Tag Archives: change

Evolution…

One definition of evolution is a pattern caused by movement. Another is the gradual development of something into a more complex or better form. There are many stages to evolution for an individual. Some people evolve slowly and consistently, others have spurts of evolution. Evolution can take place in our minds, our hearts, our bodies, our finances, our careers, and our relationships. We are ever-changing as people. How you accept and adapt to those changes make the difference in the quality of your life.

If we do not evolve, what is the alternative? What happens to people who do not evolve? We all know someone whose life is stagnant and depressing. They have been saying and doing the same negative, unproductive things for years. Some are in abusive relationships; some have addictions but do not believe in recovery or redemption. Some have extreme financial problems, or are not growing in their careers or improving their personal relationships. They have been unhappy for years. Yet, they don’t make changes in their patterns of behavior or accept changes that occur naturally that can make their lives better. They are constantly complaining about what they don’t have, but they aren’t working towards changing their circumstances. They are waiting for someone else to come along and “rescue” them from themselves. The best evolution is not a forced evolution by others, but one that is initiated by self.

Ted Williams is a recent example of this to a degree. The man has had a tremendous amount of hardship in his lifetime. However, some of it he is personally responsible for. No matter what anyone does for him at this time in his life, he has spent many years of his life not evolving. He has not been the best example of a father or husband. He also has suffered from addiction. He’s been homeless for a number of years and was “discovered” singing while panhandling on a street corner.

Prior to the World learning of Ted Williams, he worked in radio in Columbus, Ohio for a period of time. I’m sure people in and around Columbus, Ohio may remember him and have even wondered what happened to him, not realizing that they were driving past him as he stood on the street. But how much was Ted Williams working to do on his own to change his situation? Why hadn’t his family welcomed him back home if he was clean and sober? Would he still be on that street corner if Doral Chenoweth hadn’t spotted him and pulled out his Flip Cam? These are just a few questions that come to my mind. A lot of people are talented. They work very hard to get to where they want to be and never receive the types of “offers” that Ted Williams has. Why do we celebrate him, more than he celebrates himself? We love an underdog, but isn’t a young man struggling to pay for college on his own, also an underdog?

The reality is this: Until Ted Williams wants to evolve, all of the job opportunities, television interviews, accolades and compliments will not change his life for the better. He could easily regress back into his addiction (allegedly he already has) and go back to panhandling on that same street corner. We can sit in awe of his amazing voice as much as we want to. We can pray for him daily, offer him opportunities, money and support. However, until Ted Williams prays for himself, and becomes self-motivated to change his life for the better, then takes the steps necessary himself, he will soon be forgotten about and be replaced by the next “discovery”. While the young man struggling to pay for college, will graduate and become successful because of his self-determination and the World won’t even notice.

Out With The Old, In With The New Year

Today is the last day of 2010. For me it’s not the end, but the beginning. The year 2010 brought about the realization of many of my dreams. The year 2011 will make those dreams greater. In 2010, I conquered, I learned, I grew. In 2011 all of those elements will build upon themselves and adhere my place in this world and in this industry. It hasn’t been easy. It’s been a lot of hard work. But hard work is not foreign to me at all. I’ve been “super” for longer than I even knew I was. It just took time for me to realize and embrace it. I’ve always known I had something that I was destined to do. I just had to pray for the guidance and be obedient in the steps.

In 2010, I lost some things as well. I lost a couple of friends and a couple of lovers. I also made certain sacrifices for the greater good. I made decisions and stood behind them. As a result, I can stand victorious because it was GOOD. I didn’t lose anything that God wanted me to have. Anything that was lost was quickly replaced with something better for me. Weeding my garden at times was difficult, but my garden is growing strong and it is beautiful. I shed some tears, got my feelings hurt; I even got stuck by some of the weeds in the process. But I dried my eyes, picked my head up, dusted my shoulders off and put my bandages on. Then I stepped back, looked at my life, and saw the beauty in it.  GOOD.  I even shocked a few people by reinventing myself (in appearance) mutiple times throughout the year.  If you were paying attention, you noticed,  if not, I’ve got more forthcoming for you to see.   

I’m blessed to have my Super Friends, my Super Family and my Super PR Rep. They are supportive of me. They believe in me and all my crazy. Even when we disagree, the love is still there. My Super Family doesn’t just consist of people who I’m related to by blood either. But I know they love me as if we were. All of these individuals are my constant in my sea of change; they are my yacht.

Then there are the men. There have been a few I really liked and maybe one I loved. But none of them were my Super Man. And it is GOOD. Any man who is no longer a part of my life on this day, was only temporary the day I met him to begin with. They either served their purpose or they failed to live up to their own potential. Some men didn’t think I was what they needed. Some men want to sit back and watch to see how successful I’ll become. I’d rather have someone who recognizes my worth and value before I’m wealthy.  Either way, it is GOOD.

I thank God for my perseverance, ambition & creativity.   These attributes have allowed me to withstand a great deal in my life.  They have also allowed me to reach the point where I am in realizing my dreams and will carry me further into those realizations as they evolve and grow beyond what they are today.  Under my Chinese zodiac, Year of the Tiger, my New Year doesn’t start until February 2, 2011.  The year 2010 was the year of a Golden Tiger.  The Chinese believe that during their New Year, a person becomes a year older.  That would make me three years old, I think.  Which explains why Chinese people have such longevity; in mind and body.  They also  believe that the year of a person’s birth is the primary factor in determining that person’s personality traits, physical and mental attributes, degree of success and happiness throughout his or her lifetime.  Needless to say, that in spite of the changes I went through, 2010 was a very good year for me.   The next Year of the Tiger will take place Feb 01, 2022 – Jan 21, 2023.  I’ll be 47 years old at that time (four years old under the Chinese zodiac) and I will be the Queen of All Media by that time.  That gives me something special to look forward to.

So, as everyone puts 2010 behind them, and sings “Auld Lang Syne” tonight, I will be reflecting on 2010 and celebrating its end as well, but with a different mindset.  It was a good year for me.  I’m glad to be done with the old, so that I can move forward into 2011 and all of the amazing opportunities it holds for me and the Super Woman Brand.  It was a good year.  But it’s not the end, it’s just the beginning.    

Happy New Year!

Smooches

Change and Choices – Part 1

Personal change begins within.  Often we seek to change the minds and hearts of others without realizing that the heart and mindset of another person is based upon their personal experiences and what they have learned from their families and friends.  Those experiences, whether good or bad, have shaped their perspective.  Their personal perspective dictates their actions and reactions to situations and relationships.  Any change that takes place in a person’s heart or mind therefore is the result of a personal choice made by that individual.

We all choose whether or not we want to have a successful relationship, or not.  We choose whether or not we want to follow in the footsteps of those who had toxic relationships also.  You are a product of your environment but you also have the power as an individual to overcome any circumstance that you may have encountered.  If you come from a broken home, you do not have to create a broken home situation for your own children.  If you had an absentee parent, you do not have to be absent from your children’s lives.  If your parents divorced, you do not have to fear marriage, commitment or experience divorce in your own relationship.  If your household was abusive, you do not have to be a victim or victimizer of abuse.  You are not a slave to your past or that of your family.  You are free.  Free to make choices for yourself.  You are free to be better than what you’ve seen, been taught or witnessed.  You are free to make changes to improve your situation and provide a safer life for your children so that they will see a positive example that they can refer back to.        

Statistically more than 70% of Black women in America are single, and approximately 40% of those women have never been married.  However, more than 40% of Black men in America are also single and have never been married either.  This means that just as many Black men as Black women have never been married.  Why is that? Logically you could say that if the 40% of Black women and the 40% of Black men meet, they could get married.  Maybe they just reside in different areas of the country so it’s a factor of distance more than anything else.  Realistically it means that a large percentage Black men do not have the desire or goal to become married.  This means that the 40% of single and never married Black women have to explore other options, such as crossing racial divides, in order to find a mate.  And with there being an overabundance of single and desperate women willing to share a man for the sake of not feeling lonely, many men do not feel it necessary to commit to one woman when they can have a different woman everyday.   

In my own dating experience I meet a lot of single Black men who “do not want a relationship”, don’t consider it a “priority” and do not want to be committed to just one woman.  They are fearful of the possibilities of failure in their relationships because of their past experiences (marriages and divorces) and the situations in which they were raised (single parent homes without their fathers present), or they have so many women pursuing them that they feel they’d be “giving up” something (ego) in order to commit to just one woman.  These men make a choice, regardless of it being conscious or subconscious.  It’s sad, but true.  It’s the reality of dating in the world we live in.      

People are very cynical and negative about personal relationships.  However, that negativity can be overcome through positive experiences and examples.  In spite of some of the bad relationships I’ve had, I recall the ones that were healthy and positive.  Those set an example and developed a standard for me as I move forward in life.  The good relationships taught me that there is hope and the possibility of love.  Those relationships reiterated to me that all men are not dogs, or trifling, or useless.  Those relationships allowed me to value and respect my authentic self and understand what positive attributes I bring to a relationship.  Those relationships also allowed me to improve myself as an individual and as a woman.  I have made a choice that I will have a healthy and successful relationship.  I have made a choice that I want to be married.  I have made a choice that when the day comes, I will work to have the type of marriage I want and deserve.  The only thing I’m missing is a like-minded and like-hearted man who also has the same desire, goals and resolve that I have. 

To be continued…