Tag Archives: awareness

When You Know Better, You Do Better

I’m a champion for women’s empowerment. I believe we need to embrace our diversity, our beauty, our image and our sexuality. I believe we do not need to feel ashamed or embarassed by our differences. I believe we need to love ourselves because we are amazing. I believe that at every stage of growth in a young woman’s life she should be learning about herself so that she can grow to become the best woman she can possibly be. Sex is not dirty. Sex isn’t nasty. Sex is what allows all of us to exist – unless you exist by osmosis.

Having said that – this new craze of young women aged 18 – 22 posting pictures of their (literally) naked bodies all over Facebook is getting out of hand. Their only goal is to get more “friends” on Facebook. They want “celebrity” status overnight just for being naked. They aren’t selling a product or service that is related to sex. They are “wanna-be” models who for some strange reason think their behavior will lead directly to that. They are naked, just to be naked. They are showing as much skin as in any men’s magazine in a bookstore (adult or otherwise). I’m not kidding or exaggerating. The difference between them and the women in the men’s magazines is that the women in the men’s magazines aren’t doing it for free and they are often well over the age of 21. Does that matter? To a degree it does. The women in the men’s magazines have control over how they are seen. The have contracts and are allowed to make decisions about their poses, clothing, etc. They have managers and lawyers representing them and their images can’t be used without their permission. These young girls on Facebook don’t have that. They are “following” a sad trend because they obviously have a misconception about what it means to be a woman. And they’re doing it to get more Facebook “friends”.

These young girls aren’t singers, actors, or legitimate aspiring models. If you asked one to sing, she probably couldn’t hold a note. If you asked one who Shakepeare is, they’d probably say “some boring English guy”. They are misguided young girls. They are someone’s daughter, niece and sister. They are starved for attention so they feel like they need to garner attention in the vast world of social media, just so they can feel good about themselves. They don’t understand that with sex and sexuality comes responsibility, not just power. If you don’t utilize your power wisely as a sexual being, it can be stripped from you and used against you.

Maybe it’s just the society we live in now. People are more famous for having sex tapes and who they sleep with than they are for having actual talent [when someone has talent they get overlooked]. Everyone is pimping themselves out for fifteen minutes of fame. Then they do whatever is necessary to stay famous. I posted my vent onto my Facebook status today. One man said it is all the sex in the books the girls read and the tv they watch that is encouraging their behavior. I disagree. I write erotic fiction and not one of those girls has read my book. How do I know? If they had read my book, they would know that their “goodies” are only for their husband – not for strangers on Facebook. None of these girls are married women; they are barely out of high school as indicated by their birthdates. Any younger and what they are doing would be considered child pornography. Plus they are too busy taking pictures of themselves naked and posting them onto Facebook to watch any television. We can’t constantly blame the media for people’s actions and poor decisions. The media is just a reflection of what is going on in the world we live in.

And why isn’t the media covering this as a story? I can’t be the only person who sees this as a societal issue with  ramifications.

For two days in a row, I woke up to a girl’s butt in my news feed on Facebook. Yesterday, one girl had tagged about fifty or more people (men in particular) in her picture. She added the caption “add me up”, which means to make her your Facebook friend. She had less than 175 friends at the time. I sent a message to her and suggested that if she has aspirations in life that don’t include becoming a porn star, she might want to be more selective about which pictures of herself she decides to post. I also explained to her that a lot of people Google people prior to hiring them or deciding to do business with them, and that she will not be taken seriously if those are the pictures that people first see of her. She replied that she appreciated my concern, but she didn’t remove the pictures of herself. And she probably won’t. She thinks those pictures will open doors for her to become an overnight celebrity. She is wrong. I bet her parents aren’t her Facebook friends. I’m sure they have no idea what their daughter is trying to do while she’s supposed to be at college studying. And she’s not the only girl behaving in this manner. Everyday my news feed has several girls’ butts on it because my friends are getting tagged in these pictures and a lot of them don’t even know it. This is becoming a trend in social networking now. They even do it on Twitter. The difference is that Twitter will remove the pictures and Facebook will not – unless you are ME. If you are ME, Facebook will threaten to delete your account. But I digress.

This is one of the topics I plan to cover in the I Feel Good; Mind, Body and Soul Women’s Conference next year. I pray that God send good financial sponsors to partner with me in this endeavor. We have to take back our worth. We have to learn the difference between being a brand and being a joke. We have to show girls that we can control our image and how we are seen. We have to stop giving ourselves away in exchange for nothing that will nourish us as women. We have to think smarter, work together better and show girls that being a woman is not the sum of the size of your breasts and butts. We have to teach them that they don’t have to beg for attention from strangers in order to feel good about themselves. We have to do something. We have to do better.

When you know better, you do better.

To help sponsor the I Feel Good; Mind, Body and Soul Women’s Conference please email Super Woman at info@superwomanproductions.com with subject SPONSOR. You’ll be added to the sponsorship packet mailing list that will provide you with information about the conference and sponsorship options once the information becomes available.

This Type of Stuff Happens Everyday

I just got back from dinner with a friend and his son. During the course of dinner the son and I have a conversation in which I disclose that I have the tendency to Google a man I meet (amongst other things to make sure that he’s not a criminal, sexual predator, pathological liar, sociopath or many other things that make you run away screaming). I make this a habit whether a man is well known or unknown; whether I meet him in public or via Internet (which is a rarity for me to do in the first place). Then I began to tell him about some of my past encounters with men I’ve met in public that make Internet dating seem like a breeze.

This past weekend a male friend of mine and I went clubbing and drinking. After the club, we went to a local burger spot notable known as Fuddruckers. When we walked in, we were immediately noticed. I don’t know if it was the tight, red dress I was wearing or what. I don’t try to figure that stuff out. But there were a lot of men there and most of them were without women. That doesn’t happen very often at all.  Usually there are a lot more women than men and the men are all with a woman. I picked up my order and sat at a table towards the back of the restaurant with my friend. My friend excused himself for a moment. He wasn’t gone for five solid minutes before “it” happened. The thing that happens so often it is no longer very funny.
The ugliest man in the entire room walked over to me and asked me if I was there with anyone. I immediately said “yes” and he asked again, I suppose to make sure he heard me correctly but this time asked if the person I was with was a man. I again answered “yes”. He then complimented me on my appearance and dress and sat down behind me. I guess he was waiting to see if I was lying to make him go away. Had I only wanted him to go away, I would’ve just told him I was celibate the second he looked at me (as referenced in “I Found The Button“).

“Lord, Jesus”, was all I could think once I got a full scan of this man. He stood a little above my shoulders while I was seated, smelled of several packs of cigarettes and had the teeth to confirm. His hair was not cut, clothes were not clean and he was unshaven. Had I not known better, I would’ve thought he was a homeless man that had wandered in off the street. Just then I got a text from my friend asking if I was okay. I asked him  to hurry up and come back to the table.
The one thing I noticed immediately out of my peripheral, was that all the men that had been ogling me from the time I had walked in were paying attention to this man’s attempt to approach me. They were quawking as if they were watching a live episode of a reality show featuring naked women fighting. Seriously. So as I’m writing this, seated at my computer, completely topless (TMI – I know), I began to wonder: Why do the most unattractive men think they stand a chance with a very attractive woman? And why don’t the attractive men in the room go after that woman for themselves?

Me being the person that I am, I never like to crush a man’s dreams to absolute nothingness. Just because he isn’t the man for me, it doesn’t mean he isn’t the man for someone else. Some women might gladly want a fixer-upper. I prefer my men already assembled and fully loaded with only routine maintenance required. The men watching soon turned back to the entertainment elsewhere in the room. But even after this man’s obviously failed attempts, no one else (more attractive) approached me. Was he a sentinel sent by the other men to find out if I was single? Or is he from an alternate universe where all the pretty girl’s have low self esteem? I seriously want to know. Why do less attractive men aim so high? Is it because they believe in keeping hope alive? Do they think pretty girls will have sympathy for them and give them their phone number? What exactly is it?

Attractive men often ask my for my phone number and sometimes never call at all, but the most unattractive men, along with the ones who just got out of prison and had been there nearly 20 years (I could tell by the Cross Colours outfit and Members Only jacket) or the ones that say “I like freaks” on their Facebook bios are quick as hell to approach me and would probably call if I were foolish enough to allow them. They would probably call me daily; several times a day even. I once read an article that said that women who date men less attractive than themselves have better relationships because less attractive men work harder at being attentive and pleasing. The article referenced mega-geek Bill Gates and his very attractive wife as an example. Here’s what that article was missing and failed to inform all the single women it was geared to:

Bill Gates is highly intelligent and ambitious, which resulted in him becoming a ga-zillionaire. Bill Gates is a “geek” but he obviously doesn’t have poor hygiene. The only fixing that he required was probably teaching him how to wear a suit every now and again. He didn’t require an entire system overhaul.

I personally love an intelligent man, with self confidence, and ambition. If he has those elements mixed with height over six feet tall, a great personality, a good sense of humor, business acumen and financial stability he stands a bigger chance with me than a man who is just nice to look at. He gets bonus points for being able to cook well, play a musical instrument and the ability to give a good massage. But if he doesn’t have any of those qualities and he smells bad, is shorter than I am, and obviously only out to try to get “some”, he stands no chance at all. Truth is this, whether women want to admit it or not (and I know I’m not alone when I say this), money and power makes men sexier than their faces actually are any day of the week. But men, if you aren’t bringing the intellect, power, money, and everything else that will make a woman overlook that Crypt Keeper face, please stop aiming for the Super Woman in the room.  

This is a true story. I said once before, my not so ideal life makes for better fiction. I couldn’t make this up if I really wanted to.

Younger Horizons

I’m not ready. I know I’m not. I’m not ready to stay at home ALL the time. I still want to travel, learn, grow and do many, many things. I’ve been dating men ten to fifteen years older than me for awhile. My friends tease me and say that men I date are all AARP members. They are older, but still sexy and in pretty good physical condition. In my experience, older men are (usually) more mature, more financially stable, and more gentlemanly; they no longer desire to have children and don’t require training in the lovemaking department. As I’m getting older (and the men are, too), I am really encountering some hotmess.com with older men. It’s making me consider shifting my gears even more towards men younger than myself.

Remember the date from hell I had a couple of months ago? He was in his early forties. The noncommittal, success seeking, Mr. Big in my life? He is in his mid-forties. Then there was the amateur photographer that I dated briefly, who once the involvement ended had the audacity to tell me that I’d never meet a man that would buy me Coney Island for breakfast like he did (in his early forties) and the man that contacted me via Facebook to tell me I was his “type of woman” and he had “I like freaks” in his bio (in his mid-forties). All of these men have made me ask this question:

Has the world gone completely crazy?

I’m very particular about who I spend my time with. It’s the number one reason why I’m single. I’m not getting any younger (I’ll be 37 years old this year), and although I’m still hot, I don’t like having my time wasted. Time is money. I refuse to give my time to someone who will take it for granted or treat it as if it holds no value. So, I keep the standards high, yet reasonable. For the last few years, I apparently have been under the mistaken idea that older men also don’t want to waste time, and would be better potential husbands because they’re ready to settle down and get married. That is so not the case. Older men are more scared, and scarred, when it comes to relationships than men in their twenties are. Although, they should really have their minds, hearts and finances together at their age, many of them, actually do not. So, what options are left for me and women like me?  

One option is younger men.

Not “teenage” younger, or college younger…just younger. And that doesn’t make me a cougar, regardless of what others think. I’m often mistaken for a twenty-something year old woman out on a date with a Sugar Daddy. I seriously doubt that if I dated a man slightly younger than I am anyone would even notice. So, I’m broadening my horizons. This is something I often tell women who ask me for dating advice to do. [Broaden your horizons. Step out of your comfort zone. Do something different.]You will never say I’m a hypocrite, because I live what I say. I will not necessarily give every younger man a chance to date me. I don’t currently give every man the chance to date me at all, regardless of his age. However, I will give men slightly younger than I am, the opportunity to show and prove more than I have in the past. That is something I’m more than capable of doing.

Only time will tell if dating younger men will result in me meeting my true Superman, or just another Bizarro.

Me Time – A Voyage

I truly believe in self-assessment and self-reflection of oneself. I believe a person with strong character knows their worth and their flaws. Acceptance of oneself in all your glory and imperfections allows you to set personal goals that enhance personal growth. Some people refer to it as “Me” time. I recently went on my much needed annual vacation to somewhere hotter than Michigan. I started my voyage in South Beach and from there boarded a Carnival cruise ship to the Caribbean; Grand Turks and the Bahamas to be specific. This was my third time in Miami and probably my eighth time in Florida. But it was my first time on a cruise and my first time going to the Caribbean. No, I didn’t go with a group of girlfriends. No, I didn’t go with a man (I’m not in a relationship). No, I wasn’t afraid to be alone. I was looking forward to it. I was looking forward to digging my own space under the sunshine of the south of Florida and on the turquoise waters of the Caribbean Sea.

My flight departed without incident, although they had overbooked the flight. My flight landed on time and my shuttle arrived quickly to take me to The Richmond Hotel. The Richmond was a nice, oceanfront, boutique hotel on Collins Avenue in South Beach. However, I soon came to the realization that I was the only person of color on the premises who was not an employee there. It started in increments. First, at check in I was asked to pay for the two remaining nights of my stay in advance, plus an additional resort fee for “incidentals”. When I asked what type of incidentals would that additional fee cover, I was told “in case you break something”. I quickly raised my voice a little too loud for their comfort and informed them that I would not be paying in advance, nor would I be throwing rock star parties and breaking anything during my stay. Yes, I was offended. I didn’t know if this request was being made because I was Black or if it was because I was from Detroit. Either way, I was offended and I let it be known. Especially since none of the other quests checking in had been asked to pay in advance. I agreed to pay the resort fee, but let them know that I wouldn’t pay another dime until check out.

Later, as I lay out by the pool, I was greeted by the pleasantly surprised faces of the Afro-Caribbean women and men, who either worked in housekeeping or as doormen. They greeted me in the hallways and at the door, everyday with big, proud, smiles. Mind you, this was not a four or five star hotel; it may have been a three star hotel at best. But “we” apparently, were moving on up like George and Weezie.

On this trip I also had to endure the weeding of my garden and eliminate individuals from my life. Without this trip, I may not have been able to identify those people. I just don’t believe it to be necessary for me to allow men to mistreat me or speak to me in a disrespectful manner, simply because, out of their ignorance, they “think” they can. So they got dismissed – permanently and without apology.

Aside for the small bumps, the Caribbean is one of the most beautiful places I’ve laid eyes on. I’m thankful for the opportunity and finances to be able to enjoy myself. I learned new things, met interesting and intelligent people from across the USA and in the Caribbean. I received inspiration from the sun, the sand and the coasts. I got some much needed rest and ate delicious foods. The best part is that I didn’t gain any weight and I looked great in my swimsuits.

As usual, I received the common question – “Are you here by yourself?” And I was proud to say ‘yes’. But that always leads to – “You don’t have a boyfriend?” The answer is ‘no’. The follow up is then – “You are too pretty to be by yourself.” I replied, ‘Thank you. Would you like to tell that to the men where I’m from?’ The truth is that I would never go anywhere if I waited to have a relationship first. I’ve been told my men and women that I don’t have a man because I’m too independent and that doesn’t allow a man to do anything for me. I think that is an excuse for men not to step up and try something new.

Personally, I’m not interested in someone who doesn’t want to leave the city they were born in, or is too afraid to board an airplane or otherwise step out of their comfort zone. I shouldn’t be expected to wait to be partnered up with a man in order to enjoy living. The idea that you have to wait to live is ridiculous. I would much rather explore this entire planet alone, than wait for someone to explore it with who may or may not exist. The possibility that I may not a boyfriend or husband anytime soon, isn’t a negative mindset; it is embracing a reality. It is a self-assessment. I refuse to be a little old lady that waited and waited to live her life, just to wake up one day and discover that her life is almost over. If that means that I travel every winter by myself, I can live with that.

I enjoyed my “me” time. I enjoyed turning heads and being rebellious against hotel’s request. I enjoyed walking on the beach, riding a horse in the ocean, wearing a bathing suit instead of clothes, and wearing no makeup. I enjoyed the shopping, eating, sightseeing and being flirted with by Caribbean men. I enjoyed my trip tremendously.

I enjoy my “me” time. I enjoy living life. I’m looking forward to doing it more often…even if I have to do it alone.

Getting In On The Ground Floor

I often kick myself for not buying stock in Google during its IPO.  It’s been a little over six years and look what Google has become.  It’s a massive behemoth of information that is completely unavoidable if you live in today’s society and have a computer, smart phone, PDA, laptop, or iPAD.  It’s valuable.  Initially there were doubters who said Google was the next trend, next fad or wouldn’t last.  People intelligent and brave enough to ignore those doubters are laughing all the way to the bank with their stock dividend checks.  They were able and willing to get in on the ground floor.

It’s always risky when you try something new; venture into unknown territories.  It can be financially risky in some cases and emotionally risky in others.  Every new relationship is a risk and so are business ventures.  Being able to conquer those fears and initial doubts can sometimes have very big payoffs in the long run for those who are determined, faithful, steadfast and resilient.  However, as human beings, we deal with so much disappointment that we find it difficult to put ourselves at risk when dealing with other human beings.  Whether it’s a company’s IPO, a person’s business idea, or the prospect of a new relationship with someone, we have difficulty thinking beyond our initial fears to see the potential payoff of the investment.  That is what it is; an investment.  And you always want a return on your investment.  But you have to first make the investment in order to expect any returns.  If you sit on the sidelines, waiting to see what might happen, when the investment starts to out perform what you thought it would, you won’t gain as much by investing in it at that point as the person who got in on the ground floor.

As I build The Company, The Woman and The Brand of Super Woman, there are a lot of people sitting on the sidelines, waiting to see what might happen.  They have no interest in investing in me, my ideas or my company.  They believe it to be a trend, a fad, something that won’t last.  Not because that’s my track record, because it isn’t – it is because of their fears.  There are men who have tried to dissuade me from my pursuit of greatness by offering me their companionship (as if it will satisfy my desire for success).  There are men who don’t want to have a relationship with me because as of today, I am not as successful as I strive to be, or because they are fearful that my success will one day overshadow theirs.  There are even the men that say they will come to my events, but somehow, never manage to show up.  If they do, they arrive after the event has concluded.  Either way, instead of providing moral support for my endeavors they attempt to minimize them.  There are also the “so-called friends”, who tell me that they will buy my book, and now that it is available, they are still saying the same thing.  In a few short months the second book will be published and they will still be saying the same thing.  Of course, when the day comes for me to accept my crown as The Queen of All Media, they will all want to be the first to tell the world that they “knew me back when”, knowing that they failed to get in on the ground floor.  Super Woman Productions and Publishing LLC is currently in its IPO phase.  It’s new, it’s bright, and it’s shiny.  But it is not a fad, a trend or something that won’t last.  I’m working to build a media and publishing empire that can be sustained long term and inherited by my grandchildren.  I’m working to put other aspiring authors on the path to success. 

I’m blessed to have real friends and loved ones, even a few fans, who believe in me, what I say and what I do.  There is one person that comes to mind who is intelligent enough to get in on the ground floor.  He recognizes that I’m not “just talking”; I’m doing.  He sees my ambition; he understands it and respects it.  He also knows that at the end of the day, the people who don’t support me today don’t really bother me.  It’s the people who do support me that matter most.  It’s the people who are unafraid to buy a copy of my book, interview me, support me however they can, that will see the benefits later on.  It is the people who tell me something I’ve said to them has made a difference in their lives that keep me moving forward.  I understand basic human nature enough to know that as long as I do what I need to, those same people who think that The Company, The Woman and The Brand of Super Woman will not last, will eventually regret not making an investment during my IPO.  It’s a personal choice to get in on the ground floor.  Either way, my stock is rising and this is just the beginning.


October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  It’s celebrated nationally with events, conferences and activities.  We celebrate the survivors and commemorate those we have lost to breast cancer, regardless of who they are, by wearing pink, making donations and getting involved.   We do good things for breast cancer awareness during this month. 

October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  Unfortunately it is not celebrated nationally.  We don’t pay tribute to the survivors or commemorate those who have lost their lives, regardless of who they are.  We don’t get involved or donate to organizations that assist victims and their families.  We don’t speak out to bring awareness.  Some of us don’t even call 911 when we witness an abusive situation on the street.  We tell ourselves things like “It’s not my business.  I don’t know what she did.  She could leave if she wanted to”.  We make excuses for not speaking out and we develop arguments against the victims.  We forget that at anytime, we could be “her”.  We forget that we’ve all had those minor encounters that could have at any second, turned major and put us in her shoes. 

I have been “her”.  About ten years ago I was “her”.  I was in an abusive marriage with a man who was both controlling and cowardly.  At his hands, I had been choked to the point of petechial hemorrhage, had received a cracked rib, black eyes and numerous bruises.  I had also suffered emotional abuse and infidelity that led to a miscarriage.  After three years and too much patience on my part, I ended the marriage and never looked back.  All my dreams of what a marriage should be, were completely shattered.  As a result, I developed trust issues, and I built a wall around myself that hindered me from allowing myself to be completely loved.  To this day I have nightmares and fears associated with the trauma I experienced.  I am one of the lucky ones.  I left alive.

Domestic Violence affects more people than most of us are aware.  It creates lasting damage to individuals and families beyond what you can ever imagine.  It changes lives; just like breast cancer can do.  I encourage that while we pay tribute to those affected by breast cancer, that we don’t forget those who suffer from domestic violence.  On my charm bracelet, I have my pink ribbon charm accompanied by a purple high heeled shoe charm.  It reminds me to take care of my health, in more than one way this and every October.

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In the 16 years since the passage of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), we have broken the silence surrounding domestic violence to reach thousands of survivors, prevent countless incidences of abuse, and save untold numbers of lives. While these are critical achievements, domestic violence remains a devastating public health crisis when one in four women will be physically or sexually assaulted by a partner at some point in her lifetime. During Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we recognize the tremendous progress made in reducing domestic violence, and we recommit to making everyone’s home a safe place for them.

Read the full proclamation by President Obama by accessing the link here: