If you’ve been following my blogs from their inception, you know that my dating life is the stuff that fiction is made from. You also know that I admit to not being talented enough as a writer to make this stuff up. I’m turning all of my mis-adventures in dating into a novel called “He’s A Problem“. I had planned to release “He’s A Problem” long before now, but I have what I initially thought was writer’s block and I have been unable to finish it. I recently discovered that what I have isn’t writer’s block at all. Apparently, God in all His infinite wisdom, and sense of humor, apparently felt that I needed additional material to make “He’s A Problem” a successful and entertaining read for all of you.
So I’m going to share one of the encounters that I recently had with a man, and another reason I’m single and have learned to embrace it versus trying to have something that isn’t in the Master’s Plan for my life.
A man contacted me stating that he wanted to do business with me and that he was in need of writing services for his business. We met, and I gave him a price quote based on the needs he communicated with me. During the meeting he started talking about being “friends” and “getting to know me“. Anyone who knows me, knows that when my mind is on business, that is all I care about. I gave him the nod and smile but in the back of my mind I was saying “Here we go again. Another man pretending to want to do business with me to try to get me into bed“. Over a few days, he never said if he had accepted my quote for the work to be done. His entire conversation was personal. He kept claiming he wanted “to get to know me” and “know about what I do“. I honestly wasn’t buying it. I had heard that same thing too often from other men who couldn’t tell you my middle name or my eye color if you put a gun to their heads. He also called too much (every 10 – 20 minutes during the course of a few hours) and talked too much. Both traits I find to be unattractive. If a man says he’s going to call me back later, I expect for later to actually arrive before I hear from him again. Even when he’d ask me a question, he’d interrupt my answer, not allowing me to finish a complete thought. He was a terrible listener and misunderstood almost everything I said to him resulting in arguments. I knew he wouldn’t last longer. Men always eliminate themselves when they don’t measure up, so there’s no need for me to be mean.
Now, comes the day of reckoning. I had a radio appearance coming up and I invited him to come to the radio station with me to give him the opportunity to get an idea of what I do. Afterall, he claimed that he wanted to get to know me, right? When I offered him this opportunity, he immediately decided that he didn’t want to wait an hour and a half with me and watch the show, so he counter offered to drop me off and pick me up. I asked him what he’d do during that time and he said “just drive around and go do something else“. Not one to argue, I agreed to letting him drop me off and pick me up. On the morning of the radio show, he sends me a text message saying ‘Good morning. Are you ready for your show? And are you going to give me gas money or pay for dinner after?’
Does anyone else see the problem with that?
If not, let me clarify:
- Dropping me off and picking me up was his idea, not mine. I invited him to see what I do because he claimed to want to know. If I just wanted a ride, I would’ve reserved a chauffeur driven sedan instead.
- If he didn’t have gas in his vehicle, he should have said that before the day of the radio show and I would’ve caught a taxi instead. Plus his idea to “just drive around and go do something else” for an hour and a half shouldn’t be paid for by me when he could have stayed his monkey ass at the radio station with me instead.
I told him he was rude, and reminded him that dropping me off and picking me up was HIS idea. He had the nerve to then say “I don’t need the gas money. I just wanted to see what you would say“. Oh, really? Then he tries to text argue with me for the next hour. I wasn’t even angry. I wasn’t even surprised. He started cursing and then even called my voicemail and cursed and screamed into my voicemail saying “I’m such a man, I’ll still take you and won’t even try anything“. After I stopped laughing, I thought to myself ‘Does he seriously think I would ever go anywhere with him? And what’s that supposed to mean? Was that a threat? Is he saying that I need my 9 mm?‘ Of course I told gas-money man to lose my number, don’t text me, tweet me, inbox me or even look at me on the street – ever again. I also decided to start charging and billing an hourly fee to men who book meetings with me under the guise of doing business.
Wasting my time: $250.
The good thing about these problematic experiences with men is that they make great fiction. I’m now able to add this event to the novel, “He’s A Problem” and…[drum roll please], I’m writing a short film script based on my book (∞), that will hopefully debut before the book’s publication [applause]. See. Everything works out for the best in the end. I needed to have more hilariously unbelievable and ridiculous dating experiences so that I could be creative and provide a well written and humorous book for my supporters to enjoy. I’ve even found an incredibly sexy man for my book cover and possibly to co-star in the short film. He’s multitalented and recently appeared on the Bill Cunningham daytime talk show and Divorce Court. He is quite the muse. Below is a brief look at him.
(warning: you should be 18 years old and not easily offended by sexiness to view the following video).