Tag Archives: self esteem

P*ussy Is Already Magical

First it was vaginal rejuvenation, then it was vaginal steaming, now it is vagina glitter.

What the entire f….

All of these products and services doctors are warning women to stay away from because they can be very harmful to women and our reproductive systems. Not to mention they are completely unnecessary to our vaginal health. They are constantly trying to tell us women we’re unworthy and need to fix our vaginas or other physical attributes.  And for what?  So they can get our money (women have a combined $5.2+ Trillion dollars in buying power), damage our bodies (glitter in your pussy is dangerous for so many common sense reasons), lower our self esteem (because if we love ourselves we must be stupid) & make us compete with each other for the attention of men (who wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for our pussies to begin with).

#issatrap

There’s this silent but deadly war against women’s reproductive systems being waged and only noticed when the topic of abortion comes up. This selling of rejuvenation, steaming and glitter for women, is the part of that war that no one notices; the fake out marketing of unhealthy products that tells women tofix your pussy”I love all things shiny, pretty and shimmery, but I will not put herbs, lasers or glitter bombs in my pussy.

I want to know where the penis rejuvenation, steam and glitter products are for men? Oh, wait, that’s right, they don’t exist because men’s penises are ‘perfect the way they are’ in spite of the number of men who never go to the doctor. Not to mention all the community penises out here that need to be rejuvenated, fixed and altered that are sliding into women’s DMs daily that should be kept hidden.

Men don’t have the most beautiful penises, but they’re not targeted to get them fixed, changed or altered nearly as much as women are.  Men get to choose what they want to do with their penises, but women need “permission” from their husband, doctor, priest or some member of society (usually a male politician) to decide what to do with their own vagina.

I read an article published on blackdoctor.org and and I’ve seen a lot of other articles recently about doctors warning against vaginal steaming and rejuvenating, and about how much money companies have made off both. It saddens me how gullible some women are when it comes to our vaginas. Pussy is already magical. These steam and rejuvenating entities are making nearly as much money as companies selling legitimate feminine products are, from trying to convince women that our pussy is “wrong”.

Pussy brings life into the world. You can’t get more magical than that. 

I was partially raised by my aunt who was a RN (Registered Nurse, for those stuck on Urban Dictionary for their vocabulary) and even back then everything she taught me about my vagina is exactly what my OB/GYN says about it today:

Wash with mild soap and water, don’t put dirty things in it, don’t let dirty men touch it.

So simple.

These processes and products for vaginas are not beauty products. They’re not feminine care or feminine hygiene products either. They are a scam to get women to hate the way their vaginas look and feel.  There are so many natural  and healthy ways to clean, rejuvenate and shimmer your vaginas that don’t require sitting on pots with herbs, inserting capsules with glitter and going into plastic surgeons’ offices.

To help  women who don’t know any better, here are 10 ways to keep your pussy magical without causing it unnecessary harm, in no particular order.  Feel free to share with others who need to know.

1 . Get a regular physical exam from your OB/GYN that includes a pelvic exam, pap smear and STD screening. Visiting your doctor is vital to keeping your pussy magical and it helps other women in the community by decreasing the potential spread of bacterial infections and STDs due to sharing sexual partners over time. Even if you’re celibate, getting your pelvic exam and pap smear is necessary because you want to detect and avoid issues such as fibroids and cancer. Consider diseases and cancer as zombies trying to suck the magic from your pussy. If they aren’t slain, they will spread.

2. Wash your hands before your touch your pussy, and after. Germs are spread from hand contact more than kissing. Carry a small pack with your feminine hygiene products, vaginal washes/wipes, hand sanitizer (low alcohol and quick drying) and hand soap with you so that you will be less likely in need of them in public restrooms or at work.  Door knobs, handles and dispensers all have someone else’s germs on them. You don’t want those strangers’ germs getting into your magical pussy.

3. Wash your pussy with mild soap and water. The soap you use to wash your hands isn’t necessarily the best soap to wash your pussy with. Neither is the soap you use on your face due to the age defying, acne preventing ingredients etc. etc. that are in a lot of them. Invest in something milder to use to keep your pussy magical. One of my favorites is from The Honey Pot (BTW, this is not a paid endorsement, but it should be).  The Honey Pot is sold in Target stores nationwide. If you visit their website they have a store locator for those who don’t want to shop online and wait for delivery.

4. Use feminine hygiene products related to your period as recommended. Don’t leave tampons or cups inside of your pussy longer that the timeframe listed on the packaging. Toxic Shock Syndrome is a thing. From what I understand it isn’t a good thing either, so don’t keep tampons in for 8 hours if they should be changed every 4. If you’re a traveler like I am, and you know it’s going to be difficult to change your tampon on a plane or train, or in an automobile, Soft Cups are an alternative because they can be worn longer (again, not a paid endorsement, but it should be).

5. Exercise yourself into a good sweat and do it more than once a month. I don’t want to preach about women needing to get more exercise, but a lot of us do.  A regular, consistent, exercise routine is good for anyone.  Sweat from exercising is good for your pussy. It has pores on the outside of it just like the skin you have everywhere else. Sweat is detoxifying. Your pussy also has blood circulating around it and exercising helps to keep your blood flowing properly throughout your body. After you sweat, shower to get your skin clean and prevent bacteria from attaching to you.

6. K is for kegel. Speaking of exercising, if you don’t know how to do kegel exercises, you’re really missing out on the magic of your pussy. There are devices (such as ben wa balls) that can help you to tighten and strengthen your pussy walls, or you can just use the same motion you would use to contract your muscles to keep you from urinating on yourself.  Seriously.  It’s that simple. Contract, release, contract, release. It’s the exercise you can do anywhere without anyone even knowing. Do it while sitting, standing in line, getting a pedicure, driving your car, updating your status on Facebook or talking on the phone. I did thirty while typing this paragraph.

7. Eat your fruit and veggies. “You are what you eat”  has never been truer.  Even if you’re not vegetarian or vegan, it’s a good practice to consume a lot of servings of fruit and vegetables to help keep your pussy magical.  Some fruit and veggies (and a few dairy) that are highly recommended include cranberries, sweet potatoes, kimchi, greek yogurt, apples, avocados, leafy greens (kale, chard, spinach, collard greens), guava, kiwi, oranges, lemons, pineapples, green bell peppers, broccoli, carrots and strawberries.  Minimally processed soy products including edamame, tofu, miso and tempeh are really good for women over the age of 40.  In addition, fish that contain omega-3 fatty acids (salmon, mackerel, herring, albacore tuna, lake trout, sardines) and oysters are very good for your pussy. No, they don’t make you smell like fish, regardless of what that clown dude you dated told you. If you have a fishy odor coming from your pussy, please refer to #1 on this list immediately.  Garlic and nuts are also good for keeping your pussy magical. Just be mindful with garlic, because too much of it can seep out of your pores and sweat, which can make you smell like garlic. Avoiding a lot of processed and sugary foods also helps improve the smell and health of your pussy. Eat some dark chocolate when you want sugar.  Reach for plain or flavored black tea or kombucha instead of pop or carbonated sugary drinks.

8. Drink half of your body weight in ounces of water DAILY, no matter what other beverages you consume. Never skip water to have a beer, wine, coffee or a smoothie. Water is life. Drink it filtered if you don’t like the “taste” of tap water. Drink it room temperature for easier digestion and start your day with one glass when you wake up in the mornings. Water also reduces your water weight, which reduces bloating during your period.  If you consume water more than any other beverage you will have magical pussy.  Plus it’s a good excuse to practice your kegels.  Add fresh lemon and/or ginger and/or mint to one or two of those glasses of water each day.  This combination consumed cold, room temperature or as a hot tea has many benefits, including helping to reduce body fat, reduce pain and swelling in your limbs and reduce muscle soreness (after exercising). The fact that it helps keep your pussy at its most magical is a bonus gift from nature.

9. Masturbate. Do I really need to explain this? If you don’t know how magical your pussy is firsthand (pun intended), you will easily fall for any trap, scam or sponsored ad telling you that it needs to be fixed because it’s not good enough the way it is. If you don’t masturbate you won’t know what your own pussy is supposed to feel like, so you won’t notice any changes to it that you should.  Masturbate so you know if those kegels are working. Masturbate so you’ll know what you like sexually and what you don’t (men could use some instructing at times). Masturbate so that you will know why they want you to believe that your pussy isn’t already magical. You can’t be fooled into thinking it’s not something perfect and special when you’ve held the proof of its power in your own hands.  And if you need help finding something to make you more comfortable with masturbation, check out these options from Lelo (kind of a paid endorsement) that I have tested personally. 

10. Use condoms when having sex with men who are not your husband. This goes back to my aunt telling me not to let dirty men touch mine. Sadly more and more men want to use condoms less and less, while they are out here being community dick. As a result they are both catching and spreading STDs and bacterial infections to all the women they are having sex with. Dick isn’t magical, entitled men just want women to think it is.  Dick isn’t self-cleaning or life bringing. If a dick gets dirty it needs immediate medical attention and lots of antibiotics.  As a result, any pussy it touches while dirty will need medical attention and antibiotics also. Condoms also limit the exchange of oxytocin during sex, which is the hormone that can trick you into thinking that community dick was special, when it really wasn’t. Men sleep with whoever they can (usually anyone available at that moment) and confident women only sleep with who they want to.  So choose your sexual partner carefully, don’t play with community dick and make all dicks who don’t put diamonds on your fingers, provide for and protect you, use condoms every time.

That’s it. You don’t need glitter or steaming or rejuvenation. Spend that money on a vacation somewhere you’ve always wanted to go. Now go forth, and embrace your magical pussy, naturally and safely.

10 Things That Are Better Than a D*ck Pic

As a mature woman with life goals, I’m still astounded by how many men over the age of 25 believe it’s sexy, attractive and appreciated when they randomly send a pic of their penis to a woman completely unsolicited. For too many men this occurs immediately after receiving a woman’s phone number or her acceptance of their friend request on Facebook. It’s the introduction instead of the bonus round.

Well, men I have to tell you what some women won’t:

The minute you send your d*ck over data transmissions, you make it known that your penis is the only thing you value about yourself and the only thing you have to offer is sex. That immediately puts women into a mind frame of how you should be treated. A mature woman isn’t going to take you seriously as a dating prospect and she’ll likely believe you are a heaux. After all, sending unsolicited d*ck pics is heaux-havior. It screams “look at me, I need attention, because I’m insecure and my penis is my best quality”. Women who are wife material and who have had experience in life aren’t here for that. You’re nothing but potential drama and a waste of hair and makeup for them.

If you’re realizing that you’re not an immortal man, and that life is more than sex and a bunch of women liking your pics and seeing your penis, and you want a wife and family before you need Viagra, you have to present yourself like a man who knows better, so he does better.

For the men who want to date for the purpose of finding a wife and life partner, here’s a list of items you can send pics of that will be more impressive to a woman who is dating for the purpose of becoming a wife.

  1. College degree or professional certification. Being intelligent and/or having skills is sexy and says you’re goal oriented, able to complete what you start and you have the ability to plan what you do in life. Throw in a pic of you using your tool box and a woman will know you can fix stuff.

  2. Bank statement. If you’re still going to the check cashing place on payday, you might as well send that d*ck pic bro. A man who is relationship ready has a bank account and direct deposit. If you have more than one bank account with balances above the minimum, you are even more likely to impress a woman who is wife material.

  3. Investment statements, 401k, REITs. Knowing how to make money is one thing. Knowing how to invest it for your future is next level. A man who understands that multiple streams of income isn’t just working more than one job or operating more than one business, is a man who is ready for the responsibility of a wife and family. A man who invests also knows that time is valuable and he’s less likely to waste it playing games. He’s dateable for a woman who is wife material.

  4. A pic of you working out. You can also send a video on leg day. Healthy is wealthy. Keeping yourself physically fit isn’t just about your appearance, it’s a method of self care. If you can take care of yourself, you can also take care of a family because you will have less serious health problems if you exercise regularly. Dating and relationships can’t be going to movies and dinner all the time. Being physically fit opens the door for more fun, interesting and adventurous dates, like bowling, bike riding, skydiving….just to name a few.

  5. A pic/video of you cooking healthy meals. If you go out all the time, or to your mother’s house for meals because you can’t cook, you need to purchase a cookbook and a slow cooker before you send another d*ck pic. Men should know how to sustain a healthy lifestyle by preparing healthy meals for themselves. Even if you cook the same thing every time, it’s better than waiting on a woman to cook for you or bring you a menu. Even learning to cook shows that you are possibly a good man to date.

  6. You actively participating in your hobbies and interests. What do you do when you’re having fun? Where do you go in your spare time? What is your routine? Do you mentor or volunteer in your community? Do you have a life or naw? This matters because being married doesn’t mean being boring and women who want husbands consider what compatibility they may have socially with you. If all you do is drink and smoke, hang with the fellas or play video games, you’re not relationship ready so I see lots of d*ck pics in your future.

  7. Passport, CLEAR Access, TSA Pre-check or Frequent Flyer Account Statements. A well traveled man is sexy, even if it’s for his job or career. If you can also bypass the long lines at TSA when you travel, you’re a Boss. If you speak another language, even conversationally, you’re a real winner. Show off your travel experience to that woman you like, so that she can see the lifestyle you lead. You might find she has the same interests and you can build a rapport and lay the foundation for a relationship off of it.

  8. You wearing a properly tailored suit. This is a treat to a woman, whether you wear a suit daily for work or not. Women who are wife material own outfits for different occasions. To date, and eventually marry, that kind of woman, you have to be able to do the same as a man. If your wardrobe isn’t representative of a man who can go different places for different occasions, you have been spending too much time sending d*ck pics and not enough time getting your life together.

  9. Your version of your vision board. A man who is ready for a relationship, leads and plans. If love and marriage are goals for you as a man, there has to be some planning around that. You also have something to keep that plan in mind and what it includes for you; house, cars, kids, pets, travel, etc. Show it to the woman you’re interested in seriously dating. If her interests aren’t the same as yours, you’ll find out this way and then you can move on to someone else.

  10. Your smile 😁. ….Not the fake smile you post on Instagram for likes. Your genuine smile. Your “my life is good and I’m a happy person” smile. If you’re not happy as a single man, you’re not ready to be a committed or married man. Happiness doesn’t come from outside of you, it radiates from within you. Happiness isn’t found in your ego being stroked or in having multiple women in your bed. Plus men who are genuinely happy don’t try to ruin women’s lives. If you don’t have a nice smile, or if you have to edit your smile in pics, or you don’t smile at all, find out why and fix it. Visit your dentist and/or your therapist immediately and get your smile together, brother.

There are several other things that women would prefer, but this should be a start for any man who is seriously interested in a relationship that isn’t rooted in sex. If you are older than 30 years of age, and you can’t find at least 8 things on this list to send to a woman instead of a d*ck pic, you have a great deal of growing and maturing to do, and you probably shouldn’t date anyone for awhile. My son is 24 and he can send 8 of these already. Your income isn’t a deterrent, neither is your environment. A man who isn’t ready for a relationship, will get himself ready for the woman he wants to be with. It’s really that simple. Keep that in mind the next time you strike a pose and your d*ck is the main focus.

10 Things That Are Better Than a D*ck Pic

As a mature woman with life goals, I’m still astounded by how many men over the age of 25 believe it’s sexy, attractive and appreciated when they randomly send a pic of their penis to a woman completely unsolicited. For too many men this occurs immediately after receiving a woman’s phone number or her acceptance of their friend request on Facebook. It’s the introduction instead of the bonus round.

Well, men I have to tell you what some women won’t:

The minute you send your d*ck over data transmissions, you make it known that your penis is the only thing you value about yourself and the only thing you have to offer is sex. That immediately puts women into a mind frame of how you should be treated. A mature woman isn’t going to take you seriously as a dating prospect and she’ll likely believe you are a heaux. After all, sending unsolicited d*ck pics is heaux-havior. It screams “look at me, I need attention, because I’m insecure and my penis is my best quality”. Women who are wife material and who have had experience in life aren’t here for that. You’re nothing but potential drama and a waste of hair and makeup for them.

If you’re realizing that you’re not an immortal man, and that life is more than sex and a bunch of women liking your pics and seeing your penis, and you want a wife and family before you need Viagra, you have to present yourself like a man who knows better, so he does better.

For the men who want to date for the purpose of finding a wife and life partner, here’s a list of items you can send pics of that will be more impressive to a woman who is dating for the purpose of becoming a wife.

  1. College degree or professional certification. Being intelligent and/or having skills is sexy and says you’re goal oriented, able to complete what you start and you have the ability to plan what you do in life. Throw in a pic of you using your tool box and a woman will know you can fix stuff.

  2. Bank statement. If you’re still going to the check cashing place on payday, you might as well send that d*ck pic bro. A man who is relationship ready has a bank account and direct deposit. If you have more than one bank account with balances above the minimum, you are even more likely to impress a woman who is wife material.

  3. Investment statements, 401k, REITs. Knowing how to make money is one thing. Knowing how to invest it for your future is next level. A man who understands that multiple streams of income isn’t just working more than one job or operating more than one business, is a man who is ready for the responsibility of a wife and family. A man who invests also knows that time is valuable and he’s less likely to waste it playing games. He’s dateable for a woman who is wife material.

  4. A pic of you working out. You can also send a video on leg day. Healthy is wealthy. Keeping yourself physically fit isn’t just about your appearance, it’s a method of self care. If you can take care of yourself, you can also take care of a family because you will have less serious health problems if you exercise regularly. Dating and relationships can’t be going to movies and dinner all the time. Being physically fit opens the door for more fun, interesting and adventurous dates, like bowling, bike riding, skydiving….just to name a few.

  5. A pic/video of you cooking healthy meals. If you go out all the time, or to your mother’s house for meals because you can’t cook, you need to purchase a cookbook and a slow cooker before you send another d*ck pic. Men should know how to sustain a healthy lifestyle by preparing healthy meals for themselves. Even if you cook the same thing every time, it’s better than waiting on a woman to cook for you or bring you a menu. Even learning to cook shows that you are possibly a good man to date.

  6. You actively participating in your hobbies and interests. What do you do when you’re having fun? Where do you go in your spare time? What is your routine? Do you mentor or volunteer in your community? Do you have a life or naw? This matters because being married doesn’t mean being boring and women who want husbands consider what compatibility they may have socially with you. If all you do is drink and smoke, hang with the fellas or play video games, you’re not relationship ready so I see lots of d*ck pics in your future.

  7. Passport, CLEAR Access, TSA Pre-check or Frequent Flyer Account Statements. A well traveled man is sexy, even if it’s for his job or career. If you can also bypass the long lines at TSA when you travel, you’re a Boss. If you speak another language, even conversationally, you’re a real winner. Show off your travel experience to that woman you like, so that she can see the lifestyle you lead. You might find she has the same interests and you can build a rapport and lay the foundation for a relationship off of it.

  8. You wearing a properly tailored suit. This is a treat to a woman, whether you wear a suit daily for work or not. Women who are wife material own outfits for different occasions. To date, and eventually marry, that kind of woman, you have to be able to do the same as a man. If your wardrobe isn’t representative of a man who can go different places for different occasions, you have been spending too much time sending d*ck pics and not enough time getting your life together.

  9. Your version of your vision board. A man who is ready for a relationship, leads and plans. If love and marriage are goals for you as a man, there has to be some planning around that. You also have something to keep that plan in mind and what it includes for you; house, cars, kids, pets, travel, etc. Show it to the woman you’re interested in seriously dating. If her interests aren’t the same as yours, you’ll find out this way and then you can move on to someone else.

  10. Your smile 😁. ….Not the fake smile you post on Instagram for likes. Your genuine smile. Your “my life is good and I’m a happy person” smile. If you’re not happy as a single man, you’re not ready to be a committed or married man. Happiness doesn’t come from outside of you, it radiates from within you. Happiness isn’t found in your ego being stroked or in having multiple women in your bed. Plus men who are genuinely happy don’t try to ruin women’s lives. If you don’t have a nice smile, or if you have to edit your smile in pics, or you don’t smile at all, find out why and fix it. Visit your dentist and/or your therapist immediately and get your smile together, brother.

There are several other things that women would prefer, but this should be a start for any man who is seriously interested in a relationship that isn’t rooted in sex. If you are older than 30 years of age, and you can’t find at least 8 things on this list to send to a woman instead of a d*ck pic, you have a great deal of growing and maturing to do, and you probably shouldn’t date anyone for awhile. My son is 24 and he can send 8 of these already. Your income isn’t a deterrent, neither is your environment. A man who isn’t ready for a relationship, will get himself ready for the woman he wants to be with. It’s really that simple. Keep that in mind the next time you strike a pose and your d*ck is the main focus.

Blessed and Favored

With the holidays approaching, so many people feel hopeless and depressed because of what they don’t have. Statistically this is the time of year when people are more likely to commit suicide due to feelings of loneliness or depression over what they don’t have in their lives. A woman jumped to her death from a building days ago in Manhattan, after surviving Hurricane Sandy. While most people in Manhattan at that very moment were thankful for living through one of the worst storms they’ve ever experienced, she decided to end her life. Some people have a “glass is half empty“… or completely empty… mentality about their lives. Everyday I encounter people who throw pity parties for themselves, complain about how terrible everything is in their lives and about where they live. News media doesn’t help this mindset. They spend hours of time reporting on all the death, crime and scandals and give you only two minutes of human interest stories that are positive. Even in politics the candidates spend the majority of their time trying to make the other candidate look bad, instead of telling us what makes them look good – and telling the truth about it. During this year’s presidential election between the Binders Full of Women that don’t exist and Donald Trump holding “charity” for ransom, the whole politics for personal gain campaign had gotten on my last nerves.

However, it could be worse. I could have been without my sight, or even without my hearing and wouldn’t have known about any of it. And fortunately, I know how to change my television channel.

Therefore, it can be said that I am truly blessed and highly favored. My vision isn’t the best; contact lenses keep things 20/20 for my nearsightedness that I received thanks to chicken pox when I was three years old. When the weather cools down my body starts to ache from the two car accidents I had less than a year apart. I have a few extra gray hairs in my head that I’m not so enthused about. But it could be worse. Putting my contacts in everyday allows me to work, read, drive, and see everything around me. I know people who have lost their sight, although they are blessed to still have vision. Feeling pain in my legs and back reminds me that I still have the use of my legs and can walk. Those two car accidents in 2007 and 2008 could have ended a lot differently than they did. My gray hairs remind me that I’m alive and getting older, which wasn’t the case when I was told I could die before I turned thirty years old. Now I’m headed towards forty and there’s a such thing as permanent hair color to cover the grays.

I say all that to say that perspective about life contributes greatly to how we feel about our lives. Being grateful for the small things in life that we often take for granted can make the unforeseen tragedies a little easier to deal with. I feel so bad for the people in New York and New Jersey who suffered damage to their homes, businesses and disruption to their lives after Hurricane Sandy and after the nor-easter storm that followed shortly after. I really feel bad that a woman who survived the ordeal of Hurricane Sandy didn’t see herself as blessed and favored and therefore, made a decision to take her own life. She may have had the type of life that a lot of people in worse situations would have gladly traded with her. I recently read an article about a woman who had to have her limbs amputated because she so desperately wanted a bigger booty so she got illegal butt injections. She was so beautiful and gifted before making the decision that altered how she lives the remainder of her life. But she didn’t appreciate the beauty she had and instead concentrated on the booty she didn’t have. Now she doesn’t have arms or legs.

Maybe that’s what more people need to adjust their life perspectives; a “Trading Places” type of experience where they have to literally live someone else’s life for a period of time so that they can better appreciate their own. Personally, I’ll keep living the life I have. I can think of a lot of situations that could be a lot worse than what I have going on. I’ve also learned that by persevering through any situation, I come out learning a valuable lesson and often also reaping a tremendous reward.  No one said that living would be easy… At least not anyone that I know of. Even when everything isn’t exactly right in my Super World, I’m still very thankful for everything that exists in my Super World. I’ve been without creature comforts that I once took for granted. I know what it’s like to lose children, a marriage and many other things, including nearly losing my life and the use of my limbs. Those experiences taught me valuable lessons. I don’t regret the experiences because they were meant to occur so that I can be the woman I am. I wouldn’t give up any of this to have any of that happen again.

People complain too much. Often the complaint is related to something a person wants but doesn’t have; or something someone else is doing or has done, that they wouldn’t have the courage to change in the first place.

Instead of dwelling on what you don’t have, I encourage you to be more thankful for what you DO have. The desire to acquire what we don’t have has caused some people to lose their lives, their limbs and their faith. Everything you have is yours for a reason – good, bad or indifferent; either own it or adjust to it. Likewise, whatever is meant for you will also be yours; not necessarily because of you, but in spite of you. Sometimes, we can be our own biggest hindrance to our progress with our doubts, complaints and fears.

As you go about your life wishing and hoping for more, and not appreciating what you have, be careful of what you’ll exchange in order to get something you want. Everything comes at a price, including wealth, health, beauty and success. Love yourself first. Assess the important changes you can make to improve yourself like your integrity, character, self-esteem and attitude BEFORE you go through hell to change the superficial elements. Be thankful for the family you have, instead of wishing you had different family members or more of them. Some people are literally the last person in their family alive now. Be thankful for the days you have today and ahead of you instead of complaining about each day that comes. Life isn’t promised and someone died today. Be thankful for your job instead of complaining about the people you work with all the time. You may not be the best coworker to them either, but there is someone who woke up unemployed today. Don’t complain about what other people should or shouldn’t do; instead evaluate what you can do to make your own situation better. It’s likely that you aren’t being the best citizen or neighbor that you can be. Get off of Facebook and get face time with people around you and in your community. Become more involved in something positive and you won’t have time to concentrate on the negative.

Everyday count the blessings you have and look for new ones to appreciate. Making this a regular practice throughout the entire year will put a glow of love and abundance around you during each holiday season; rum not included. 

When you want to open your mouth to complain about something, remember this: 

No matter how bad you may think your situation is, someone else on this planet would gladly take your place and your blessings instead of what they deal with.  

Be blessed and highly favored. 

Married To Super Woman

I follow Michael McDaniel on Twitter and we’re Facebook friends. Recently he posted a question asking if a person would marry themselves. It was a very interesting question to me because I knew what he meant. He wanted people to examine if they were the kind of person they would want to be married to, if they were the opposite sex. It’s a self-assessment of ones values and qualities. We often don’t self-assess ourselves and our faults or even our good qualities. We just go into relationships seeking validation and perfection from the person that we are in a relationship with. We often forget that we attract who and what we are most of the time. In those instances when you attract those who pretend to want to be what you are, knowing that they fall short of your expectations and standards, you get a pass. But it’s a short pass because you don’t have to give that person your attention.

So I thought about Michael’s question as it relates to me personally. I’ve had more than one person tell me that I’m my own husband. I don’t think people who said this about me meant it as a compliment, but I took it as one. I took it as a compliment because it means I embody the qualities that I would want in a mate if I had one.

  • I’m dynamic
  • I’m confident
  • I’m talented
  • I’m intelligent
  • I’m a good parent
  • I’m suspenseful
  • I’m a person of action
  • I’m articulate
  • I’m ambitious
  • I’m hardworking
  • I’m inspiring
  • I’m self motivated
  • I’m unique
  • I’m aware of how other people perceive me (and I often don’t care because my purpose isn’t to please everyone else) 
  • I’m a protector of those I love and care for
  • I’m a provider

Now, I’m not the dysfunctional woman who doesn’t believe that she needs a man. Men and women need each other. But in a society where marriages last less than 90 days and people get married because they think they love someone, but didn’t take the time to get to know someone, I’m okay with the idea of being married to myself. After all, what is marriage? Marriage is a committment before God to another person. If two men or two women can marry each other in some states, I should be able to marry myself and it be acceptable until I meet a man who is equally yoked.

I’m not saying that we don’t need the affections of or appreciation from a person of the opposite sex. I’m saying we need to take inventory of ourselves before we can expect someone else to have what we are looking for. Having a spouse isn’t going to make a tremendous difference in my life. At least, not that I can see at this time in my life. Any man who wants  a long term relationship with me will truly have to enhance every area of my life. I have what I have because of the work and time that I have invested in myself. Likewise, I lack in areas where I lack due to my own fault. I am responsible for myself. But when the day comes for me to be a partner with and wife to a man (if it’s in the Master’s Plan), I want to bring more to the table than my pretty face. Particularly since so many men think that’s all I have going for me. I want to be a positive contributor to the relationship in every way, shape, form and fashion; emotionally, spiritually and financially. I also want to be a motivator to my husband. 

In my experiences, it has been the men who said they loved me the most who treated me the worse. I no longer value those three words; I care more about the actions of a person. Being “married” to myself is a level of dedication that I give to myself that isn’t predicated upon how someone else feels about me or what that person thinks of meI’m “married” to myself – the woman that I am and the woman that I will become. I fully love and appreciate myself more than a man could. I know myself better than any man does.

Feat not, for I am not losing my romantical mindset. I’m also am not saying that Superman doesn’t exist. He’s just extinct. In fact, there are several men interested in filling the position of Superman in my life. Which is how my upcoming reality show Finding Superman came to exist in the first place. Many men have tried, and several have failed over the years. A man can no longer proclaim he’s my Superman and expect me to do hand stands in excitement to be with himA man has to embody the traits and characteristics that a Superman should. I’m also putting my life on reality television because I want a man who is proud to be with me and wouldn’t have a problem saying so publicly. Being with me requires going places, networking and attending high-profile black tie events. Superman can’t be a hermit or be ashamed of being seen with me. Many men say what they feel (and what they think I want to hear) privately. But I want someone who is willing to go through challenges, publicly, in order to show me. The job of Superman is not one for the weak, fractured, or timid. It is for the right man and it isn’t easy.

Go to the Finding Superman Reality Show Official Facebook Page and show your support with a LIKE and a SHARE. The show will be filmed here in Detroit and will not depict African-Americans or women negatively in the way that other shows have done recently. The show is also Super Fan interactive, so the Finding Superman Reality Show Official Facebook Page is very important for those who will watch the show because your vote will count. When each Fan Challenge is met, information about the show will be released. We are just  TWO (2) LIKES away from releasing the contestant criteria. Then we can move on to completing the next Fan Challenge and the next stage in the project. By the way, my friends and family will be heavily involved in the process, although I will not so that I can remain neutral.

In the end, there can only be one Superman.

~ To whom much is given, much is required.

Pop Life

Everyone wants to be a celebrity. Unfortunately, many people are willing to do any and everything to get to that goal, except working hard for it. These same people often mistaken being famous for being popular and don’t understand the responsibility that comes with being a household name. They want the flash, bang and pop of celebrity status, but fail to recognize the sacrifices that are required and the expectations that people have. Most of the celebrities that exist, didn’t initially set out to become famous. Hard work and talent mixed with decisions, situations and opportunities resulted in the outcome of celebrity status. Many of them even regret being famous because they have lost their privacy, some relationships and have been under a microscope the entire time.

Being a celebrity was once a result of talent. Now it’s a result of over exposure and nudity, with a dash of who you’re sleeping with. It’s getting to be ridiculous. And it’s happening more and more. With all the reality television shows featuring women with no particular talent at the helm, earning million dollar checks because of the man they are connected to, being a celebrity is no longer what it once was. Being a celebrity has become too easy. Everyone is doing it…or trying to. From minor children posting videos of themselves fighting on YouTube and WorldStarHipHop.com, to adults fighting and bullying each other like children on television – everyone wants face time with lights, cameras and action. But no one wants to raise the bar, be accountable for their behavior and actions, or set a real, positive example for someone else to look up to. 

In entertainment, lately everyone wants to be the most popular kid in school, because it’s easier than being the kid who gets straight As. There are lots of women (in particular) taking their clothes off for money, bent over and spread eagle in an effort to become famous. There are many men who think their good looks don’t require that they have any skills and their goal is to become a 40 year old rapper. What happended to becoming educated, starting a business or becoming an inventor? Remember the most popular kid at your school? Where are they now? Remember the kid who got straight As? Where are they now? I bet if I did a poll of all the popular kids in school compared to all of the hard-working kids in school, the kids who worked hard and got good grades (even if they weren’t straight A students), probably have had the most longevity and success in their lives and careers. I’d bet money that the ratio would be staggering. The same holds true in the world of entertainment. Longevity requires hard work.  

Hard work trumps doing things the easy way any day. Everyone I know in entertainment has paid their dues. They studied under someone more experienced when they began, they practice their craft in between performances, they are constantly seeking to learn new things and about new developments in their field, they have a mentor in the industry, and most importantly, they don’t take any of it for granted. They have longevity, many awards and accolades, but are still humble. They are humble because they know what the fly-by-night-I-wanna-be-famous-because-I-don’t-have-anything-better-to-do-celebrity seekers don’t know.

Hard work pays off and lasts longer than anything else.

Reality television stars come and go. Tabloid talk shows are more about getting ratings for the show to remain on air. Very few people who are on these shows today will be around twenty years from now and still have us talking about them. The most many of them can hope for is to be featured on a “Where Are They Now” or “One Hit Wonder” thirty minute documentary on cable five to ten years from now. The desire to become a celebrity causes many people to resort to doing almost anything because they have stars in their eyes. Often people overlook the business side of the entertainment business. They jump in head first to accept the first offer that comes their way, completely clueless to how things actually work in the entertainment business. They have convinced themselves that how good they look is the deciding factor across the industry so they don’t work  to enhance their talent or skills. This opens up the door for opportunists and predators to walk right in.  

I’m going to use the following true story as an example of an attempt by a predator:

Recently a man, who has apparently been ogling over me online, sent me several messages telling me how beautiful he thinks I am. Each time, I either didn’t reply or I said ‘thank you’ and kept it moving. A compliment is just a compliment to me. A man giving me a compliment will never get more than a ‘thank you’ from me. Hearing “you’re so beautiful“, NEVER leads to an invitation to my bedroom because I hear it all the time. The next time I received a message from this man, he asked me to video chat with him. I told him ‘no‘ [sidenote: I don’t know him from a can of paint and he was begging. Begging is a very unattractive quality in a man to me, and it is a signal that a man is obsessive and even a potential stalker. I’m always leery of men who beg to see me and meet me. It’s creepy]. Then he escalated from asking me to video chat with him to asking me to make pornography with him. I’m so serious right now. Common sense would dictate that if I wouldn’t want to video chat with him, I also wouldn’t want to have sex with him or make pornography with him either. Alas, common sense is not common. 

At this point I know that this is his “line“.  Again, I told him ‘no‘ and went back to what I was doing, thinking he would give up. I was wrong. His next message said “I can make you a star. If you want to be a star I can pay you $10,000 and even get you in Playboy. You have the best body“. I fell out laughing at this point. Obviously, this idiot uses this fuckery yes, I said fuckery – on women regularly. He has no idea who I am, what I do and his only interest is in what I look like for the sake of his personal pleasure. He thinks that because I’m an attractive woman, that I’m desperate for his attention (or anyone’s) and that I need him to make me a star. I told him, “I’m already a star and you can’t do anything for me“. Then I used my blocking software to make sure he couldn’t contact me again.

Now, maybe this man’s “line” works on women without any self-esteem, who believe it necessary to objectify themselves at the request of a man in order to become “stars“, but I don’t allow anyone to pimp me, but ME. Anything using my image will be controlled by me. I don’t care who he claims he is, or what he claims he can do. I don’t care if he was President Obama, Hugh Hefner or Calvin Johnson. Ten thousand dollars is not enough money for me to sell out, lower my standards or objectify myself at the hands of any man. That’s the devil all day. Particularly when I know that my talents will make me a millionaire one day. Plus, let’s be honest, if he had the money or the connection, he would’ve approached me in a more professional and official capacity than sending me a message like that. He was just a creepy pervert looking for a woman to victimize. Unfortunately, the next woman he tries that “line” on, might actually fall for it and put herself in a compromising position to become a “star” because it’s easier than working towards it the right way. How do I know this to be true? I see it everyday. 

That’s why I decided to facilitate the Social Networking Etiquette and Safety Workshop at the I Feel Good: Mind, Body and Soul Women’s Conference on August 18, 2012 at H.Y.P.E. So that I could use some of my own experiences to teach women how to handle and avoid these types of situations. And encourage them to turn towards their talents, versus their physical appearance and who their man is as the only way to succeed in this world. My workshop won’t be just for the 11 to 18 years olds either. A lot of the women falling for the okey doke are grown women also. Being the next stripper turned basketball baby mama should not be a career goal of any woman. Being a forty-year old drug dealer turned rapper should not be a career goal of any man. If that is all a person has to aspire to in life, they need to reassess and refocus their life quickly or they will wake up and have wasted a lot of time and energy desperately seeking fame the easy way with minimal positive results. There’s more to life than being famous. God-given talents should be used productively and everyone has one. How you choose to use yours can make a difference in the quality of your life and those around you.  

Prince wrote “Pop Life” years ago, about the desires and disappointments that people feel when they seek fame and fortune the easy way, and the chorus alone still rings true today. 

Everybody needs a thrill
Pop life
We all got a space 2 fill
Pop life
Everybody can’t be on top
But life it aint real funky
Unless it’s got that pop

~ Becoming instantly famous has become the new hustle for those without talent. Many of whom are hustling backwards.  – Super Woman