Tag Archives: priorities

Adjustments

Making adjustments isn’t easy.  It requires that you have information to make an informed decision so that you can facilitate change within yourself.  It’s also referred to as compromise.  So often our only focus is ourselves and we don’t look at how our decisions impact others, and how refusing to adjust can cause us to lose something, or someone, of value to us. No one can have exactly what they want one hundred percent of the time. As human beings rejection is often a part of life and expected to some varying degree. But when dealing with others, if you find yourself always saying “no” and you never offer an alternative or a compromise, you will find yourself isolated.  No one wants to be rejected all of the time.

Making adjustments also requires being selfless. This is often most difficult for people who have a life plan that they want to focus on where they have made minimal room for the “what if’s” that life throws their way. These are the people who will only consider a relationship when they have made a certain amount of money, lived to a certain age or achieved a certain level of education. These are the people who will not travel outside of their immediate neighborhood, city or state for potential opportunities because they “want” to remain where they are. These are the people who only go to certain places or participate in certain activities because they are afraid to leave their comfort zones. They sit – stagnant in one place – the one place they think they need to be in – for the remainder of their lives. They experience little growth and unfortunately not as much success as they could. They forget that they don’t control every aspect of life and that change is occurring all around them.

Making adjustments in relationships requires compromise. Someone I know is relentlessly adamant about not getting involved in a committed relationship. However, he seems to think he should reap the benefits that come with one. He wants the intimacy, the affection, and the home cooked meals. However, he doesn’t want to give any woman a commitment in return. His reason? He says a commitment isn’t included in his priorities. He doesn’t want that to change and he’s already over forty-five years old. I wonder what he would do if an amazing woman came into his life that was willing to do all of those things for him, and more, but would only do them if he would commit to her. Would he decide that since he hasn’t “planned” for her arrival that he needs to pass her by? If everything about her complimented him as a man and enhanced his happiness, would he still reject her? How long would he expect that same woman to continue being involved with him, knowing that he will never commit to her? If she gave him a day, he should feel blessed to have had that.  He hasn’t made room for the “what if’s” in life. As a result, when he’s fifty-five years old, he may still be where he is today.  Hopefully, he will one day learn to make adjustments and compromise more. If not, he will likely miss out of something wonderful in his lifetime.  Humans aren’t immortal, even when we think we are.  At some point, time passes us by.

We don’t have the luxury of having our plans fulfilled exactly when we want them to. Everything happens for a reason. Good, bad and indifferent, often unexpectedly.  Meeting people, changing careers, moving to another state: these are all things that shape our lives and can do so for the better, if we are willing to make adjustments and compromise. It doesn’t take much and it can make a world of difference in the quality of life for you and for someone else.

Getting Ready

This weekend is a big weekend for me.  I’ll be having a book signing  for “The Goodie Bag; The Erotic Fiction Collection” at the First Fridays After Work Affair on Friday, March 4, 2011at Ambiance Lounge, 211 W Congress, Downton Detroit, from 5:30 pm to 9:30 pm.  I’ll also be presenting my business to the public at the I’m Every Woman Expo on Saturday, March 5, 2011at the Silver Garden Event Center, 24350 Southfield Road, Southfield, MI from 10 am to 3 pm.  Needless to say, I’m a little nervous.  I’ve been getting ready; from hair to clothes, to making sure I have my brochures, books, and information together.  Of course Murphy’s Law is coming into play.  Anything that can go wrong, will.  But I’m working through it.  These last few weeks have been full of “tests” and I’m determined to pass them all.

Super Son was recently accepted to attend Clark Atlanta University in the Fall.  He’s been blessed tremendously since he didn’t work the plan I set out for him.  He still has three other colleges we hope to hear from before he makes a final decision – which is based solely on who is offering the most scholarships to him for his attendance.  However, he hasn’t been as proactive as I would have liked for him to be when it comes to getting ready for college.  It’s been stressful on me because I trusted him to get ready for this transition in his life.  I thought he’d be looking forward to it.  I might have been wrong.  But his options are few. He won’t have the opportunities that I had because my path is my own, and his is his own.  At the same time, I do expect great things from him, because he is Super Son.  And to whom much is given, much is required.  I expect him to do his due diligence and prepare himself for his future.  He can’t expect Super Mom to always be there to instruct him or remind him of his responsibilities.  After all, to be fair, I have additional responsibilities that I will have to maintain long after he has left for college.

So last night, I spent  quite a bit of time explaining to Super Son why he should’ve gotten ready last summer, like I told him to.  I also showed him how he has inflated the stress in his life by not being proactive and doing what was asked of him several months ago.  As I was doing this, I was going over his acceptance package and his financial aid with him.  I don’t know how much the Fed will expect me to contribute towards his education yet, but I do know that I will need to sale a whole lot of books to pay my share of the $18K per year college tuition at Clark Atlanta University… or any other school that may accept him between now and May. 

The plan was changed. Now we have to adapt to a new plan.  We have to get ready…again.

It could be a lot worse.  Super Son has never been a problem child, he’s never spent a minute in handcuffs or used drugs.  He isn’t chasing girls more than he’s doing homework and his teachers don’t seem to have a problem with him.  I think he’s realizing how important it is for him to get ready ahead of time, instead of waiting until the last minute, hoping that by osmosis things will go his way.  I think he got a reality check.

While I was preaching to him, I still had my own “to do list” to complete for this weekend.  This weekend isn’t all I have to get ready for.  I have another expo in Chicago at the end of March, and another expo in April in Metro Detroit.  I have to get my finances together because I need my marketing materials ordered and reordered, my hotel room reserved, additional books printed, hair appointments made, clothes selected and I have to inform as many people as possible of my upcoming appearances. 

How do I manage it all? It’s not easy. But I was built for this.  So, I chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, while I put the work in. 

For to whom much is given, much is required. 

It’s time to get ready.

This Woman’s Work

This woman’s work is never done.  That is why I’m Super Woman. 

I give a lot to others and I expect a lot in return.  I don’t believe in putting my name on, or behind anything or anyone that can not stand and deliver, regardless of the amount of money involved.  I believe in protecting The Brand.  The Brand will be my legacy.

I do a lot of this on my own.  I am the talent, the  publisher, the CEO, the marketing rep and the publicist.  However, I credit several aspects of making Super Woman come to life to those Super individuals I surround myself with.  They inspire me to do more and reach higher.  They also keep me on solid ground and realistic.  They protect my sanity so that I can protect The Brand.  I am the responsible party in this endeavor.  This is my work.

This woman’s work isn’t always easy.  In fact, it is often very challenging and not always rewarding.  I’ve had to eliminate people from my life because they didn’t want the best for me or because they didn’t believe in me.  I’m constantly being tested with unexpected circumstances.  This year has held several tests for me so far and it’s only February.  My car was stolen, my books were stolen as a result, which resulted in some financial pressure for my household.  I had to operate my business with less and still maintain my household.  Once that hurdle was jumped,  I was immediately faced with another unexpected financial circumstance because of human error on the part of a tax preparer from two years ago.  I managed to get that resolved within a couple of days without acting “out of pocket”.  However,  it will take up to four weeks for me to receive reimbursement.  In the meantime, I still need the money.  Today, I had a minor issue with my printer and the copies of The Goodie Bag I just received.  Hopefully, that will be resolved today, as well and without me having to act “out of pocket”.  The good news is that the event that I was supposed to present The Goodie Bag at this weekend was postponed to a later date. 

Someone I care for told me today that this woman, is being “tested”.  I fully agree.  I believe that I am being tested.  I don’t know if it is God testing my faith and resilience or if it is Satan testing my belief  in God.  Either way, I know I am being tested.  This woman’s work is a test.  Who better to be tested than Super Woman?

In retrospect, I don’t really mind the test.  I believe that everything happens for a reason.  Even the things we don’t want to happen have a purpose. I also believe that I am blessed and highly favored.  I believe that anything worth me having will take hard work and perserverance on my part.  I don’t expect this journey to be easy.  I am not naive in the expectation that life and all that it includes will ever be easy.  My life has never been easy.  I’ve been through all kinds of bumps and bruises in my life thusfar.  The beautiful thing is that bumps and bruises do heal.  Some last a little longer than others, but they heal with prayer and strength.  

Because my life hasn’t been easy, I actually expect challenges along the way.  Without those challenges I wouldn’t know how to recover.  Without those challenges, I wouldn’t know how to move forward.  Without those challenges I wouldn’t be the woman that I am today.  I wouldn’t be Super Woman.  And this woman’s work would be in vain.

So I do what I always do. I resolve the issues to the best of my ability, I ask for help resolving the issues, if necessary, and I keep it moving forward.  I don’t pity myself.  If I feel the need to cry, I cry and get it over with.  I pray over the issues and ask for God’s hand and guidance in the resolution of any challenges that I may face.  I thank God for him adjusting my life to fit His plan, so that I can achieve the greatness that I am built for.  Then I look forward to the next day… and the day after that… and the day after that.  It is in divine order for me to do this, or it wouldn’t have come to fruition.  Why do I do it? Because this woman’s work isn’t easy.  If it were easy,  everyone could do it, but everyone can’t.  So I do it.  Because it’s what I do.

Evolution…

One definition of evolution is a pattern caused by movement. Another is the gradual development of something into a more complex or better form. There are many stages to evolution for an individual. Some people evolve slowly and consistently, others have spurts of evolution. Evolution can take place in our minds, our hearts, our bodies, our finances, our careers, and our relationships. We are ever-changing as people. How you accept and adapt to those changes make the difference in the quality of your life.

If we do not evolve, what is the alternative? What happens to people who do not evolve? We all know someone whose life is stagnant and depressing. They have been saying and doing the same negative, unproductive things for years. Some are in abusive relationships; some have addictions but do not believe in recovery or redemption. Some have extreme financial problems, or are not growing in their careers or improving their personal relationships. They have been unhappy for years. Yet, they don’t make changes in their patterns of behavior or accept changes that occur naturally that can make their lives better. They are constantly complaining about what they don’t have, but they aren’t working towards changing their circumstances. They are waiting for someone else to come along and “rescue” them from themselves. The best evolution is not a forced evolution by others, but one that is initiated by self.

Ted Williams is a recent example of this to a degree. The man has had a tremendous amount of hardship in his lifetime. However, some of it he is personally responsible for. No matter what anyone does for him at this time in his life, he has spent many years of his life not evolving. He has not been the best example of a father or husband. He also has suffered from addiction. He’s been homeless for a number of years and was “discovered” singing while panhandling on a street corner.

Prior to the World learning of Ted Williams, he worked in radio in Columbus, Ohio for a period of time. I’m sure people in and around Columbus, Ohio may remember him and have even wondered what happened to him, not realizing that they were driving past him as he stood on the street. But how much was Ted Williams working to do on his own to change his situation? Why hadn’t his family welcomed him back home if he was clean and sober? Would he still be on that street corner if Doral Chenoweth hadn’t spotted him and pulled out his Flip Cam? These are just a few questions that come to my mind. A lot of people are talented. They work very hard to get to where they want to be and never receive the types of “offers” that Ted Williams has. Why do we celebrate him, more than he celebrates himself? We love an underdog, but isn’t a young man struggling to pay for college on his own, also an underdog?

The reality is this: Until Ted Williams wants to evolve, all of the job opportunities, television interviews, accolades and compliments will not change his life for the better. He could easily regress back into his addiction (allegedly he already has) and go back to panhandling on that same street corner. We can sit in awe of his amazing voice as much as we want to. We can pray for him daily, offer him opportunities, money and support. However, until Ted Williams prays for himself, and becomes self-motivated to change his life for the better, then takes the steps necessary himself, he will soon be forgotten about and be replaced by the next “discovery”. While the young man struggling to pay for college, will graduate and become successful because of his self-determination and the World won’t even notice.

Days Like This I Need a Cloning Machine

Life is full of changes.  I’m excited by all of the opportunities coming my way, but there are some days, like today, when I wish that I had a cloning machine.  I’m preparing for a lot of different things all at the same time.  To add pressure to the pot, I’m suffering from a cold.  I earned the name Super Woman because I’m always multi-tasking and I’m able to do it seamlessly.  It’s my dream come true and more than I imagined.   However, there are days when I wish there were at least two more exact duplicates of myself whom I could delegate tasks to.  Since I’m meticulous in my approach and everything I do must be done to the best of my ability, it’s difficult for me to delegate tasks to others who may not treat my ideas with the same sense of priority.  For me everything is a priority – even if it has to be delayed, it never really is.  It’s just re-prioritized to another level to be revisited later after something else is completed.  That’s the method to my madness.

I’m not alone in my need for a cloning device.  There are women like me everywhere who have a ton of things that need to get done and who would also like to have a clone of themselves capable of helping them.  They are mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, counselors, chauffeurs, coaches, teachers, physiologists, referees and chefs; everyday all day long.  Women – we do it all and we do it well.  A cloning device would help a lot of us in our day to day lives.  Unfortunately, the technology has yet to catch up with the need.  Or has it?  That’s the beauty of supply and demand.  If you build it, they will buy.   

I have been blessed to have a tightly knit team of Super friends who are very supporting of my endeavors and they help to keep all of this crazy that is I, in check.  But I can’t take advantage of them because they also have their own families, careers, goals, and endeavors that they need to apply their own energy to as well.  That is the common thread that explains why they are my Super friends. 

On days like this I have to plan, plan, and plan some more to get things done.  I call on those who are able, and have to time to do something for me.  I barter and negotiate to get things done.  I try to remember to eat, squeeze in some meditation and prayer and try to exercise also.  I plug into my mp3 player for focus because I can’t work in dead silence.  I drink my green or chai tea and take by vitamin B12.  I operate on as much sleep as I possibly can get and vow to rest when I’m rich; preferably in the Caribbean.  Then when all is said and done I thank God, get up and do it all over again the next day.  

Until cloning technology is available, and harmless, I will continue to do what I do; put all of myself into my tasks to turn out a good product/service.  I will continue to lose sleep, forget to eat, do too much too often in an effort to do it all.  It’s what I do.  It is who I am.   After all, I am Super Woman and to whom much is given, much is required. 

…but a cloning device would really help. ♥

Prioritizing Love

Priority – somebody or something that is ranked highly in terms of importance or urgency; the state of having preceded something else.

Prioritize – to order things according to their importance or urgency; to regard something as most important or urgent.

Temptation – a desire for something considered wrong; the incitement of desire or craving in somebody.

Necessity – something that is essential; a basic requirement; water, food, shelter, clothing, love and acceptance; the condition of being needed or required.  

Blessing – something to be glad or relieved about; a favor or gift bestowed by God, thereby bringing happiness.

Someone recently told me that a relationship is not a priority for them.  I’ve heard this a million times.  I believe that anything that someone wants badly enough becomes a priority to that person.  A person’s lack of desire for something doesn’t make it less important in life, just less important to that particular person.  According to Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, our human needs are, in order of importance from most to least, (1) physiological, (2) safety, (3) social, (4) esteem, and (5) self-actualization.  Physiological includes what we know as basic human needs; food, shelter, sex, and breathing.  Safety includes security of body, employment, resources, morality, family, health and property.  Social includes love, friendship, family and sexual intimacy.  Esteem includes confidence, achievement/success, and respect of and by others.  Self-actualization includes morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, lack of prejudice and acceptance of facts. 

If you understand the Maslow Hierarchy principle, then you know that social includes relationships with others both related to us by blood and by emotion.  Our esteem is connected to our achievements and status in society.  If this is true, then why do so many of us look at love as less of a priority than career?  Why do we put our goals and desires to succeed and make money above having someone to share those achievements with?  Why do we prioritize love as the least important element in our day to day life?  Why do we view love as a temptation instead of a necessity? 

The happiest people I’ve ever met are not the wealthiest financially.  However, they are considered very wealthy because they have mates.  They have taken the time to cultivate strong and resilient relationships that include emotional bonds with their mates.  They have families, friendships and great sex.  They have prioritized love into their lives.  Then there are the single people who strive to make more money, gain more position, and obtain more respect from people whom they don’t share any emotional connection with.  They already possess the physiological and safety needs, so they feel that they can overlook the social needs and continue on to the esteem and self-actualization needs.  Do they ever go back and try to capture the social aspects?  Yes.  And sometimes they fail to do so because since it was not a priority to them, they passed on every opportunity for love that came their way.  In their minds when the opportunity arose, it was not the “right” time.  They had other priorities to concern themselves with that took precedence over love. 

Then there are the single people like myself who want everything.  We want to fulfill all five of the human needs in Maslow’s Hierarchy.  We believe that we can have balance, just like many of our married predecessors.  We may have even failed at love previously but we still believe it to be a necessity.  Unfortunately, we often find ourselves in encounters with the single, success-seeking individuals who do not view love as a priority.  They desire the money, status and respect of others, but do not desire to come home to the love and respect of a mate.  One of my biggest fears is being extremely successful, but not having anyone to share my experiences and success with.  Not having anyone to encourage my steps when I’m moving in the right direction.  Not having anyone to catch me when I fall or wipe my tears when I fail.  How lonely life could be with a huge bank account and no one to share life with.  No matter how much money I make, I can’t take it with me when I die [no one’s tombstone says “He made a lot of money”].  But I believe that I can share a love that lasts an eternity.     

People often throw themselves into their careers as a defense mechanism against love.  They fear love and the requirements of it.  Love requires commitment, focus, decisiveness, self awareness, honesty, and selflessness, among other things.  These requirements are often more difficult for a man, because in society men aren’t always celebrated for the wife they have, but instead for their professional achievements.  Love isn’t leisure, it is work.  You can’t take a vacation from love.  When love hurts, it can be debilitating.  There is no cure for love when it hurts.  When love is presented with problems, you can’t walk away from it, tear it down and start all over.  As a result some people opt to take the easy way out and decide not to include love.  Some people literally choose not to prioritize love into their lives.  They’re afraid of the work more than potential failure or pain.  In spite of our fears about love, under Maslow’s Hierarchy, without love, a human being is not “whole” in life.  A life without love isn’t living; it is just existing.     

So, the “timing” isn’t right when you meet someone.  When did humans become powerful enough to control “time”?  Everything happens for a reason, and it happens when it should, not necessarily when we want it to.  If an opportunity presented itself unexpectedly for your career, you would view it as a “blessing”, not an obstacle or a temptation.  You would do whatever was necessary to take advantage of that opportunity.  You would fear losing the opportunity and never getting another.  You would conquer your fears, travel long distances, empty your bank account, sale your car, change your routine or schedule, you would change your plans, and you would even disappoint others in order to accept the “blessing”.  You would pray about it, increase your tithe offering, burn sage and anything else necessary for that blessing.  Sometimes people are also a blessing in our lives.  They are brought to us for many reasons.  Some people come into our lives for a season, some for a reason and some for a lifetime.  Someone who comes into your life that you feel a connection to may also be the one you are meant to love.  But if you are unwilling to take advantage of the opportunity, it will pass you by.  That person will then become a blessing to someone else who was unafraid of love.  I heard Steve Harvey say that more love songs have been written by men about lost love because men fail to see what they have until it is gone.  They don’t view love as a priority.    

Time waits for no one and some opportunities only come around once in a lifetime.  If you are willing to make sacrifices for achievements and material possessions, why would you not also make sacrifices for love?