Tag Archives: romantic

Valentine’s Day…The Don’ts

I’ve been single for a while now, so there are some things I don’t do traditionally. I don’t wait for men to buy me diamonds. I don’t wait on men to take me on trips and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. In my past relationships, I either had really beautiful, romantic Valentine’s Days or really horrible, ‘I’m breaking up with you after this’  Valentine’s Days. Therefore, with Valentine’s Day approaching, I wanted to share some DON’Ts that I learned over the last 20 years. This is for men and women, married couples and single people. It is to be taken with a grain of salt because everything ain’t for everybody. However, even if you disagree with the DON’Ts, they are something to consider, particularly if you’re always puzzled about the lack of romance in your relationship.

If you DON’T call, date, ask out or have interest in someone throughout the year, DON’T post Valentine’s Day greetings, pictures of flowers, candy, teddy bears, kisses, or jewelry on their Facebook wall, Twitter or send by text message. This is NOT sexy, NOT romantic and if you’re over 18 years old, NOT mature. Instead, try the REAL thing. If the person isn’t important enough for you to spend the money, don’t waste the time it takes to sign on to the computer and go to their Facebook or Twitter, or go to your phone and send the text in the first place. That is not genuinely romantic.

If you give a gift, DON’T expect to receive sex from the recipient in return. All gifts should be given based on what you think the person is worth, what the person likes and from your heart. Expecting sex in return cheapens the gift and the gesture. It doesn’t matter if the gift was the $1 million Victoria’s Secret bra or an Aston Martin. Give the gift because you wanted to.

DON’T believe that you can give an intangible gift for Valentine’s Day and that it should be appreciated by the recipient because it’s “the thought that counts“. The other person is thinking that you’re a selfish, cheap ass.

DON’T give a person something they give themselves all the time. Although it is beautiful to pay attention to what a person likes, if they treat themselves to a movie every week, taking them to the movies for Valentine’s Day is not going to earn you any cupid points.

DON’T forget the phone number to 1-800-FLOWERS. Unless someone specifically doesn’t like flowers (I know some women who don’t), this is a good number for any man who is truly a romantic at heart to have and keep stored in his phone. And guess what? They have other things besides flowers now. So if you’re a woman or your sweetie happens to have allergies or just doesn’t like roses, you can find something else there that they may like.

DON’T forget to think about what a person truly likes. If someone is an avid reader of a particular author (like Super Woman for instance), they might really appreciate the current or next book released by that author – autographed. If a person loves a particular music group, get them concert tickets or a gift card to a venue where that group is going to perform that year. This is called planning and preparation and requires paying attention to the person that you’re with. Procrastinators will have the hardest time pulling this off. They will be the ones buying big bags of candy and single roses on the street corners on February 14th.

DON’T buy big bags of candy and single roses on the street corner on February 14th. The nicest candy gift I ever received was from a guy who didn’t have Godiva Chocolatier money, but he knew that I liked colorful, assorted M&Ms, chocolate covered nuts and Raisinets. He mixed them all up in a decorative jar with a cap so that I could enjoy them at my leisure. I ate all the candy eventually, and I still have the jar.

DON’T be insensitive in your gift giving. Sometimes people are dealing this issues that no romantic gesture can solve. If a person is having a difficult time financially, and they’ve expressed it, but you give them a gift that is valued at the approximate amount of money they needed to resolve, or ease, their financial difficulty, they will probably look at you like you’re crazy because you could have just given them the cash instead. So consider the person’s needs versus trying to impress them needlessly when giving a gift. This is a good principle all year round, not just on Valentine’s Day.

DON’T overlook obvious gift possibilities. If the person has a favorite dish that they rarely have the opportunity to enjoy, and you’re a pretty good cook, or there’s a restaurant in your area that is known to serve that dish, there’s your Valentine’s Day gift! If a person is über busy and complains about not having time to get certain things done, find a service that will accommodate them or help them personally to get that task completed. DUH! Some people are simple to please but in our efforts to impress them, we over think the simplest gestures that will put a smile on their face.

DON’T give a gift that will result in additional work for the recipient. Avoid buying your girlfriend a dog if she’s never at home or travels for work. Who’s going to feed and walk Snookums? Plus, if the relationship ends, you’ll be on Judge Judy fighting over who gets to keep Snookums.

DON’T wait until the last-minute. People can tell when you didn’t put any thought or feeling into your gift and you bought the gift on the street corner that same day. You lose cupid points immediately for “forgetting” because it means that it wasn’t important enough for you to remember.

DON’T forget about the gifts that people will remember most. Sometimes people want to feel appreciated more than anything else. If you have an interest in someone or have feelings towards them, try expressing that – verbally. Cards are nice, but unless you made the card and it contains your original words and feelings or poetry inside, that card will be thrown away eventually. However, people always remember kind words and heartfelt sentiments. So tell someone what they mean to you and how you feel about them face to face. That will earn you huge cupid points and you might discover that they also have positive feelings towards you.

DON’T be selfish in your giving. DON’T be surprised, angry or bitter if you don’t receive a gift in return. It really is better to give than to receive. Giving with the expectation of getting something in return is selfish. Also, it’s possible that the recipient of your gift was surprised to get something from you to begin with and therefore, they don’t have anything for you in return. Personally, as a single woman who rarely receives gifts, I’m always surprised when I do receive one and therefore, I never have anything to give in return.

DON’T forget that old school romance still works. Romance has been put on life support by technology. Texting, Facebook and Twitter have made it not only popular, but too easy to forget about doing things the right way. Real romance comes from being attentive towards the other person’s interests, hobbies, career, thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, dislikes, needs, wants and moods. One thing I find romantic is someone who is a good listener and hugger, that I can talk to, who will simply understand and support my creative, overachieving and ambitious nature.

So, this upcoming Valentine’s Day, step away from the computer, smart phone, social networking and street corner vendors, and do something different that will separate you from today’s romantically challenged norm. I even suggest that you Google “romantic gestures” and see what sparks your creativity. If you are single and you don’t have someone in your life worth the effort, or even the money, be honest with yourself about that and spend the day by yourself, loving yourself. It’s much better than “poking” someone on Facebook.

♥ Happy Valentine’s Day! ♥

Smooches

I Don’t Believe in Leprechauns, Purple Elephants and Spotted Unicorns

I’ve never seen a leprechaun, a purple elephant or a spotted unicorn walking around. Much like I’ve yet to meet a wonderful, available, single man that people keep telling me exists and that I should “wait for“. Let me define available in my own terms: he’s not someone else’s boyfriend, husband or fiance pretending to be a single man. He is completely heterosexual. He’s not having a physically, intimate, sexual relationship with the mother of his children or some other woman that he desires to maintain. He’s not still in love with, infatuated by, heartbroken over or stalking his ex-wife, ex-girlfriend or mother of his children. He is emotionally available to cultivate a relationship. He doesn’t have a fear of commitment, an Oedipus complex or violent tendencies towards women. He is ready, willing, able and capable of making spending time with me a priority in his life and wants to get to know me as a person. That’s what I consider available.

Available is the number one requirement. After that, a man must also be compatible. I have yet to meet someone who conquers available, so compatible is a different task altogether. Which is why I’m eternally married to my shoes, and later this year I will marry a Blackberry® Playbook. Don’t judge me. Both my shoes and the Blackberry® Playbook will enhance my life in a way that a man hasn’t been able to do my entire adult life. They are money well spent and time worth giving.

I’ve learned something about myself that I don’t think anyone else knows. My creativity becomes hindered when I’m giving myself to someone else. I’m happier by myself than I am in a relationship with a man. I’m also tired of “trying” when the man I’m in a relationship with refuses to. I’m tired of giving and not receiving anything in return. It’s too much work without any return on investment. Aren’t relationships supposed to be mutual? I didn’t realize that everyone was taking, taking, taking and believed that giving was not necessary. But that is how it seems to be with the men I meet. So I prefer to be single.

I prefer to travel alone than have someone telling me how much they aren’t having a good time, complaining about where we are, or hating on the people around. I prefer to go where I want to go and do what I want to do without someone else telling me why I can’t or why I shouldn’t. I prefer to have peace of mind and quiet in my home more than having someone who wants to argue or nag about everything. I prefer to cook for myself and eat meals alone than have someone tell me what they don’t like or don’t eat. I prefer to be myself versus being with someone who is trying to control me because they think I need controlling. I prefer to be in my own little existence in this world than have someone who is unhappy with themselves constantly pointing out my flaws to make themselves feel better, as if I don’t already know what my flaws are. I’d rather be single than try to please someone who will never be satisfied, regardless of what I do for them.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy for any and everyone who has a good relationship and marriage. I just realize that I will not be one of those people. I admit that I don’t appreciate those happily committed and married people who constantly tell me that I need to “wait for“, “be patient“, “have faith in“, “pray for” “don’t give up on“, “believe in” men that they claim exist, but themselves can’t seem to find so that they can introduce me to them. I don’t appreciate the men that I know who tell me that I’m a great woman and that they know single, available men, however they refuse to introduce me to these single, availble men because of their own egos or hidden agendas. I don’t appreciate people who tell urban legends of people they know in their senior years who magically found their soul mates, as if I have to wait until I’m ninety years old to be loved and have companionship. I don’t appreciate people who treat single women like we’re single because there ‘must be something terribly wrong’ with us if we can’t snag one of these wonderful (imaginary) single men. I don’t appreciate people who believe that there are equal amounts of single men and women, therefore everyone should be paired up two by two as if we’re boarding Noah’s Ark into marital bliss.

The stories of love lost and found, love shared over millions of miles, love in a nursing home and what not, are romantic, but they are not the standard. They are the exception to the reality that everyone is not going to be with someone forever. People come and go everyday for a reason or a seaon. Some people come into a person’s life with good intentions but that doesn’t mean they are good for that person. I refuse to live a life expected of me by others because they are afraid that I’m going to die alone. I’m not alone. I just live a singular life without a man to share it with. That’s not a reason to pity me or try to feed me false tales of “a man that’s waiting for me somewhere in the universebut I just can’t see him. I have friends, relatives and someone who will bury me once I’m dead. That’s all that I really need.

There once was a time in our society when people introduced single and available men and women to each other. People had children, friends, relatives, etc. that they knew were looking for someone compatible, so they “screened” men and women to potentially match them up with each other. That’s how Tamia and Grant Hill met. Anita Baker introduced them to each other and they’ve been together ever since. Some of the most successful relationships are a result of someone playing match maker out of genuine love and concern for the two single people. They know the character, intergrity, interests, goals and desires of each person and that they might, just might, make a good couple if introduced. If nothing else, they might make good friends. That doesn’t happen anymore. People are either afraid their matchmaking skills will result in disaster, they’re selfish and too egotistical to see someone else happy, or they don’t know any quality individuals to match each other with, although they pretend that they do. I’ve asked several individuals over the years to introduce me to a man, if they know of anyone. Some of them have agreed. I still haven’t been introduced to anyone. But I’m such a great woman. A man once said that there’s a good man somewhere waiting for me, but he’s sorting through all the women without substance. I asked that same man, if that good man is sorting through all the women without substance, how will he ever find me? I never got an answer to my question.

It’s possible that I may not be meant to be with someone. It may not be in the Master’s Plan. God has other things He wants of me as I live today and everyday. He knows that a man might just be an attractive distraction that I don’t need. As much as my heart would like for that to not be the case, I have accepted that everything ain’t for everybody and a relationship may not be for me. I just need everyone else to accept that, too. And even those who disagree with my theory of the Master’s Plan aren’t able to prove me wrong. That’s because these same people can’t seem to find any available, single men for me to meet. They are afraid of making an introduction, setting me up on a blind date or even telling these (imaginary) men that I exist to spark some interest in me. I’m open to all of of those things. These same people can’t even tell me where to go so I can accidentally run into these (imaginary) men by chance. Therefore, until someone introduces me to one of these (imaginary) men, I’m perfectly happy being single.  #FabSingleLife.

If you are a single woman, and you’re always being bombarded by the hopefully romantic, wishful thinking people in your world telling you that the man for you, is just around the corner and you just have to be patient, because they know he exists, tell them to put their money where their mouths are and take you around the corner, point that man out and introduce you to him. When you do this, watch their faces change and their excuses come in abundance.

*Excuse me, can you tell me which one is easier to find: an available man or a leprauchaun, a purple elephant and a spotted unicorn?