Tag Archives: press and curls

Men Have Hair Issues

Recently, I’ve seen a lot of articles in magazines, such as Essence, and posts on Facebook and Twitter about women wearing “natural” hair versus weaves, wigs, etc. A lot of these debates are started by men who seem to think they are the authority on how women should look and wear their hair. From a man deciding to give women wearing their “natural” hair discounts to enter his nightclub, to men asking are there any “women who don’t wear a weave left”. None of these men are men who have cosmetology licenses or work in the hair care industry. Therefore, they cannot be trusted as SMEs (subject matter experts) on what is “natural” hair and what isn’t. Men who make their living making women look beautiful, never complain about how women choose to wear their hair. I wonder who I would trust more to give me advice about my tresses: the man with the cosmetology license and the hair salon full of other beautiful women, or the man with his own personal idea of how a woman should wear her hair to please him.

I’m disappointed in Black men, particularly, who harshly judge, minimize and glorify women simply based on how we choose to wear our hair, or on whether or not our hair is “natural” or not. Black men clearly STILL have hair issues when it comes to Black women. It is divisive and superficial. It is one of the reasons Black women harshly judge each other based on hair. Weaves, wigs, press and curls, relaxers, braids, locs – those are a woman’s choice, not the determining factor of a woman’s worth.

Men who do not work in the hair care industry, don’t even know what the true definition of “natural” hair is. They are only going off of their opinion of what it should be. Regardless of how a woman wears her hair, going to the hair salon still costs money, therefore men, I have news for you: You will not save money, by dating a woman just because she wears what you consider “natural” hair. All hair types require care by a professional at some point during its growth. Women with “natural” hair also experience problems such as hair breakage if their hair isn’t properly cared for. Therefore, men, if saving money is your concern, I bid you good luck with that.

I’m becoming tired of men who think that every woman on the planet should be their “type” of woman. If a man likes a woman to have certain qualities, he should date only those types of women. If a man likes a woman who has a certain hair type or texture, he should date only women with that hair type or texture. Every woman isn’t going to fit into every man’s “type”. FYI – you can’t make someone into what or who you want them to be (unless they are easily manipulated and unable to think and make decisions for themselves). Take a woman as she is, or leave her alone. Again, it’s a choice

God decided that there should  be a reflection of variety in everything about us. He proved that by making all of us a different skin tone and giving us a different hair texture. None of us is more beautiful in God’s eyes than someone else. We’re ALL made in His image. Aren’t we? Therefore, our hair strands are all natural, regardless of how we decide to wear them. As a woman who has worn my hair many, many ways over my thirty-six years of life, how I decide to wear it currently is completely a personal choice. Which it should always be. Most women are paying for their own hair services anyway. Women with self confidence don’t get their hair done for a man [She don’t do it for the man, man never notice – Drake “Fancy”]. We get our hair done for OURSELVES. It just so happens that men get the benefits of us doing so by being blessed to look at us afterwards ♥.

To the men of the world, (particularly Black men), who feel like a woman’s hair and how she chooses to wear it is such a huge factor, because you have hair issues, I say the following and I say it with love:

As women, we are very tolerant of your many PHYSICAL imperfections as men, not to mention some of your emotional imperfections. Please be aware that all of you don’t look like professional athletes, actors and male models. Some of you need to make a lot more frequent trips to the doctor, dentist, barber and gym. But we love you anyway. If you like certain kinds of women, that is your choice. Choose the kind of woman that you like, but please STOP trying to turn all the women of the world into the kind of woman that you like. It’s called having choices and respecting other’s choices. I respect your right, as a man, to choose women with nothing going for them but big butts, who have no brains and can’t cook, if that’s what you like, whether I agree with it or not. Therefore, respect our rights as women to choose to wear our hair the way we want to and change it when we want to. If women ever started judging men as harshly based on something as superficial as your hair, many of you wouldn’t get into the nightclub either.  

I am not my hair, and neither is she.