Tag Archives: depression

Looking Forward – New Year, New You

There was a time in my life when I was deeply depressed during the holidays. I felt terribly alone and dreaded the entire experience. I realized later in life that those feelings of depression were brought about because I didn’t know my purpose and therefore couldn’t fulfill it. Now I love the holidays. For me it signifies a renewal process. As much as I don’t like snow, or ice, or salt trucks, I know seeing them is a sign of progression of the seasons and the years. Every holiday for the last few years, I have set attainable goals for myself, both personally and professionally. I have achieved each and every one of those goals, along with some I didn’t expect to achieve, such as becoming the 2013 Confident Woman Award recipient.

This holiday isn’t any different. I’m writing my third book. I’m producing and creating more video content. I’m making myself available for speaking engagements going into 2014. We officially have a BBM Channel as of December 2013, we have a mobile app being developed for release in 2014, a Vimeo Channel, an official YouTube Channel (that’s not new, but it’s still cool), and we’ll be producing more online content starting next year. We’re also already scheduling our guests for The FabLife Radio Show, which reached over 43,000 listens and had over 50 subject matter experts and celebrity guests in 2013. We will resume live shows the first Friday of January. I’m growing the Super Woman Brand and I’m looking forward to another new year of growth and progress.

I’ve come a long way and I want to be an example to others that life is truly what you make of it. Many of us have had experiences that haven’t been pleasant, some of us more than our fair share. But instead of looking at every situation as a tragedy, I now look to discover what I’m meant to learn from it. And sometimes what I think is a tragedy is actually a blessing for me. As we go into the holiday season which will close out this year, I’d like for you to look back on some of the situations you’ve experienced this last year. Look at what your role was in the situation, but don’t blame yourself, just accept responsibility for what you did or didn’t do so that if you’re ever in that situation again, you will know better. Apologize to those you have wronged, forgive those who have wronged you, while keeping in mind that you’re not obligated to include them in your life going forward, but closure can be healing. Healing allows you to grow and move forward.

Don’t regret anything for any reason. I’ve learned that regret will hold you hostage if you’re not careful. Everything happens and yes, sometimes we let opportunities pass us by, but if you know you did you best, you shouldn’t  have any regrets. If you know that your regret comes from the fact that you didn’t do your best and you could have done something better, you actually have time to rectify that if you choose to. Sometimes the fear that an opportunity has completely passed us by is the main reason we don’t try. Not trying is the only regret I condone. If you don’t at least try, you will never know if you are able to do better or obtain closure.

Look forward. The past is behind you for a reason. It’s not coming back. So concentrate on the present and the future. Be realistic in your endeavors and goal setting. Everyone can’t be a super model or a professional athlete. Take the time to discover what the Master’s Plan for your life is that includes your talents and abilities, and strive towards cultivating that. Trying to be something other than what you were meant to become is a complete waste of time and energy. Trying to be what someone else is out of envy is also a complete waste of time and energy. Instead put in the work to be the absolute best version of yourself that you can be in 2014 and beyond. Discover what you do best and do that. 

That’s my focus  – to be the best version of myself, today, tomorrow and everyday after. It’s my own personal New Year, New You project. I didn’t necessarily plan any of this, and I’ve had to make some very unexpected sacrifices to get this far. I know that more sacrifices will be required of me but in the end, the life I’m meant to live will be well worth it because I will have been a blessing to others in the process.

Thank you for your support of Super Woman Productions and Publishing and I will have a lot more for you in 2014.

Happy Holidays! 

 

Blessed and Favored

With the holidays approaching, so many people feel hopeless and depressed because of what they don’t have. Statistically this is the time of year when people are more likely to commit suicide due to feelings of loneliness or depression over what they don’t have in their lives. A woman jumped to her death from a building days ago in Manhattan, after surviving Hurricane Sandy. While most people in Manhattan at that very moment were thankful for living through one of the worst storms they’ve ever experienced, she decided to end her life. Some people have a “glass is half empty“… or completely empty… mentality about their lives. Everyday I encounter people who throw pity parties for themselves, complain about how terrible everything is in their lives and about where they live. News media doesn’t help this mindset. They spend hours of time reporting on all the death, crime and scandals and give you only two minutes of human interest stories that are positive. Even in politics the candidates spend the majority of their time trying to make the other candidate look bad, instead of telling us what makes them look good – and telling the truth about it. During this year’s presidential election between the Binders Full of Women that don’t exist and Donald Trump holding “charity” for ransom, the whole politics for personal gain campaign had gotten on my last nerves.

However, it could be worse. I could have been without my sight, or even without my hearing and wouldn’t have known about any of it. And fortunately, I know how to change my television channel.

Therefore, it can be said that I am truly blessed and highly favored. My vision isn’t the best; contact lenses keep things 20/20 for my nearsightedness that I received thanks to chicken pox when I was three years old. When the weather cools down my body starts to ache from the two car accidents I had less than a year apart. I have a few extra gray hairs in my head that I’m not so enthused about. But it could be worse. Putting my contacts in everyday allows me to work, read, drive, and see everything around me. I know people who have lost their sight, although they are blessed to still have vision. Feeling pain in my legs and back reminds me that I still have the use of my legs and can walk. Those two car accidents in 2007 and 2008 could have ended a lot differently than they did. My gray hairs remind me that I’m alive and getting older, which wasn’t the case when I was told I could die before I turned thirty years old. Now I’m headed towards forty and there’s a such thing as permanent hair color to cover the grays.

I say all that to say that perspective about life contributes greatly to how we feel about our lives. Being grateful for the small things in life that we often take for granted can make the unforeseen tragedies a little easier to deal with. I feel so bad for the people in New York and New Jersey who suffered damage to their homes, businesses and disruption to their lives after Hurricane Sandy and after the nor-easter storm that followed shortly after. I really feel bad that a woman who survived the ordeal of Hurricane Sandy didn’t see herself as blessed and favored and therefore, made a decision to take her own life. She may have had the type of life that a lot of people in worse situations would have gladly traded with her. I recently read an article about a woman who had to have her limbs amputated because she so desperately wanted a bigger booty so she got illegal butt injections. She was so beautiful and gifted before making the decision that altered how she lives the remainder of her life. But she didn’t appreciate the beauty she had and instead concentrated on the booty she didn’t have. Now she doesn’t have arms or legs.

Maybe that’s what more people need to adjust their life perspectives; a “Trading Places” type of experience where they have to literally live someone else’s life for a period of time so that they can better appreciate their own. Personally, I’ll keep living the life I have. I can think of a lot of situations that could be a lot worse than what I have going on. I’ve also learned that by persevering through any situation, I come out learning a valuable lesson and often also reaping a tremendous reward.  No one said that living would be easy… At least not anyone that I know of. Even when everything isn’t exactly right in my Super World, I’m still very thankful for everything that exists in my Super World. I’ve been without creature comforts that I once took for granted. I know what it’s like to lose children, a marriage and many other things, including nearly losing my life and the use of my limbs. Those experiences taught me valuable lessons. I don’t regret the experiences because they were meant to occur so that I can be the woman I am. I wouldn’t give up any of this to have any of that happen again.

People complain too much. Often the complaint is related to something a person wants but doesn’t have; or something someone else is doing or has done, that they wouldn’t have the courage to change in the first place.

Instead of dwelling on what you don’t have, I encourage you to be more thankful for what you DO have. The desire to acquire what we don’t have has caused some people to lose their lives, their limbs and their faith. Everything you have is yours for a reason – good, bad or indifferent; either own it or adjust to it. Likewise, whatever is meant for you will also be yours; not necessarily because of you, but in spite of you. Sometimes, we can be our own biggest hindrance to our progress with our doubts, complaints and fears.

As you go about your life wishing and hoping for more, and not appreciating what you have, be careful of what you’ll exchange in order to get something you want. Everything comes at a price, including wealth, health, beauty and success. Love yourself first. Assess the important changes you can make to improve yourself like your integrity, character, self-esteem and attitude BEFORE you go through hell to change the superficial elements. Be thankful for the family you have, instead of wishing you had different family members or more of them. Some people are literally the last person in their family alive now. Be thankful for the days you have today and ahead of you instead of complaining about each day that comes. Life isn’t promised and someone died today. Be thankful for your job instead of complaining about the people you work with all the time. You may not be the best coworker to them either, but there is someone who woke up unemployed today. Don’t complain about what other people should or shouldn’t do; instead evaluate what you can do to make your own situation better. It’s likely that you aren’t being the best citizen or neighbor that you can be. Get off of Facebook and get face time with people around you and in your community. Become more involved in something positive and you won’t have time to concentrate on the negative.

Everyday count the blessings you have and look for new ones to appreciate. Making this a regular practice throughout the entire year will put a glow of love and abundance around you during each holiday season; rum not included. 

When you want to open your mouth to complain about something, remember this: 

No matter how bad you may think your situation is, someone else on this planet would gladly take your place and your blessings instead of what they deal with.  

Be blessed and highly favored. 

Feedback is Welcomed!…and Needed.

I’m at a fork in the road where Super Woman Productions and Publishing is concerned. It has taken me 15 years to be able to realize my dreams. Things aren’t going well for me in this endeavor and I need to decide what direction to go in next. I don’t want to abandon my dreams and goals but I need to improve so that I can begin to earn a living. I understand that we’re in a fiscal recession (depression) and it’s difficult for everyone. However, there are still a lot of millionaires around and they aren’t suffering. In my life I have a greater purpose that involves helping others, but I can’t do that if I’m not able to feed myself. I owe a lot to others and the only way I can repay them is to become successful. I didn’t say rich. I said successful. There is a difference.  

I can’t be successful without you. I’m not able to realize my purpose if no one ever sees, hears or reads me. Therefore, I am asking for your feedback. Your feedback is welcomed and greatly needed. It will be used so that I can either plan to improve or decide to dismantle Super Woman Productions and Publishing. That is the cross road I am currently at. My financial resources are gone so I have to make a hard choice. Before I go down with or sink my ship (it’s hard being the Captain), I need to know what you, my fans think, because I value you.

I have created a survey on Google for you to complete. This survey will allow me to measure what I can do to improve my business or decide if it is time to dismantle Super Woman Productions and Publishing. My goal is to convert my Super Fans into Super Consumers. Website hits, Tweets and Facebook Friends can’t measure the profitability of a business. Social media is only a small facet of what the Super Woman Brand is about.The first 50 people to complete the survey will receive an invitation from me to join Google+ . Please share the survey with people you know by email, Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn. The more people that complete the survey, the better I can determine my next step. I love you and thank you for sharing.

Please complete the Super Woman Productions and Publishing Fan Feedback Survey HERE

Years to Remember

Tomorrow is the day. The day my eighteen year old son graduates from high school and prepares to go to college in the fall. I knew this day was coming. I had eighteen years to prepare myself for this. But I didn’t know it would feel like this. I raised him to have leadership abilities and a mind of his own. He’s always had more freedom and responsibility than a lot of young men he knows. No curfews, but he never has stayed out too late. No restrictions, but he’s never been anywhere he shouldn’t be. He’s had every opportunity afforded to him that I could financially afford, and some that I made sacrifices for so that he could have the experiences anyway. He’s been able to travel a little bit, but I often wish there were more places I had been able to take him over the years. He’s never caused me any “trouble”. He hasn’t had any incidences that would have resulted in jail time; he’s never tried narcotics and decided on his own to remain abstinent for the time being. All things that I’ve had very frank discussions with him about but allowed him to also make his own decisions about. Needless to say, I’m proud of the decisions he made for himself. I’ve never had to come up with bail money, nurse a hangover or potential overdose and I’m not a grandmother at thirty-six years old.  

There were many people who constantly said that I didn’t know what my child was doing when I wasn’t around because “single mothers never do and they always think ‘not my child’ and their child is the first one in trouble”. I’m glad I can gloat and tell those people that they obviously didn’t know my child. They also obviously didn’t know me. I’m that young mother that believes in old school discipline. Although my son hasn’t had a spanking since he was seven years old, he has a very healthy fear of his mother. He knows the expectations are great and measureable as my son. He knows that major disappointments are not taken lightly and that failure is not an option. It has been instilled in him.

One thing I always tried to teach my son was that he didn’t have to personally make mistakes to still learn from them. Life is a teacher and when you look at other people’s lives, you can learn what not to do, if you want to. My son understood this it seems because he often tells me that he is going to try not to make certain mistakes in his life because he saw what it did to someone else. I’m not sure if my son has a celebrity “role model”. After all, so many of them don’t want to be “role models”. But I think a few of their experiences have educated my son as a young black man as to how this world will treat you if you are not careful. One moment they love you and place you on the highest pedestal because you are scoring touchdowns and three point shots. The next minute they are persecuting you, taking away your endorsement deals and dragging your reputation through the deepest puddle of mud that can be found. So thank you to Kobe Bryant, Michael Vick and countless others who showed my son what not to do.

My son hasn’t had the best relationship with his father, due to no fault of his own, or of mine. You can’t force someone to love you, support you and exemplify what you think a parent should be. All you can do, is do better when your chance comes around. I never spoke ill of my son’s father to him. I didn’t have to. It wasn’t going to benefit me in anyway to do so. It wasn’t going to improve the situation at all. So I was very mindful not to engage in those kinds of conversations or confrontations in my son’s presence. It didn’t always work, because his father likes drama and enjoys being the center of attention, even when it’s negative. But I did manage to be the bigger person 95% of the time, even when I didn’t want to be. As a result, my son learned for himself, without any influence from me, the type of man his father is, and isn’t. I intentionally removed myself from the equation so that I could not be blamed (by his father) for how my son feels towards him. Whether his father sees it that way, I do not know. I honestly do not care.

After eighteen years of many sacrifices on my part, I don’t care what anyone thinks. I gave up my goals for higher education. I gave up a modeling career. I gave up a size six body. I gave up many, many, many, many men. I gave up countless hopes and dreams of traveling around the world, sipping champagne and buying designer handbags. I gave up eighteen years of many other things so that I could nurture the life of another person. There were times during those eighteen years when the thought of what I could’ve had caused me to become very depressed, so much so that I was even hospitalized for depression at one time. I suffered from and recovered from a chronic illness. I’ve had major car accidents that I was blessed to walk away alive from. I’ve lost good jobs, had crap jobs and got better jobs. With every hardship and loss, my motivation was that I had to continue on for my son. I had to show him that although life knocks you down, repeatedly, you have to get back up and keep living. I had to show him what it was to be super. And in the process, I showed myself.

I don’t know what I’m going to do when my son leaves for college. What do you do when your best friend, your anchor, your reason for persevering daily goes away to explore the next phase of his own life? I don’t know. This is my first time having this experience. Hopefully, between now and then my career will catapult forward to the point where I’ll have my own radio show, a couple more books published along with the opportunity and finances to travel. Maybe I’ll even meet my Superman. I don’t know what will happen next. What I do know is that tomorrow signifies a new phase in life for me and my son. When the sun rises in the morning, it will mean one thing to him and something else to me. When the sun sets in the evening the same will also be true. And I promise that I will try not to cry all day.

I had many years to remember with my son. Eighteen years and nine months to be exact. That’s a lengthy investment. Now it’s his turn to go forth and be super. He can do it. I have the utmost belief in him. After all, he is Super Son.