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10 Things That Are Better Than a D*ck Pic

As a mature woman with life goals, I’m still astounded by how many men over the age of 25 believe it’s sexy, attractive and appreciated when they randomly send a pic of their penis to a woman completely unsolicited. For too many men this occurs immediately after receiving a woman’s phone number or her acceptance of their friend request on Facebook. It’s the introduction instead of the bonus round.

Well, men I have to tell you what some women won’t:

The minute you send your d*ck over data transmissions, you make it known that your penis is the only thing you value about yourself and the only thing you have to offer is sex. That immediately puts women into a mind frame of how you should be treated. A mature woman isn’t going to take you seriously as a dating prospect and she’ll likely believe you are a heaux. After all, sending unsolicited d*ck pics is heaux-havior. It screams “look at me, I need attention, because I’m insecure and my penis is my best quality”. Women who are wife material and who have had experience in life aren’t here for that. You’re nothing but potential drama and a waste of hair and makeup for them.

If you’re realizing that you’re not an immortal man, and that life is more than sex and a bunch of women liking your pics and seeing your penis, and you want a wife and family before you need Viagra, you have to present yourself like a man who knows better, so he does better.

For the men who want to date for the purpose of finding a wife and life partner, here’s a list of items you can send pics of that will be more impressive to a woman who is dating for the purpose of becoming a wife.

  1. College degree or professional certification. Being intelligent and/or having skills is sexy and says you’re goal oriented, able to complete what you start and you have the ability to plan what you do in life. Throw in a pic of you using your tool box and a woman will know you can fix stuff.

  2. Bank statement. If you’re still going to the check cashing place on payday, you might as well send that d*ck pic bro. A man who is relationship ready has a bank account and direct deposit. If you have more than one bank account with balances above the minimum, you are even more likely to impress a woman who is wife material.

  3. Investment statements, 401k, REITs. Knowing how to make money is one thing. Knowing how to invest it for your future is next level. A man who understands that multiple streams of income isn’t just working more than one job or operating more than one business, is a man who is ready for the responsibility of a wife and family. A man who invests also knows that time is valuable and he’s less likely to waste it playing games. He’s dateable for a woman who is wife material.

  4. A pic of you working out. You can also send a video on leg day. Healthy is wealthy. Keeping yourself physically fit isn’t just about your appearance, it’s a method of self care. If you can take care of yourself, you can also take care of a family because you will have less serious health problems if you exercise regularly. Dating and relationships can’t be going to movies and dinner all the time. Being physically fit opens the door for more fun, interesting and adventurous dates, like bowling, bike riding, skydiving….just to name a few.

  5. A pic/video of you cooking healthy meals. If you go out all the time, or to your mother’s house for meals because you can’t cook, you need to purchase a cookbook and a slow cooker before you send another d*ck pic. Men should know how to sustain a healthy lifestyle by preparing healthy meals for themselves. Even if you cook the same thing every time, it’s better than waiting on a woman to cook for you or bring you a menu. Even learning to cook shows that you are possibly a good man to date.

  6. You actively participating in your hobbies and interests. What do you do when you’re having fun? Where do you go in your spare time? What is your routine? Do you mentor or volunteer in your community? Do you have a life or naw? This matters because being married doesn’t mean being boring and women who want husbands consider what compatibility they may have socially with you. If all you do is drink and smoke, hang with the fellas or play video games, you’re not relationship ready so I see lots of d*ck pics in your future.

  7. Passport, CLEAR Access, TSA Pre-check or Frequent Flyer Account Statements. A well traveled man is sexy, even if it’s for his job or career. If you can also bypass the long lines at TSA when you travel, you’re a Boss. If you speak another language, even conversationally, you’re a real winner. Show off your travel experience to that woman you like, so that she can see the lifestyle you lead. You might find she has the same interests and you can build a rapport and lay the foundation for a relationship off of it.

  8. You wearing a properly tailored suit. This is a treat to a woman, whether you wear a suit daily for work or not. Women who are wife material own outfits for different occasions. To date, and eventually marry, that kind of woman, you have to be able to do the same as a man. If your wardrobe isn’t representative of a man who can go different places for different occasions, you have been spending too much time sending d*ck pics and not enough time getting your life together.

  9. Your version of your vision board. A man who is ready for a relationship, leads and plans. If love and marriage are goals for you as a man, there has to be some planning around that. You also have something to keep that plan in mind and what it includes for you; house, cars, kids, pets, travel, etc. Show it to the woman you’re interested in seriously dating. If her interests aren’t the same as yours, you’ll find out this way and then you can move on to someone else.

  10. Your smile 😁. ….Not the fake smile you post on Instagram for likes. Your genuine smile. Your “my life is good and I’m a happy person” smile. If you’re not happy as a single man, you’re not ready to be a committed or married man. Happiness doesn’t come from outside of you, it radiates from within you. Happiness isn’t found in your ego being stroked or in having multiple women in your bed. Plus men who are genuinely happy don’t try to ruin women’s lives. If you don’t have a nice smile, or if you have to edit your smile in pics, or you don’t smile at all, find out why and fix it. Visit your dentist and/or your therapist immediately and get your smile together, brother.

There are several other things that women would prefer, but this should be a start for any man who is seriously interested in a relationship that isn’t rooted in sex. If you are older than 30 years of age, and you can’t find at least 8 things on this list to send to a woman instead of a d*ck pic, you have a great deal of growing and maturing to do, and you probably shouldn’t date anyone for awhile. My son is 24 and he can send 8 of these already. Your income isn’t a deterrent, neither is your environment. A man who isn’t ready for a relationship, will get himself ready for the woman he wants to be with. It’s really that simple. Keep that in mind the next time you strike a pose and your d*ck is the main focus.

10 Things That Are Better Than a D*ck Pic

As a mature woman with life goals, I’m still astounded by how many men over the age of 25 believe it’s sexy, attractive and appreciated when they randomly send a pic of their penis to a woman completely unsolicited. For too many men this occurs immediately after receiving a woman’s phone number or her acceptance of their friend request on Facebook. It’s the introduction instead of the bonus round.

Well, men I have to tell you what some women won’t:

The minute you send your d*ck over data transmissions, you make it known that your penis is the only thing you value about yourself and the only thing you have to offer is sex. That immediately puts women into a mind frame of how you should be treated. A mature woman isn’t going to take you seriously as a dating prospect and she’ll likely believe you are a heaux. After all, sending unsolicited d*ck pics is heaux-havior. It screams “look at me, I need attention, because I’m insecure and my penis is my best quality”. Women who are wife material and who have had experience in life aren’t here for that. You’re nothing but potential drama and a waste of hair and makeup for them.

If you’re realizing that you’re not an immortal man, and that life is more than sex and a bunch of women liking your pics and seeing your penis, and you want a wife and family before you need Viagra, you have to present yourself like a man who knows better, so he does better.

For the men who want to date for the purpose of finding a wife and life partner, here’s a list of items you can send pics of that will be more impressive to a woman who is dating for the purpose of becoming a wife.

  1. College degree or professional certification. Being intelligent and/or having skills is sexy and says you’re goal oriented, able to complete what you start and you have the ability to plan what you do in life. Throw in a pic of you using your tool box and a woman will know you can fix stuff.

  2. Bank statement. If you’re still going to the check cashing place on payday, you might as well send that d*ck pic bro. A man who is relationship ready has a bank account and direct deposit. If you have more than one bank account with balances above the minimum, you are even more likely to impress a woman who is wife material.

  3. Investment statements, 401k, REITs. Knowing how to make money is one thing. Knowing how to invest it for your future is next level. A man who understands that multiple streams of income isn’t just working more than one job or operating more than one business, is a man who is ready for the responsibility of a wife and family. A man who invests also knows that time is valuable and he’s less likely to waste it playing games. He’s dateable for a woman who is wife material.

  4. A pic of you working out. You can also send a video on leg day. Healthy is wealthy. Keeping yourself physically fit isn’t just about your appearance, it’s a method of self care. If you can take care of yourself, you can also take care of a family because you will have less serious health problems if you exercise regularly. Dating and relationships can’t be going to movies and dinner all the time. Being physically fit opens the door for more fun, interesting and adventurous dates, like bowling, bike riding, skydiving….just to name a few.

  5. A pic/video of you cooking healthy meals. If you go out all the time, or to your mother’s house for meals because you can’t cook, you need to purchase a cookbook and a slow cooker before you send another d*ck pic. Men should know how to sustain a healthy lifestyle by preparing healthy meals for themselves. Even if you cook the same thing every time, it’s better than waiting on a woman to cook for you or bring you a menu. Even learning to cook shows that you are possibly a good man to date.

  6. You actively participating in your hobbies and interests. What do you do when you’re having fun? Where do you go in your spare time? What is your routine? Do you mentor or volunteer in your community? Do you have a life or naw? This matters because being married doesn’t mean being boring and women who want husbands consider what compatibility they may have socially with you. If all you do is drink and smoke, hang with the fellas or play video games, you’re not relationship ready so I see lots of d*ck pics in your future.

  7. Passport, CLEAR Access, TSA Pre-check or Frequent Flyer Account Statements. A well traveled man is sexy, even if it’s for his job or career. If you can also bypass the long lines at TSA when you travel, you’re a Boss. If you speak another language, even conversationally, you’re a real winner. Show off your travel experience to that woman you like, so that she can see the lifestyle you lead. You might find she has the same interests and you can build a rapport and lay the foundation for a relationship off of it.

  8. You wearing a properly tailored suit. This is a treat to a woman, whether you wear a suit daily for work or not. Women who are wife material own outfits for different occasions. To date, and eventually marry, that kind of woman, you have to be able to do the same as a man. If your wardrobe isn’t representative of a man who can go different places for different occasions, you have been spending too much time sending d*ck pics and not enough time getting your life together.

  9. Your version of your vision board. A man who is ready for a relationship, leads and plans. If love and marriage are goals for you as a man, there has to be some planning around that. You also have something to keep that plan in mind and what it includes for you; house, cars, kids, pets, travel, etc. Show it to the woman you’re interested in seriously dating. If her interests aren’t the same as yours, you’ll find out this way and then you can move on to someone else.

  10. Your smile 😁. ….Not the fake smile you post on Instagram for likes. Your genuine smile. Your “my life is good and I’m a happy person” smile. If you’re not happy as a single man, you’re not ready to be a committed or married man. Happiness doesn’t come from outside of you, it radiates from within you. Happiness isn’t found in your ego being stroked or in having multiple women in your bed. Plus men who are genuinely happy don’t try to ruin women’s lives. If you don’t have a nice smile, or if you have to edit your smile in pics, or you don’t smile at all, find out why and fix it. Visit your dentist and/or your therapist immediately and get your smile together, brother.

There are several other things that women would prefer, but this should be a start for any man who is seriously interested in a relationship that isn’t rooted in sex. If you are older than 30 years of age, and you can’t find at least 8 things on this list to send to a woman instead of a d*ck pic, you have a great deal of growing and maturing to do, and you probably shouldn’t date anyone for awhile. My son is 24 and he can send 8 of these already. Your income isn’t a deterrent, neither is your environment. A man who isn’t ready for a relationship, will get himself ready for the woman he wants to be with. It’s really that simple. Keep that in mind the next time you strike a pose and your d*ck is the main focus.

Look For Inspiration In Everything

People often seek inspiration in the hope that something will hit them like a bolt of lightning and catapult them into greatness. When people don’t find the inspiration they seek, they then become defeated, never realizing that inspiration was all around them the entire time, but they were too focused on seeking it somewhere particular. When I’m interviewed or even sometimes in general, people will ask me what has been my inspiration. I don’t recall all of the answers I may have given over the last five years, but at the core, I’m inspired by life. I’m inspired to live a purposeful life, whatever that may be. I don’t have a definition for it. And there honestly isn’t a deep explanation either. But because I’m inspired to live purposefully, I don’t seek to find inspiration in a magic pill or miraculous experience.

My life before many of you knew who I was, was often filled with experiences that were sometimes devastating. I’ve had more than my fair share of near death experiences and drama. Where some of those situations would have driven other people completely crazy, they strengthened me to want to do better, live better, be happier and not rely on other people to help me get there. Not to say that I don’t have the occasional obstacle, but I have a lot less of them than I would have had otherwise. I’ve embraced my inner strength and made it an essential part of my life and my career. As a result I now have more options that I can use.

My journey has also brought me to a place where I see inspiration in everything. Everything?! Yes, everything. I don’t seek inspiration solely from other people. I find it all around me on a daily basis. Inspiration is in the sunrise every morning. Inspiration is in Jill Scott’s “Golden“. Inspiration is sometimes even in a color palette of eyeshadow on Sephora.com. I’m serious. I look for inspiration in everything I see, hear and experience on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes, inspiration is present and sometimes it isn’t. When it isn’t I don’t get upset, defeated or worried either. I acknowledge that instance was a second in time that will pass and life goes on. I’ve been inspired to reach out to different people to express interest in business with them. Sometimes I get a positive response from that person and sometimes I get a completely negative response such as a rude email. If it’s the latter, so what. Life goes on and I keep it moving. It doesn’t diminish or tarnish my inspiration. I just know that is one person I will not consider for any future possibilities. They go on the “do not associate with” list. I’m not exaggerating either, I really do have such a list. I have that list because it inspires me not to put myself in uncomfortable or compromising situations with individuals I know I can’t do business with.  Which also eliminates the potential for drama. See, inspiration can be in everything.

I encourage everyone to start looking for inspiration in everything around you, where you go, the color of the sky, that day’s experiences…everything. Do it for about two weeks and see if it changes your life even a bit. I’m not saying the all the inspiration will feel good. Some of what you begin to see inspiration in will cause you to see some things differently or make some hard choices about your life, your relationships or your career. But hard choices that you are willing to make to improve who you are as a person are never a bad thing, no matter how hurt you may feel in that moment. But first you have to recognize inspiration in different forms instead of hoping for it to come down from heaven like a dove. God puts messages in small places. We have to just be open to them.

I recently added Super Woman Productions and Publishing to Pinterest. As I was pinning and creating boards for current and future public viewing, I found images that were inspirational to me for different reasons. This prompted me to create a board titled Look For Inspiration In Everything. I hope you will check out my boards, and that you will begin to look for inspiration in everything too.

 

Super Woman Brand On Pinterest

 

Love Therapy

We all have issues. Some of us are just more honest about it than others. Some of us are aware that we have issues and some of us are deeply in denial. I’m going to share something with you that very few people know about me. I have a fear. A fear that causes me to use a particular defense mechanism because it’s easier than doing anything else. I have a fear of being alone. This fear in most people causes them to always want to be in a relationship even if it is unhealthy, just so that can avoid being by themselves. Since I’m not like other people, in my case, this fear causes me to want to remain single so that I don’t have to be worried about a man leaving me alone.

My entire adult life has been full of men who have abandoned the relationship. They’ve all had reasons that they felt were justified. My son’s father left me because I wouldn’t continue to have a sexual relationship with him while he was in a relationship with another woman. My ex-husband left me because he could no longer abuse me and he was cheating on me with another woman. My ex-fiance had his family plan a wedding for us, then I discovered that he was seeing another woman that he was keeping a secret from his family. One ex-boyfriend told me he didn’t want to marry me because I didn’t make enough money. One man I dated for nearly a year told me that he didn’t want a relationship with me because he wasn’t “ready“. Another ex-boyfriend of mine cheated on me because he said I get too much attention from other men. These are all forms of rejection, abandonment and betrayal that I have experienced over the years and resulted in me to developing this fear. Some people would refer to it as insecurity. It’s not insecurity. Some people would call it baggage. It’s really an instinctual response to protect myself from perceived or potential harm. What I have discovered is that a lot of people have this same fear. We all handle it differently. Some of us lash out at others to drive them away. Some of us hold on to others for dear life. Some of us may decide to remain in solitude because it’s less traumatic than going through break ups. 

My fear is resulting in me losing people who I love. I lost a friendship that I value because I am fearful of the friendship developing into a more intimate relationship. My effort to communicate was an epic fail.  So, I’m going to see a therapist that specializes in sex, intimacy and relationships. That may seem counterproductive because I’m not in a relationship, but in spite of my fears, I would like to be…one day…before I die…if God willing.

I truly think that there are a lot of good men in the world, I just don’t believe any of them could want a relationship with me. That is a part of my fear. Why did this fear manifest itself and what can be done about it? I don’t know if anything can be done about it, but my goal is to become better at expressing myself and then conquering the fear itself. The fear causes me to hide from the idea of a relationship with a man I love because I’m afraid he will eventually leave me; either for another woman or because he just doesn’t believe me to be worthy of him. I recognize that this fear hinders me in other areas of my life, and in my career. The fear causes me to be withdrawn in social atmospheres because I’m afraid of feeling rejected. The fear causes me to seclude myself because I’m afraid that others will not appreciate or accept me. As I take this journey to conquer my fears, I want to share with you some of the “triggers” that cause people to have a fear of being alone and what you can take into consideration if you’re in a relationship with a person who has these same fears or has trust or abandonment issues – or if you’re in a relationship period.  

1. Don’t use the word love if you don’t mean it. Love is an action word, not a stick of gum. When you love someone it’s best to show it to them, more than you say it. Personally, I’d rather have a man who never says he loves me, but shows me everyday with his actions, affections, protection and by claiming me as his woman or wife.

2. Be compassionate. You’re dealing with another human being. They have feelings too. Even if you don’t agree with how they feel, be compassionate towards their feelings and try to gain a better understanding of where it comes from. Everything isn’t always about YOU in the relationship. There’s someone else involved in that relationship as well.  

3. Pay attention. If you want a relationship with someone, paying attention to them is necessary. Pay attention to what bothers them, what makes them happy, what makes them sad and how your actions contribute to that. Learn what their likes and dislikes are. No one believes you truly love them if you don’t know anything about them. It’s not logical to us as people. When a person says they love you, but they don’t know your likes and dislikes, favorite color, what makes you sad, your favorite movie or anything else that makes you YOU, you feel like they are playing games with your emotions and you will react as such. 

4. Don’t use the relationship as a weapon or method of control. Too many people are always threatening to leave someone if they don’t do what you want them to do. Telling a person you are going to divorce them, leave them or cheat on them is the wrong approach. If you are not happy with that person and you don’t accept and appreciate them for who they are, you should not be in a relationship with them. If you feel it is necessary to use your relationship as a weapon or method of control, you need to seek therapy for yourself. That’s not love. That’s being a bully.

5. Be reliable. Do what you say you will do and be there for the person you love. If a person doesn’t feel that you have their back, they won’t be open with you. If they call you in a time of need and you never answer or show up, they won’t find you reliable. If you value a person in your life, showing you are reliable, and that you have their back and are in their corner will help them feel more comfortable with you and they won’t be guarded and withdrawn.  

6. Respect people’s timeframes. Some people believe that they have an eternity to have a relationship with someone. If you aren’t looking to get married until 2035, you should not say the words love, relationship or marriage to someone in the year 2012. It’s misleading. Consider that someone you love may have had a near death experience that makes them want to live every moment like it’s their last. They aren’t going to wait for you to be ready before they live their life to the fullest. You could lose someone because you don’t respect their timeframes and how they want to live their moments in life.

7. Respect the human factor. People make mistakes. Do you prefer someone who can take responsibility for their mistakes or someone who blames everything on everyone else, including you? In a relationship, both people are responsible for that relationship. What you do, say and don’t, will impact the strength and longevity of the relationship. You’re dealing with another human being who has feelings, problems and past experiences. Show concern more than you find fault in them and they will do the same with you. Treat a person the way you want to be treated.  

8. Be trustworthy. Don’t expect a person to trust you because of what you say, because you’re not like “other men/women” or because you think they should just trust you “just because”. Trust is earned. Trust is not given. Particularly for people who have experienced betrayal and infidelity. You have to show yourself to be someone a person can trust. See numbers 1 – 9 for ways to accomplish this.

9.  Know what a person expects from the a relationship. Understand a person’s views on relationships. This comes from having effective communication with a person, by being honest about your own expectations and by listening to theirs. This also comes from paying attention and showing compassion. You don’t have to agree with the person, but you should be aware of what they want and need out of the relationship. Then you can determine if you are capable of building a relationship with them instead of hurting them later.  

10. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. It’s never a good idea to get a person’s hopes up and not follow through. This goes back to being reliable and trustworthy as well. If you over promise and under deliver, you look like a liar. Even if that is not your intention. People will call your character into question if you are “all talk“. If you are going to do something, do it. If something unforeseen prevents you from doing what you said you will, make a phone call, apologize and reschedule for another day or time. You can’t expect a person to keep giving you chances to disappoint them.  

11. Don’t communicate in 140 characters or less. As much as I love technology and gadgets, I also hate the effect they have on interpersonal relationships. We’ve gotten so comfortable with not having human interaction that we literally attempt to establish, have and maintain relationships using texting, emailing and social networking. This is not a good foundation for a relationship. Mostly because people have misused these tools in order to do harm to others. When someone constantly experiences meeting men/women on Facebook who are only interested in having sex, and that’s not what that person is looking for, if you met them on Facebook, you can’t expect them to just react differently. They are operating from what they know. They are protecting themselves from harm. You have to show that you are not the same, not just say it. There’s nothing better for solidifying a personal connection than face to face contact with a person. There’s nothing better than being present in their space, inhaling their pheromones, looking into their eyes and hearing the inflection in their voice when they speak. Take the time to get off the internet and get into each other’s personal space.  

12. Learn to agree to disagree without anger and animosity. Everyone you meet with not agree with you. If they do, you are doing something wrong. People are entitled to have a difference of opinion. Even if you are extremely compatible with someone else, you will never agree with each other 100% of the time. Learn to express how you feel in a way that doesn’t cause anger or animosity, yet allows you both to speak your minds and have a better understanding of each other. Some people just need to vent. When this occurs they turn towards the person they love and who said they love them. They want that person to be a sounding board. Their outpouring may or may not have anything to do with you directly. They just need you to be there for them and let them be vulnerable.

13. Don’t placate a person. No one in their right mind thinks they are right 100% of the time. A person dealing with abandonment or trust issues, or who has a fear such as mine, wants that one person that will prove them WRONG about how they feel. They don’t want a person agreeing with them to get them to stop talking or to end the disagreement. They want the person they love to be honest with them, tell them and show them that the fear they feel at that moment is not warranted. This doesn’t work if you placate them. It might only make them angrier and cause the already existing issues to escalate out of control.

14. Spend quality time together. Whether you call it quality time, intimate time, quiet time or date night, it’s important for two people who love each other to have time in the same space together to enjoy each other’s company. It doesn’t matter if it’s indoors or out; whether it includes activities or just laying in the bed holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes. Time together between two people builds bonds and strengthens relationships. It allows for a connection to exist and remain. People who have the best and longest lasting relationships are people who spend one on one quality time together and make it a habit to do so on a regular basis.

15. Listen to the person. It is said that we have two ears and one mouth because we are supposed to listen twice as much as we talk. If a person says that they have a need from the relationship, listen to them closely and measure if you can meet that need or not. Silly and superficial expectations don’t count. I’m referring to reasonable needs and wants that a person expresses, such as “Honey, I would like for you to help me with the housework more, so we can spend more time together on weekends instead of me cleaning all day.” That’s a reasonable need.

16. Be honest. The biggest issue that causes people to fear being alone, being abandoned or to have trust issues is that the other person they are dealing with is dishonest in some way. Not many people can be honest with themselves, let alone with other people. Sometimes even withholding small bits of  information can appear to be dishonest. A person who doesn’t have bad intentions, something to hide or isn’t playing emotional games is more able to be honest, even when it hurts your feelings. At least you will be able to respect them for telling the truth so that you can make an informed decision for yourself.     

17. Compromise – The 80/20 Rule. You will only get approximately eighty percent (80%) of your emotional, financial and intimate needs met by the other person in the relationship. You have to be willing to compromise the other twenty percent (20%) and go without those needs or do those things for yourself. Expecting someone outside your relationship to fulfill that 20% is a recipe for disaster. Leaving one woman for another woman because she has a bigger booty or a smaller waistline is fuckery, when the woman you already had at home is a good wife, good mother, good friend and partner to you. Get your priorities in order in your relationship.

18. Give the same level of love that you expect. You reap what you sow.  Enough said. 

19. Measure the pros and cons. I’ll never forget the scene in Why Did I Get Married, Too?” when Patricia (Janet Jackson), told Angela (Tasha Smith) and Dianne (Sharon Leal) that they should“write down all the good he’s ever done and all the bad he’s ever done. And if the good outweighs the bad, you need to be big little women and fix it”. Resilience through the hard times is what people want to see that you are capable of. Marriage vows say for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, for a reason. Are you the type of person that runs from a problem before you try to fix it? Are you a person who will quickly dismiss someone you say that you love because they did something you dislike or that offended you? This behavior tells a person you don’t think they are “worthy” of you, your time, your attention, your energy or your love and that you are not able to be there for the long haul. It translates into “You’re not good enough for me to stay and work this out.”

20. Be happy. Being happy is a decision. One of my favorite songs is “Be Happy” by Mary J. Blige. When I was going through my divorce it was on heavy rotation. The answer to true happiness lies within yourself. Another individual can not make you happy. It’s not their responsibility to make you happy. They can only enhance your existing happiness. If you’re not already happy with your life, even without being in a relationship, you should reassess if you should be in a relationship at all.

21. Learn to forgive. If you truly love someone and you want them to be your friend or spouse, you must learn to forgive them when they make mistakes in your relationship or fall short of your expectations. No one is perfect. If you think you are perfect, seek therapy for yourself. If your relationship is not abusive, full of addiction, infidelity or anything demeaning or harmful to you, your health or happiness and it’s worth fighting for or saving, the first step is to forgive.

22. Sex ain’t better than love. There’s a difference between physical and emotional intimacy. People desire to be loved, appreciated, respected and acknowledged…outside the bedroom. If you are not capable of this, you should not use the words love or relationship until you areEmotional intimacy is the most valuable type of intimacy between two people. It means that they trust each other, are reliable, communicate effectively, know each other well, and have the other building blocks necessary for having a healthy relationship.  

Look at a relationship like a tree. Trees have to be planted. The tree has roots that develop into a trunk, which sprouts branches, and grow leaves or fruit. If your roots are weak, your tree won’t be strong, your branches will be limp and your tree won’t bear fruit. And if it does manage to bear fruit, the fruit will be rotten to the core. Take responsibility for your actions or inactions in your relationships and make an attempt to grow. If you love someone, truly love them, and they have fears of being alone, have trust or abandonment issues, make an attempt to work through their issues with them before you walk away. You could be that one person that teaches them how to love and makes a difference in their life.

~ Love is the strongest element on Earth. It can heal a broken heart, rescue a lost soul or it can be used to destroy.