Tag Archives: friendship

Get Your Happy -An Open Letter to Single Women 

If you’ve been following my journey, you know that I’m not the luckiest woman when it comes to romantic relationships or dating. Although I’m accustomed to being committed, because that’s been the majority of my experience, I’ve had some bad relationships that I had to overcome. Although I enjoying going out, dating has been a serious challenge for me as well. After a couple of stalkers, and too many men who put up facades, it was determined that online dating just isn’t my thing and meeting men in general isn’t always pleasant. 

Instead of doing the “woe is me” single dance, I started intentionally focusing on just being happily single/married to my career. My desire for male companionship has become the last thing I think or care about. Marriage isn’t a goal, it’s an option. And I won’t date a man, or chase a man just to say I “have a man”. I don’t even mind when men assume I’m already in a relationship or married, preventing them from even attempting to date me. I have begun to look at that as a compliment….it means I’m identified as wife material and it helps keep the men who aren’t for me away when they’re unsure of if I’m “taken”, or not. 

I literally can turn men down and not feel any regret. I’ve been doing it for a long time now. I’ve gotten very good at it. I’ve politely said “no thanks” to trips, gifts, dinners, and hotel room keys from a slew of very successful, good looking, and some very famous men, and felt perfectly fine about my decision. *Here comes the grown folks convo.* While other women may think I’m crazy for turning these men away, I know why they show interest in me and more importantly, my p*ssy isn’t what makes me a good woman, therefore, I don’t feel the need to give it to every man who wants it, regardless of his status. Even if a man is genuinely interested in me, it doesn’t change the way I already feel about myself. I know my worth, and no matter how successful, good looking, or famous a man is, my worth isn’t predicated on what he thinks of me at all. I’m not hesitant to let any successful, good looking, or famous man know that “you can Google me, too, bro”, which often, they know already; that is one factor that attracts them to me. 

I can go many of the same places they go and I’m on the same guest lists, so their access doesn’t impress me. I travel, eat at very nice restaurants and wear designer clothes, so offers of plane tickets, handbags and clothes won’t impress me either. Men in my circles grow accustomed to women who fawn over their money, status and material possessions, so when they meet a woman who doesn’t need those things from them, it changes the game and sometimes intimidates them. I’m okay with that. I’m enjoying my life regardless. I’ve found my happy.

I bring this up to say, as women, we have to stop allowing how much we enjoy living life to be determined by how much attention or affection we receive from men. Women “wait” to do things, like traveling, buying jewelry, building/changing their careers, going back to school and buying property, until they “get a man/husband”, while men do whatever they want to do before they get a woman/wife. Too often women will say things like “I want my future husband to buy me a ring/watch/car like this” instead of buying it herself. But a man will see a ring/watch/car he likes and work towards buying it for himself. A woman will say things like “I want to go to Paris/Milan/Ibiza for my honeymoon”, but a man will go to Paris/Milan/Ibiza by himself or with the fellas without hesitation anytime he can afford to. 

Too many women limit the amount of living they do because they prioritize having a relationship with a man above living happily. Those same women often become resentful and envious of other women who have learned to live boldly and happily single, doing everything they want to do…. without waiting for a man to join them or facilitate it for them. That creates a strain in the sisterhood when a woman is unhappily single around her friends who are happily single or happily married. Ladies, you are guaranteed to lose a friend, or two, when you’re not happy because you’re single. 

Life is too short to wait on someone else to live it with you. If you don’t start embracing where you are today and start living life fully, as a single woman, you’ll wake up one day regretting all the things you didn’t do or deferred simply because you were single. Get your happy. Most women meet their Boaz while doing something productive and positive to enhance their own happiness in the first place.  

Devon Franklin posted this picture on Instagram, and it inspired this open letter. 

Making A Bigger Difference

For those of you who were unable to attend this past weekend’s I Feel Good! Mind, Body and Soul Women’s Conference at Wayne State University, you not only missed a successful, empowering and inspiring event, you also missed the launch of my newest initiative. No worries! I’m going to tell you what it is now.

I am now the first Women’s Cabinet member for the American Lung Association’s LUNG FORCE campaign! 

I was surprised to be approached by the American Lung Association, but I am honored to have the opportunity to bring awareness to an issue that impacts the lives of many women. Although I don’t personally suffer from respiratory illnesses, I do have friends, relatives and colleagues who are directly affected. I have witnessed the effects of COPD, lung cancer, asthma and other illnesses, so I understand how important LUNG FORCE is to our community and the health of women everywhere.

The LUNG FORCE Run/Walk Detroit is on the evening of Friday, October 3, 2014, 6:00pm at Belle Isle. The event will include the 5K Run or Walk, yoga, barre and Zumba (starts at 4 pm), lung health information, music and fun! I have set up my team and everywhere is invited to join as a runner, walker, volunteer or as a virtual team member.

As you may know, I believe in living a purpose driven life. Being a business owner for me isn’t solely about making money; it is also about using my talents and influence to make a difference. Joining the Women’s Cabinet of the American Lung Association comes shortly after my Community Partnership with Karmanos Cancer Institute (who are sponsoring LUNG FORCE) and deepens my philanthropic efforts in Metro Detroit. I believe that in order to be an effective leader, I have to lead by example. I can’t tell someone to do something, that I’m not also willing to do. Although I can’t take on every campaign or cause, I do strive to put forth a tremendous amount of effort and dedication to the causes and campaigns that I support. Working with Karmanos and the American Lung Association are important to me because my loved ones have been affected by cancer and respiratory illnesses, and for some of them, these illnesses have resulted in death. Each day one of the blessings I count in my life is my health.

I truly hope that you can join my LUNG FORCE Team and support us, either online or in person, on October 3, 2014.

For additional information about LUNG FORCE click here! 

To Join The Super Woman Productions and Publishing LUNG FORCE Team Click Here! 

In Dedication to Mark England

On January 18, 2014, the very talented Mark England left this Earth.

Some people call him their stylist. I refer to him as the man who cultivated my style.

Some people call him fashionable. I refer to him as a fashion guru.

Some people call him inspirational. I refer to him as a mentor.

Some people call him Mark. I refer to him as my friend.

It’s been a long time since I lost someone who I cared a great deal about. Mark England was one of the few people in my life who I knew was genuinely concerned about my success. The only thing he expected of me was for me to do my very best. That was very important to me. I’m glad I didn’t wait until the end to tell him that I cared about him and how important he was to my life and career.

Mark will be laid to rest before his family, friends and celebrity clientele on February 1, 2014. I’m extremely sad about the death of my friend, but I know my friend would expect me to continue moving forward with my career plans to the best of my ability in spite of my grief. So that is what I’m trying to do. Mark England had such a positive influence on me that I have decided to dedicate my upcoming book “Breaking Through the Black Ceiling” to his memory with a portion of sales of the book going to Karmanos Cancer Institute in Detroit, Michigan, pending their approval. I also dedicated the Friday, January 24, 2014 broadcast of The FabLife Radio Show to Mark’s memory. Mark and I had made plans for him to be a guest on the show this year. Since that can’t happen, dedicating a show to him and dedicating my book to his memory are the very least that I can do for someone who did so much for me over the last few years.

The Mark England Collection wasn’t just clothes, it was the embodiment of style, grace, class, and haute couture. Mark England took me from pretty to amazing. Mark made cameras flash at me even though photographers had no idea who I was, and often didn’t bother to ask. Mark England gave me a reason to embrace my feminine curves with every dress he made for me and every ensemble he personally selected for me. Mark made me look ten times more confident than I may have felt inside every time I walked into a room or stood before an audience. Mark England will forever be an influence on me and how I do business and what I wear. I thank God I had the chance to have such a wonderfully inspiring person in my life while I did.

If there is someone in your life that means a great deal to you, please take a moment to tell them so. 

 

The Gift of ME

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to YOU! 

Happy Birthday to ME! 

I am so happy to be alive to celebrate the many achievements I’ve had over the years. First, a moment of transparency: I didn’t give any Christmas gifts this year.

From where I sit, I AM the GIFT.

I have given my friendship, loyalty, knowledge, encouragement throughout this year to others, without expecting anything in return and often without any reciprocation from the receivers. I have invested my own personal funds to provide opportunities and programming for the community in which I reside. I have volunteered my talents. I have given of my time and had it wasted, and I consider my time to be very valuable. I have done a great deal more and sometimes I haven’t even been told ‘thank you‘. In spite of whatever I did or didn’t receive in return, I keep doing for others because I believe in being a blessing to someone else, because I have been blessed. Even those who have been ignored by me were being given the Gift of ME.

As a society, we have gotten so accustomed to working hard all year-long just to put ourselves in debt to make other people happy, that we have lost so much of the meaning of Christmas in the process. Yes, it’s nice to give, but you shouldn’t feel obligated to give on one day a year. If you give of yourself throughout the year to others, whether you know them personally or not, you have done well. I have literally watched people operate under pressure as if they absolutely must buy someone in particular a gift and it must be wrapped and in their hands on Christmas day or the world will come to a screeching halt. I refuse to live my life that way. Anyone who doesn’t appreciate the Gift of ME, doesn’t have to be bothered with me. To me, it’s really that simple.

When you decide that you’re not going to spend your hard earned money for the sole purpose of making others happy, a few things will happen:

1. You’ll have more money 

2. You’ll find out who your true friends and loved ones are

3. Because of 1 and 2 you’ll have less stress in your life 

4. Because of 3 you’ll be happier and healthier

You’re more than welcome to continue to brave the malls and stores throughout the month of December in an effort to get the best deals, if that is what you want to do. I actually have some investments in those stores, so I thank you in advance for your contribution to my dividends. However, before Christmas comes in 2014, I encourage you to examine more closely WHY you spend the money on the gifts you buy and the people you buy them for. If the purpose is to say ‘thank you’ to someone, there are cards for that and I’ve heard some people are very partial to hearing the words. If the purpose is to impress others, please understand that they may not be impressed or like you because you bought them something anyway. If the purpose is to make yourself feel good, you won’t be feeling so great when that credit card bill comes, or an unexpected bill comes and you don’t have the funds to pay it because you spent money on gifts to give to others.

The best gifts I ever received were items I actually needed, could use to make my life simpler, that would save me money over time, or related to an experience I wanted but might not have had the money or time to get for myself. When shopping for someone next year, keep that in mind: What do they need? What could they use to make their life better or save them time? What might help them save money over time if you buy it for them? What would they like to experience? Gifts that make people’s lives better or even saves them time could be you hiring a house or carpet cleaner for that person. A closet organizer (person or system) is also a great option. A example of product that a person can use to save money would be a drinking water filtration system for someone who buys bottled water or an at home soda machine for someone who drinks soda. I have both and they work great. I love gifts that provide an experience. A gift certificate for the movies, tickets to a play or concert tickets are thoughtful gifts because they provide an experience for a person and often don’t cost a lot of money. Your time is a great gift to give to anyone. Because we have such busy lives and so much technology at our hands, we often let time rush by us and use ‘quick’ means to communication. Calling someone instead of texting them so that you can actually have a conversation with someone is a great gift to give. It shows that you took time out for them and that they matter to you.

I’m 39 years young today. I almost didn’t make it to this age. So I’m thankful just to be here and hearing ‘Happy Birthday‘ is an awesome gift to receive for me today. Today also marks my personal countdown to my next milestone birthday in 2014 when I turn #FabLife40. I don’t want any gifts then either. I just want some of my friends and family to celebrate with me in St. Maarten. Those who can attend, will. Those who can’t attend will miss a fabulous Christmas celebration full of margaritas, palm trees and sandy beaches. Either way, next Christmas, just like this Christmas, everyone will receive the Gift of ME.

By the way, Super Woman Productions and Publishing is the official Media Sponsor for Finding My Way Home on Saturday, February 15, 2014 at Royal Oak Library.

Keep Calm…I’m Still Here

It has been a few weeks since I posted. However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t been hard at work for The Company, The Woman, The Brand. I even did something I haven’t done in two years. I went on vacation. No, I don’t mean a stay-cation at the Fortress of Peace of Mind, or a weekend trip. I mean a real, authentic vacation, to another state, for more than three consecutive days. I attended this year’s Essence Festival in New Orleans and although I traveled to the Big Easy for the first time solo (no girlfriends, no boyfriend, no pets, no Super Son), I’m so very glad that I did. This was a trip to refocus and reiterate my purpose, and I was blessed to be around people and hear people speak, that helped me to accomplish that. Not to mention the music performances were STELLAR and before you ask, YES Mrs. Carter (aka Beyoncé) put on a fantastic show.

I also did some networking. Some of this networking I did will hopefully have long-term benefits result from it. I have a ton of video to edit so it can be posted on the Official Super Woman YouTube Channel to share will all of you, from the panel discussions at the Empowerment Experiences and a live performance from Marsha Ambrosius, to Steve Harvey hosting Family Feud. I ate shrimp and crawfish etouffee, chick and sausage jambalaya, turtle soup, fried oysters, crab cakes, conch, and the best peach cobbler I’ve ever had in my entire life, and my family hails from the South. The peach cobbler was so good in fact, it deserved its own Instagram post.

I have grown fond of sharing my experiences and my life lessons with others on a very transparent level, so on July 18, 2013 at 8:30 pm (eastern) I’m going to do something for my Super Fans. I’m hosting a live Google+ Hangout aptly called #AskSuperWoman, so that nine Super Fans can ask me questions which I will answer during the Hangout. The questions can really be about anything, and I have already agreed to answer the questions honestly and frankly. However, it’s best that the questions pertain to something that I know. In advance, let me say that I don’t know anything about physics, I can’t solve world hunger and I’m not giving anyone a loan. But any questions that may be relevant about business, my company, relationships, sex, friendship, entertainment, writing, getting a book published and many other topics that I have some knowledge of, are welcomed.

Participation is very easy. All you have to do is think of something to ask me, go to any page of the Super Woman Productions and Publishing website and click the button on the right side that says Ask Super Woman. An email will open in your browser, and you can type your question, then send it. I’ll receive your question and then invite you to the Google+ Hangout on July 18, 2013 at 8:30 pm (eastern). One (or some) of the nine people selected for the Hangout, will also receive a prize from me for their participation. It’s that easy.

There’s only one catch.

You have to be at least 18 years old.

And there’s another catch.

You have to submit your question by July 14 to be selected and accept the  #AskSuperWoman Google+ Hangout invitation you receive.

That’s it.

You don’t have to pay anything.

You don’t have to sell anything.

I don’t need you to sign any agreements or give me your oldest child. 

 

Then on July 18, 2013, at 8:30 pm (eastern), we are going to have some fun, grown folks conversation via Google+ Hangout. If you don’t accept the Hangout invitation and join the Hangout at 8:30 pm (eastern), you will not be eligible for a prize. So, get your question thought out and send it in to #AskSuperWoman by July 14 and I’ll tell you what you want to know.

~Smooches!  

Keep Calm I'm Still Here
Keep Calm
I’m Still Here

Progress On Purpose

This year has started off surprisingly and pleasantly well for Super Woman Productions and Publishing. I have been pleased to include three phenomenal women to the Super Team in different capacities. I’m in the middle of an interview frenzy for interns to fill positions within the company that are structured for long-term opportunities. The FabLife Radio Show is showing consistent listeners each week with some significant growth as well. On March 8, 2013 we’re celebrating International Women’s Day and we have celebrity guests that are going to be on the show. We’re preparing for the launch of FabLife Apparel and Accessories this year and the fabulous ad campaign that will accompany it. I now also write a column for Thrive Detroit Street Newspaper which is sold at Source Books and D:Hive monthly. The February/March issue is available at both locations now for $1 per copy.

In this the fifth year since the birth of my brain child, I can say that I am truly happy and that I have learned how to enjoy the small accomplishments just as much as the larger ones.

Of course what I do isn’t easy (although I’m told I make it look like it is) and there are small challenges. But all of the challenges are a learning experience, as well as strength and character building exercises. Cultivating anything and doing it well, requires a lot of time, patience, persistence and work. People who blow up over night, are often forgotten about just as quickly. Where some people may feel that I’m not more “popular” because I have boundaries that I refuse to cross just for the sake of pleasing others, I’m perfectly comfortable with my current level of “popularity“. It allows me to maintain a life that I can enjoy without people being witness to my every move…for now. 

I have learned throughout this process (because that’s really what it is) that rejection and change are inevitable. I look at rejection as a necessary occurrence for people who I don’t need to exit stage left, so that the right people can be brought into my Super World. That often results in very positive change because the people who left had their own conflicting agendas. Anyone who tells me ‘no’ today, will one day beg to work with me. Not because I’m so much better than anyone else, but simply because everything that is taking place in my Super World is mapped out in the Master’s Plan.

It’s going to happen regardless of what anyone else thinks, says or feels.

So much of what I’ve achieved is not because of me; it is in spite of me. My accomplishments are in spite of me not having a degree. My accomplishments are in spite of me not having the understanding or acceptance of others (friends, family and peers). My accomplishments are in spite of me not being a reality TV star. My accomplishments are in spite of me not getting some of the opportunities I wanted to showcase my talents to others. Yet, I’m still here. I’m still growing. My business is still expanding. While others have yet to finish the same the projects that they told me ‘no’ to, I’m getting more projects of my own to work on. Daily new people all over the country (and in some corners of the world) organically discover Super Woman Productions and Publishing and are exposed to what I do.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from people is how “others” are able to progress in society because they have money or opportunities given to them that people of color (particularly Black people) don’t have access to. I disagree with that. I believe that all progress is deeply rooted in the desire of the individual or group of people. Sometimes in order to experience progress, an individual must put distance between themselves and the group because the group isn’t growing or supporting the process. Progress is intentional. It is conscious. It is strategic. It comes from having a plan and working that plan. It comes from being diligent and looking for ways to improve. It’s not dependent on or hindered by anyone or anything else, unless you allow it to be. So in your new year look at what you want to do, and determine what you need to do better in order to get there instead of looking for excuses not to get there. It doesn’t matter how much time it takes. Improve your time management skills. Time is an investment that pays off well if used wisely.

Make your progress intentional.

Make your progress conscious.

Make your progress strategic.

Progress on purpose.

Your success is waiting.