Tag Archives: choice

It Happened One Night… A Hot Mess

It finally happened.  Something I have often dreaded as a single woman.  Something I had only heard of but had not experienced firsthand. This weekend, I had the date from hell. What I thought would be simply casual dining and getting to know someone better, turned into something from a “National Lampoon’s” movie. Each step through the ordeal, I kept waiting for Ashton Kutcher to pop out of nowhere telling me I had just been “punked”. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. And oh, how I wished it had. It would’ve at least provided a logical explanation for the whole situation, which began with a phone call at approximately 6:20 pm on Sunday evening and ended, thankfully at around10:00 pm. What makes this even worse is that the poor man didn’t have a clue of how terrible the date was. He actually thought I’d be interested in seeing him again. By 8 pm, I had already decided that was not going to happen. By 8:30 pm, I was thinking I should’ve stayed home and ate the home baked chocolate cupcakes I had made earlier instead. He was a fix-a-man; someone that had way too many issues at his age, for me to even consider dating him. Primarily since the purpose of me dating is to meet someone I can eventually marry.  As I sucked down my grand patron margarita with vigor, I thought, “this is some bull****. Is this what the dating pool has been reduced to? Is this why I’m single at 36? Is this all that’s left of the men for me to choose from?”

If the evening hadn’t been so ridiculously absurd that it made me laugh, I think I would’ve cried. Especially since there is a man in my world that I truly adore, and I would much rather be with, that just doesn’t view a committed relationship as a possibility in his life right now. As a result, I still “casually date” in order to have brief companionship more often than once a month. As I listened to this man tell me about his family, his dog, and his problems, I thought about my sister friends that are blessed to be in a relationship and all the women who complain about minor things in their relationships and marriages. They have no idea how good they have it. I want someone to wear his shoes in the house, take up too much room in the bed, and leave dishes in the sink overnight. I pray for someone that I have things in common with, someone I can improve my golf handicap with, someone I can have intelligent conversation with, someone I can go on vacations with. I long for someone that will be happy to see me, hug me and kiss me; someone who wants to do those things everyday for the rest of his life. But that’s not what I have. So I’m left to muddle through this very shallow, disappointing dating pool as a single woman for Lord knows how long. I have one online profile where the men are only 80% matches (translation – 50%) and I’ve even sent in an application for assistance from the Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger herself.  I have my personal goal of being married by age 40. That looks so impossible from where I sit today, especially after this weekend.

As usual, I will make lemons out of lemonade. This recent misadventure in dating will be added to my upcoming novel “He’s A Problem” that I plan to release the summer of 2011. So all of you will have the chance to laugh with me and some of you will surely relate to me. Real life is often stranger than fiction and this particular date was such a hot mess that I couldn’t make it up if I had wanted to.

To the married women – Please take the time to count your blessings. If your spouse is not abusive, addicted or have a criminal record, please appreciate him for all of who he is, including his faults. You are with him, hopefully, because you are equally yoked with him. Being single in your thirties is hard and it only gets harder the older you become. Don’t waste time finding fault in the marriage you are blessed to have when there are women like me who don’t get a chance at love.

Finding Superman

Lately, my own personal relationships have been… nonexistent… for lack of a better word. I’m single but always fall for the same type of man; the kind that doesn’t want or know how to commit but also doesn’t want to be without me.  I find this so strange because I believe in giving a person what you want from them, and being honest about it, so I give myself the way I want to receive that man.  However, I never seem to receive the same thing back.  I give honesty, even though I know that there’s a risk of heartache.  If the man doesn’t fit well with me, I tell him, so that we both can move on to someone who is more compatible.  I don’t find it fair to hold a person that you know isn’t right for you, particularly for selfish reasons.  Not receiving the same level of honesty or consideration in return makes a heart cold.  It makes it difficult to trust a man.  It builds impenetrable walls.

In dating, I’ve allowed each man to have his own unbiased opportunity to mess up. It’s his own opportunity, his actions and his consequences. Regardless of what the last man did or didn’t do, a man coming into my life receives his own clean slate. Everything he says, does, doesn’t do, will or won’t do determines how I will feel about him in the end. If he lies to me, keeps unnecessary secrets, communicates poorly, isn’t consistent in his treatment or behavior towards me, can’t be monogamous, isn’t a gentleman or anything else, it is him and him only that I judge as a result. It’s called being open-minded. Even after failure, most of these men try to come back; some more than once.  But if a man ruins the first opportunity, he might not be deserving of a second.  If a man ruins the second opportunity, he definitely doesn’t deserve a third.

I want a committed relationship that will eventually become a marriage. There have been many men that have shown an interest in being married to me. But they always have outrageous demands that require a great deal of sacrifice from me, and only me. They have wanted me to change into a Stepford wife – no friends, no outside interests, no hobbies, no life – whose world revolves only around them and their interests. This doesn’t work well for me because I have a lot of personal and career goals that I am striving to achieve. The role of housewife would have to come with a huge amount of financial security from that man for me to agree to give up my own hopes and dreams. I haven’t met a man with that much money yet.

This brings me to my dilemma. I’ve been single for the better part of the last ten years and my last relationship ended four years ago. I can’t seem to find a man who compliments me at all.  Dating is a lot of work and requires a lot of time and energy that I don’t have much of.  I’m not at all interested in online dating because I prefer organic connections, but I got rejected by eHarmony because they didn’t have anyone in their entire database that had the qualities I was seeking. What’s sad about that is that the qualities I want aren’t superficial. They are very basic in their definition, but I guess no one else is looking for the same from anyone else.

Then there are my friends. Most of whom are married.  Unfortunately for me they all seem to have married men with no friends. None of their husbands know one single, eligible, good man on the entire planet.  Outings with friends are very awkward when there are only couples around.  I no longer want to be looked at cross-eyed because women fear I’m going to desperately hit on their husbands and boyfriends when I walk into a room.  My friends don’t offer to set me up on blind dates or introduce me to single men.  They just tell me to “be patient”, that “he is coming”, that I’m “still young and have plenty of time for marriage”.  Really?  This makes me wonder how much my friends really care about me and understand my desire for companionship.  So I’m going to find out.

I’m developing my own dating reality show.  I think it might be the only way I will ever have the chance to meet enough men at one time just to find one I can date. And at the very least maybe it will prevent me from being pitied at the next black tie event I attend (Awww, Sweetie, where’s your date? Are you here alone?).  My friends and relatives are being volun-told to participate. No excuses.  If they love me, they each will have to find a good man for me to meet and convince him to come on the show. 

Now, all I need is $30,000, a co-executive producer and a television network to air it on. Then I can find my Superman.

New Year – New Goal

I don’t do resolutions; I set goals.  I have several goals for Super Woman Productions and Publishing LLC.  Some of those goals include being a brand that gives opportunities to aspiring authors to realize their dreams of becoming published.  How can that be accomplished if I don’t have people on my team that believe that you, the people, deserve to know that my company exists?  Another goal is for me to publish three books of my own this year.  How can I accomplish that goal if I don’t have people on my team who want you, the people, to know that there are books being written and published?  I want to be a household name, company and brand synonymous with publishing and eventually television and movie production.  How can I ever reach that goal if I’m kept in a box built by someone else?

I’m all for maintaining a level of privacy.  I’m aware that I need to be careful about who I associate with, date, have relationships with, and whom I’m seen in public with.  However, I’m realistic.  I know that if I want to claim the crown as The Queen of All Media one day, I can’t do that if I’m a “secret”.  I can’t assist others with becoming successful if I’m not reaching and achieving success myself because I’m being hindered.  So I had to trim the fat from the team.  I had to free myself from the box of secrets controlled by someone else, who for some reason felt that I was doing everything “wrong” and that I don’t understand media.  Well, me doing things “wrong” resulted in me selling books, having my first book signing and having my first radio and magazine interviews.  His doing things “right” didn’t accomplish anything; except possibly causing me to lose opportunities.  At the end of the day, who did the better job?  That’s rhetorical.  We’re intelligent enough to know that selling books and gaining exposure and publicity trumps the “stop, wait and do nothing” method.     

Now that it’s 2011, I’ve set a business goal.  I am open to business opportunities.  I’m available for motivation speaking engagements in and out of state.  I’m looking for investors who want to get into the entertainment industry in a way that will result in profits for them long term.  I’m looking for authors who are serious about becoming published and have the talent to be more than a one-book-wonder.  I’m available to plan your next major promotional or entertainment event.  I will appear on your radio or television show.  I will weigh all serious options and opportunities that come my way in 2011 that fit my business vision.  I didn’t start this company for it to be held hostage by someone else’s inability to think outside the box.  I started this company because I want to make a difference and I want to be successful.

To contact Super Woman for bookings call (313) 833-2001 or email me at info@superwomanproductions.com

Evolution…

One definition of evolution is a pattern caused by movement. Another is the gradual development of something into a more complex or better form. There are many stages to evolution for an individual. Some people evolve slowly and consistently, others have spurts of evolution. Evolution can take place in our minds, our hearts, our bodies, our finances, our careers, and our relationships. We are ever-changing as people. How you accept and adapt to those changes make the difference in the quality of your life.

If we do not evolve, what is the alternative? What happens to people who do not evolve? We all know someone whose life is stagnant and depressing. They have been saying and doing the same negative, unproductive things for years. Some are in abusive relationships; some have addictions but do not believe in recovery or redemption. Some have extreme financial problems, or are not growing in their careers or improving their personal relationships. They have been unhappy for years. Yet, they don’t make changes in their patterns of behavior or accept changes that occur naturally that can make their lives better. They are constantly complaining about what they don’t have, but they aren’t working towards changing their circumstances. They are waiting for someone else to come along and “rescue” them from themselves. The best evolution is not a forced evolution by others, but one that is initiated by self.

Ted Williams is a recent example of this to a degree. The man has had a tremendous amount of hardship in his lifetime. However, some of it he is personally responsible for. No matter what anyone does for him at this time in his life, he has spent many years of his life not evolving. He has not been the best example of a father or husband. He also has suffered from addiction. He’s been homeless for a number of years and was “discovered” singing while panhandling on a street corner.

Prior to the World learning of Ted Williams, he worked in radio in Columbus, Ohio for a period of time. I’m sure people in and around Columbus, Ohio may remember him and have even wondered what happened to him, not realizing that they were driving past him as he stood on the street. But how much was Ted Williams working to do on his own to change his situation? Why hadn’t his family welcomed him back home if he was clean and sober? Would he still be on that street corner if Doral Chenoweth hadn’t spotted him and pulled out his Flip Cam? These are just a few questions that come to my mind. A lot of people are talented. They work very hard to get to where they want to be and never receive the types of “offers” that Ted Williams has. Why do we celebrate him, more than he celebrates himself? We love an underdog, but isn’t a young man struggling to pay for college on his own, also an underdog?

The reality is this: Until Ted Williams wants to evolve, all of the job opportunities, television interviews, accolades and compliments will not change his life for the better. He could easily regress back into his addiction (allegedly he already has) and go back to panhandling on that same street corner. We can sit in awe of his amazing voice as much as we want to. We can pray for him daily, offer him opportunities, money and support. However, until Ted Williams prays for himself, and becomes self-motivated to change his life for the better, then takes the steps necessary himself, he will soon be forgotten about and be replaced by the next “discovery”. While the young man struggling to pay for college, will graduate and become successful because of his self-determination and the World won’t even notice.

Getting In On The Ground Floor

I often kick myself for not buying stock in Google during its IPO.  It’s been a little over six years and look what Google has become.  It’s a massive behemoth of information that is completely unavoidable if you live in today’s society and have a computer, smart phone, PDA, laptop, or iPAD.  It’s valuable.  Initially there were doubters who said Google was the next trend, next fad or wouldn’t last.  People intelligent and brave enough to ignore those doubters are laughing all the way to the bank with their stock dividend checks.  They were able and willing to get in on the ground floor.

It’s always risky when you try something new; venture into unknown territories.  It can be financially risky in some cases and emotionally risky in others.  Every new relationship is a risk and so are business ventures.  Being able to conquer those fears and initial doubts can sometimes have very big payoffs in the long run for those who are determined, faithful, steadfast and resilient.  However, as human beings, we deal with so much disappointment that we find it difficult to put ourselves at risk when dealing with other human beings.  Whether it’s a company’s IPO, a person’s business idea, or the prospect of a new relationship with someone, we have difficulty thinking beyond our initial fears to see the potential payoff of the investment.  That is what it is; an investment.  And you always want a return on your investment.  But you have to first make the investment in order to expect any returns.  If you sit on the sidelines, waiting to see what might happen, when the investment starts to out perform what you thought it would, you won’t gain as much by investing in it at that point as the person who got in on the ground floor.

As I build The Company, The Woman and The Brand of Super Woman, there are a lot of people sitting on the sidelines, waiting to see what might happen.  They have no interest in investing in me, my ideas or my company.  They believe it to be a trend, a fad, something that won’t last.  Not because that’s my track record, because it isn’t – it is because of their fears.  There are men who have tried to dissuade me from my pursuit of greatness by offering me their companionship (as if it will satisfy my desire for success).  There are men who don’t want to have a relationship with me because as of today, I am not as successful as I strive to be, or because they are fearful that my success will one day overshadow theirs.  There are even the men that say they will come to my events, but somehow, never manage to show up.  If they do, they arrive after the event has concluded.  Either way, instead of providing moral support for my endeavors they attempt to minimize them.  There are also the “so-called friends”, who tell me that they will buy my book, and now that it is available, they are still saying the same thing.  In a few short months the second book will be published and they will still be saying the same thing.  Of course, when the day comes for me to accept my crown as The Queen of All Media, they will all want to be the first to tell the world that they “knew me back when”, knowing that they failed to get in on the ground floor.  Super Woman Productions and Publishing LLC is currently in its IPO phase.  It’s new, it’s bright, and it’s shiny.  But it is not a fad, a trend or something that won’t last.  I’m working to build a media and publishing empire that can be sustained long term and inherited by my grandchildren.  I’m working to put other aspiring authors on the path to success. 

I’m blessed to have real friends and loved ones, even a few fans, who believe in me, what I say and what I do.  There is one person that comes to mind who is intelligent enough to get in on the ground floor.  He recognizes that I’m not “just talking”; I’m doing.  He sees my ambition; he understands it and respects it.  He also knows that at the end of the day, the people who don’t support me today don’t really bother me.  It’s the people who do support me that matter most.  It’s the people who are unafraid to buy a copy of my book, interview me, support me however they can, that will see the benefits later on.  It is the people who tell me something I’ve said to them has made a difference in their lives that keep me moving forward.  I understand basic human nature enough to know that as long as I do what I need to, those same people who think that The Company, The Woman and The Brand of Super Woman will not last, will eventually regret not making an investment during my IPO.  It’s a personal choice to get in on the ground floor.  Either way, my stock is rising and this is just the beginning.

Out With The Old, In With The New Year

Today is the last day of 2010. For me it’s not the end, but the beginning. The year 2010 brought about the realization of many of my dreams. The year 2011 will make those dreams greater. In 2010, I conquered, I learned, I grew. In 2011 all of those elements will build upon themselves and adhere my place in this world and in this industry. It hasn’t been easy. It’s been a lot of hard work. But hard work is not foreign to me at all. I’ve been “super” for longer than I even knew I was. It just took time for me to realize and embrace it. I’ve always known I had something that I was destined to do. I just had to pray for the guidance and be obedient in the steps.

In 2010, I lost some things as well. I lost a couple of friends and a couple of lovers. I also made certain sacrifices for the greater good. I made decisions and stood behind them. As a result, I can stand victorious because it was GOOD. I didn’t lose anything that God wanted me to have. Anything that was lost was quickly replaced with something better for me. Weeding my garden at times was difficult, but my garden is growing strong and it is beautiful. I shed some tears, got my feelings hurt; I even got stuck by some of the weeds in the process. But I dried my eyes, picked my head up, dusted my shoulders off and put my bandages on. Then I stepped back, looked at my life, and saw the beauty in it.  GOOD.  I even shocked a few people by reinventing myself (in appearance) mutiple times throughout the year.  If you were paying attention, you noticed,  if not, I’ve got more forthcoming for you to see.   

I’m blessed to have my Super Friends, my Super Family and my Super PR Rep. They are supportive of me. They believe in me and all my crazy. Even when we disagree, the love is still there. My Super Family doesn’t just consist of people who I’m related to by blood either. But I know they love me as if we were. All of these individuals are my constant in my sea of change; they are my yacht.

Then there are the men. There have been a few I really liked and maybe one I loved. But none of them were my Super Man. And it is GOOD. Any man who is no longer a part of my life on this day, was only temporary the day I met him to begin with. They either served their purpose or they failed to live up to their own potential. Some men didn’t think I was what they needed. Some men want to sit back and watch to see how successful I’ll become. I’d rather have someone who recognizes my worth and value before I’m wealthy.  Either way, it is GOOD.

I thank God for my perseverance, ambition & creativity.   These attributes have allowed me to withstand a great deal in my life.  They have also allowed me to reach the point where I am in realizing my dreams and will carry me further into those realizations as they evolve and grow beyond what they are today.  Under my Chinese zodiac, Year of the Tiger, my New Year doesn’t start until February 2, 2011.  The year 2010 was the year of a Golden Tiger.  The Chinese believe that during their New Year, a person becomes a year older.  That would make me three years old, I think.  Which explains why Chinese people have such longevity; in mind and body.  They also  believe that the year of a person’s birth is the primary factor in determining that person’s personality traits, physical and mental attributes, degree of success and happiness throughout his or her lifetime.  Needless to say, that in spite of the changes I went through, 2010 was a very good year for me.   The next Year of the Tiger will take place Feb 01, 2022 – Jan 21, 2023.  I’ll be 47 years old at that time (four years old under the Chinese zodiac) and I will be the Queen of All Media by that time.  That gives me something special to look forward to.

So, as everyone puts 2010 behind them, and sings “Auld Lang Syne” tonight, I will be reflecting on 2010 and celebrating its end as well, but with a different mindset.  It was a good year for me.  I’m glad to be done with the old, so that I can move forward into 2011 and all of the amazing opportunities it holds for me and the Super Woman Brand.  It was a good year.  But it’s not the end, it’s just the beginning.    

Happy New Year!

Smooches