Tag Archives: lifetime

I Don’t Believe in Leprechauns, Purple Elephants and Spotted Unicorns

I’ve never seen a leprechaun, a purple elephant or a spotted unicorn walking around. Much like I’ve yet to meet a wonderful, available, single man that people keep telling me exists and that I should “wait for“. Let me define available in my own terms: he’s not someone else’s boyfriend, husband or fiance pretending to be a single man. He is completely heterosexual. He’s not having a physically, intimate, sexual relationship with the mother of his children or some other woman that he desires to maintain. He’s not still in love with, infatuated by, heartbroken over or stalking his ex-wife, ex-girlfriend or mother of his children. He is emotionally available to cultivate a relationship. He doesn’t have a fear of commitment, an Oedipus complex or violent tendencies towards women. He is ready, willing, able and capable of making spending time with me a priority in his life and wants to get to know me as a person. That’s what I consider available.

Available is the number one requirement. After that, a man must also be compatible. I have yet to meet someone who conquers available, so compatible is a different task altogether. Which is why I’m eternally married to my shoes, and later this year I will marry a Blackberry® Playbook. Don’t judge me. Both my shoes and the Blackberry® Playbook will enhance my life in a way that a man hasn’t been able to do my entire adult life. They are money well spent and time worth giving.

I’ve learned something about myself that I don’t think anyone else knows. My creativity becomes hindered when I’m giving myself to someone else. I’m happier by myself than I am in a relationship with a man. I’m also tired of “trying” when the man I’m in a relationship with refuses to. I’m tired of giving and not receiving anything in return. It’s too much work without any return on investment. Aren’t relationships supposed to be mutual? I didn’t realize that everyone was taking, taking, taking and believed that giving was not necessary. But that is how it seems to be with the men I meet. So I prefer to be single.

I prefer to travel alone than have someone telling me how much they aren’t having a good time, complaining about where we are, or hating on the people around. I prefer to go where I want to go and do what I want to do without someone else telling me why I can’t or why I shouldn’t. I prefer to have peace of mind and quiet in my home more than having someone who wants to argue or nag about everything. I prefer to cook for myself and eat meals alone than have someone tell me what they don’t like or don’t eat. I prefer to be myself versus being with someone who is trying to control me because they think I need controlling. I prefer to be in my own little existence in this world than have someone who is unhappy with themselves constantly pointing out my flaws to make themselves feel better, as if I don’t already know what my flaws are. I’d rather be single than try to please someone who will never be satisfied, regardless of what I do for them.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy for any and everyone who has a good relationship and marriage. I just realize that I will not be one of those people. I admit that I don’t appreciate those happily committed and married people who constantly tell me that I need to “wait for“, “be patient“, “have faith in“, “pray for” “don’t give up on“, “believe in” men that they claim exist, but themselves can’t seem to find so that they can introduce me to them. I don’t appreciate the men that I know who tell me that I’m a great woman and that they know single, available men, however they refuse to introduce me to these single, availble men because of their own egos or hidden agendas. I don’t appreciate people who tell urban legends of people they know in their senior years who magically found their soul mates, as if I have to wait until I’m ninety years old to be loved and have companionship. I don’t appreciate people who treat single women like we’re single because there ‘must be something terribly wrong’ with us if we can’t snag one of these wonderful (imaginary) single men. I don’t appreciate people who believe that there are equal amounts of single men and women, therefore everyone should be paired up two by two as if we’re boarding Noah’s Ark into marital bliss.

The stories of love lost and found, love shared over millions of miles, love in a nursing home and what not, are romantic, but they are not the standard. They are the exception to the reality that everyone is not going to be with someone forever. People come and go everyday for a reason or a seaon. Some people come into a person’s life with good intentions but that doesn’t mean they are good for that person. I refuse to live a life expected of me by others because they are afraid that I’m going to die alone. I’m not alone. I just live a singular life without a man to share it with. That’s not a reason to pity me or try to feed me false tales of “a man that’s waiting for me somewhere in the universebut I just can’t see him. I have friends, relatives and someone who will bury me once I’m dead. That’s all that I really need.

There once was a time in our society when people introduced single and available men and women to each other. People had children, friends, relatives, etc. that they knew were looking for someone compatible, so they “screened” men and women to potentially match them up with each other. That’s how Tamia and Grant Hill met. Anita Baker introduced them to each other and they’ve been together ever since. Some of the most successful relationships are a result of someone playing match maker out of genuine love and concern for the two single people. They know the character, intergrity, interests, goals and desires of each person and that they might, just might, make a good couple if introduced. If nothing else, they might make good friends. That doesn’t happen anymore. People are either afraid their matchmaking skills will result in disaster, they’re selfish and too egotistical to see someone else happy, or they don’t know any quality individuals to match each other with, although they pretend that they do. I’ve asked several individuals over the years to introduce me to a man, if they know of anyone. Some of them have agreed. I still haven’t been introduced to anyone. But I’m such a great woman. A man once said that there’s a good man somewhere waiting for me, but he’s sorting through all the women without substance. I asked that same man, if that good man is sorting through all the women without substance, how will he ever find me? I never got an answer to my question.

It’s possible that I may not be meant to be with someone. It may not be in the Master’s Plan. God has other things He wants of me as I live today and everyday. He knows that a man might just be an attractive distraction that I don’t need. As much as my heart would like for that to not be the case, I have accepted that everything ain’t for everybody and a relationship may not be for me. I just need everyone else to accept that, too. And even those who disagree with my theory of the Master’s Plan aren’t able to prove me wrong. That’s because these same people can’t seem to find any available, single men for me to meet. They are afraid of making an introduction, setting me up on a blind date or even telling these (imaginary) men that I exist to spark some interest in me. I’m open to all of of those things. These same people can’t even tell me where to go so I can accidentally run into these (imaginary) men by chance. Therefore, until someone introduces me to one of these (imaginary) men, I’m perfectly happy being single.  #FabSingleLife.

If you are a single woman, and you’re always being bombarded by the hopefully romantic, wishful thinking people in your world telling you that the man for you, is just around the corner and you just have to be patient, because they know he exists, tell them to put their money where their mouths are and take you around the corner, point that man out and introduce you to him. When you do this, watch their faces change and their excuses come in abundance.

*Excuse me, can you tell me which one is easier to find: an available man or a leprauchaun, a purple elephant and a spotted unicorn? 

Not So Funny…Actually, It Is

I am always amazed at God’s display of humor in my life. This year has been a virtual roller coaster ride and it’s only May. Every step I take feels challenged by some drama, that ends up turning into a blessing. I’ve been through so much in the last few months and sometimes fear what’s yet to come. But God doesn’t give us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). So as my book sales of “The Goodie Bag” in paperback started to lag, I made a business decision that I knew I could live with. I decided to sale a Kindle Version. Now the book is available in three formats in less than six months. Yes, I said three. You didn’t know that was even possible, did you? Next I decided to put out a Kindle Version of my short story “The Pharaoh’s Throne” which is a story about a man who defies his parents instructions to take a wife and build his kingdom with her. It has a very unexpected ending.

The spirit of power, love and a sound mind guides me when I have the worst day ever and comforts me when it’s the best day yet. It allows me to joke about marrying my Steve Maddens because I’m still single, but reminds me that is only because my Superman needs his garden weeded in order to find me. When I feel lonely because so many of my friends are married or in committed relationships and I’m not, it restores my belief and faith in love, because they are an example for me that keeps my hope intact. When I want to give up this quest to build this brand, someone I’ve never met says that I helped them with my words. Moments like that are when I feel the arms of God wrap around me and tell me I am on the right track and he will carry me until I can walk again.

I know that I was built for greatness and success. I know that my talents and gifts were given to me to entertain, inspire, motivate and serve others in a multitude of ways. I know that what I have today is just a small fraction of what I will have in days to come. I often feel that I will walk this life journey without a partner, but I’m smart enough to know that I don’t get the last word on that. It takes a very special type of man to appreciate a woman like me, regardless of how many men have tried – and failed. I know that in my life, this is true: For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more (Luke 12:48). God has breathed life into me, not once, not twice, but three times in my life. He’s given me opportunities that others haven’t been blessed with. And as a result, I have a lot of work to do and responsibility to uphold. I am not “allowed” to quit because there is more that is needed of me.

When things happen to me, I understand that many factors come into to play. Decisions I made, or didn’t make, people I’ve met that concluded their season, or had a specific reason, and the fact that God just has a sense of humor. Building of character in a human being is not an easy task. It’s not going to always be pretty. Sometimes it might even physically hurt. But when you can go through flames like I have, you grow. With that growth also comes wisdom. That wisdom gives you discernment. That discernment gives you peace.

As I think back on some of the things I’ve experienced (bad marriage, miscarriages, theft of my home/car, baby daddy drama, man troubles, everyone who tried to hinder my dreams, and countless other events), I giggle just a little bit. I giggle because I won. I giggle because I’m stronger, better and smarter because of everything I’ve dealt with. I giggle because those experiences have and will allow me to help others avoid or overcome similar situations in their lives.

I giggle because I remember when each of those things was happening to me, I was saying “God, this sh*t is not so funny.” But now in retrospect, actually, it is hilarious.