Tag Archives: I’m aware that admitting I have a problem

Hi, I’m An Over Achiever

People are so proud of me for the local media coverage I received in the Michigan Front Page on September 21, 2011. I’m not as excited. I guess I’m still in the “building” phase of SWPP after 3 years of being in business, so that’s not a HUGE accomplishment to me. As far as I’m concerned, I can do better. In my (warped) mind, when I reach my 5th year business anniversary and I’ve been in Ebony, Essence, Uptown, Jones, Black Enterprise, Savoy and O Magazines, then I can get excited. Believing in self assessment, I’m aware that admitting I have a problem, is the first step to recovery.  
 
Hi, I’m Angela. And I’m an Over Achiever.
 
I’d like to be excited about media coverage I’d received over the last few months. Particularly since I waited and prayed for almost a year for that to happen. I’d also like to be excited about some of the opportunities that are now coming my way (tv scripts, more media coverage, media projects, book publishing deals), but I can’t because I’ve learned not to count my chickens before they hatch. I need contracts to be signed and deals to be solidified before I can exhale and feel that this is “real” and tangible. Until then I just can’t get excited.
 
As an Over Achiever, I’m often unable to enjoy my minor achievements…
 
I realize that part of my problem is that I live in the real world, where I know that people sometimes disappoint me. People don’t always exhibit a great amount of integrity in their dealings (personal or professional) and taking someone’s word isn’t always the best idea. I prefer to watch a person’s actions and see what they will actually do before I get excited by their offers. I once had a young lady ask me why I don’t talk more about what I’m doing on my blogs, Facebook, etc. I told her it is because some things are dependant upon other people doing their jobs. In the event someone else doesn’t do their job, I don’t want to be the one standing around looking stupid because it fell apart. I told her that I don’t talk too much about my projects publicly because I don’t want people with more power and money than I have to steal my intellectual property. I also don’t want people to think I’m full of crap if something doesn’t happen on the day, at the time and at the place I said it would, so I prefer to wait until it is complete before I share it with the public. It’s my way of protecting the integrity of The Brand. I don’t want a reputation for being unreliable, even when other people are.
 
 …and I have trust issues.
 
I’m glad that others are proud of me. I want to continue to make people proud by fulfilling my purpose, growing my business and becoming successful. I do recognize that I am my own worst critic. I’m my biggest competition. I’m my own kryptonite to some degree. One day, it will be more than enough. But that day isn’t today. It wasn’t on September 21, 2011 when the Michigan Front Page hit news stands, and it won’t be the day I complete and register my first television script either. The day when it will be more than enough will be the day I can exhale. When that day arrives I will be in the position to pay all my bills on time again, I will have a number of projects completed, a number of contracts signed, books will be selling nationally, I’ll be getting paid to do what I love to do and The Brand will be profitable enough that I can hire people, expand and take a much needed, all inclusive vacation to Barbados and not worry about Super Woman Productions and Publishing falling apart as a result.   
 
And did I mention that I’m always setting higher goals for myself?
 
Yes, I like the media coverage. I honestly do. But I’m just not that excited about it. Not yet. Not today. There’s still too much more I need to do before I can rest and say to myself “well done“. There are too many ideas that have yet to be developed. There are too many words that have yet to be written. There are too many dreams that I’ve yet to dream for me to be excited. There’s just too much yet to come. I hope you’ll join me, continue to encourage me and share me with others that you know. That’s what helps to make my current struggles worth it for me.