So, a few days ago, I swiped my debit card for my “rainy day fund” at a local CVS. It declined. ‘Huh, that’s weird. But, oh well’.  I pulled out another debit card and swiped it. It went through, so I put that first card thought “back there”. A day or so later, I thought “I need gas for the Rover today”. I went to my personal assistant and looked up my account balance for my “rainy day fund”. Money was available. So I headed to an ATM to get enough for gas. Declined. Twice. Now I was concerned. Not to mention a little confused. How did I have money available but was being denied access to it? There are two things you don’t mess with in Super Woman’s World: my child and my money. My child, because he costs me money and he’s the only one I have. My money, because I work hard for it and don’t have enough of it for someone to just “take”.  So I returned to my personal assistant and looked at my account again. There was money available. So what was the problem? I had no idea, but I was getting a little upset. Anyone who knows me will tell you that Super Woman getting a “little upset” over her child or money, is often equivalent to a volcanic eruption. It’s something I’m working on.

I decided to take it a step at a time before I blew up. I called customer service at my “rainy day fund” bank and told them the problem I was having.  The representative was very helpful and courteous, which helped to keep me calm. I have a pet peeve about poor customer service. She then told me that the bank had recently “upgraded” my account removing a certain limitation (that I had never known I had in the first place) and added some other account “perks”. She explained to me that when the bank did this, they also sent me a new debit card and PIN number back in May. Most of my accounts receive new debit cards this time of year because the old ones expire. This particular debit card was good until next year, so I didn’t immediately recall receiving the debit card they mailed me. They had my address correct, and said they had even tried to call me. I didn’t have any missed called and hadn’t received any voicemail messages, but my personal assistant isn’t always reliable. The customer service representative further explained that because I had not activated my new card, they had put a “hold” on my current card in order to “get my attention” so that I’d contact them so that they could inform me of my account “upgrades”. I thanked the customer service representative and told her that I’d go home, look for the card, activate it if I find it or call them to send me another one out if I don’t. I found the debit card when I got home and blamed myself for not paying attention.

In the meantime, I started to wonder if this particular process would work with a man? Is it possible to identify my Superman and “upgrade” his life, but put everything on “hold” in order to “get his attention” until he realizes something has gone awry and calls me so I can then inform him of the “upgrades” being made?? Interesting concept. But I don’t know if it would work, even in theory. Say there is a Superman for me. Right now he’s probably wondering about the women around him and what they lack or bring to a relationship. Maybe he’s perfectly satisfied with his current “account“, much as I was, completely unaware that there is another option available to him. Or maybe he’s tired of the mind games, the playing around, the getting to know someone new that comes along with dating. Maybe he doesn’t even know that there is an “upgrade” available for him. Maybe he’s already met me but he’s not paying attention.  

One of my favorite songs happens to be Beyonce’s “Upgrade U“. In the song she talks about how she as a woman can upgrade her man, whom we all know is Jay-Z.  This song is my favorite mostly because I can relate to what Beyonce is saying in the song and what Jay-Z is saying in his sixteen bars. During the intro Jay-Z says, “How you gon’ upgrade me? What’s higher than number one?” I know men who feel this way about women. They look at having a relationship with a woman as a burden or hindrance. Some of them believe a woman can’t bring anything to their lives either because they have already achieved a certain level of success, or they desire to achieve everthing possible in this world without the support and love of a woman while they do so. 

Later in the song, Beyonce sings the following:

I can do for you what Martin did for the people. Ran by the man but the women keep the tempo. It’s very seldom that you’re blessed to find your equal. Still play my part and let you take the lead role, believe me. I’ll follow, this could be easy. I’ll be the help whenever you need me. I see your hustle, with my hustle I can keep you focused on your focus, I can feed you. You need a real woman in your life. Taking care of home and still fly. I can help you build up your account. That’s a good look, better yet a hood look. But ladies that’s a good look.

Public Service Announcement –  A lot of women have these types of qualities. We’re supportive, loving, intelligent, have our own hustles, hold down our households and are overall good women. We can cook, we are good mothers, we are good friends, and we possess knowledge that can make a man a millionaire if he’s willing to listen. But many men don’t see that in us.  Unfortunately, a lot of men walk past good women everyday. I know this from personal experience. It’s yet another reason why I am single. I see these men all the time. They are the men driving down the street, on that business call while texting. They are the men at the social functions and upscale nightclubs that stare at me all night and never say a word. They are the men in a constant hurry to get to the game or the golf course so they don’t even look up while they are walking. I’m standing within arms reach of them, but they aren’t paying attention. I sometimes wonder if I need to resort to throwing myself in front of their moving Mercedes Benzs to get their attention. Then there are the men who often concentrate so much on what women look like, that they forget to pay attention to the upgrades a good woman offers. This goes for women who aren’t worth the ink on the back of their jeans also. Just because a woman looks a certain way in those tight jeans, it doesn’t make her an asset [pun intended].

It’s a shame that many professional, eligible, single men say there aren’t any good women, when we’re often right in front of them if they would just take the time to look and then PLEASE have the confidence to speak. If more men would pay more attention to what’s going on around them, they might be pleasantly surprised by the “upgrades” to their personal “accounts”.