don’t exist because men’s penises are ‘perfect the way they are’ in spite of the number of men who never go to the doctor. Not to mention all the community penises out here that need to be rejuvenated, fixed and altered that are sliding into women’s DMs daily that should be kept hidden.

Men don’t have the most beautiful penises, but they’re not targeted to get them fixed, changed or altered nearly as much as women are.  Men get to choose what they want to do with their penises, but women need “permission” from their husband, doctor, priest or some member of society (usually a male politician) to decide what to do with their own vagina.

I read an article published on blackdoctor.org and and I’ve seen a lot of other articles recently about doctors warning against vaginal steaming and rejuvenating, and about how much money companies have made off both. It saddens me how gullible some women are when it comes to our vaginas. Pussy is already magical. These steam and rejuvenating entities are making nearly as much money as companies selling legitimate feminine products are, from trying to convince women that our pussy is “wrong”.

Pussy brings life into the world. You can’t get more magical than that. 

I was partially raised by my aunt who was a RN (Registered Nurse, for those stuck on Urban Dictionary for their vocabulary) and even back then everything she taught me about my vagina is exactly what my OB/GYN says about it today:

Wash with mild soap and water, don’t put dirty things in it, don’t let dirty men touch it.

So simple.

These processes and products for vaginas are not beauty products. They’re not feminine care or feminine hygiene products either. They are a scam to get women to hate the way their vaginas look and feel.  There are so many natural  and healthy ways to clean, rejuvenate and shimmer your vaginas that don’t require sitting on pots with herbs, inserting capsules with glitter and going into plastic surgeons’ offices.

To help  women who don’t know any better, here are 10 ways to keep your pussy magical without causing it unnecessary harm, in no particular order.  Feel free to share with others who need to know.

1 . Get a regular physical exam from your OB/GYN that includes a pelvic exam, pap smear and STD screening. Visiting your doctor is vital to keeping your pussy magical and it helps other women in the community by decreasing the potential spread of bacterial infections and STDs due to sharing sexual partners over time. Even if you’re celibate, getting your pelvic exam and pap smear is necessary because you want to detect and avoid issues such as fibroids and cancer. Consider diseases and cancer as zombies trying to suck the magic from your pussy. If they aren’t slain, they will spread.

2. Wash your hands before your touch your pussy, and after. Germs are spread from hand contact more than kissing. Carry a small pack with your feminine hygiene products, vaginal washes/wipes, hand sanitizer (low alcohol and quick drying) and hand soap with you so that you will be less likely in need of them in public restrooms or at work.  Door knobs, handles and dispensers all have someone else’s germs on them. You don’t want those strangers’ germs getting into your magical pussy.

3. Wash your pussy with mild soap and water. The soap you use to wash your hands isn’t necessarily the best soap to wash your pussy with. Neither is the soap you use on your face due to the age defying, acne preventing ingredients etc. etc. that are in a lot of them. Invest in something milder to use to keep your pussy magical. One of my favorites is from The Honey Pot (BTW, this is not a paid endorsement, but it should be).  The Honey Pot is sold in Target stores nationwide. If you visit their website they have a store locator for those who don’t want to shop online and wait for delivery.

4. Use feminine hygiene products related to your period as recommended. Don’t leave tampons or cups inside of your pussy longer that the timeframe listed on the packaging. Toxic Shock Syndrome is a thing. From what I understand it isn’t a good thing either, so don’t keep tampons in for 8 hours if they should be changed every 4. If you’re a traveler like I am, and you know it’s going to be difficult to change your tampon on a plane or train, or in an automobile, Soft Cups are an alternative because they can be worn longer (again, not a paid endorsement, but it should be).

5. Exercise yourself into a good sweat and do it more than once a month. I don’t want to preach about women needing to get more exercise, but a lot of us do.  A regular, consistent, exercise routine is good for anyone.  Sweat from exercising is good for your pussy. It has pores on the outside of it just like the skin you have everywhere else. Sweat is detoxifying. Your pussy also has blood circulating around it and exercising helps to keep your blood flowing properly throughout your body. After you sweat, shower to get your skin clean and prevent bacteria from attaching to you.

6. K is for kegel. Speaking of exercising, if you don’t know how to do kegel exercises, you’re really missing out on the magic of your pussy. There are devices (such as ben wa balls) that can help you to tighten and strengthen your pussy walls, or you can just use the same motion you would use to contract your muscles to keep you from urinating on yourself.  Seriously.  It’s that simple. Contract, release, contract, release. It’s the exercise you can do anywhere without anyone even knowing. Do it while sitting, standing in line, getting a pedicure, driving your car, updating your status on Facebook or talking on the phone. I did thirty while typing this paragraph.

7. Eat your fruit and veggies. “You are what you eat”  has never been truer.  Even if you’re not vegetarian or vegan, it’s a good practice to consume a lot of servings of fruit and vegetables to help keep your pussy magical.  Some fruit and veggies (and a few dairy) that are highly recommended include cranberries, sweet potatoes, kimchi, greek yogurt, apples, avocados, leafy greens (kale, chard, spinach, collard greens), guava, kiwi, oranges, lemons, pineapples, green bell peppers, broccoli, carrots and strawberries.  Minimally processed soy products including edamame, tofu, miso and tempeh are really good for women over the age of 40.  In addition, fish that contain omega-3 fatty acids (salmon, mackerel, herring, albacore tuna, lake trout, sardines) and oysters are very good for your pussy. No, they don’t make you smell like fish, regardless of what that clown dude you dated told you. If you have a fishy odor coming from your pussy, please refer to #1 on this list immediately.  Garlic and nuts are also good for keeping your pussy magical. Just be mindful with garlic, because too much of it can seep out of your pores and sweat, which can make you smell like garlic. Avoiding a lot of processed and sugary foods also helps improve the smell and health of your pussy. Eat some dark chocolate when you want sugar.  Reach for plain or flavored black tea or kombucha instead of pop or carbonated sugary drinks.

8. Drink half of your body weight in ounces of water DAILY, no matter what other beverages you consume. Never skip water to have a beer, wine, coffee or a smoothie. Water is life. Drink it filtered if you don’t like the “taste” of tap water. Drink it room temperature for easier digestion and start your day with one glass when you wake up in the mornings. Water also reduces your water weight, which reduces bloating during your period.  If you consume water more than any other beverage you will have magical pussy.  Plus it’s a good excuse to practice your kegels.  Add fresh lemon and/or ginger and/or mint to one or two of those glasses of water each day.  This combination consumed cold, room temperature or as a hot tea has many benefits, including helping to reduce body fat, reduce pain and swelling in your limbs and reduce muscle soreness (after exercising). The fact that it helps keep your pussy at its most magical is a bonus gift from nature.

9. Masturbate. Do I really need to explain this? If you don’t know how magical your pussy is firsthand (pun intended), you will easily fall for any trap, scam or sponsored ad telling you that it needs to be fixed because it’s not good enough the way it is. If you don’t masturbate you won’t know what your own pussy is supposed to feel like, so you won’t notice any changes to it that you should.  Masturbate so you know if those kegels are working. Masturbate so you’ll know what you like sexually and what you don’t (men could use some instructing at times). Masturbate so that you will know why they want you to believe that your pussy isn’t already magical. You can’t be fooled into thinking it’s not something perfect and special when you’ve held the proof of its power in your own hands.  And if you need help finding something to make you more comfortable with masturbation, check out these options from Lelo (kind of a paid endorsement) that I have tested personally. 

10. Use condoms when having sex with men who are not your husband. This goes back to my aunt telling me not to let dirty men touch mine. Sadly more and more men want to use condoms less and less, while they are out here being community dick. As a result they are both catching and spreading STDs and bacterial infections to all the women they are having sex with. Dick isn’t magical, entitled men just want women to think it is.  Dick isn’t self-cleaning or life bringing. If a dick gets dirty it needs immediate medical attention and lots of antibiotics.  As a result, any pussy it touches while dirty will need medical attention and antibiotics also. Condoms also limit the exchange of oxytocin during sex, which is the hormone that can trick you into thinking that community dick was special, when it really wasn’t. Men sleep with whoever they can (usually anyone available at that moment) and confident women only sleep with who they want to.  So choose your sexual partner carefully, don’t play with community dick and make all dicks who don’t put diamonds on your fingers, provide for and protect you, use condoms every time.

That’s it. You don’t need glitter or steaming or rejuvenation. Spend that money on a vacation somewhere you’ve always wanted to go. Now go forth, and embrace your magical pussy, naturally and safely.

10 Things That Are Better Than a D*ck Pic

As a mature woman with life goals, I’m still astounded by how many men over the age of 25 believe it’s sexy, attractive and appreciated when they randomly send a pic of their penis to a woman completely unsolicited. For too many men this occurs immediately after receiving a woman’s phone number or her acceptance of their friend request on Facebook. It’s the introduction instead of the bonus round.

Well, men I have to tell you what some women won’t:

The minute you send your d*ck over data transmissions, you make it known that your penis is the only thing you value about yourself and the only thing you have to offer is sex. That immediately puts women into a mind frame of how you should be treated. A mature woman isn’t going to take you seriously as a dating prospect and she’ll likely believe you are a heaux. After all, sending unsolicited d*ck pics is heaux-havior. It screams “look at me, I need attention, because I’m insecure and my penis is my best quality”. Women who are wife material and who have had experience in life aren’t here for that. You’re nothing but potential drama and a waste of hair and makeup for them.

If you’re realizing that you’re not an immortal man, and that life is more than sex and a bunch of women liking your pics and seeing your penis, and you want a wife and family before you need Viagra, you have to present yourself like a man who knows better, so he does better.

For the men who want to date for the purpose of finding a wife and life partner, here’s a list of items you can send pics of that will be more impressive to a woman who is dating for the purpose of becoming a wife.

  1. College degree or professional certification. Being intelligent and/or having skills is sexy and says you’re goal oriented, able to complete what you start and you have the ability to plan what you do in life. Throw in a pic of you using your tool box and a woman will know you can fix stuff.

  2. Bank statement. If you’re still going to the check cashing place on payday, you might as well send that d*ck pic bro. A man who is relationship ready has a bank account and direct deposit. If you have more than one bank account with balances above the minimum, you are even more likely to impress a woman who is wife material.

  3. Investment statements, 401k, REITs. Knowing how to make money is one thing. Knowing how to invest it for your future is next level. A man who understands that multiple streams of income isn’t just working more than one job or operating more than one business, is a man who is ready for the responsibility of a wife and family. A man who invests also knows that time is valuable and he’s less likely to waste it playing games. He’s dateable for a woman who is wife material.

  4. A pic of you working out. You can also send a video on leg day. Healthy is wealthy. Keeping yourself physically fit isn’t just about your appearance, it’s a method of self care. If you can take care of yourself, you can also take care of a family because you will have less serious health problems if you exercise regularly. Dating and relationships can’t be going to movies and dinner all the time. Being physically fit opens the door for more fun, interesting and adventurous dates, like bowling, bike riding, skydiving….just to name a few.

  5. A pic/video of you cooking healthy meals. If you go out all the time, or to your mother’s house for meals because you can’t cook, you need to purchase a cookbook and a slow cooker before you send another d*ck pic. Men should know how to sustain a healthy lifestyle by preparing healthy meals for themselves. Even if you cook the same thing every time, it’s better than waiting on a woman to cook for you or bring you a menu. Even learning to cook shows that you are possibly a good man to date.

  6. You actively participating in your hobbies and interests. What do you do when you’re having fun? Where do you go in your spare time? What is your routine? Do you mentor or volunteer in your community? Do you have a life or naw? This matters because being married doesn’t mean being boring and women who want husbands consider what compatibility they may have socially with you. If all you do is drink and smoke, hang with the fellas or play video games, you’re not relationship ready so I see lots of d*ck pics in your future.

  7. Passport, CLEAR Access, TSA Pre-check or Frequent Flyer Account Statements. A well traveled man is sexy, even if it’s for his job or career. If you can also bypass the long lines at TSA when you travel, you’re a Boss. If you speak another language, even conversationally, you’re a real winner. Show off your travel experience to that woman you like, so that she can see the lifestyle you lead. You might find she has the same interests and you can build a rapport and lay the foundation for a relationship off of it.

  8. You wearing a properly tailored suit. This is a treat to a woman, whether you wear a suit daily for work or not. Women who are wife material own outfits for different occasions. To date, and eventually marry, that kind of woman, you have to be able to do the same as a man. If your wardrobe isn’t representative of a man who can go different places for different occasions, you have been spending too much time sending d*ck pics and not enough time getting your life together.

  9. Your version of your vision board. A man who is ready for a relationship, leads and plans. If love and marriage are goals for you as a man, there has to be some planning around that. You also have something to keep that plan in mind and what it includes for you; house, cars, kids, pets, travel, etc. Show it to the woman you’re interested in seriously dating. If her interests aren’t the same as yours, you’ll find out this way and then you can move on to someone else.

  10. Your smile 😁. ….Not the fake smile you post on Instagram for likes. Your genuine smile. Your “my life is good and I’m a happy person” smile. If you’re not happy as a single man, you’re not ready to be a committed or married man. Happiness doesn’t come from outside of you, it radiates from within you. Happiness isn’t found in your ego being stroked or in having multiple women in your bed. Plus men who are genuinely happy don’t try to ruin women’s lives. If you don’t have a nice smile, or if you have to edit your smile in pics, or you don’t smile at all, find out why and fix it. Visit your dentist and/or your therapist immediately and get your smile together, brother.

There are several other things that women would prefer, but this should be a start for any man who is seriously interested in a relationship that isn’t rooted in sex. If you are older than 30 years of age, and you can’t find at least 8 things on this list to send to a woman instead of a d*ck pic, you have a great deal of growing and maturing to do, and you probably shouldn’t date anyone for awhile. My son is 24 and he can send 8 of these already. Your income isn’t a deterrent, neither is your environment. A man who isn’t ready for a relationship, will get himself ready for the woman he wants to be with. It’s really that simple. Keep that in mind the next time you strike a pose and your d*ck is the main focus.

10 Things That Are Better Than a D*ck Pic

As a mature woman with life goals, I’m still astounded by how many men over the age of 25 believe it’s sexy, attractive and appreciated when they randomly send a pic of their penis to a woman completely unsolicited. For too many men this occurs immediately after receiving a woman’s phone number or her acceptance of their friend request on Facebook. It’s the introduction instead of the bonus round.

Well, men I have to tell you what some women won’t:

The minute you send your d*ck over data transmissions, you make it known that your penis is the only thing you value about yourself and the only thing you have to offer is sex. That immediately puts women into a mind frame of how you should be treated. A mature woman isn’t going to take you seriously as a dating prospect and she’ll likely believe you are a heaux. After all, sending unsolicited d*ck pics is heaux-havior. It screams “look at me, I need attention, because I’m insecure and my penis is my best quality”. Women who are wife material and who have had experience in life aren’t here for that. You’re nothing but potential drama and a waste of hair and makeup for them.

If you’re realizing that you’re not an immortal man, and that life is more than sex and a bunch of women liking your pics and seeing your penis, and you want a wife and family before you need Viagra, you have to present yourself like a man who knows better, so he does better.

For the men who want to date for the purpose of finding a wife and life partner, here’s a list of items you can send pics of that will be more impressive to a woman who is dating for the purpose of becoming a wife.

  1. College degree or professional certification. Being intelligent and/or having skills is sexy and says you’re goal oriented, able to complete what you start and you have the ability to plan what you do in life. Throw in a pic of you using your tool box and a woman will know you can fix stuff.

  2. Bank statement. If you’re still going to the check cashing place on payday, you might as well send that d*ck pic bro. A man who is relationship ready has a bank account and direct deposit. If you have more than one bank account with balances above the minimum, you are even more likely to impress a woman who is wife material.

  3. Investment statements, 401k, REITs. Knowing how to make money is one thing. Knowing how to invest it for your future is next level. A man who understands that multiple streams of income isn’t just working more than one job or operating more than one business, is a man who is ready for the responsibility of a wife and family. A man who invests also knows that time is valuable and he’s less likely to waste it playing games. He’s dateable for a woman who is wife material.

  4. A pic of you working out. You can also send a video on leg day. Healthy is wealthy. Keeping yourself physically fit isn’t just about your appearance, it’s a method of self care. If you can take care of yourself, you can also take care of a family because you will have less serious health problems if you exercise regularly. Dating and relationships can’t be going to movies and dinner all the time. Being physically fit opens the door for more fun, interesting and adventurous dates, like bowling, bike riding, skydiving….just to name a few.

  5. A pic/video of you cooking healthy meals. If you go out all the time, or to your mother’s house for meals because you can’t cook, you need to purchase a cookbook and a slow cooker before you send another d*ck pic. Men should know how to sustain a healthy lifestyle by preparing healthy meals for themselves. Even if you cook the same thing every time, it’s better than waiting on a woman to cook for you or bring you a menu. Even learning to cook shows that you are possibly a good man to date.

  6. You actively participating in your hobbies and interests. What do you do when you’re having fun? Where do you go in your spare time? What is your routine? Do you mentor or volunteer in your community? Do you have a life or naw? This matters because being married doesn’t mean being boring and women who want husbands consider what compatibility they may have socially with you. If all you do is drink and smoke, hang with the fellas or play video games, you’re not relationship ready so I see lots of d*ck pics in your future.

  7. Passport, CLEAR Access, TSA Pre-check or Frequent Flyer Account Statements. A well traveled man is sexy, even if it’s for his job or career. If you can also bypass the long lines at TSA when you travel, you’re a Boss. If you speak another language, even conversationally, you’re a real winner. Show off your travel experience to that woman you like, so that she can see the lifestyle you lead. You might find she has the same interests and you can build a rapport and lay the foundation for a relationship off of it.

  8. You wearing a properly tailored suit. This is a treat to a woman, whether you wear a suit daily for work or not. Women who are wife material own outfits for different occasions. To date, and eventually marry, that kind of woman, you have to be able to do the same as a man. If your wardrobe isn’t representative of a man who can go different places for different occasions, you have been spending too much time sending d*ck pics and not enough time getting your life together.

  9. Your version of your vision board. A man who is ready for a relationship, leads and plans. If love and marriage are goals for you as a man, there has to be some planning around that. You also have something to keep that plan in mind and what it includes for you; house, cars, kids, pets, travel, etc. Show it to the woman you’re interested in seriously dating. If her interests aren’t the same as yours, you’ll find out this way and then you can move on to someone else.

  10. Your smile 😁. ….Not the fake smile you post on Instagram for likes. Your genuine smile. Your “my life is good and I’m a happy person” smile. If you’re not happy as a single man, you’re not ready to be a committed or married man. Happiness doesn’t come from outside of you, it radiates from within you. Happiness isn’t found in your ego being stroked or in having multiple women in your bed. Plus men who are genuinely happy don’t try to ruin women’s lives. If you don’t have a nice smile, or if you have to edit your smile in pics, or you don’t smile at all, find out why and fix it. Visit your dentist and/or your therapist immediately and get your smile together, brother.

There are several other things that women would prefer, but this should be a start for any man who is seriously interested in a relationship that isn’t rooted in sex. If you are older than 30 years of age, and you can’t find at least 8 things on this list to send to a woman instead of a d*ck pic, you have a great deal of growing and maturing to do, and you probably shouldn’t date anyone for awhile. My son is 24 and he can send 8 of these already. Your income isn’t a deterrent, neither is your environment. A man who isn’t ready for a relationship, will get himself ready for the woman he wants to be with. It’s really that simple. Keep that in mind the next time you strike a pose and your d*ck is the main focus.

Predators Are Not Sexy

There’s a screenshot of an alleged message from a man to a woman circulating around social media. In the message the man is demanding that the woman spend time with him. ICYMI :

Men, first of all, if you have to threaten, stalk, harass or intimidate a woman into going out with you, you’re a predator. If you are messaging women repeatedly trying to guilt, shame or demean them into going out with you, you’re a predator. If you think it’s perfectly acceptable to disrespect a woman and her boundaries because you want her attention focused on you, you’re a predator. If you think you have the right to have a woman’s time, attention, and body at your disposal simply because you have a penis, you’re a predator. If you are sleeping with a lot of women then emotionally hurting them, knowingly spreading STIs to them and trying to control them with sex, you’re a predator. If you become so angry that you would physically harm or kill a woman for rejecting your advances, you’re a homicidal sociopath….and a predator. If you are a man who cosigns this kind of behavior when conducted by other men, you’re a predator.

 

You’re a predator.

And until you raise your own self esteem and lower your male entitlement, you will always be a predator.

You’re the Harvey Weinsteins of the world. Lording your perceived power over women in the workplace, at the nightclubs, at the parks, churches, schools and on social media because you think your manhood makes you special. You forget that without women, you wouldn’t even exist. Your only existence is because of a woman giving birth to you. Yet you repay womankind by preying on us for your own pleasure. Deep down you know you’re insignificant, but instead of improving yourself, your self hatred spills over into how you speak to and treat women. Your self loathing isn’t repaired by the money in your bank account, the designer clothes you hide yourself in or the expensive car you drive.

In fact, a lot of predators have no significant financial means or career achievements to boast about. All they have is a penis. Because of that, these predators feel like women should die for their attention because that’s all they think women live for – getting a man.

A lot of predators that I’ve encountered think women are so desperate for attention from men that we should drop our lives, goals, kids, friends, family, plans & careers to be in their company. For what? What are you going to do with my time? Take me to a movie? Buy me a meal? Expect to have sex with me afterwards? Boy bye. Life is about so much more than some insecure, low self esteem having dude with too much time on his hands that wants to control women because he can’t control himself. Dates should be mutual and both parties should want to be together, otherwise it’s not special. It’s definitely not worth being threatened over.

What was most outrageous about the comments were ones from women saying they’d get dressed and leave the house with this man when he arrived. Very few women thought his language was a red flag of danger. In fact, they thought it was romantic because “he must’ve made important plans”. Plans? Really? To do what exactly? Why sit in a car, at a restaurant or movie theater with someone who clearly has anger issues while you feel uncomfortable? This is the kind of person that will kill you in an abandoned house, then go home to his wife like nothing happened. There’s nothing romantic about his message.

It’s disrespectful.

Then there are the men claiming a woman they don’t know (the recipient of the message) is a stuck up bitch because she’s playing games.

News Flash: being busy isn’t playing games.

Being busy is either actually being busy or trying nicely to tell you that there’s no interest in seeing you because just flat out saying that no longer works. I wonder how many of the men who commented in agreement with talking to women like this would also say it was OK for their daughter or sister to agree to going somewhere with this predator? Or does that change things for them? Why? I’m someone’s sister and daughter too; so is she…and so is she. If it was their daughter, sister or mother, receiving this type of message, those same men would want that other man dead or in jail because then it would be wrong. Predators with this mindset towards women lack overall respect for women until it happens to a woman they feel it shouldn’t happen to, like mom, sister and daughter, not realizing that mindset is exactly why it happened to mom, sister and daughter in the first place. That’s that “it’s OK for me to rape, stalk, harass, torment, disrespect your woman, but you can’t do it to mine” thought process that is a root cause to the problems of violence towards women.

Why can’t a woman’s boundaries be respected regardless of who she is? Some of us really have better things to do with our time than spend it with men we don’t want to be with. Why can’t men understand these complete sentences when spoken by a woman?

  • I’m busy.
  • No thank you.
  • No.
  • Don’t contact me anymore.

If a woman sent that kind of message to a man, she’d be called crazy and dangerous by both men and women.

Stalking isn’t the equivalent of romance. Threatening a woman is not the equivalent of making plans for a date. Predatory behavior is not acceptable. It never has been. It never will be. Pay attention to how many predators are losing their power. If you conduct yourself in this manner, eventually you will be next.

Don’t Let the Likes Fool You

We live in an age where social media is prevalent. It’s not going away no more than the Internet it lives on is, and everyday it becomes larger than the previous day. Social media is truly embedded into our culture and how we communicate with each other. That can be both good and bad. It can be good because social media allows us to communicate with people that we may normally have not had access to because of distance and language barriers. There are also many other benefits to social media; such as the ability for businesses to reach a global consumer base and relatives to stay in contact from miles away.

Unfortunately, one of the down sides to social media is the impact it has on individuals and their self-esteem. A lot of people, adults included, use social media to validate their self-worth in society. Many people only have interaction with others by way of their social media accounts and the strive on a daily basis to make other people “like” them. What they fail to realize is that some of those people liking their content, whether it is photos, memes or statuses, don’t really know or like them as a person and would not ever support their endeavors in the real world where it matters.

For instance, being a radio show host I offer independent artists the opportunity to have their music played on my show. I did this because I was constantly receiving messages with links to YouTube videos from artists asking me to watch, like and share their videos. However, many of those artists weren’t generating revenue from their video content on YouTube. So what’s the point in me liking your art when my ‘like’ is not helping you to make money from your art? To me it was a waste of time. So I offered artists another, more traditional method, by which they could be heard, not just liked. A many of them have stated that they have seen an increase in the number of PAID downloads of their music as a result.

Artists and musicians aren’t the only people impacted. Aspiring models, actors and others are in the same boat. People love the way they look on Instagram and like their pictures on Facebook, but that doesn’t help if those same people aren’t going to see the actors in plays, movies or aren’t watching their television shows, and…. well…. everyone wants to be an Instagram model nowadays, so you can imagine how stiff that competition is. Getting a lot of likes on Instagram doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be booked for the next Dolce & Gabbana, or Macy’s campaign anymore than for the local county fair at this point.

Part of the issue is the façade that big brands portray to consumers as well. When big brands seek partnerships or endorsements, outside of professional athletes and well-known celebrities, they often seek individuals in large part due to the quantity of their social media following more than the quality of their followers, the person’s power to influence those that follow them or their own loyalty to the big brand as a consumer.  This makes everyday social media users and those with dreams of success and stardom believe that they only way to be successful is to have a huge following on social media.

What’s the use if your followers can’t be converted into consumers?

For instance, reality show stars are now being cast in movie roles that actors/actresses fight and train for, simply because they have a larger social media following, but they don’t actually do anything. The movie studios do this because they hope that the reality show star will give them free advertising for their movie. True enough, the advertising is free, but what movie studios fail to realize is that everyone that follows that reality show star on social media isn’t really a loyal fan who would buy a ticket to see them star in a movie.

Being in media has afforded me the opportunity to hear what everyday people honestly think about others. I don’t know what it is but me, but people love to talk to and confide in me. I hear it all the time “I just follow them because I think they are funny/I want to see what people are saying about them; but I’d never spend my money going to see them perform/sing/dance, etc.” And that’s the hard truth that a lot of people don’t know when they have dreams and goals of Instafame.

Consider the newest social media darlings, The Westbrooks. They are being called the black version of the Kardashians. I wouldn’t consider that a compliment personally, but maybe they do. They have millions of combined followers on Instagram and a reality show on a popular cable network. On the show, we get to witness the sisters attempt to do what their father (a successful businessman), suggests they do; monetize their social media following. We also get to see their friends either support their attempts (backyard pool parties) or try to use them for their own attempts at gaining clientele (club openings). Which is probably where the Kardashian comparison comes into play. It seems that the “power” their wield over their social media minions could be used more productively than to endorse hair extensions and pop bottles in nightclubs. They all seem to be intelligent young women, with guidance from their hardworking parents, who didn’t always have it easy, so they understand building success in a more traditional way to acquire longevity.

So why shouldn’t The Westbrooks be able to do something bigger and more impactful with their branding than what everyone else on Instagram is doing?

Time will only tell when it comes to how far things will go for The Westbrooks. They’ll either make change, make waves or be replaced by the next hot group of pretty sisters on the internet. In the meantime, I hope that they serve as a lesson on how fleeting and intrusive Instafame without strategic preparation can be. I also hope that at some point we move away from the façade of what makes people successful and show examples of more men and women using their influence on social media for more than monetization. Those people exist. They may not have millions of followers, but they have quality followers, who are positively impacted by them, myself included. Big brands aren’t paying attention to those types of social media influencers….yet. But that is something that I also hope will change so that being attractive isn’t the only talent left for people to have in order to become successful.
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Relationship Goals

There’s been a lot of cute memes and videos circulating on the internet with #RelationshipGoal(s) examples. Everything from hugging and holding hands, to being handcuffed and wearing matching shoes. Being a woman who has had a multitude of bad relationships that included hugging, holding hands, wearing matching shoes and the occasional handcuffs (please reference some of my blogs or short stories if you don’t know what I mean), those things just aren’t a relationships priority for me.

Although the idea of a relationship lasting for a decent period of time is a foreign concept for me, if I were ever afforded the opportunity to have a healthy, successful partnership with a man who loves and respects me, my relationship goals would include honesty, communication, building wealth and leaving a legacy behind for our grandchildren. We can have great sex, of course, and dress nice, live a comfortable lifestyle, travel and such, however having mutual respect, admiration and support for each other’s professional endeavors, talents, ideas and ambition would be what separates the good from the best, in the way that I view a successful relationship for myself now.

Having someone who encourages you to be the best version of yourself in spite of what others say about you, can make a difference in your self esteem as well as in your bank account balance.
Someone who encourages you to take care of yourself, mentally, physically and emotionally, so that you can look and feel good, as well as combat stress that comes from obstacles you can’t control, can be the difference between you being happy and having a heart attack. Having someone who respects your sacrifices and struggles to grow within your purpose, instead of someone trying to change who you are to fit their agenda, can be the wind beneath your wings.

But that’s not how a lot of people view relationships anymore.

A lot of people look at relationships as something they need to make them whole and happy. That isn’t the case. Relationships are meant to enhance who you already are and increase the happiness you that already have as an individual. Seeking happiness from someone else in a relationship will not make you a whole person. And if, because it happens, the relationship ends, then what do you do? Sadly, some people resort to extremes because they can’t let go of the person they believed made them happy. That’s not healthy for anyone involved.

A lot of people also hold a lot of bitterness when their relationships end. It’s normal. It’s human. But you have to let it go so that you can move forward and have the opportunity to do it better the next time around. Try to refrain from wishing ill towards someone when the relationship ends. That only creates a void within yourself. When you genuinely care for someone else you want them to be happy, healthy and whole, not because of you, but even without you around.

I’ve always admired power couples. Personally that is what I’d like to have if and/or when I get involved with someone again (yes I’m cynical about the possibilities. Again, reference my past blog posts).  Power couples are typically two separately successful individuals who come together and complement each other’s drive, ambition, talent, focus, etc. etc. etc. There are thousands of said power couples in the world. Some more successful and popular than others, but all equally beautiful to me.

These couples probably wouldn’t have the relationships they have if they depended solely upon each other for their success or their happiness. They came to the table as two people with a lot to offer as individuals and saw that in each other, made a decision to combine together and grow towards something they wanted. That is what I think it takes to reach your #relationshipgoals.

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