Tag Archives: living

Embrace Reality

Never in a million years did I expect my life to turn out as it has. Five years ago I just wanted to write a book and not be told what I should write about. Today, I have a lot of “titles” behind my name related to what I have accomplished. I’m a blogger, I have written articles, I have had articles written about me. I’m being contacted to speak at events, attend events, cover events as a member of the media. In a few days I will share a magazine cover with two other amazing professional women. I was recently contacted by one of the leading social media platforms because they want to feature my professional profile.

People want to take pictures of me and take pictures with me. Every time I look up someone is stealing my company logo to use for some purpose completely unrelated to Super Woman Productions and Publishing and I must have it removed for trademark infringement. I’ve met so many celebrities, I’m already starting to lose count, and I have yet to meet Oprah. My radio show, The FabLife Radio Show is completing its first year of broadcasting online in a few short days. We’re celebrating with a Google On Air Hangout. I’ve been honored to have over fifty celebrity and subject matter experts give me a few moments of their time for live interviews. I get so many invitations to events that I have to decline the majority of them because my schedule is constantly full and I lose sleep as a result. This isn’t what I imagined at all. This wasn’t my goal five years ago, ten years ago or when I was a child.

This is better.

I woke up one day and realized that the difficulties I have had adjusting to my changed environment are because of my desire to have something that isn’t for me. I wanted to be married with children. I felt that being in a relationship was very necessary for me to have complete happiness and fulfillment in my life. Now I answer to the name Super Woman like it’s my government name. And I’ve learned to let go of what I thought I was supposed to be, and supposed to have, and embrace what and who I am. Along the way, I have back slid. I’m person enough to admit it. But the more I accomplish, the more I’m realizing that what is mine, is not for me or anyone else to question, agree with or even understand. This isn’t the life I planned for myself.

This is better.

Sometimes in life we’re unhappy because we want a fantasy. Everyone’s fantasy is different. Some people may want to be professional athletes but incapable of throwing or catching a ball. Some people may want to be a professional model so they post selfies of themselves online all day, just hoping to get discovered. Just like everyone can’t be a doctor, everyone can’t be a celebrity. I wanted to be married. It was the one thorn in my side. I was feeling pressured to be in a relationship because I’m approaching 40 and everyone I know and love are married and happy. So after one last unsuccessful attempt at a commitment, I realized that my fantasy would not bring me happiness or make me complete. If anything it seemed to cause drama. Wake up call: Marriage is not included in the life that I’m meant to have.

This life is better.

I’m much too busy for a committed relationship. Being in entertainment has its own level of complications that will only distract me from my short and long-term goals. Add marriage into the equation and it could be very stressful. It takes a special kind of person to deal with what I do and how busy I am. That’s not going to slow down anytime soon. Each year gets busier and busier for me. I’ve even had married people tell me that I don’t need a husband, I just need to date men with money and make sure they understand their role isn’t to try to change my relationship status; but to keep me company when I need them to. Don’t get me wrong. Just because marriage isn’t for me, that doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in the value of it. I love to see people in love and loving one another. It’s a beautiful thing. But in my life, I’m married to me, and the Super Woman Brand. And what God has joined together, let no man put asunder.

If there is something in your life you feel that you need to have to be happy and whole, I encourage you to reexamine it today. Determine is it a fantasy or a goal. Goals can be accomplished by working towards them. Fantasies can’t. Goals lead to other goals. Fantasies don’t. Are you pretentious? Are you living a false existence because you have a fantasy of a life you want based on material possessions or what you see celebrities having or doing? Keep in mind that to whom much is given, much is also required. You will always have to trade or lose something to make a fantasy come to fruition. But if you find out what your reality is, embrace it and learn to maneuver in it, you can be extremely happy no matter what happens. All of that wishing for something else is keeping you from having the success you could have.

Learn to love your reality, instead of wishing for your fantasy. All the time you put into the latter wastes time you could be spending enjoying your life in all of its glory.

This isn’t the life I thought I’d have. But I’m glad it’s my life. It’s my reality.

Blessed and Favored

With the holidays approaching, so many people feel hopeless and depressed because of what they don’t have. Statistically this is the time of year when people are more likely to commit suicide due to feelings of loneliness or depression over what they don’t have in their lives. A woman jumped to her death from a building days ago in Manhattan, after surviving Hurricane Sandy. While most people in Manhattan at that very moment were thankful for living through one of the worst storms they’ve ever experienced, she decided to end her life. Some people have a “glass is half empty“… or completely empty… mentality about their lives. Everyday I encounter people who throw pity parties for themselves, complain about how terrible everything is in their lives and about where they live. News media doesn’t help this mindset. They spend hours of time reporting on all the death, crime and scandals and give you only two minutes of human interest stories that are positive. Even in politics the candidates spend the majority of their time trying to make the other candidate look bad, instead of telling us what makes them look good – and telling the truth about it. During this year’s presidential election between the Binders Full of Women that don’t exist and Donald Trump holding “charity” for ransom, the whole politics for personal gain campaign had gotten on my last nerves.

However, it could be worse. I could have been without my sight, or even without my hearing and wouldn’t have known about any of it. And fortunately, I know how to change my television channel.

Therefore, it can be said that I am truly blessed and highly favored. My vision isn’t the best; contact lenses keep things 20/20 for my nearsightedness that I received thanks to chicken pox when I was three years old. When the weather cools down my body starts to ache from the two car accidents I had less than a year apart. I have a few extra gray hairs in my head that I’m not so enthused about. But it could be worse. Putting my contacts in everyday allows me to work, read, drive, and see everything around me. I know people who have lost their sight, although they are blessed to still have vision. Feeling pain in my legs and back reminds me that I still have the use of my legs and can walk. Those two car accidents in 2007 and 2008 could have ended a lot differently than they did. My gray hairs remind me that I’m alive and getting older, which wasn’t the case when I was told I could die before I turned thirty years old. Now I’m headed towards forty and there’s a such thing as permanent hair color to cover the grays.

I say all that to say that perspective about life contributes greatly to how we feel about our lives. Being grateful for the small things in life that we often take for granted can make the unforeseen tragedies a little easier to deal with. I feel so bad for the people in New York and New Jersey who suffered damage to their homes, businesses and disruption to their lives after Hurricane Sandy and after the nor-easter storm that followed shortly after. I really feel bad that a woman who survived the ordeal of Hurricane Sandy didn’t see herself as blessed and favored and therefore, made a decision to take her own life. She may have had the type of life that a lot of people in worse situations would have gladly traded with her. I recently read an article about a woman who had to have her limbs amputated because she so desperately wanted a bigger booty so she got illegal butt injections. She was so beautiful and gifted before making the decision that altered how she lives the remainder of her life. But she didn’t appreciate the beauty she had and instead concentrated on the booty she didn’t have. Now she doesn’t have arms or legs.

Maybe that’s what more people need to adjust their life perspectives; a “Trading Places” type of experience where they have to literally live someone else’s life for a period of time so that they can better appreciate their own. Personally, I’ll keep living the life I have. I can think of a lot of situations that could be a lot worse than what I have going on. I’ve also learned that by persevering through any situation, I come out learning a valuable lesson and often also reaping a tremendous reward.  No one said that living would be easy… At least not anyone that I know of. Even when everything isn’t exactly right in my Super World, I’m still very thankful for everything that exists in my Super World. I’ve been without creature comforts that I once took for granted. I know what it’s like to lose children, a marriage and many other things, including nearly losing my life and the use of my limbs. Those experiences taught me valuable lessons. I don’t regret the experiences because they were meant to occur so that I can be the woman I am. I wouldn’t give up any of this to have any of that happen again.

People complain too much. Often the complaint is related to something a person wants but doesn’t have; or something someone else is doing or has done, that they wouldn’t have the courage to change in the first place.

Instead of dwelling on what you don’t have, I encourage you to be more thankful for what you DO have. The desire to acquire what we don’t have has caused some people to lose their lives, their limbs and their faith. Everything you have is yours for a reason – good, bad or indifferent; either own it or adjust to it. Likewise, whatever is meant for you will also be yours; not necessarily because of you, but in spite of you. Sometimes, we can be our own biggest hindrance to our progress with our doubts, complaints and fears.

As you go about your life wishing and hoping for more, and not appreciating what you have, be careful of what you’ll exchange in order to get something you want. Everything comes at a price, including wealth, health, beauty and success. Love yourself first. Assess the important changes you can make to improve yourself like your integrity, character, self-esteem and attitude BEFORE you go through hell to change the superficial elements. Be thankful for the family you have, instead of wishing you had different family members or more of them. Some people are literally the last person in their family alive now. Be thankful for the days you have today and ahead of you instead of complaining about each day that comes. Life isn’t promised and someone died today. Be thankful for your job instead of complaining about the people you work with all the time. You may not be the best coworker to them either, but there is someone who woke up unemployed today. Don’t complain about what other people should or shouldn’t do; instead evaluate what you can do to make your own situation better. It’s likely that you aren’t being the best citizen or neighbor that you can be. Get off of Facebook and get face time with people around you and in your community. Become more involved in something positive and you won’t have time to concentrate on the negative.

Everyday count the blessings you have and look for new ones to appreciate. Making this a regular practice throughout the entire year will put a glow of love and abundance around you during each holiday season; rum not included. 

When you want to open your mouth to complain about something, remember this: 

No matter how bad you may think your situation is, someone else on this planet would gladly take your place and your blessings instead of what they deal with.  

Be blessed and highly favored.