Tag Archives: drama

The Old College Try

I tried the relationship thing recently. It didn’t work. Now he’s stalking me. I’ve never understood how a person can decide they don’t want to be with someone, walk away from the relationship and then stalk the very person they said they don’t want to be in a relationship with. Is that the definition of insanity or bi-polar? I’m not sure, however I can rest assured that I was not the cause of the demise of the relationship. I put forth effort, I was open minded, I was committed – I gave it the old college try. And just like in college, if a major I’ve decided to study isn’t working out in my best interest,  it’s time for me to change my course schedule.

I could say a whole lot of things about him that are ALL true, but it’s not necessary because I’m the prize and he already knows it. I don’t have to tear him down to prove my worth, like he’s attempting to do to me. I know that the best revenge is to be fabulous. And fabulous, I am.  A man didn’t give me my self esteem and a man can’t take it away from me. Particularly one who isn’t the man God made for me, or even half of that. In a couple of days he’ll still be mad and I’ll be working on my upcoming media projects. In a few months he’ll still be talking about me in a derogatory manner while I’m in and on magazine covers (bragging that he knows me). In a few years he’ll be trying to capitalize off the imaginary sex tape that he claims he has and has threatened to post on Facebook and Twitter (who does that?). In a few years, I’ll still be fabulous and he’ll be a distant no one that meant nothing in my past. One day he’ll be an old man with no companionship because he alienated everyone with his poor attitude. And I’ll be the reigning Queen of All Media. The deepest truth is that I was just trying something different. I didn’t love him. I barely liked him. I only wanted what he claimed he would do for me. He didn’t produce any of what he said he’d do. That made me unhappy so I sought satisfaction within myself and in someone else. This man put on the facade that he thought I wanted, like some men do, then his real self started to leak out. He couldn’t plug the leak, so it all burst forth. Now he’s gone. *happy dance*.

Now I have yet another interesting life experience to add to my vast collection of fiction based loosely on my real life. I smell a best seller. Regardless of whatever flaws he thinks I have and tries to “out”, at the end of the day I already know I was the best thing he never had. The minute he exited my life, my life improved. Business picked up. I actually wish he really did have a sex tape or pictures of me. Do you know how many people make money off of that? I have bills to pay so I could use the extra money from the scandal. Plus, I can handle it because I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done – in or out of the bedroom. Anyone who knows me, knows that my brut honesty begins within. I know where I went wrong (I wanted the financial assistance he claimed he could provide – which is against my independant character), but I also know that he created many more wrongs than I did and forced the relationship downhill like an avalanche. The difference is that I can change my error because I know what it is. Ask him what he did wrong and he’ll say ‘nothing’. He’s on a lonely boat sailing down the river named denial.

I actually take this experience as God’s way of telling me I was working outside the Master’s Plan. I’ll take that as a grown woman should and get back on the path laid out for me. God has someone else in mind for my life companion. Maybe I haven’t even met him yet. And I’m okay with that. I’m a work in progress and whomever he is, he is also a work in progress. When we finally do come together we will be the best for one another – emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially. When my husband comes into my life, we will be true partners – not two people taking advantage of one another.

In the meantime, I will marry my shoes, build my brand and enjoy the company of the most amazing, talented and gorgeous men I know. Enjoying the fabulous single life (#fabsinglelife) is a lot better than stress and drama perpetuated by someone else’s issues any day.

The life lesson for today is:

love the life you are in to the fullest. It’s the only one you get and don’t let anyone take that from you.

Class dismissed.

Judging A Book By Its Cover

I get a lot of flack for my photographs and book cover. People think the photos are too sensual, too sexy, pornographic and all types of ridiculous things depending on their own standards. People assume I’m peddling sex or that I’m a stripper, or worse, that I’m one of those women who randomly tags people into her bathroom booty pictures on Facebook. They assume that I’m ignorant, uneducated, that I have low morals, that I’m an attention whore and that I don’t believe in, respect or love God. They seem to forget that God made the human body and that some of the most famous artwork in the world consists of the human body shown nude. I receive the most criticism from people who say they are Christians. I find it all very interesting. I’m a walking, living, breathing social experiment watching the world and how it reacts simply because it judges a book by its cover instead of reading the pages.

Recently an article was written about me by Yvette Caslin for Rolling Out Magazine with a very provocative title. The title is a definite attention getter and I love it. If a person only reads the title, they will make several assumptions about it and the content of the article. That title will either persuade them to read the article or it will dissuade them from reading the article. However, without actually reading the article, people will likely make the wrong assumption. Someone who read the article, and had seen my book prior but didn’t buy it, said to me that after reading the article they feel completely different about my book than they did before. What they had done prior was look that the book cover of my book, read the title of my book, and made a determination that it wasn’t worth their time, energy, effort or money to purchase. She probably assumed I was a younger, (single) woman who had written a tell-all book about all of the raunchy, nasty, dirty sex I had previously had with random men (ala Karrine Steffans). Now, after reading the article in Rolling Out Magazine, this person can’t wait to buy a copy of my book so she can enhance her relationship with her husband.

It’s not unusual for anyone to judge a book by its cover. We’ve all done it at some point towards someone else. A lot of it is our biases which develop because of our experiences, our social environment, our personal views, and our upbringing. Anyone who says they’ve never formed an opinion about someone without knowing them is dishonest. Even if for a split second, everyone has done it. Some people just do it more often and more to the extreme than others. If you dislike someone without ever having personal interaction with that person, and you can’t clearly verbalize a logical explanation for your dislike of that person (i.e. she looked at me funny/she thinks she’s cute), it’s likely you are judging a book by its cover. Although this occurs in society as a whole, it is constant behavior among women. So many woman have “disliked” me for unexplainable reasons. Those who have taken the time to actually get to know me, discover that I am nothing like they “thought” I was. Unfortunately, very few people take the opportunity to get to know someone prior to forming an opinion about them from afar. It would be nice if that weren’t the case.

There’s a woman I see often in passing. Until yesterday, I didn’t know her name or anything about her. All I knew about her was that she never spoke to me or smiled when she and I would pass each other, regardless of how pleasantly I said hello, attempted to make eye contact with her or how big my smile was. Eventually, I began to feel rejected, as anyone would, and I stopped making an effort to speak to her. I felt it was a waste of time and energy because she would never reply to me. She’s not the first woman to not speak to me. Believe it or not, it’s a regular occurrence in my life for women to behave this way towards me. [My personal defense mechanism is to ignore them everytime they are anywhere near me. That method may not be best for everyone, but it prevents me from becoming annoyed by something I have no control over.] After having more recent interaction with this particular woman, I discovered that she had some personal conflicts in her life that were taking a stressful toll on her. Having been in a similar situation in my life before, I now sympathize with her instead of thinking she’s just an angry and rude woman. Although her situation doesn’t excuse her behavior (and she may very well be both angry and rude), now knowing that she’s going through drama in her personal life allows me to no longer judge her harshly based on a brief encounter with her. She’s human and she’s allowed to have some bad days. I have my bad days, too. Being Super Woman is hard work and it’s stressful. It would be nice if this woman didn’t take her bad days out on anyone else, but I can’t control that. The only think I can control is whether or not I judge her without taking the time to get to know her. I’m not saying she and I will become friends, but the next time I speak and she doesn’t, I won’t feel rejected and I won’t think poorly of her as a result. She’s not just a book cover to me now.

Every book written isn’t the sum of its cover. There are pages inside of books for a reason. The pages are there to tell the story. Sometimes a book cover is just a pretty picture utilized to grab your attention and nothing more. Sometimes a book cover gives you a brief visual idea of what the book is about. And sometimes a book cover has nothing to do with the content on the pages. Take the time to read the book for yourself and form your own opinion based on what you read, not just what you see on the cover. You may find that if you take the time and effort to do so, it may change how you react to things in your life in general.

 

Not So Funny…Actually, It Is

I am always amazed at God’s display of humor in my life. This year has been a virtual roller coaster ride and it’s only May. Every step I take feels challenged by some drama, that ends up turning into a blessing. I’ve been through so much in the last few months and sometimes fear what’s yet to come. But God doesn’t give us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). So as my book sales of “The Goodie Bag” in paperback started to lag, I made a business decision that I knew I could live with. I decided to sale a Kindle Version. Now the book is available in three formats in less than six months. Yes, I said three. You didn’t know that was even possible, did you? Next I decided to put out a Kindle Version of my short story “The Pharaoh’s Throne” which is a story about a man who defies his parents instructions to take a wife and build his kingdom with her. It has a very unexpected ending.

The spirit of power, love and a sound mind guides me when I have the worst day ever and comforts me when it’s the best day yet. It allows me to joke about marrying my Steve Maddens because I’m still single, but reminds me that is only because my Superman needs his garden weeded in order to find me. When I feel lonely because so many of my friends are married or in committed relationships and I’m not, it restores my belief and faith in love, because they are an example for me that keeps my hope intact. When I want to give up this quest to build this brand, someone I’ve never met says that I helped them with my words. Moments like that are when I feel the arms of God wrap around me and tell me I am on the right track and he will carry me until I can walk again.

I know that I was built for greatness and success. I know that my talents and gifts were given to me to entertain, inspire, motivate and serve others in a multitude of ways. I know that what I have today is just a small fraction of what I will have in days to come. I often feel that I will walk this life journey without a partner, but I’m smart enough to know that I don’t get the last word on that. It takes a very special type of man to appreciate a woman like me, regardless of how many men have tried – and failed. I know that in my life, this is true: For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more (Luke 12:48). God has breathed life into me, not once, not twice, but three times in my life. He’s given me opportunities that others haven’t been blessed with. And as a result, I have a lot of work to do and responsibility to uphold. I am not “allowed” to quit because there is more that is needed of me.

When things happen to me, I understand that many factors come into to play. Decisions I made, or didn’t make, people I’ve met that concluded their season, or had a specific reason, and the fact that God just has a sense of humor. Building of character in a human being is not an easy task. It’s not going to always be pretty. Sometimes it might even physically hurt. But when you can go through flames like I have, you grow. With that growth also comes wisdom. That wisdom gives you discernment. That discernment gives you peace.

As I think back on some of the things I’ve experienced (bad marriage, miscarriages, theft of my home/car, baby daddy drama, man troubles, everyone who tried to hinder my dreams, and countless other events), I giggle just a little bit. I giggle because I won. I giggle because I’m stronger, better and smarter because of everything I’ve dealt with. I giggle because those experiences have and will allow me to help others avoid or overcome similar situations in their lives.

I giggle because I remember when each of those things was happening to me, I was saying “God, this sh*t is not so funny.” But now in retrospect, actually, it is hilarious.

No Sex in My City

Rejection is so difficult to take. Primarily from someone you love or care for. Especially when you know you have done your best, been yourself and given so much to that person, but they still reject you. This weekend I decided that I no longer want to be Carrie Bradshaw and he is not Mr. Big. If you’re a fan of “Sex and the City“, you know what I mean. For years Carrie and Big had this on again, off again, heartbreaking, emotional tug of war between them. I think in television time, this tug of war may have lasted for approximately ten years, beginning when Carrie was still in her thirties, and it climaxed with them finally getting married at the end of “Sex and the City: The Movie“, and becoming Mr. and Mrs. John James Preston. And yes, I was very happy for Carrie. All of her hard work and heartache had finally resulted in a return on her investment. Big had finally come to his senses and married the woman who he had cheated on his previous wife with and had dated off and on for a number of years in between enjoying his bachelor days.  At this stage in my life and in this dating game, I can’t be Carrie.

I think I may have fallen in strong “like” with someone. It started as a crush a number of years ago. But I never thought that I’d actually meet this man. Then last year, what I thought was impossible, happened. For the last nine and a half months (long enough for human beings to conceive and a woman to give birth to a baby), he and I have been Carrie and Big. He’s the same man I’ve mentioned in some of my other blogs. The major difference between us and them is that Big took Carrie out in public with him on numerous occasions. Carrie met Big’s associates, some of his friends, and they went to various types of events. In spite of Big’s issues with commitment, he seemed to enjoy spending time with Carrie and being with her publicly, and showing her affection. I was not so lucky. Two dates in public in nine and a half months. That’s all I got. That’s all he thought I was worth. His excuse? The same excuse a lot of men have. Money and the lack of it. Strangely, he had enough money to go to the movies, he played golf, and he went on trips. Not once, did he think to invite me to join him. Not once was I important enough. I invited him to attend the upcoming BravoBravo! event at the Detroit Opera House in June. He declined my invitation, telling me that he doesn’t go to parties because he’s been there, done that…blah, blah, blah. However, this past weekend, guess what he did? He went to a party. Without me. And he texted me to tell me where he was. So you can clearly see where this is going? In case you don’t, let me tell you.

I dumped him – again. Yes, I said “again”. This was already his second chance in nine and a half months. In January of this year, he asked for the opportunity to spend more time with me, but he apparently had other things he wanted from me. He obviously doesn’t care about my feelings or how his actions affect those feelings. A few weeks ago he said that people should have relationships that benefit them. He told me our [non-committed] relationship allowed him to have someone to spend his time with because he is human and needs companionship. I told him that a benefit for me would be him doing more with me and supporting my endeavors and attending parties with me, even though it’s not something he “does” anymore. He told me he’d think about that. I got his answer this weekend. His answer was to go to a party, without me.

He and I would’ve made a great team, but unfortunately for him, he has tunnel vision and doesn’t see that as a possibility. He’s more focused on his career and doesn’t notice how one area of a person’s life is connected to another. Career not where you want it to be and your personal relationships fail? There might be a connection there. Nine and a half months ago I would’ve been more than glad to have a business relationship with him had he approached me with that as an option, but he didn’t. I would’ve even been open to just having a sexual relationship, had he told me that was all he wanted. But he didn’t. Honesty ~ it’s a good thing and it allows a person to decide if they want to be bothered or not. Instead he dosed me with a facade. The same facade he dosed himself with as he told me repeatedly that sex wasn’t all he wanted from me. Amazingly, his actions reflect that sex is the only purpose he thought I served for him, whether he wants to admit it [to himself] or not. He didn’t want a committed relationship, a business relationship and he didn’t want to be seen in public with me. Those were not his words, those were his actions. Is he remorseful? Not likely. He probably feels that he hasn’t done anything wrong. He was honest about his whereabouts this weekend… so he gets a half a point for that.  But he gets an “F” for everything else.

So I did what Carrie has done to Big so many times in the past. I walked away from him. But unlike Carrie, it would probably take an Old Testament Act of God to convince me to go back. After all, this is my real life, not a character’s on television, and I lack the patience to wait for nothing to ever develop. How do I know that nothing would ever develop between me and him? Easy, it has already been nine and a half months. Men don’t need an eternity to know if they love a woman or want to have a relationship with her or not. He’s already 46 years old and I’m 36. If he doesn’t appreciate me, respect my feelings or care about hurting me today, staying around him isn’t going to convince him to change his behavior towards me. It will just give him license to continue to take advantage of me. I figure he doesn’t want me in his life today, it is unlikely to change in ten years. At the very least, this city girl, deserves someone who genuinely does want to be with me – in private and in public.