Tag Archives: sex

I Found The Button!

I found the button! I am so excited! I feel like a scientist that just discovered something life altering in her laboratory under a chair. It’s a phenomenon. Something truly extraordinary. But what’s funny is this; I had it all along but had never used it. I just needed someone to make me aware of its existence. The person who made me aware is someone whom I lovingly refer to as my “brother” – Mr. CharlesAnthony Woods.  CharlesAnthony was the first man to ever tell me a theory about men and sex. This theory is extremely helpful for single women who desire to become someone’s wife, but have difficulty weeding their way through the steadily declining world of dating.  I know you’re absolutely dying to know what I’m referring to.  It’s the button that makes men you don’t have any interest in, go away. And here it is!

***drum roll please***

“I’m celibate”.

Yes, I said “I’m celibate“. Now you’re confused and wondering what this woman, who writes erotic fiction, is talking about.  Here’s an explanation:

CharlesAnthony once told me that I should be celibate until I meet a man willing to be with me even though I was celibate. He told me that if I tell a man I’m celibate and he still calls me, that man is one that I should consider worthy of my time, attention and affection. THAT led to the discovery of the button.

I don’t believe in a woman playing games with men. I truly believe that if you don’t have any interest in a man, in most instances you should just be honest and tell him so. You should do so with a smile and grace, while not embarassing or insulting the man. Single women often have to come up with some outrageous tales in order to escape the pursuit of men we’re not interested in. I’ve “lied” before, too, because a man wouldn’t take “no” with a smile and grace as a definitive “NO“. I remember when telling a man you were a lesbian would run him away; now men look at that as an invitation for a menage-a-trois. There was also a time when telling a man you were married or committed resulted in him saying “he’s a lucky man” and walking away. Those tall tales don’t work for single women anymore. We have to become more creative in dismissing a potential disaster from our paths. Hence, the discovery of the button that makes men you’re not interested in, go away.

Men enjoy sex. They see an attractive woman and the first thing they want to know about is what sex with her may potentially be like. Then they wonder what her name is and if she’s single or not. After that, they wonder about her personality. Remember ladies, in the male mind it goes like this – sex first, then name, followed by status and finally, personality. So when a man contacts you (via Facebook, tweet, email or IM, because that’s how it is done today), in finding out his motives, the button comes in very handy.

Here’s how you use the button.

When a man approaches you and he begins telling you how sexy you are and all the things he wants to do to you, tell the man that you are celibate and plan to remain celibate until you are in a committed relationship resulting in marriage. It doesn’t have to be true. It just allows you to see up front what that man REALLY wants from you. If all he wants is sex, you will never hear from him again. Unless he’s contacting you (via Facebook, text, or IM) to ask if you are still celibate, in which case, the answer is stillYES“.

If the man continues to call you and he isn’t just talking about sex (when, how and where he wants to get it), that man is likely one who truly wants to know your name, status and personality. He also respects that you are celibate (whether it is true or not) and is willing to take steps to get to know you as a woman and person prior to moving forward with a physically intimate relationship.  Yes, I know, it’s not nice or ladylike to lie, but sometimes it is necessary for our survival.

Lately, there have been a lot of men that have approached me with only one thing on their minds. They make assumptions about me because I write erotic fiction and look incredibly sexy in my lingerie on the cover of my book, “The Goodie Bag”. They assume that I’m a sexually deprived and desperate woman, and they also assume that they will get inside“The Goodie Bag” with nothing but a request. NOTgoingtohappen.com . I’ve told those men that I’m celibate, and trust me, I’ve never heard from them again. I don’t regret it at all. That one word has helped me avoid potential disaster. I, like so many other single women, don’t want a man who only thinks with the head between his legs. If saying I’m celibate will keep those types of men away from me, I will gladly push the button.  Over and over again, until the man who wants more from me comes along.

My Not So Ideal Life Makes Better Fiction

Everyone has things they want in life. They also have their idea of what their ideal life would be like. About fifteen years ago my ideal life would have been to have had five children, a loving husband, a huge house on a lot of land and the money to afford it all. My reality was vastly different. Instead I had one child, several miscarriages, and an abusive codependent husband who gambled away the household money. Today my ideal life is also different from the reality. In my ideal life, I would be married to a man whom I could share experiences and goals with and we’d have a media empire. The reality is that I can’t meet a man worthy of dating me more than one time and I have to build the empire I want solo. But the reality doesn’t stop me from wanting more. It does, unfortunately, sometimes dampen some of the excitement. As I’m reflecting on my regrets, my dreams, my failed relationships, rejection and my ever looming single status, I do know this: although I don’t know the reasons, seasons change and my lifetime may not have the love and marriage I hoped for, my experiences make for really good stories, which will one day make me very wealthy. There’s always a silver lining to my clouds.

There’s so much of my life that I could never have made up in a million years, such as the date from hell I had earlier in April 2011. There are authors who can only talk about other people’s experiences and hope we as an audience find it realistic enough to read about. But a lot of what I have written thus far, and will write and publish forthcoming, is based on an actual situation or person I have had a personal experience with. Yes, I use my imagination to make some of it more interesting, I don’t reveal anything that I could be sued for (names for instance) and I take certain literary liberties such as changing locations and details. However, I can honestly say that some of the men I wrote about in “The Goodie Bag; The Erotic Fiction Collection” are real men. None of them were my husband; some of them weren’t even my boyfriends. They didn’t necessarily have feelings for me or me for them, but the chemistry was good while it lasted and it made for good intimacy and sex. That’s the absolute truth. Not too many women get to say that they actually fulfilled some of their fantasies. And very few men get to say they were inspiration for erotic fiction. What is most interesting to me is that the men who inspired some of my work haven’t even bothered to read it. That’s too bad for them because according to male customers who have bought and read “The Goodie Bag”, it’s a very good read.

If nothing else, although my experiences haven’t always been pleasant, and I don’t have my ideal life (and I don’t always feel positive that I ever will), but my experiences combined with my talent will take me places. Maybe some of those places will be Paris, Dubai, Morocco and Rio. It would be nice to share it all with a man who loves me, and whom I love in return. And if not, my not-so-ideal life will still make for better fiction, that I hope will lead to everything else I’d like my media empire to be made of.