Tag Archives: role model

The Flower Doesn’t Dream of the Bee

There comes a time when you think about what you want to do, and what it takes to do those things. I’m in the midst of a huge storm in my life. I’ve been weathering it – barely, but I’ve still been weathering it. It is taking a toll on me because I lack patience. I also only have so much control over it and I don’t like not having control. Even limited control is the same as no control to me. But I press forward anyway. Everyday a small step. Even when my small step gets stepped on by someone else’s agenda. I press on. I move forward. I keep doing and working towards fulfilling my purpose.

I need to weed my garden again. Someone recently opened my eyes to that. It wasn’t something they said or did. It was simply a physical manifestation of what I was already thinking. Having someone look me in the eyes and tell me what I already knew in my heart and soul only solidified it. There’s nothing wrong in my world except for what I allow to be wrong. And there’s nothing wrong with me doing everything by myself. I’ve been doing it for a very long time. It’s just a part of the Master’s Plan and I need to trust that. As long as I don’t give up, I will get to where I want and need to be.

I have days when I really wonder if what I’m doing matters at all. I’ve said that before. And just like before, someone I didn’t even know was paying attention to me will tell me that I am making a difference. They tell me that my words have helped them. That they have had similar experiences and can relate. They reinforce that I’m fabulous in every way. They encourage me to keep going because I’m encouraging them.

In spite of all the difficulties I’m going through right now, it is necessary for my growth as a person in general and as a woman in particular. I will be the Queen of All Media if I continue on the path set before me. I will achieve all of my dreams and put all of my fingers into various areas of media and entertainment if I continue to persevere. If a person who only knows me from Facebook, Twitter or has only spent a few hours in my presence can see it, then surely I can see it also. It’s not the money I seek. The money only pays the bills. And although I have too many bills and this year I’ve had a hard time paying them, it’s still not about the money. It’s not about becoming a celebrity either. It’s not about popularity. I still have a shy side who likes to stay at home and watch action movies. Becoming a “celebrity” might not afford me the serenity to do that. I want to make my dreams come to fruition. The same dreams I’ve had for over fifteen years.

Here’s what I’ve discovered: A dream deferred dies. A dream pursued is realized. I’m deciding to continue to pursue my dreams regardless of who notices or who doesn’t: regardless of who cares or who doesn’t. My dreams aren’t about anyone else. They are about me and how I plan to utilize my talents and knowledge to influence and potentially alter the face media. They are about how I can help others transform and improves their lives and heal their hearts. True enough, others will benefit from my dreams, however, they are not responsible for my dreams. Only I can be responsible for my dreams. Only I can take the necessary steps towards achieving those dreams. Only I can fulfill my purpose.  

The same is true of you and your dreams. Do not let anyone distract you from your dreams. Plan and pray over the work you put into it, and embrace the Master’s Plan. Don’t get too involved in the “end result” or how much money you want to make in pursuit of your dreams. It’s not about the money. It’s about fulfilling your purpose. A purpose driven life equals a dream realized.

~ The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. The flower blossoms and the bee comes.   

Years to Remember

Tomorrow is the day. The day my eighteen year old son graduates from high school and prepares to go to college in the fall. I knew this day was coming. I had eighteen years to prepare myself for this. But I didn’t know it would feel like this. I raised him to have leadership abilities and a mind of his own. He’s always had more freedom and responsibility than a lot of young men he knows. No curfews, but he never has stayed out too late. No restrictions, but he’s never been anywhere he shouldn’t be. He’s had every opportunity afforded to him that I could financially afford, and some that I made sacrifices for so that he could have the experiences anyway. He’s been able to travel a little bit, but I often wish there were more places I had been able to take him over the years. He’s never caused me any “trouble”. He hasn’t had any incidences that would have resulted in jail time; he’s never tried narcotics and decided on his own to remain abstinent for the time being. All things that I’ve had very frank discussions with him about but allowed him to also make his own decisions about. Needless to say, I’m proud of the decisions he made for himself. I’ve never had to come up with bail money, nurse a hangover or potential overdose and I’m not a grandmother at thirty-six years old.  

There were many people who constantly said that I didn’t know what my child was doing when I wasn’t around because “single mothers never do and they always think ‘not my child’ and their child is the first one in trouble”. I’m glad I can gloat and tell those people that they obviously didn’t know my child. They also obviously didn’t know me. I’m that young mother that believes in old school discipline. Although my son hasn’t had a spanking since he was seven years old, he has a very healthy fear of his mother. He knows the expectations are great and measureable as my son. He knows that major disappointments are not taken lightly and that failure is not an option. It has been instilled in him.

One thing I always tried to teach my son was that he didn’t have to personally make mistakes to still learn from them. Life is a teacher and when you look at other people’s lives, you can learn what not to do, if you want to. My son understood this it seems because he often tells me that he is going to try not to make certain mistakes in his life because he saw what it did to someone else. I’m not sure if my son has a celebrity “role model”. After all, so many of them don’t want to be “role models”. But I think a few of their experiences have educated my son as a young black man as to how this world will treat you if you are not careful. One moment they love you and place you on the highest pedestal because you are scoring touchdowns and three point shots. The next minute they are persecuting you, taking away your endorsement deals and dragging your reputation through the deepest puddle of mud that can be found. So thank you to Kobe Bryant, Michael Vick and countless others who showed my son what not to do.

My son hasn’t had the best relationship with his father, due to no fault of his own, or of mine. You can’t force someone to love you, support you and exemplify what you think a parent should be. All you can do, is do better when your chance comes around. I never spoke ill of my son’s father to him. I didn’t have to. It wasn’t going to benefit me in anyway to do so. It wasn’t going to improve the situation at all. So I was very mindful not to engage in those kinds of conversations or confrontations in my son’s presence. It didn’t always work, because his father likes drama and enjoys being the center of attention, even when it’s negative. But I did manage to be the bigger person 95% of the time, even when I didn’t want to be. As a result, my son learned for himself, without any influence from me, the type of man his father is, and isn’t. I intentionally removed myself from the equation so that I could not be blamed (by his father) for how my son feels towards him. Whether his father sees it that way, I do not know. I honestly do not care.

After eighteen years of many sacrifices on my part, I don’t care what anyone thinks. I gave up my goals for higher education. I gave up a modeling career. I gave up a size six body. I gave up many, many, many, many men. I gave up countless hopes and dreams of traveling around the world, sipping champagne and buying designer handbags. I gave up eighteen years of many other things so that I could nurture the life of another person. There were times during those eighteen years when the thought of what I could’ve had caused me to become very depressed, so much so that I was even hospitalized for depression at one time. I suffered from and recovered from a chronic illness. I’ve had major car accidents that I was blessed to walk away alive from. I’ve lost good jobs, had crap jobs and got better jobs. With every hardship and loss, my motivation was that I had to continue on for my son. I had to show him that although life knocks you down, repeatedly, you have to get back up and keep living. I had to show him what it was to be super. And in the process, I showed myself.

I don’t know what I’m going to do when my son leaves for college. What do you do when your best friend, your anchor, your reason for persevering daily goes away to explore the next phase of his own life? I don’t know. This is my first time having this experience. Hopefully, between now and then my career will catapult forward to the point where I’ll have my own radio show, a couple more books published along with the opportunity and finances to travel. Maybe I’ll even meet my Superman. I don’t know what will happen next. What I do know is that tomorrow signifies a new phase in life for me and my son. When the sun rises in the morning, it will mean one thing to him and something else to me. When the sun sets in the evening the same will also be true. And I promise that I will try not to cry all day.

I had many years to remember with my son. Eighteen years and nine months to be exact. That’s a lengthy investment. Now it’s his turn to go forth and be super. He can do it. I have the utmost belief in him. After all, he is Super Son.