Tag Archives: fiction

The Old College Try

I tried the relationship thing recently. It didn’t work. Now he’s stalking me. I’ve never understood how a person can decide they don’t want to be with someone, walk away from the relationship and then stalk the very person they said they don’t want to be in a relationship with. Is that the definition of insanity or bi-polar? I’m not sure, however I can rest assured that I was not the cause of the demise of the relationship. I put forth effort, I was open minded, I was committed – I gave it the old college try. And just like in college, if a major I’ve decided to study isn’t working out in my best interest,  it’s time for me to change my course schedule.

I could say a whole lot of things about him that are ALL true, but it’s not necessary because I’m the prize and he already knows it. I don’t have to tear him down to prove my worth, like he’s attempting to do to me. I know that the best revenge is to be fabulous. And fabulous, I am.  A man didn’t give me my self esteem and a man can’t take it away from me. Particularly one who isn’t the man God made for me, or even half of that. In a couple of days he’ll still be mad and I’ll be working on my upcoming media projects. In a few months he’ll still be talking about me in a derogatory manner while I’m in and on magazine covers (bragging that he knows me). In a few years he’ll be trying to capitalize off the imaginary sex tape that he claims he has and has threatened to post on Facebook and Twitter (who does that?). In a few years, I’ll still be fabulous and he’ll be a distant no one that meant nothing in my past. One day he’ll be an old man with no companionship because he alienated everyone with his poor attitude. And I’ll be the reigning Queen of All Media. The deepest truth is that I was just trying something different. I didn’t love him. I barely liked him. I only wanted what he claimed he would do for me. He didn’t produce any of what he said he’d do. That made me unhappy so I sought satisfaction within myself and in someone else. This man put on the facade that he thought I wanted, like some men do, then his real self started to leak out. He couldn’t plug the leak, so it all burst forth. Now he’s gone. *happy dance*.

Now I have yet another interesting life experience to add to my vast collection of fiction based loosely on my real life. I smell a best seller. Regardless of whatever flaws he thinks I have and tries to “out”, at the end of the day I already know I was the best thing he never had. The minute he exited my life, my life improved. Business picked up. I actually wish he really did have a sex tape or pictures of me. Do you know how many people make money off of that? I have bills to pay so I could use the extra money from the scandal. Plus, I can handle it because I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done – in or out of the bedroom. Anyone who knows me, knows that my brut honesty begins within. I know where I went wrong (I wanted the financial assistance he claimed he could provide – which is against my independant character), but I also know that he created many more wrongs than I did and forced the relationship downhill like an avalanche. The difference is that I can change my error because I know what it is. Ask him what he did wrong and he’ll say ‘nothing’. He’s on a lonely boat sailing down the river named denial.

I actually take this experience as God’s way of telling me I was working outside the Master’s Plan. I’ll take that as a grown woman should and get back on the path laid out for me. God has someone else in mind for my life companion. Maybe I haven’t even met him yet. And I’m okay with that. I’m a work in progress and whomever he is, he is also a work in progress. When we finally do come together we will be the best for one another – emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially. When my husband comes into my life, we will be true partners – not two people taking advantage of one another.

In the meantime, I will marry my shoes, build my brand and enjoy the company of the most amazing, talented and gorgeous men I know. Enjoying the fabulous single life (#fabsinglelife) is a lot better than stress and drama perpetuated by someone else’s issues any day.

The life lesson for today is:

love the life you are in to the fullest. It’s the only one you get and don’t let anyone take that from you.

Class dismissed.

My Not So Ideal Life Makes Better Fiction

Everyone has things they want in life. They also have their idea of what their ideal life would be like. About fifteen years ago my ideal life would have been to have had five children, a loving husband, a huge house on a lot of land and the money to afford it all. My reality was vastly different. Instead I had one child, several miscarriages, and an abusive codependent husband who gambled away the household money. Today my ideal life is also different from the reality. In my ideal life, I would be married to a man whom I could share experiences and goals with and we’d have a media empire. The reality is that I can’t meet a man worthy of dating me more than one time and I have to build the empire I want solo. But the reality doesn’t stop me from wanting more. It does, unfortunately, sometimes dampen some of the excitement. As I’m reflecting on my regrets, my dreams, my failed relationships, rejection and my ever looming single status, I do know this: although I don’t know the reasons, seasons change and my lifetime may not have the love and marriage I hoped for, my experiences make for really good stories, which will one day make me very wealthy. There’s always a silver lining to my clouds.

There’s so much of my life that I could never have made up in a million years, such as the date from hell I had earlier in April 2011. There are authors who can only talk about other people’s experiences and hope we as an audience find it realistic enough to read about. But a lot of what I have written thus far, and will write and publish forthcoming, is based on an actual situation or person I have had a personal experience with. Yes, I use my imagination to make some of it more interesting, I don’t reveal anything that I could be sued for (names for instance) and I take certain literary liberties such as changing locations and details. However, I can honestly say that some of the men I wrote about in “The Goodie Bag; The Erotic Fiction Collection” are real men. None of them were my husband; some of them weren’t even my boyfriends. They didn’t necessarily have feelings for me or me for them, but the chemistry was good while it lasted and it made for good intimacy and sex. That’s the absolute truth. Not too many women get to say that they actually fulfilled some of their fantasies. And very few men get to say they were inspiration for erotic fiction. What is most interesting to me is that the men who inspired some of my work haven’t even bothered to read it. That’s too bad for them because according to male customers who have bought and read “The Goodie Bag”, it’s a very good read.

If nothing else, although my experiences haven’t always been pleasant, and I don’t have my ideal life (and I don’t always feel positive that I ever will), but my experiences combined with my talent will take me places. Maybe some of those places will be Paris, Dubai, Morocco and Rio. It would be nice to share it all with a man who loves me, and whom I love in return. And if not, my not-so-ideal life will still make for better fiction, that I hope will lead to everything else I’d like my media empire to be made of.