Tag Archives: power

Relationship Goals

There’s been a lot of cute memes and videos circulating on the internet with #RelationshipGoal(s) examples. Everything from hugging and holding hands, to being handcuffed and wearing matching shoes. Being a woman who has had a multitude of bad relationships that included hugging, holding hands, wearing matching shoes and the occasional handcuffs (please reference some of my blogs or short stories if you don’t know what I mean), those things just aren’t a relationships priority for me.

Although the idea of a relationship lasting for a decent period of time is a foreign concept for me, if I were ever afforded the opportunity to have a healthy, successful partnership with a man who loves and respects me, my relationship goals would include honesty, communication, building wealth and leaving a legacy behind for our grandchildren. We can have great sex, of course, and dress nice, live a comfortable lifestyle, travel and such, however having mutual respect, admiration and support for each other’s professional endeavors, talents, ideas and ambition would be what separates the good from the best, in the way that I view a successful relationship for myself now.

Having someone who encourages you to be the best version of yourself in spite of what others say about you, can make a difference in your self esteem as well as in your bank account balance.
Someone who encourages you to take care of yourself, mentally, physically and emotionally, so that you can look and feel good, as well as combat stress that comes from obstacles you can’t control, can be the difference between you being happy and having a heart attack. Having someone who respects your sacrifices and struggles to grow within your purpose, instead of someone trying to change who you are to fit their agenda, can be the wind beneath your wings.

But that’s not how a lot of people view relationships anymore.

A lot of people look at relationships as something they need to make them whole and happy. That isn’t the case. Relationships are meant to enhance who you already are and increase the happiness you that already have as an individual. Seeking happiness from someone else in a relationship will not make you a whole person. And if, because it happens, the relationship ends, then what do you do? Sadly, some people resort to extremes because they can’t let go of the person they believed made them happy. That’s not healthy for anyone involved.

A lot of people also hold a lot of bitterness when their relationships end. It’s normal. It’s human. But you have to let it go so that you can move forward and have the opportunity to do it better the next time around. Try to refrain from wishing ill towards someone when the relationship ends. That only creates a void within yourself. When you genuinely care for someone else you want them to be happy, healthy and whole, not because of you, but even without you around.

I’ve always admired power couples. Personally that is what I’d like to have if and/or when I get involved with someone again (yes I’m cynical about the possibilities. Again, reference my past blog posts).  Power couples are typically two separately successful individuals who come together and complement each other’s drive, ambition, talent, focus, etc. etc. etc. There are thousands of said power couples in the world. Some more successful and popular than others, but all equally beautiful to me.

These couples probably wouldn’t have the relationships they have if they depended solely upon each other for their success or their happiness. They came to the table as two people with a lot to offer as individuals and saw that in each other, made a decision to combine together and grow towards something they wanted. That is what I think it takes to reach your #relationshipgoals.

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Abuse of Power

I rarely forget what men say to me. A man once told me that if I knew the power I have over men, I’d be dangerous. What’s interesting to me is that I do know that power.  I know it as well as I know myself. I know my own weaknesses, vulnerabilities and strengths. When it comes to the power this man was referring to (my sex appeal) I am very much aware of what I’m capable of. However, I choose not to abuse the power. I choose not to manipulate men. I choose not to play games. I choose not to utilitize everything I have in my womanly arsenal to tempt, deceive or destroy. Even though I could.  I could post pictures of my body in full profile here on my website or on Facebook. But I choose not to. I could post pictures of myself many places on the internet in nothing but a thong with my booty right in the camera. But I choose not to. I could do a lot of sexually explicit things. I have the body for it, men like it, but it would defeat the purpose of what I’m striving to do.

People have different opinions of nudity and the extent of what should/could be shown. I recently posted a picture on Facebook attached to an event to promote my first time hosting a friend’s radio show in his absence. The picture is inside my book “The Goodie Bag”, on page 61. Someone, named Jan Davis, allegedly reported the photo as pornographic and I was asked to remove it. What’s funny is that the only thing you can see in the picture is the male model’s back, my arms and one of my legs. No breasts, no booty, no nothing else.  Yes, we appear to be nude in the picture and we’re locked in a sensual embrace. But there’s nothing pornographic about it. The other thing I found funny is that there are women all over Facebook with little to nothing on with their booties bent over, spread wide and up high. Some of them are wearing merely dental floss and pasties, if that. There are thousands of “big booty girl” groups on Facebook that men ogle over daily.  I’ve been asked to provide pictures for them, but I’ve refused. Some of these groups literally feature porn actresses and male magazine models who pose completely nude all the time.  It’s how they make their money. But my picture is pornographic and not deemed suitable “for a family oriented website like Facebook” (quotation from Jan Davis,  who allegedly reported my one photo, while other people run sexually rampid on Facebook).  I wonder if Jan Davis polices everyone on Facebook, or just me.  Either way, she’s not very good at it (allegedly). But I digress.

My point is this. There’s a lot of things I could do. Yes, my book is erotica. It is very sexual in nature and the language could definitely be considered “written porn”. In some of the stories I get downright raunchy and if you have the imagination for it, you could truly find yourself discombobulated by it.  That’s what makes it good erotica. But the visual aspects are a tasteful, sensual enhancement to the written words. I could’ve gone way, way, way to the left and flat out put in photos that were beyond anything used to promote the book on Facebook, but I didn’t. If I had, I’d probably have three or more Facebook profile pages as a result of the overwhelming friend requests from men that I’d receive. That would be an abuse of womanly power. I personally think the photos of me I have are already more than enough. They are professional photographs, not PhotoShop enhanced and are for the purpose of marketing “The Goodie Bag“, not to get a man.  I believe in leaving something to the imagination. I think it’s actually more sensual and sexy to do so.  The slightly sexier photos are included inside the book “The Goodie Bag” and you have to be eighteen years old to buy it.  The photos of other women on Facebook are often their profile pictures, taken in their bathrooms, with their camera phone.  I’m just saying.

Now, I’m not saying I’ve never taken male magazine type photos; I’m not a hypocrite. I’m just saying the public may never get to see them and if they do, it wouldn’t be anything shocking or disturbing to young children.  As a woman, who is a Brand and has aspirations beyond being pretty, I think that my talents should outweigh my sex appeal. I know that’s not going to ever happen. Men look at me first and hear me last, if at all. That’s the way things are. But once a man listens, I want him to be able to see beyond the sex appeal and then hopefully find the intelligence to be equally sexy to him. I want my work ethic to shine as much as the patent leather on my stilettos. I want my mental brilliance to overshadow my curves.  I want my work to be less about what’s between my legs or below the small of my back and more about my entrepreneurial skills and vision.  

I want my self confidence to grab a man by his…

Although I can get attention so many other ways than by being smart, I choose not to. I choose not to abuse the womanly power I possess over men. I prefer to use it to motivate women to be sexy in a way that doesn’t compromise the virtues of being a woman. And I might sometimes decide to do so in a sexually overt manner  –

*pause*

[Public Service Announcement: The Goodie Bag II” is coming this fall and the pictures will be more sexually graphic“The Goodie Bag; The Erotic Fiction Collection” will be available on the Kindle app for iPad, iPhone, Android and Blackberry THIS week so put the kids to bed early.] *resume*

– I can make that decision because I control this Brand. If that also makes people jealous, angry or even causes Jan Davis to (allegedly) report me again, that’s okay too.

If I have your attention, maybe you’ll actually hear me.  With great power comes great responsibility (to whom much is given, much is required) and I take my responsibilities seriously. All women should. And we shouldn’t use our power against men… or each other.