Tag Archives: mr. big

Younger Horizons

I’m not ready. I know I’m not. I’m not ready to stay at home ALL the time. I still want to travel, learn, grow and do many, many things. I’ve been dating men ten to fifteen years older than me for awhile. My friends tease me and say that men I date are all AARP members. They are older, but still sexy and in pretty good physical condition. In my experience, older men are (usually) more mature, more financially stable, and more gentlemanly; they no longer desire to have children and don’t require training in the lovemaking department. As I’m getting older (and the men are, too), I am really encountering some hotmess.com with older men. It’s making me consider shifting my gears even more towards men younger than myself.

Remember the date from hell I had a couple of months ago? He was in his early forties. The noncommittal, success seeking, Mr. Big in my life? He is in his mid-forties. Then there was the amateur photographer that I dated briefly, who once the involvement ended had the audacity to tell me that I’d never meet a man that would buy me Coney Island for breakfast like he did (in his early forties) and the man that contacted me via Facebook to tell me I was his “type of woman” and he had “I like freaks” in his bio (in his mid-forties). All of these men have made me ask this question:

Has the world gone completely crazy?

I’m very particular about who I spend my time with. It’s the number one reason why I’m single. I’m not getting any younger (I’ll be 37 years old this year), and although I’m still hot, I don’t like having my time wasted. Time is money. I refuse to give my time to someone who will take it for granted or treat it as if it holds no value. So, I keep the standards high, yet reasonable. For the last few years, I apparently have been under the mistaken idea that older men also don’t want to waste time, and would be better potential husbands because they’re ready to settle down and get married. That is so not the case. Older men are more scared, and scarred, when it comes to relationships than men in their twenties are. Although, they should really have their minds, hearts and finances together at their age, many of them, actually do not. So, what options are left for me and women like me?  

One option is younger men.

Not “teenage” younger, or college younger…just younger. And that doesn’t make me a cougar, regardless of what others think. I’m often mistaken for a twenty-something year old woman out on a date with a Sugar Daddy. I seriously doubt that if I dated a man slightly younger than I am anyone would even notice. So, I’m broadening my horizons. This is something I often tell women who ask me for dating advice to do. [Broaden your horizons. Step out of your comfort zone. Do something different.]You will never say I’m a hypocrite, because I live what I say. I will not necessarily give every younger man a chance to date me. I don’t currently give every man the chance to date me at all, regardless of his age. However, I will give men slightly younger than I am, the opportunity to show and prove more than I have in the past. That is something I’m more than capable of doing.

Only time will tell if dating younger men will result in me meeting my true Superman, or just another Bizarro.

No Sex in My City

Rejection is so difficult to take. Primarily from someone you love or care for. Especially when you know you have done your best, been yourself and given so much to that person, but they still reject you. This weekend I decided that I no longer want to be Carrie Bradshaw and he is not Mr. Big. If you’re a fan of “Sex and the City“, you know what I mean. For years Carrie and Big had this on again, off again, heartbreaking, emotional tug of war between them. I think in television time, this tug of war may have lasted for approximately ten years, beginning when Carrie was still in her thirties, and it climaxed with them finally getting married at the end of “Sex and the City: The Movie“, and becoming Mr. and Mrs. John James Preston. And yes, I was very happy for Carrie. All of her hard work and heartache had finally resulted in a return on her investment. Big had finally come to his senses and married the woman who he had cheated on his previous wife with and had dated off and on for a number of years in between enjoying his bachelor days.  At this stage in my life and in this dating game, I can’t be Carrie.

I think I may have fallen in strong “like” with someone. It started as a crush a number of years ago. But I never thought that I’d actually meet this man. Then last year, what I thought was impossible, happened. For the last nine and a half months (long enough for human beings to conceive and a woman to give birth to a baby), he and I have been Carrie and Big. He’s the same man I’ve mentioned in some of my other blogs. The major difference between us and them is that Big took Carrie out in public with him on numerous occasions. Carrie met Big’s associates, some of his friends, and they went to various types of events. In spite of Big’s issues with commitment, he seemed to enjoy spending time with Carrie and being with her publicly, and showing her affection. I was not so lucky. Two dates in public in nine and a half months. That’s all I got. That’s all he thought I was worth. His excuse? The same excuse a lot of men have. Money and the lack of it. Strangely, he had enough money to go to the movies, he played golf, and he went on trips. Not once, did he think to invite me to join him. Not once was I important enough. I invited him to attend the upcoming BravoBravo! event at the Detroit Opera House in June. He declined my invitation, telling me that he doesn’t go to parties because he’s been there, done that…blah, blah, blah. However, this past weekend, guess what he did? He went to a party. Without me. And he texted me to tell me where he was. So you can clearly see where this is going? In case you don’t, let me tell you.

I dumped him – again. Yes, I said “again”. This was already his second chance in nine and a half months. In January of this year, he asked for the opportunity to spend more time with me, but he apparently had other things he wanted from me. He obviously doesn’t care about my feelings or how his actions affect those feelings. A few weeks ago he said that people should have relationships that benefit them. He told me our [non-committed] relationship allowed him to have someone to spend his time with because he is human and needs companionship. I told him that a benefit for me would be him doing more with me and supporting my endeavors and attending parties with me, even though it’s not something he “does” anymore. He told me he’d think about that. I got his answer this weekend. His answer was to go to a party, without me.

He and I would’ve made a great team, but unfortunately for him, he has tunnel vision and doesn’t see that as a possibility. He’s more focused on his career and doesn’t notice how one area of a person’s life is connected to another. Career not where you want it to be and your personal relationships fail? There might be a connection there. Nine and a half months ago I would’ve been more than glad to have a business relationship with him had he approached me with that as an option, but he didn’t. I would’ve even been open to just having a sexual relationship, had he told me that was all he wanted. But he didn’t. Honesty ~ it’s a good thing and it allows a person to decide if they want to be bothered or not. Instead he dosed me with a facade. The same facade he dosed himself with as he told me repeatedly that sex wasn’t all he wanted from me. Amazingly, his actions reflect that sex is the only purpose he thought I served for him, whether he wants to admit it [to himself] or not. He didn’t want a committed relationship, a business relationship and he didn’t want to be seen in public with me. Those were not his words, those were his actions. Is he remorseful? Not likely. He probably feels that he hasn’t done anything wrong. He was honest about his whereabouts this weekend… so he gets a half a point for that.  But he gets an “F” for everything else.

So I did what Carrie has done to Big so many times in the past. I walked away from him. But unlike Carrie, it would probably take an Old Testament Act of God to convince me to go back. After all, this is my real life, not a character’s on television, and I lack the patience to wait for nothing to ever develop. How do I know that nothing would ever develop between me and him? Easy, it has already been nine and a half months. Men don’t need an eternity to know if they love a woman or want to have a relationship with her or not. He’s already 46 years old and I’m 36. If he doesn’t appreciate me, respect my feelings or care about hurting me today, staying around him isn’t going to convince him to change his behavior towards me. It will just give him license to continue to take advantage of me. I figure he doesn’t want me in his life today, it is unlikely to change in ten years. At the very least, this city girl, deserves someone who genuinely does want to be with me – in private and in public.