Tag Archives: Donald Trump

Predators Are Not Sexy

There’s a screenshot of an alleged message from a man to a woman circulating around social media. In the message the man is demanding that the woman spend time with him. ICYMI :

Men, first of all, if you have to threaten, stalk, harass or intimidate a woman into going out with you, you’re a predator. If you are messaging women repeatedly trying to guilt, shame or demean them into going out with you, you’re a predator. If you think it’s perfectly acceptable to disrespect a woman and her boundaries because you want her attention focused on you, you’re a predator. If you think you have the right to have a woman’s time, attention, and body at your disposal simply because you have a penis, you’re a predator. If you are sleeping with a lot of women then emotionally hurting them, knowingly spreading STIs to them and trying to control them with sex, you’re a predator. If you become so angry that you would physically harm or kill a woman for rejecting your advances, you’re a homicidal sociopath….and a predator. If you are a man who cosigns this kind of behavior when conducted by other men, you’re a predator.

 

You’re a predator.

And until you raise your own self esteem and lower your male entitlement, you will always be a predator.

You’re the Harvey Weinsteins of the world. Lording your perceived power over women in the workplace, at the nightclubs, at the parks, churches, schools and on social media because you think your manhood makes you special. You forget that without women, you wouldn’t even exist. Your only existence is because of a woman giving birth to you. Yet you repay womankind by preying on us for your own pleasure. Deep down you know you’re insignificant, but instead of improving yourself, your self hatred spills over into how you speak to and treat women. Your self loathing isn’t repaired by the money in your bank account, the designer clothes you hide yourself in or the expensive car you drive.

In fact, a lot of predators have no significant financial means or career achievements to boast about. All they have is a penis. Because of that, these predators feel like women should die for their attention because that’s all they think women live for – getting a man.

A lot of predators that I’ve encountered think women are so desperate for attention from men that we should drop our lives, goals, kids, friends, family, plans & careers to be in their company. For what? What are you going to do with my time? Take me to a movie? Buy me a meal? Expect to have sex with me afterwards? Boy bye. Life is about so much more than some insecure, low self esteem having dude with too much time on his hands that wants to control women because he can’t control himself. Dates should be mutual and both parties should want to be together, otherwise it’s not special. It’s definitely not worth being threatened over.

What was most outrageous about the comments were ones from women saying they’d get dressed and leave the house with this man when he arrived. Very few women thought his language was a red flag of danger. In fact, they thought it was romantic because “he must’ve made important plans”. Plans? Really? To do what exactly? Why sit in a car, at a restaurant or movie theater with someone who clearly has anger issues while you feel uncomfortable? This is the kind of person that will kill you in an abandoned house, then go home to his wife like nothing happened. There’s nothing romantic about his message.

It’s disrespectful.

Then there are the men claiming a woman they don’t know (the recipient of the message) is a stuck up bitch because she’s playing games.

News Flash: being busy isn’t playing games.

Being busy is either actually being busy or trying nicely to tell you that there’s no interest in seeing you because just flat out saying that no longer works. I wonder how many of the men who commented in agreement with talking to women like this would also say it was OK for their daughter or sister to agree to going somewhere with this predator? Or does that change things for them? Why? I’m someone’s sister and daughter too; so is she…and so is she. If it was their daughter, sister or mother, receiving this type of message, those same men would want that other man dead or in jail because then it would be wrong. Predators with this mindset towards women lack overall respect for women until it happens to a woman they feel it shouldn’t happen to, like mom, sister and daughter, not realizing that mindset is exactly why it happened to mom, sister and daughter in the first place. That’s that “it’s OK for me to rape, stalk, harass, torment, disrespect your woman, but you can’t do it to mine” thought process that is a root cause to the problems of violence towards women.

Why can’t a woman’s boundaries be respected regardless of who she is? Some of us really have better things to do with our time than spend it with men we don’t want to be with. Why can’t men understand these complete sentences when spoken by a woman?

  • I’m busy.
  • No thank you.
  • No.
  • Don’t contact me anymore.

If a woman sent that kind of message to a man, she’d be called crazy and dangerous by both men and women.

Stalking isn’t the equivalent of romance. Threatening a woman is not the equivalent of making plans for a date. Predatory behavior is not acceptable. It never has been. It never will be. Pay attention to how many predators are losing their power. If you conduct yourself in this manner, eventually you will be next.

Dannon Doesn’t Taste Good Anyway

As a black feminist, in media, I think y’all are taking this Cam Newton ‘he said females are funny and is a sexist’ situation entirely too far. You beautiful citizens of America fell for the division once again. During a time when we should be getting our representatives in DC to provide us with stronger gun legislation, and the US Department of Justice is low key making it harder to be black, we’re turning a miscommunication and misunderstanding into a war, all because a female reporter had her feelings unintentionally hurt by her favorite football player and instead of raising her hand again and saying “excuse me, what do you mean by ‘funny’?”, she let it ruin her day.

She got an apology, but was still unhappy. Why? Because she didn’t ask a follow up question that would have determined Cam’s intent and clarified his statement. For those who are unaware, reporters ask the questions. Athletes answer to what they’re asked. I truly believe that Cam does need more effective media training (which he can hire me for) and a better publicist. However, he doesn’t need to be dragged through the press or social media when his body language alone shows his intent wasn’t meant to be offensive. In fact, it seems like he was impressed that she asked something that the male reporters didn’t even think of (because they often ask about his Instagram posts or other obvious shit that doesn’t interest him much) and he expressed that in a way that she took offense to, but never clarified. Did anyone besides me think there’s the remote chance he meant it as a compliment because she asked a question he found better than any others?

Again, Cam apologized, but she said he didn’t “seem” remorseful. Probably because he didn’t mean to offend her to begin with and offered an apology because he saw it bothered her unexpectedly, not because he felt he was wrong. And that’s OK. Ladies, we all know there’s a difference in the apology we receive when the men in our lives didn’t realize what they said was hurtful because they weren’t trying to be hurtful, and an apology following a malicious statement said to hurt us. The body language and tone are not the same. There’s no begging, or crying, or roses when he didn’t intend to be hurtful to begin with. You get an “I apologize”, then a few days later after it marinates, if you made sure he understands what exactly was hurtful, you may also get a token of that apology, like dinner at your favorite restaurant.

Again, reporters ASK questions. Maybe had she just hit him with that follow up question, she’d have some clarity instead of giving too many people ammunition to argue and turn this situation into everything racist, patriotic, anti-patriotic and sexist that it is truly becoming for no reason. It’s an unnecessary fire storm, over feelings that were unintentionally hurt and a failure to properly and effectively communicate. As women in media, asking a good question is fine, asking a good follow up question can be better. So while people are demanding that Cam needs to do better (I suggest by hiring me for his media training and getting a better publicist), I think the reporter should do better also and not allow her feelings to be used against others to create more division in a country already divided on so many issues. She’s also being dragged on social media and being called a cry baby, which impacts all women working with actual sexists in male dominated industries because she is their new barometer of women not being able to hold their own.

The only thing people seem able to agree on in the midst of all of this, is that Dannon yogurt doesn’t taste good anyway. I agree, it doesn’t and the company isn’t as clean and moral as you think they are. Watch the documentary “What The Health” on Netflix and you’ll see they are hypocrites. I advise you to watch before you stock up on groceries.

You know who’s really mad about all of this? Donald Trump. Because right now Cam Newton and NFL are trending more than he is.

Blessed and Favored

With the holidays approaching, so many people feel hopeless and depressed because of what they don’t have. Statistically this is the time of year when people are more likely to commit suicide due to feelings of loneliness or depression over what they don’t have in their lives. A woman jumped to her death from a building days ago in Manhattan, after surviving Hurricane Sandy. While most people in Manhattan at that very moment were thankful for living through one of the worst storms they’ve ever experienced, she decided to end her life. Some people have a “glass is half empty“… or completely empty… mentality about their lives. Everyday I encounter people who throw pity parties for themselves, complain about how terrible everything is in their lives and about where they live. News media doesn’t help this mindset. They spend hours of time reporting on all the death, crime and scandals and give you only two minutes of human interest stories that are positive. Even in politics the candidates spend the majority of their time trying to make the other candidate look bad, instead of telling us what makes them look good – and telling the truth about it. During this year’s presidential election between the Binders Full of Women that don’t exist and Donald Trump holding “charity” for ransom, the whole politics for personal gain campaign had gotten on my last nerves.

However, it could be worse. I could have been without my sight, or even without my hearing and wouldn’t have known about any of it. And fortunately, I know how to change my television channel.

Therefore, it can be said that I am truly blessed and highly favored. My vision isn’t the best; contact lenses keep things 20/20 for my nearsightedness that I received thanks to chicken pox when I was three years old. When the weather cools down my body starts to ache from the two car accidents I had less than a year apart. I have a few extra gray hairs in my head that I’m not so enthused about. But it could be worse. Putting my contacts in everyday allows me to work, read, drive, and see everything around me. I know people who have lost their sight, although they are blessed to still have vision. Feeling pain in my legs and back reminds me that I still have the use of my legs and can walk. Those two car accidents in 2007 and 2008 could have ended a lot differently than they did. My gray hairs remind me that I’m alive and getting older, which wasn’t the case when I was told I could die before I turned thirty years old. Now I’m headed towards forty and there’s a such thing as permanent hair color to cover the grays.

I say all that to say that perspective about life contributes greatly to how we feel about our lives. Being grateful for the small things in life that we often take for granted can make the unforeseen tragedies a little easier to deal with. I feel so bad for the people in New York and New Jersey who suffered damage to their homes, businesses and disruption to their lives after Hurricane Sandy and after the nor-easter storm that followed shortly after. I really feel bad that a woman who survived the ordeal of Hurricane Sandy didn’t see herself as blessed and favored and therefore, made a decision to take her own life. She may have had the type of life that a lot of people in worse situations would have gladly traded with her. I recently read an article about a woman who had to have her limbs amputated because she so desperately wanted a bigger booty so she got illegal butt injections. She was so beautiful and gifted before making the decision that altered how she lives the remainder of her life. But she didn’t appreciate the beauty she had and instead concentrated on the booty she didn’t have. Now she doesn’t have arms or legs.

Maybe that’s what more people need to adjust their life perspectives; a “Trading Places” type of experience where they have to literally live someone else’s life for a period of time so that they can better appreciate their own. Personally, I’ll keep living the life I have. I can think of a lot of situations that could be a lot worse than what I have going on. I’ve also learned that by persevering through any situation, I come out learning a valuable lesson and often also reaping a tremendous reward.  No one said that living would be easy… At least not anyone that I know of. Even when everything isn’t exactly right in my Super World, I’m still very thankful for everything that exists in my Super World. I’ve been without creature comforts that I once took for granted. I know what it’s like to lose children, a marriage and many other things, including nearly losing my life and the use of my limbs. Those experiences taught me valuable lessons. I don’t regret the experiences because they were meant to occur so that I can be the woman I am. I wouldn’t give up any of this to have any of that happen again.

People complain too much. Often the complaint is related to something a person wants but doesn’t have; or something someone else is doing or has done, that they wouldn’t have the courage to change in the first place.

Instead of dwelling on what you don’t have, I encourage you to be more thankful for what you DO have. The desire to acquire what we don’t have has caused some people to lose their lives, their limbs and their faith. Everything you have is yours for a reason – good, bad or indifferent; either own it or adjust to it. Likewise, whatever is meant for you will also be yours; not necessarily because of you, but in spite of you. Sometimes, we can be our own biggest hindrance to our progress with our doubts, complaints and fears.

As you go about your life wishing and hoping for more, and not appreciating what you have, be careful of what you’ll exchange in order to get something you want. Everything comes at a price, including wealth, health, beauty and success. Love yourself first. Assess the important changes you can make to improve yourself like your integrity, character, self-esteem and attitude BEFORE you go through hell to change the superficial elements. Be thankful for the family you have, instead of wishing you had different family members or more of them. Some people are literally the last person in their family alive now. Be thankful for the days you have today and ahead of you instead of complaining about each day that comes. Life isn’t promised and someone died today. Be thankful for your job instead of complaining about the people you work with all the time. You may not be the best coworker to them either, but there is someone who woke up unemployed today. Don’t complain about what other people should or shouldn’t do; instead evaluate what you can do to make your own situation better. It’s likely that you aren’t being the best citizen or neighbor that you can be. Get off of Facebook and get face time with people around you and in your community. Become more involved in something positive and you won’t have time to concentrate on the negative.

Everyday count the blessings you have and look for new ones to appreciate. Making this a regular practice throughout the entire year will put a glow of love and abundance around you during each holiday season; rum not included. 

When you want to open your mouth to complain about something, remember this: 

No matter how bad you may think your situation is, someone else on this planet would gladly take your place and your blessings instead of what they deal with.  

Be blessed and highly favored.