Tag Archives: develop personal goals and standards

Give Yourself Credit

I’ve always been intelligent and proud of it. Since I was a child I was a nerd and preferred compliments towards my brain and talents above anything else. I was never really the definition of pretty to a lot of people, but I could leave the board on Jeopardy and I flexed my brain.

For 2018 I set goals to learn more about myself and my industry so that I can be as successful as I truly want to be and can be. I have no interest in being what other people think or want me to be for their own agendas, therefore being good at using my God given talents is all I strive for. I want my business to be worth billions of dollars, I want to travel more, own more real estate and a plethora of other things that I have yet to experience. I want to accomplish all of my career and financial goals without needing to marry and possibly also divorce a rich man.

In order to accomplish my goals, I had to reach my own breaking point to realize my breakthrough. In the process, I learned that I know more than I have given myself credit for. I know more about film and television, the music business, the entertainment industry and myself as a woman than I thought I did. But there was this tiny piece of me that has been too worried about making people proud of me when those same people don’t know me, value me or even like me enough for me to care about what they think of me in the first place. Some of these people are relatives, some I thought were friends, some are merely associates. They are people who will never support my brand, my business, my goals or my decisions for my life. I don’t even care why because reasons are completely irrelevant now that I realize that I don’t need that energy in my life. They are nonfactors and no longer an attachment for me. The power I gave to them, I have reclaimed for myself. I have the power.

As I go into a new year, I have a new outlook on my life and the world, time and space that I occupy and what I truly want and need. The exact outcome is yet unknown but I won’t go backwards in search of what doesn’t help or serve me. I encourage you to take stock in yourself and give yourself credit for what you bring to the world, in spite of what other people say to or about you. Grow within yourself for yourself, not for other people’s approval or love. Reclaim your power. Use it to build your legacy and share it with your children.

How To Get A Man To Pay Your Bills

Everyday a large amount of traffic comes to my website from women searching for “how to get a man to pay your bills“. I honestly have no idea how that happens because I’ve never written anything on that topic to my knowledge. I’ve written quite a bit and I really can’t remember everything I’ve ever written, so it may be a combination of the words resulting in the hits. Well, due to supply and demand, I decided to give a quick lesson on the subject.

Here’s how you get a man to pay your bills!


1. Don’t have any bills.

If you’re deep in financial debt in this economy, and you meet a man who also has financial responsibilities, the likelihood that he will want to pay your bills is very slim. Single men have bills also, even if they don’t have children. The only single men without bills are most likely living in their parent’s basement or still sleeping in the room they grew up in. That man can’t pay anyone’s bills or he’d have his own house. And let’s be honest, if you were already dating the wealthiest caliber of men to begin with, you wouldn’t be looking for a man to pay your bills in the first place.

2. Don’t ask a man to pay your bills.

Men look at women who ask for them to pay their bills as gold diggers. And that’s me being nice. Men actually call women who ask them to pay their bills garden tools. Here’s the thing, if you have something you can’t afford, a man doesn’t view it as his responsibility to make sure you keep it, particularly if you’re just “some chick” he met at the club, at the party, or even at church. Living above your means is not anyone’s problem but yours. So if you can’t afford that house, car, jewelry, those purses or shoes you covet, you may need to stop buying them or downsize until you can.

3. Don’t be a side chick.

In this society, the side chick gets nothing because she doesn’t know what her role is and has allowed herself to become over saturated. The over saturation of anything depletes its value. Therefore, the side chick (also referred to as the “jump off”, mistress or other woman) is no longer a commodity or convenience for a man to have. As a result, the smartest men will either elect to stay single, so they can date whomever they want, or get married and remain as faithful as possible. Smart men know that having a side chick is not worth losing everything they’ve worked for, no matter how beautiful she is or how good the sex is. The side chick is not likely to ever become his wife either, even if he does lose his marriage because of her. Plus, in this economy, unless a man is very wealthy (like Richard Branson wealthy), the wife isn’t necessarily going to divorce him. She may very well remain married to him and make his life miserable for as long as she feels like it. Either way, the wife gets everything.   

4. Become the wife.

Like I already said, the wife gets everything. The type of man who would pay a woman’s bills wants a woman who has proven herself to be loyal, outside of his wallet and bank account. She has had his back and held him down and when needed, she has also held him up. One example of this is seen in President and First Lady Obama. The woman a man of substance marries has been his motivating factor, his muse and his best friend. She may not be the mother of his children. She may not be the most beautiful woman in the world. She may not even be the smartest light bulb in the box. However, she has been his ego stroke when he needed it, and the necessary reality check when his ego got out of control. She has encouraged him more than she has belittled him. When he gets sick, she not only takes care of him, but she’ll make sure his business doesn’t fall to nothing by calling his supervisor and his doctor. That woman who made him feel better, stronger and taller than he’s ever felt before is the woman he will marry. And that man will pay her bills.

5. Be independent.

The only thing worse than a woman who walks around saying she doesn’t need a man, is a woman who is needy and can’t live without a man in her life. Men who pay bills, like women who have joy and purpose in their lives without needing a man around. A man wants to know that if something tragic were to happen to him (death, dismemberment or illness), that woman can take care of the kids, the house, the cars and the dog, without having to move another man in the very next day. If you can’t do anything for yourself, if you can’t go anywhere by yourself, if you have to always have a man’s attention to feel good about yourself, you will never get a man to pay your bills. You might be nice to look at, have sex with, go to the club with, but you aren’t going to be the woman who gets that man to pay her bills without being considered a garden tool in the process. When a man of substance opens his wallet, he likes to feel like a man while doing it; not like customer number 9

 6. Establish standards and goals that have nothing to do with getting a man to pay your bills.

This is highly essential in your pursuit. If your only standard is a man who will pay your bills and getting such a man is your primary focus and goal for a relationship, you might attain that…but at a cost. There’s a big difference between a man with money and a man who is chivalrous. A man could have all the money in the world. He could drive an expensive car, live in an expensive house, wear expensive clothes and have all the expensive toys he could ever dream of having. That does not mean that he is going to spend his money on you and your bills. In my experience, some of these same men are very insecure and selfish with their money. They don’t mind spending it on themselves and will do so at anytime, but the minute they meet you, they become afraid of letting you near their bank accounts. That’s because they didn’t grow up with money. They are what is considered “new money” or first generation money. Whatever they have financially, they had to either work  extremely hard for it, won the lottery or did something illegal to attain it. Therefore, giving it up isn’t easy for them. And if you manage to get them to give you their money, you now become their property. It’s a lot better to have a man who is chivalrous. A man who is chivalrous believes that his role in his WIFE’S life is to be a provider and he will spend money to make her smile, because he works hard, in every way, for her: he put in time and energy to meet her, court her and has invested his emotions into her. He cares for her and wants the two of them to have a good relationship. Buying gifts, paying bills, and so-on, are something he considers to be a part of who he is as a man in that particular woman’s life. He does so willingly, not by manipulation. Instead, develop personal goals and standards that will attribute to you building your own wealth and being able to pay your own bills. Upgrade yourself and your lifestyle by yourself. If your idea of traveling is going to Chicago for the weekend, you can’t expect to meet a man who has lived in Italy and speaks fluent Italian. You might have to actually go to Italy for that. Which means you need to have your own money. If you work harder at improving your financial situation without the aid of a man, your overall life will improve tremendously, and so will the caliber of men you meet. You attract what you are.    

This may not have been the advice you were searching for when you Googled, however, I don’t write, or speak to people just to tell them what they want to hear. That’s counterproductive. It only results in people continuing to do the same thing expecting different results. I tell people the truth, whether they like it or not. You don’t have to take my advice or adjust your mindset. It won’t change my life one bit if you don’t. However, if you pay attention, and look at yourself hard and long, take my words and put them into practice, it might change YOUR life for the better.     

~ When you know better, you do better.