Tag Archives: beauty

Stop Body Shaming

There’s too much fat/skinny shaming among women. Everywhere I look women are pointing out each others physical flaws; from Instagram to comments on websites and blogs, there is shade between women who are on either side of the weight scale.

Skinny vs. Plus Sized

I’m neither skinny or plus size, standing at 5’10” in a size 10 dress, size 12 (sometimes for comfort) jeans. I’m in the middle of the debate looking at both sides like Really? I wonder why we can’t just strive to be the HEALTHIEST version of ourselves, regardless of our varying body types or stereotypes associated with them? There are some ‘skinny’ women that can’t walk a half mile without becoming out of breath, just like there are some plus sized women that can run a mile effortlessly. There are people on both sides of the scale eating unhealthy and not getting enough exercise. Why not look in the mirror, go to your doctor and decide what’s best for you personally and work on that? For some women, getting healthier may result in weight loss (smaller), muscle gain (bigger or more toned), improved breathing, better stamina AND a more youthful appearance. And if any of that happens, don’t go sit on the other fence throwing shade and taking shots at other women because they are thinner or bigger than you are. I know what it’s like to be plus sized and struggling to lose the weight. Believe it or not, I had a medical condition at one time in my late 20s and I was a size 16. It took me over 2 years to lose weight and go to a size 12. The one thing I didn’t lose was something I have always had; the curves that create my booty and thighs. I learned to embrace those attributes, instead of making excuses for them or trying to minimize them. My thighs may not rub together as much as someone else’s, but they look good on me. My breasts may not be as big as someone else’s, but they also look good on me. My stomach may not be as flat as someone else’s but it looks good on me, and it’s looking better because I want it to, not because some magazine article, or pretend model on Instagram or a man who isn’t worthy of my attention told me I needed to change it. I’m working to make that personal change because a smaller waist helps me avoid a heart attack with all of the stress in my life and business. That’s my motivation at 40 years old – to avoid dying because of something preventable.

Exercise is for more than looking good.

Exercise reduces stress and the adverse effects of the daily traumas we experience when racists go out and shoot up churches, or people around us are losing jobs and hope. Exercise isn’t a badge you hold over your sisters head because she’s not with you at the gym. All of us as women, need to have better relationships with food, water, exercise, health, and each other. I encourage you to stop letting the Kardashians and other Instafamous nobodies tell you what you should look like, what to inject into or remove from your bodies. Instead, get to know the healthiest version of yourself, not to compete with other women, but because it’s going to improve the quality of your life.

Love yourself and be the healthiest you can, for your own quality of life and longevity. The healthier you are the more you’ll appreciate your individuality, regardless of your shape or size.

Blessed and Favored

With the holidays approaching, so many people feel hopeless and depressed because of what they don’t have. Statistically this is the time of year when people are more likely to commit suicide due to feelings of loneliness or depression over what they don’t have in their lives. A woman jumped to her death from a building days ago in Manhattan, after surviving Hurricane Sandy. While most people in Manhattan at that very moment were thankful for living through one of the worst storms they’ve ever experienced, she decided to end her life. Some people have a “glass is half empty“… or completely empty… mentality about their lives. Everyday I encounter people who throw pity parties for themselves, complain about how terrible everything is in their lives and about where they live. News media doesn’t help this mindset. They spend hours of time reporting on all the death, crime and scandals and give you only two minutes of human interest stories that are positive. Even in politics the candidates spend the majority of their time trying to make the other candidate look bad, instead of telling us what makes them look good – and telling the truth about it. During this year’s presidential election between the Binders Full of Women that don’t exist and Donald Trump holding “charity” for ransom, the whole politics for personal gain campaign had gotten on my last nerves.

However, it could be worse. I could have been without my sight, or even without my hearing and wouldn’t have known about any of it. And fortunately, I know how to change my television channel.

Therefore, it can be said that I am truly blessed and highly favored. My vision isn’t the best; contact lenses keep things 20/20 for my nearsightedness that I received thanks to chicken pox when I was three years old. When the weather cools down my body starts to ache from the two car accidents I had less than a year apart. I have a few extra gray hairs in my head that I’m not so enthused about. But it could be worse. Putting my contacts in everyday allows me to work, read, drive, and see everything around me. I know people who have lost their sight, although they are blessed to still have vision. Feeling pain in my legs and back reminds me that I still have the use of my legs and can walk. Those two car accidents in 2007 and 2008 could have ended a lot differently than they did. My gray hairs remind me that I’m alive and getting older, which wasn’t the case when I was told I could die before I turned thirty years old. Now I’m headed towards forty and there’s a such thing as permanent hair color to cover the grays.

I say all that to say that perspective about life contributes greatly to how we feel about our lives. Being grateful for the small things in life that we often take for granted can make the unforeseen tragedies a little easier to deal with. I feel so bad for the people in New York and New Jersey who suffered damage to their homes, businesses and disruption to their lives after Hurricane Sandy and after the nor-easter storm that followed shortly after. I really feel bad that a woman who survived the ordeal of Hurricane Sandy didn’t see herself as blessed and favored and therefore, made a decision to take her own life. She may have had the type of life that a lot of people in worse situations would have gladly traded with her. I recently read an article about a woman who had to have her limbs amputated because she so desperately wanted a bigger booty so she got illegal butt injections. She was so beautiful and gifted before making the decision that altered how she lives the remainder of her life. But she didn’t appreciate the beauty she had and instead concentrated on the booty she didn’t have. Now she doesn’t have arms or legs.

Maybe that’s what more people need to adjust their life perspectives; a “Trading Places” type of experience where they have to literally live someone else’s life for a period of time so that they can better appreciate their own. Personally, I’ll keep living the life I have. I can think of a lot of situations that could be a lot worse than what I have going on. I’ve also learned that by persevering through any situation, I come out learning a valuable lesson and often also reaping a tremendous reward.  No one said that living would be easy… At least not anyone that I know of. Even when everything isn’t exactly right in my Super World, I’m still very thankful for everything that exists in my Super World. I’ve been without creature comforts that I once took for granted. I know what it’s like to lose children, a marriage and many other things, including nearly losing my life and the use of my limbs. Those experiences taught me valuable lessons. I don’t regret the experiences because they were meant to occur so that I can be the woman I am. I wouldn’t give up any of this to have any of that happen again.

People complain too much. Often the complaint is related to something a person wants but doesn’t have; or something someone else is doing or has done, that they wouldn’t have the courage to change in the first place.

Instead of dwelling on what you don’t have, I encourage you to be more thankful for what you DO have. The desire to acquire what we don’t have has caused some people to lose their lives, their limbs and their faith. Everything you have is yours for a reason – good, bad or indifferent; either own it or adjust to it. Likewise, whatever is meant for you will also be yours; not necessarily because of you, but in spite of you. Sometimes, we can be our own biggest hindrance to our progress with our doubts, complaints and fears.

As you go about your life wishing and hoping for more, and not appreciating what you have, be careful of what you’ll exchange in order to get something you want. Everything comes at a price, including wealth, health, beauty and success. Love yourself first. Assess the important changes you can make to improve yourself like your integrity, character, self-esteem and attitude BEFORE you go through hell to change the superficial elements. Be thankful for the family you have, instead of wishing you had different family members or more of them. Some people are literally the last person in their family alive now. Be thankful for the days you have today and ahead of you instead of complaining about each day that comes. Life isn’t promised and someone died today. Be thankful for your job instead of complaining about the people you work with all the time. You may not be the best coworker to them either, but there is someone who woke up unemployed today. Don’t complain about what other people should or shouldn’t do; instead evaluate what you can do to make your own situation better. It’s likely that you aren’t being the best citizen or neighbor that you can be. Get off of Facebook and get face time with people around you and in your community. Become more involved in something positive and you won’t have time to concentrate on the negative.

Everyday count the blessings you have and look for new ones to appreciate. Making this a regular practice throughout the entire year will put a glow of love and abundance around you during each holiday season; rum not included. 

When you want to open your mouth to complain about something, remember this: 

No matter how bad you may think your situation is, someone else on this planet would gladly take your place and your blessings instead of what they deal with.  

Be blessed and highly favored. 

When You Know Better, You Do Better

I’m a champion for women’s empowerment. I believe we need to embrace our diversity, our beauty, our image and our sexuality. I believe we do not need to feel ashamed or embarassed by our differences. I believe we need to love ourselves because we are amazing. I believe that at every stage of growth in a young woman’s life she should be learning about herself so that she can grow to become the best woman she can possibly be. Sex is not dirty. Sex isn’t nasty. Sex is what allows all of us to exist – unless you exist by osmosis.

Having said that – this new craze of young women aged 18 – 22 posting pictures of their (literally) naked bodies all over Facebook is getting out of hand. Their only goal is to get more “friends” on Facebook. They want “celebrity” status overnight just for being naked. They aren’t selling a product or service that is related to sex. They are “wanna-be” models who for some strange reason think their behavior will lead directly to that. They are naked, just to be naked. They are showing as much skin as in any men’s magazine in a bookstore (adult or otherwise). I’m not kidding or exaggerating. The difference between them and the women in the men’s magazines is that the women in the men’s magazines aren’t doing it for free and they are often well over the age of 21. Does that matter? To a degree it does. The women in the men’s magazines have control over how they are seen. The have contracts and are allowed to make decisions about their poses, clothing, etc. They have managers and lawyers representing them and their images can’t be used without their permission. These young girls on Facebook don’t have that. They are “following” a sad trend because they obviously have a misconception about what it means to be a woman. And they’re doing it to get more Facebook “friends”.

These young girls aren’t singers, actors, or legitimate aspiring models. If you asked one to sing, she probably couldn’t hold a note. If you asked one who Shakepeare is, they’d probably say “some boring English guy”. They are misguided young girls. They are someone’s daughter, niece and sister. They are starved for attention so they feel like they need to garner attention in the vast world of social media, just so they can feel good about themselves. They don’t understand that with sex and sexuality comes responsibility, not just power. If you don’t utilize your power wisely as a sexual being, it can be stripped from you and used against you.

Maybe it’s just the society we live in now. People are more famous for having sex tapes and who they sleep with than they are for having actual talent [when someone has talent they get overlooked]. Everyone is pimping themselves out for fifteen minutes of fame. Then they do whatever is necessary to stay famous. I posted my vent onto my Facebook status today. One man said it is all the sex in the books the girls read and the tv they watch that is encouraging their behavior. I disagree. I write erotic fiction and not one of those girls has read my book. How do I know? If they had read my book, they would know that their “goodies” are only for their husband – not for strangers on Facebook. None of these girls are married women; they are barely out of high school as indicated by their birthdates. Any younger and what they are doing would be considered child pornography. Plus they are too busy taking pictures of themselves naked and posting them onto Facebook to watch any television. We can’t constantly blame the media for people’s actions and poor decisions. The media is just a reflection of what is going on in the world we live in.

And why isn’t the media covering this as a story? I can’t be the only person who sees this as a societal issue with  ramifications.

For two days in a row, I woke up to a girl’s butt in my news feed on Facebook. Yesterday, one girl had tagged about fifty or more people (men in particular) in her picture. She added the caption “add me up”, which means to make her your Facebook friend. She had less than 175 friends at the time. I sent a message to her and suggested that if she has aspirations in life that don’t include becoming a porn star, she might want to be more selective about which pictures of herself she decides to post. I also explained to her that a lot of people Google people prior to hiring them or deciding to do business with them, and that she will not be taken seriously if those are the pictures that people first see of her. She replied that she appreciated my concern, but she didn’t remove the pictures of herself. And she probably won’t. She thinks those pictures will open doors for her to become an overnight celebrity. She is wrong. I bet her parents aren’t her Facebook friends. I’m sure they have no idea what their daughter is trying to do while she’s supposed to be at college studying. And she’s not the only girl behaving in this manner. Everyday my news feed has several girls’ butts on it because my friends are getting tagged in these pictures and a lot of them don’t even know it. This is becoming a trend in social networking now. They even do it on Twitter. The difference is that Twitter will remove the pictures and Facebook will not – unless you are ME. If you are ME, Facebook will threaten to delete your account. But I digress.

This is one of the topics I plan to cover in the I Feel Good; Mind, Body and Soul Women’s Conference next year. I pray that God send good financial sponsors to partner with me in this endeavor. We have to take back our worth. We have to learn the difference between being a brand and being a joke. We have to show girls that we can control our image and how we are seen. We have to stop giving ourselves away in exchange for nothing that will nourish us as women. We have to think smarter, work together better and show girls that being a woman is not the sum of the size of your breasts and butts. We have to teach them that they don’t have to beg for attention from strangers in order to feel good about themselves. We have to do something. We have to do better.

When you know better, you do better.

To help sponsor the I Feel Good; Mind, Body and Soul Women’s Conference please email Super Woman at info@superwomanproductions.com with subject SPONSOR. You’ll be added to the sponsorship packet mailing list that will provide you with information about the conference and sponsorship options once the information becomes available.