Tag Archives: attractive

This Type of Stuff Happens Everyday

I just got back from dinner with a friend and his son. During the course of dinner the son and I have a conversation in which I disclose that I have the tendency to Google a man I meet (amongst other things to make sure that he’s not a criminal, sexual predator, pathological liar, sociopath or many other things that make you run away screaming). I make this a habit whether a man is well known or unknown; whether I meet him in public or via Internet (which is a rarity for me to do in the first place). Then I began to tell him about some of my past encounters with men I’ve met in public that make Internet dating seem like a breeze.

 
This past weekend a male friend of mine and I went clubbing and drinking. After the club, we went to a local burger spot notable known as Fuddruckers. When we walked in, we were immediately noticed. I don’t know if it was the tight, red dress I was wearing or what. I don’t try to figure that stuff out. But there were a lot of men there and most of them were without women. That doesn’t happen very often at all.  Usually there are a lot more women than men and the men are all with a woman. I picked up my order and sat at a table towards the back of the restaurant with my friend. My friend excused himself for a moment. He wasn’t gone for five solid minutes before “it” happened. The thing that happens so often it is no longer very funny.
The ugliest man in the entire room walked over to me and asked me if I was there with anyone. I immediately said “yes” and he asked again, I suppose to make sure he heard me correctly but this time asked if the person I was with was a man. I again answered “yes”. He then complimented me on my appearance and dress and sat down behind me. I guess he was waiting to see if I was lying to make him go away. Had I only wanted him to go away, I would’ve just told him I was celibate the second he looked at me (as referenced in “I Found The Button“).

“Lord, Jesus”, was all I could think once I got a full scan of this man. He stood a little above my shoulders while I was seated, smelled of several packs of cigarettes and had the teeth to confirm. His hair was not cut, clothes were not clean and he was unshaven. Had I not known better, I would’ve thought he was a homeless man that had wandered in off the street. Just then I got a text from my friend asking if I was okay. I asked him  to hurry up and come back to the table.
The one thing I noticed immediately out of my peripheral, was that all the men that had been ogling me from the time I had walked in were paying attention to this man’s attempt to approach me. They were quawking as if they were watching a live episode of a reality show featuring naked women fighting. Seriously. So as I’m writing this, seated at my computer, completely topless (TMI – I know), I began to wonder: Why do the most unattractive men think they stand a chance with a very attractive woman? And why don’t the attractive men in the room go after that woman for themselves?

Me being the person that I am, I never like to crush a man’s dreams to absolute nothingness. Just because he isn’t the man for me, it doesn’t mean he isn’t the man for someone else. Some women might gladly want a fixer-upper. I prefer my men already assembled and fully loaded with only routine maintenance required. The men watching soon turned back to the entertainment elsewhere in the room. But even after this man’s obviously failed attempts, no one else (more attractive) approached me. Was he a sentinel sent by the other men to find out if I was single? Or is he from an alternate universe where all the pretty girl’s have low self esteem? I seriously want to know. Why do less attractive men aim so high? Is it because they believe in keeping hope alive? Do they think pretty girls will have sympathy for them and give them their phone number? What exactly is it?

Attractive men often ask my for my phone number and sometimes never call at all, but the most unattractive men, along with the ones who just got out of prison and had been there nearly 20 years (I could tell by the Cross Colours outfit and Members Only jacket) or the ones that say “I like freaks” on their Facebook bios are quick as hell to approach me and would probably call if I were foolish enough to allow them. They would probably call me daily; several times a day even. I once read an article that said that women who date men less attractive than themselves have better relationships because less attractive men work harder at being attentive and pleasing. The article referenced mega-geek Bill Gates and his very attractive wife as an example. Here’s what that article was missing and failed to inform all the single women it was geared to:

Bill Gates is highly intelligent and ambitious, which resulted in him becoming a ga-zillionaire. Bill Gates is a “geek” but he obviously doesn’t have poor hygiene. The only fixing that he required was probably teaching him how to wear a suit every now and again. He didn’t require an entire system overhaul.

 
I personally love an intelligent man, with self confidence, and ambition. If he has those elements mixed with height over six feet tall, a great personality, a good sense of humor, business acumen and financial stability he stands a bigger chance with me than a man who is just nice to look at. He gets bonus points for being able to cook well, play a musical instrument and the ability to give a good massage. But if he doesn’t have any of those qualities and he smells bad, is shorter than I am, and obviously only out to try to get “some”, he stands no chance at all. Truth is this, whether women want to admit it or not (and I know I’m not alone when I say this), money and power makes men sexier than their faces actually are any day of the week. But men, if you aren’t bringing the intellect, power, money, and everything else that will make a woman overlook that Crypt Keeper face, please stop aiming for the Super Woman in the room.  

This is a true story. I said once before, my not so ideal life makes for better fiction. I couldn’t make this up if I really wanted to.

I do…Will I?

Today I watched footage from the royal wedding. As I watched Kate and William become husband and wife, along with millions of other people worldwide, I thought of many things: What is the Royal Family’s last name (Windsor)? Will they now call Kate by her full first name (Catherine)? Will she be referred to as Princess or Duchess (it should be Princess since her husband will one day inherit the throne)? And where did Fergie and Andrew’s daughters get those horrible hats from (the Queen’s millinery was obviously not their choice)? The wedding also made me wonder this: When will I have the opportunity to get married again?  

Being single has its advantages and some people see being single as a bonus to life. People who prefer to be single like not having to commit to one individual and like not having to make decisions and consider another person’s thoughts or feelings in the process. Those are both selfish reasons, so that explains why people like that are single. Then there are people like myself who see having a relationship or marriage as an enhancement to their lives. The thought of having someone to share experiences, commonalities and life with means a lot to some people. For some people, relationships are taken seriously and done with purpose.

Then I thought about how my desires and criteria have changed over the years. When I was in my twenties, I married the wrong man. That decision completely changed my mate criteria. As a result, in my late twenties, I wanted a different type of man; someone who was more than just good to look at.  I met that man and we were together for three years. We made plans to become married but that went downhill because he damaged our trust. That experience influenced my criteria again. I still want the same basic traits in a spouse (including but not limited to good character, integrity, honesty and great sex) but unfortunately meeting men like that has been nearly impossible as evidenced in my other blogs. Leaving me to wonder if a man for me even exists, and if he does, is he tall?

Over the years, I have become more openminded towards dating different types of men. My husband doesn’t have to be a black man. He can also be a very attractive, tall, White, Latino, Samoan, or multiracial man. I haven’t met any that are interested in dating me yet, but I’m open to the possibilities. I imagine as I become older, my mate criteria will continue to adjust with my age. If I’m still unmarried in my forties, (which is three years from now), I may be open to dating younger men, instead of sticking to my preference of older men. If I’m still unmarried in my sixties, I might be open to dating men my age who are in wheelchairs. If I’m still unmarried in my eighties, my only requirement may be that a man has a pulse.

When, or if, the day comes, I will not ask the minister to remove the word “obey” from my wedding vows. A wife is supposed to obey her husband and obey doesn’t mean what most people think it means. Until that day comes, when I am blessed to meet my husband (which may not be in God’s plan for me and I’m completely aware of that), I think I’m going to just marry my shoes. It seems completely logical to me. My shoes make a positive statement about me whenever I wear them, they compliment me, they make me feel sexy, and when one pair acts up I have others to wear. My shoes don’t require that I call first; they don’t get mad when I look at or buy another pair and they get along with each other. So that’s what I’m going to do. My Steven Maddens and I can live happily ever after – together.

Invitations are forthcoming.