Tag Archives: reality show

Miami Donkey

As I sat and watched the season three opening episode of “Basketball Wives” on VH1, my eyes widened as I got exactly what I sat down for: Irrefutable evidence that there are donkeys in Miami. In the hood, a donkey is a female who has a large behind or someone who is a complete idiot. In this case I’m referring to the latter definition. In the season opener we discover that during hiatus, Evelyn Lozada has decided to brand the term she so eloquently used against Tami Roman in the previous season – You’re a non MoFo factor, b*tch!  – and put it on t-shirts. I applaud Lozada’s entrepreneurial spirit and obvious attempt to get more people to know who she is. But here’s the problem. We already know she’s the jilted ex-fiancée of a former basketball player and now the fiancée of a professional football player who loves to brand himself so much he changed his last name to his jersey number (I didn’t see a ring on her finger. Tweet me if you did @BestSuperWoman), and we know she’s a hot mess. Isn’t that enough? Apparently not.

For awhile I honestly did think that Lozada was just misunderstood and was really probably a nice person once the cameras stopped rolling. Now, she seems more like a downright mean opportunist. She made the t-shirt decision when cameras weren’t rolling and for some strange reason she actually thought it was a “good idea”. Really? Only to a donkey. The now infamous quote is not one of endearment. It only has negative connotations. And to agree with Roman, Lozada was really the non MoFo factor, because she has never been a wife. I don’t want to say she’s just a glorified jump off, but she might be that, too. For her to then explain her decision to Roman, offer to give money to Roman’s foundation and then accuse Roman of being the reason people thinks she’s a home wrecker is very much donkey-like. Lozada obviously forgot that she put herself out for the world to judge when she told Roman she had slept with her husband while they were married. Once that information came to light last season, I looked at Lozada cross-eyed. Is she one of those women who only dates professional athletes? If so, that is also donkey-like. What’s interesting is that Lozada has the attention of one of the wealthiest men in sports right now and she met him on Twitter. That doesn’t happen in real life. Trust me on that.

I once tweeted Ochocinco and told him that he needed a woman who can cook. He’s always posting pictures of meals he’s eating at restaurants and fast food spots. I think he misunderstood me. I meant a woman who can cook in the kitchen, not through his bank account. But Ochocinco made his decision and he wants to be with her. Since Lozada’s adult life seems to have revolved around the success of the men she’s dated, I’d say she’s pretty lucky to have met him. But that’s not enough for her. Here’s what I discovered. Someone else has beat Lozada to making the t-shirts. I’m dead serious (see photo provided below). If she had really been smart she would’ve applied for the copyright to the phrase instead. That’s the difference between an entrepreneurial mind like mine and a donkey mind like Lozada’s.

Sometimes women as so accustomed to losing that they don’t know that they have already won. Lozada is attractive at her 35 years young (I’m older than she is), has money coming from somewhere because she’s carrying Hermes Berkin bags and Vuitton purses (Vuittons you can rent, but Berkins you cannot), financing a shoe store that makes me think of dessert where shoes cost $600 a pair, and she might actually make it to the alter this time. For some women, that’s the ideal life (both of my hands raised). Lozada’s decision to capitalize off of her quote that resulted in a very public, unscripted ass whooping is not a good business decision. It is donkey-like. Which goes to show that no matter how pretty someone is, or how much money they have, you can dress them up and put diamonds on them but they are still a jackass. Plus, her shirts aren’t even cute.    

this is the shirt that someone else has already made and marketed online for sale

 

(my fans know I rarely post more than one blog a day, but this had to be said.)

This Type of Stuff Happens Everyday

I just got back from dinner with a friend and his son. During the course of dinner the son and I have a conversation in which I disclose that I have the tendency to Google a man I meet (amongst other things to make sure that he’s not a criminal, sexual predator, pathological liar, sociopath or many other things that make you run away screaming). I make this a habit whether a man is well known or unknown; whether I meet him in public or via Internet (which is a rarity for me to do in the first place). Then I began to tell him about some of my past encounters with men I’ve met in public that make Internet dating seem like a breeze.

 
This past weekend a male friend of mine and I went clubbing and drinking. After the club, we went to a local burger spot notable known as Fuddruckers. When we walked in, we were immediately noticed. I don’t know if it was the tight, red dress I was wearing or what. I don’t try to figure that stuff out. But there were a lot of men there and most of them were without women. That doesn’t happen very often at all.  Usually there are a lot more women than men and the men are all with a woman. I picked up my order and sat at a table towards the back of the restaurant with my friend. My friend excused himself for a moment. He wasn’t gone for five solid minutes before “it” happened. The thing that happens so often it is no longer very funny.
The ugliest man in the entire room walked over to me and asked me if I was there with anyone. I immediately said “yes” and he asked again, I suppose to make sure he heard me correctly but this time asked if the person I was with was a man. I again answered “yes”. He then complimented me on my appearance and dress and sat down behind me. I guess he was waiting to see if I was lying to make him go away. Had I only wanted him to go away, I would’ve just told him I was celibate the second he looked at me (as referenced in “I Found The Button“).

“Lord, Jesus”, was all I could think once I got a full scan of this man. He stood a little above my shoulders while I was seated, smelled of several packs of cigarettes and had the teeth to confirm. His hair was not cut, clothes were not clean and he was unshaven. Had I not known better, I would’ve thought he was a homeless man that had wandered in off the street. Just then I got a text from my friend asking if I was okay. I asked him  to hurry up and come back to the table.
The one thing I noticed immediately out of my peripheral, was that all the men that had been ogling me from the time I had walked in were paying attention to this man’s attempt to approach me. They were quawking as if they were watching a live episode of a reality show featuring naked women fighting. Seriously. So as I’m writing this, seated at my computer, completely topless (TMI – I know), I began to wonder: Why do the most unattractive men think they stand a chance with a very attractive woman? And why don’t the attractive men in the room go after that woman for themselves?

Me being the person that I am, I never like to crush a man’s dreams to absolute nothingness. Just because he isn’t the man for me, it doesn’t mean he isn’t the man for someone else. Some women might gladly want a fixer-upper. I prefer my men already assembled and fully loaded with only routine maintenance required. The men watching soon turned back to the entertainment elsewhere in the room. But even after this man’s obviously failed attempts, no one else (more attractive) approached me. Was he a sentinel sent by the other men to find out if I was single? Or is he from an alternate universe where all the pretty girl’s have low self esteem? I seriously want to know. Why do less attractive men aim so high? Is it because they believe in keeping hope alive? Do they think pretty girls will have sympathy for them and give them their phone number? What exactly is it?

Attractive men often ask my for my phone number and sometimes never call at all, but the most unattractive men, along with the ones who just got out of prison and had been there nearly 20 years (I could tell by the Cross Colours outfit and Members Only jacket) or the ones that say “I like freaks” on their Facebook bios are quick as hell to approach me and would probably call if I were foolish enough to allow them. They would probably call me daily; several times a day even. I once read an article that said that women who date men less attractive than themselves have better relationships because less attractive men work harder at being attentive and pleasing. The article referenced mega-geek Bill Gates and his very attractive wife as an example. Here’s what that article was missing and failed to inform all the single women it was geared to:

Bill Gates is highly intelligent and ambitious, which resulted in him becoming a ga-zillionaire. Bill Gates is a “geek” but he obviously doesn’t have poor hygiene. The only fixing that he required was probably teaching him how to wear a suit every now and again. He didn’t require an entire system overhaul.

 
I personally love an intelligent man, with self confidence, and ambition. If he has those elements mixed with height over six feet tall, a great personality, a good sense of humor, business acumen and financial stability he stands a bigger chance with me than a man who is just nice to look at. He gets bonus points for being able to cook well, play a musical instrument and the ability to give a good massage. But if he doesn’t have any of those qualities and he smells bad, is shorter than I am, and obviously only out to try to get “some”, he stands no chance at all. Truth is this, whether women want to admit it or not (and I know I’m not alone when I say this), money and power makes men sexier than their faces actually are any day of the week. But men, if you aren’t bringing the intellect, power, money, and everything else that will make a woman overlook that Crypt Keeper face, please stop aiming for the Super Woman in the room.  

This is a true story. I said once before, my not so ideal life makes for better fiction. I couldn’t make this up if I really wanted to.

Finding Superman

Lately, my own personal relationships have been… nonexistent… for lack of a better word. I’m single but always fall for the same type of man; the kind that doesn’t want or know how to commit but also doesn’t want to be without me.  I find this so strange because I believe in giving a person what you want from them, and being honest about it, so I give myself the way I want to receive that man.  However, I never seem to receive the same thing back.  I give honesty, even though I know that there’s a risk of heartache.  If the man doesn’t fit well with me, I tell him, so that we both can move on to someone who is more compatible.  I don’t find it fair to hold a person that you know isn’t right for you, particularly for selfish reasons.  Not receiving the same level of honesty or consideration in return makes a heart cold.  It makes it difficult to trust a man.  It builds impenetrable walls.

In dating, I’ve allowed each man to have his own unbiased opportunity to mess up. It’s his own opportunity, his actions and his consequences. Regardless of what the last man did or didn’t do, a man coming into my life receives his own clean slate. Everything he says, does, doesn’t do, will or won’t do determines how I will feel about him in the end. If he lies to me, keeps unnecessary secrets, communicates poorly, isn’t consistent in his treatment or behavior towards me, can’t be monogamous, isn’t a gentleman or anything else, it is him and him only that I judge as a result. It’s called being open-minded. Even after failure, most of these men try to come back; some more than once.  But if a man ruins the first opportunity, he might not be deserving of a second.  If a man ruins the second opportunity, he definitely doesn’t deserve a third.

I want a committed relationship that will eventually become a marriage. There have been many men that have shown an interest in being married to me. But they always have outrageous demands that require a great deal of sacrifice from me, and only me. They have wanted me to change into a Stepford wife – no friends, no outside interests, no hobbies, no life – whose world revolves only around them and their interests. This doesn’t work well for me because I have a lot of personal and career goals that I am striving to achieve. The role of housewife would have to come with a huge amount of financial security from that man for me to agree to give up my own hopes and dreams. I haven’t met a man with that much money yet.

This brings me to my dilemma. I’ve been single for the better part of the last ten years and my last relationship ended four years ago. I can’t seem to find a man who compliments me at all.  Dating is a lot of work and requires a lot of time and energy that I don’t have much of.  I’m not at all interested in online dating because I prefer organic connections, but I got rejected by eHarmony because they didn’t have anyone in their entire database that had the qualities I was seeking. What’s sad about that is that the qualities I want aren’t superficial. They are very basic in their definition, but I guess no one else is looking for the same from anyone else.

Then there are my friends. Most of whom are married.  Unfortunately for me they all seem to have married men with no friends. None of their husbands know one single, eligible, good man on the entire planet.  Outings with friends are very awkward when there are only couples around.  I no longer want to be looked at cross-eyed because women fear I’m going to desperately hit on their husbands and boyfriends when I walk into a room.  My friends don’t offer to set me up on blind dates or introduce me to single men.  They just tell me to “be patient”, that “he is coming”, that I’m “still young and have plenty of time for marriage”.  Really?  This makes me wonder how much my friends really care about me and understand my desire for companionship.  So I’m going to find out.

I’m developing my own dating reality show.  I think it might be the only way I will ever have the chance to meet enough men at one time just to find one I can date. And at the very least maybe it will prevent me from being pitied at the next black tie event I attend (Awww, Sweetie, where’s your date? Are you here alone?).  My friends and relatives are being volun-told to participate. No excuses.  If they love me, they each will have to find a good man for me to meet and convince him to come on the show. 

Now, all I need is $30,000, a co-executive producer and a television network to air it on. Then I can find my Superman.