Tag Archives: abuse of power

Everyone Wants To Win, Not Enough Want to Support

This is the 6th year of me producing International Women’s Day Tea Detroit. For 5 years I have planned, paid for and endured the entire process and all its stress with a tiny team of people (that equals no more than 4 usually) behind me. I have never made a profit from the annual event and for 3 years, I took a loss. But I did it anyway, because I believe in the purpose of International Women’s Day and the women’s movements that have grown through it and are recognized and supported by it. I use this time of year to support women owned businesses by providing an opportunity for them to get involved with my brand. There’s no geographical limitation. We’ve had women come from Canada, Ohio and Chicago in attendance.

Which is why it’s so frustrating to me when other women show me little or no support, target me, intentionally seek to dismantle my brand and act unreasonably when I say “no“.

Every year, without fail, some woman from somewhere wants to turn #iwdtdetroit into a vendor fair because they want to be a vendor, but have absolutely no interest or desire in attending the event, promoting the event, or sponsoring the event. They only want to be present if they can sell something of their own. For 5 years the event has only had 4 vendor spots available. Each year, there have been vendors contacting me wanting to be included, but not unless they can be vendors, even when I have explained to them that the event is not a vendor fair and tables have been sold out already.

This year I rented a larger venue. As a result, I was able to offer more than 4 vendor spots, but I never publicly stated exactly how many, because once again, #iwdtdetroit is not a vendor fair. I rented a larger venue in the hopes that there would be more attendees, because the previous location had a 40-50 person capacity and the new venue would allow us to have 150 attendees so that more women could celebrate International Women’s Day together in Detroit, Michigan. That was the intentions behind the larger venue. Yet, again, this year I’m being bombarded by messages from people who only want to be vendors and nothing more.

Apparently #iwdtdetroit is the best thing ever, the way people desire to become vendors at it.

I also changed how I selected vendors from previous years because I noticed that vendors wouldn’t tell anyone about the event, and if they did, often it was at the last minute and not as a show of support to encourage others to attend. It was just a “hey look at where I’m going to sell __” or “look at where I was” post on Facebook, usually with a picture of them and their product; no mention of the event, the purpose, the honorees, me or my company. That didn’t help me or the vendors, even if they thought it did. Their desire to keep #iwdtdetroit a secret from others was hurting me a lot more than it was helping me, because they had people in their circles that would probably attend, had they known.

I also received feedback through surveys I’ve sent out to attendees that some of them didn’t feel that vendors were even necessary or an added benefit to the event. Someone even said that some vendors “weren’t memorable” and that they didn’t make a “lasting impression that would make someone want to become their customer after” #iwdtdetroit.

So who is really doing whom a favor?

This year I completed the vendor selection process on February 2. I selected women owned businesses that we hope will be partners that we can do business with in the future and refer to others. I also asked them all to commit to sharing their involvement in #iwdtdetroit and information about the event at least once each week until March 12, so that people in their circles who may want to attend could receive the information to do so. This helps them also by increasing engagement and attracting potential customers to their businesses, even if they don’t attend #iwdtdetroit on March 12. In addition, each vendor received an eBook, “How To Get The Most Out of Your Vendor Partnership” that helps them develop a marketing strategy and improve their marketing skills, before, during and after #iwdtdetroit. After all, being a business owner doesn’t end at being a vendor at one event.

As usual, the emails and messages from women who want to be vendors are coming in. And again, some are laced with venom. One in particular was from a year 5 vendor, we’ll call her Woman A, who gave misinformation to an associate of hers, whom we’ll call Woman B, then demanded that I refund money to her associate, who bought a ticket to attend #iwdtdetroit assuming it included a vendor table, which it did not. Woman B, like too many other women, didn’t want anything to do with the event if she couldn’t be a vendor at it. Woman B failed to inquire before her purchase, ignored the visible “no refunds” policy and assumed she could get something from me based on what Woman A told her. Woman A then tried to hold me accountable for the misinformation she gave and threatened to blacklist my business and write negative reviews about me and my business.

🤔 Is anyone else feeling the lack of love and support I get from other women….or is that just me? #womensupportingwomen

I find it interesting how many women want their businesses included as a vendor yet never want to attend. Mathematically do they ever consider that if there’s just a room full of vendors, but little or no attendees, who is going to buy products and services from them? I’m just saying. If I have dozens of vendors and only 20 attendees, who will drink all the expensive tea and sushi being served? Who will take home all these gift bags at the end of the event? I’m already not making any profit from #iwdtdetroit as it is, so who exactly will win if I let everyone become a vendor and no one gives me any support? Did I mention that I think I’ve only gotten 1 thank you note from any vendor in the last 5 years?

This is just one of the many ways women have attacked my business and brand over the years. Yet, here I am “doing what’s right” for the sisterhood, once again, in spite of the abuse that comes with it from other women. Hopefully, when my life is over, someone will be grateful for the sacrifices I make today to help other women. I won’t know it. I’m just hoping.

If anyone truly and genuinely wants to be involved in #iwdtdetroit, what I need is sponsors and attendees. It would be nice to meet or exceed capacity at the new venue and feel like I make a difference in the sisterhood instead of feeling like a punching bag when I go to sleep the night of March 12, 2018.

Abuse of Power

I rarely forget what men say to me. A man once told me that if I knew the power I have over men, I’d be dangerous. What’s interesting to me is that I do know that power.  I know it as well as I know myself. I know my own weaknesses, vulnerabilities and strengths. When it comes to the power this man was referring to (my sex appeal) I am very much aware of what I’m capable of. However, I choose not to abuse the power. I choose not to manipulate men. I choose not to play games. I choose not to utilitize everything I have in my womanly arsenal to tempt, deceive or destroy. Even though I could.  I could post pictures of my body in full profile here on my website or on Facebook. But I choose not to. I could post pictures of myself many places on the internet in nothing but a thong with my booty right in the camera. But I choose not to. I could do a lot of sexually explicit things. I have the body for it, men like it, but it would defeat the purpose of what I’m striving to do.

People have different opinions of nudity and the extent of what should/could be shown. I recently posted a picture on Facebook attached to an event to promote my first time hosting a friend’s radio show in his absence. The picture is inside my book “The Goodie Bag”, on page 61. Someone, named Jan Davis, allegedly reported the photo as pornographic and I was asked to remove it. What’s funny is that the only thing you can see in the picture is the male model’s back, my arms and one of my legs. No breasts, no booty, no nothing else.  Yes, we appear to be nude in the picture and we’re locked in a sensual embrace. But there’s nothing pornographic about it. The other thing I found funny is that there are women all over Facebook with little to nothing on with their booties bent over, spread wide and up high. Some of them are wearing merely dental floss and pasties, if that. There are thousands of “big booty girl” groups on Facebook that men ogle over daily.  I’ve been asked to provide pictures for them, but I’ve refused. Some of these groups literally feature porn actresses and male magazine models who pose completely nude all the time.  It’s how they make their money. But my picture is pornographic and not deemed suitable “for a family oriented website like Facebook” (quotation from Jan Davis,  who allegedly reported my one photo, while other people run sexually rampid on Facebook).  I wonder if Jan Davis polices everyone on Facebook, or just me.  Either way, she’s not very good at it (allegedly). But I digress.

My point is this. There’s a lot of things I could do. Yes, my book is erotica. It is very sexual in nature and the language could definitely be considered “written porn”. In some of the stories I get downright raunchy and if you have the imagination for it, you could truly find yourself discombobulated by it.  That’s what makes it good erotica. But the visual aspects are a tasteful, sensual enhancement to the written words. I could’ve gone way, way, way to the left and flat out put in photos that were beyond anything used to promote the book on Facebook, but I didn’t. If I had, I’d probably have three or more Facebook profile pages as a result of the overwhelming friend requests from men that I’d receive. That would be an abuse of womanly power. I personally think the photos of me I have are already more than enough. They are professional photographs, not PhotoShop enhanced and are for the purpose of marketing “The Goodie Bag“, not to get a man.  I believe in leaving something to the imagination. I think it’s actually more sensual and sexy to do so.  The slightly sexier photos are included inside the book “The Goodie Bag” and you have to be eighteen years old to buy it.  The photos of other women on Facebook are often their profile pictures, taken in their bathrooms, with their camera phone.  I’m just saying.

Now, I’m not saying I’ve never taken male magazine type photos; I’m not a hypocrite. I’m just saying the public may never get to see them and if they do, it wouldn’t be anything shocking or disturbing to young children.  As a woman, who is a Brand and has aspirations beyond being pretty, I think that my talents should outweigh my sex appeal. I know that’s not going to ever happen. Men look at me first and hear me last, if at all. That’s the way things are. But once a man listens, I want him to be able to see beyond the sex appeal and then hopefully find the intelligence to be equally sexy to him. I want my work ethic to shine as much as the patent leather on my stilettos. I want my mental brilliance to overshadow my curves.  I want my work to be less about what’s between my legs or below the small of my back and more about my entrepreneurial skills and vision.  

I want my self confidence to grab a man by his…

Although I can get attention so many other ways than by being smart, I choose not to. I choose not to abuse the womanly power I possess over men. I prefer to use it to motivate women to be sexy in a way that doesn’t compromise the virtues of being a woman. And I might sometimes decide to do so in a sexually overt manner  –

*pause*

[Public Service Announcement: The Goodie Bag II” is coming this fall and the pictures will be more sexually graphic“The Goodie Bag; The Erotic Fiction Collection” will be available on the Kindle app for iPad, iPhone, Android and Blackberry THIS week so put the kids to bed early.] *resume*

– I can make that decision because I control this Brand. If that also makes people jealous, angry or even causes Jan Davis to (allegedly) report me again, that’s okay too.

If I have your attention, maybe you’ll actually hear me.  With great power comes great responsibility (to whom much is given, much is required) and I take my responsibilities seriously. All women should. And we shouldn’t use our power against men… or each other.