Tag Archives: fabulous

Counting The Blessings In My Fab Single Life

I was born and I’ve almost died (more than once). I was in more than my fair share of car accidents and I’m told I am lucky to be able to walk. I’ve been married and I’ve gotten divorced. I’ve had a child and I’ve lost children. I’ve been engaged and proposed to. I’ve had long term and short term relationships. I’ve been the other woman and I’ve been one of many women. I’ve owned businesses that have done well and have failed. I’ve made a lot of money and I’ve lost a lot of money. I’ve struggled and I’ve persevered. I’ve fallen down and I’ve started over. I’ve learned a lot and I’ve forgotten some things. I’ve loved deeply and I’ve been loved. I’ve had my heart broken and I’ve broken a few hearts. I’ve traveled and I’ve seen black sand and white sand beaches.

I’ve met influential people. I’ve walked red carpets and had my picture taken. I’ve had sex with famous men and I’ve had dinner with ‘average joes’. I’ve been flown across the country for romantic weekends and I’ve stayed in for romantic weekends. I’ve been kissed like I’ve never been kissed before, and I’ve been held close and tight with nothing more. I have friends and I have family. I have friends who are like family. If I were to die tomorrow, I know someone would plan my cremation and someone would come to my funeral.

I’ll be thirty seven years young soon. I have LIVED more than some people twice my age have. Although I still have more to accomplish towards my career goals, I am proud of me. If I happen to never get married again, or have another relationship, I’m actually fine with that.

Don’t cry for me because I’m single. When I’m an old woman, I’m going to have a lot of events and experiences to remember that many women will never get the chance to have. I will be able to sit on my porch with my grandchildren, smile and rock, knowing that I have lived a full, fabulous, single life; one that many would envy. If I can proclaim that today, imagine what I will have done by the time I’m forty seven years young. By that time, I will be able to add that I have also changed the world of media and entertainment, leaving something for the next generation to aspire to.

There’s nothing particularly “special” about me. I’m not the most beautiful woman in the world. I’m not the sexiest, the smartest, or the wealthiest woman either [I’m not wealthy at all, in fact. I’m struggling just to become financially “comfortable“]. I don’t own anything spectacular or trendy; there aren’t any custom Louboutin shoes or Hermes scarves in my wardrobe. I’ve never been on TMZ and I haven’t married anyone famous. I don’t always do what’s popular and I despise being like everyone else. I’m just one person that God bestowed greatness upon. I was literally born to do great things (December 25th is my birthday). So if an ordinary woman, such as myself, can become known as Super Woman by using my talents in a humble attempt to live within my purpose, just imagine what you can also do if you strive to live with purpose.  

That is why on Saturday, December 17, 2011 at 8 pm, I’m CELEBRATING ANOTHER YEAR OF BEING FABULOUS at L!V Resto Lounge in Detroit, MI.  I’ve sent my Subscribers, Tweeties and Facebook Fans/Friends an exclusive invitation to attend this event. I have good news in abundance for the new year that I’d like to share as well. So check your email, your Facebook and follow me on Twitter @BestSuperWoman to get the information. RSVP is required and admittance is not guaranteed without it. 

Haters, Haters, Everywhere Haters

I recently read Amy DuBois Barnett’s (Editor-in-Chief of Ebony Magazine) Editor’s Letter in the July 2011 issue. For the ladies, it’s the one with Tyrese Gibson on the cover; or for the men, it’s the one with Taraji P. Henson on the cover – both of whom are perfectly clad in white attire, looking fabulous. Yes, I said Taraji P. Henson looks fabulous. In Amy’s article, which she aptly titled “I Hate Haters“, she recounted an unpleasant encounter she had with a female associate of hers who overly scrutinized and criticized the beautiful women in attendance at an upscale event she attended. This immediately made me think of a slogan I have, which I will not include in this blog because I haven’t copyrighted it yet. Amy said the following “The thing is, the more negativity you spew, the worse you look. Not only is meanness an unattractive and unsexy trait, but it’s an obvious sign of insecurity. If you feel good about yourself, there’s just no need to tear anyone else down.” That is VERY true. Every word of it.

I don’t have any friends like the woman who Amy referred to in her article, but I have encountered many women like that. In the workplace, at the store, at the gas station, at the hair salon, on vacation… HATERS are everywhere. You can’t avoid them no matter what you do. That’s the reality of their existence –  they are unavoidable.  However, unlike Amy, I love haters. This is why. If someone isn’t hating on me, I’m doing something wrong, and I’m pleasing too many people the wrong way. No one can please everyone all of the time. It’s impossible. If everyone you meet loves you, you might need to closely evaluate why. It may be all love in your face, and backstabbing when you aren’t looking.

The job of a hater is to hate. That’s the first thing you should always remember. They are the people who often don’t have anything else to do. The second thing to remember is that haters are unhappy with themselves. The only joy they can experience is the brief moment it takes to attempt to tear someone else down. Thirdly, they are usually cowards. They talk a lot, but rarely say what they have to say directly to the person that they are hating on. Lastly, they are fickle, superficial and materialistic. Haters often try to make themselves feel better by acquiringmaterial possessions to stay on or ahead of the lastest trend. This is their feable attempt to replace their nonexistent self esteem. Then they hate on others who don’t have the same lavish and decadent accoutrements that they falsely believe makes a person. Don’t get me wrong, I love fashion. There is nothing wrong with being fashionable or with setting trends. How a person spends their money is completely up to them.  However, haters are not trendsetters, fashion icons or leaders, in any other sense of the word. They are followers, copycats and imitators, because that is what they believe it takes for them to be noticed by others and feel superior to others.

I imagine that it must be a very sad existence. One where your entire self worth is based on how much you can try to make someone else seem less fabulous than what they really are. But it’s a haters job and someone has to do it. The next time someone hates on you, [You already know when those time are. You look fabulous, flawless, dressed emaculately, exhibiting intelligence, talent and know-how.] smile at the hater. I’m serious. Smile directly at them. If you’re having a drink, raise your glass to them. Then remind yourself of this – haters reaffirm your greatness.

The Question

I hear it all the time. It’s the proverbial question that everyone asks me; men, women, older people, younger people. It’s the one question that I can’t escape no matter what I do. I’m not able to dodge this question regardless of the environment I’m in; day job, networking, the club, the grocery store, the hair salon. It is everywhere and when it is asked, I can’t not answer the question because it leaves a poor impression. I’m sure a lot of you are often asked this question also. “Why are you single?” I don’t know if you’re able to answer the question when some asks it of you, but I can. I know exactly what is wrong with me. I am not in denial about the person I am in any way, shape, form or fashion. I’m honest with myself above anything else. That is what allows me to be honest with the world.

Well, here is the honest answer to the question of why I am single. I am single because I am very particular about the type of person and relationship I want and need to have in my life and I have yet to meet a man that can meet or exceed those standards. I’m less superficial about physical appearance (men get older, lose their hair, gain some weight, but if he was good looking when I met him he will always be good looking if I love him) but I’m very particular about what I want from a man as a partner in life; spiritually, sexually, financially, and emotionally. He must be my friend, my lover, my confidant, my support system and my biggest fan. He must not be fearful of commitment, must be loyal and have a good work ethic. He must be willing and able to do for me the things that a man should do for his wife and know that as his wife I will return to him the same things. But that’s not the type of men I meet.

I meet men who want to be my lover, but have no interest in being my friend or confidant. I meet men who do not want to have a committed relationship with me, but have the audacity to think they can make demands on my time and energy. I meet men who don’t want a wife, but they want the benefits that should only be for a husband (The Goodie Bag). Then there are the men who have considerably less going for them than I have going for me. Their entire goal is to try to minimize me to make themselves feel better. They know that they are lacking, but instead of becoming better men, they try to make me think I’m less of a woman. NOTgoingtohappen.com. I know my worth, strengths, weaknesses and limitations. No person can ever make me feel like less than what God made me to be. At my age, I just refuse to settle for the BS that someone else wants to give me because they don’t think I deserve more. I want it all or nothing at all. If I can do things for myself, a man can’t come into my life and want to give me less.

Now, I may be nice in my dismissal of a man, because I am comfortable with myself so it’s not always necessary for me to “dog” a man out to get rid of him. There are other ways to make a man go away. One way is to be myself. I’m not the easiest person to get along with. I have high expectations of others (as I do of myself) and men often don’t measure up, so they run away. That is perfectly fine with me. If you can’t handle Super Woman, admit it and move on to someone you can handle. The first step to growth is to admit that you need it. Then, of course, I can get rid of a man by simply pushing the button.   

Now I know that I’m not perfect. But I do know this. I am a wonderful woman, for the right man. Some men have thought they were Mr. Right, but they were wrong.  If there is one man on this planet that is capable, able, willing, and strong enough to accept and love me as I am, with all of my personality quirks and idiosyncrasies, without trying to mold me into his Stepford wife or mindless concubine, he is my Superman. Where he is, I don’t know yet. I don’t even know for sure that he truly exists. But I do know that I would rather have a great love affair and relationship that I had to wait for, than settle for having a hot mess of a relationship because I didn’t want to be alone.

So until  my Superman arrives, I will continue to be the fabulous woman I am and work on making myself better for him.  He’s probably somewhere right now, wondering where I am, and working to make himself better for me also.