All posts by Super Woman

The Company, The Woman, The Brand

So you have 5000 Facebook Friends. Now what?

So you have 5000 Facebook Friends.  Now what?

For some people it signifies the need to create a second profile page.  For some it means that they allow the system to reject potential friends on their behalf.  For others they may even delete friends that they do not have any interest in or desire to stay connected to in order to be-friend others.  But once you’ve reached this “accomplishment”, how will you use it?  For you is Facebook a glorified popularity contest, a marketing and promotional tool or something to occupy the time that you don’t know what else to do with?  It all depends on the person.  Everyone has their own agenda and plans in the quasi-reality that is Facebook.  For some it allows them to be someone that they are not because they are unhappy with whom they truly are.  Some people use it to stay in contact with people they do not get to speak with or see face to face often.  Others use it to avoid actual realistic social contact and emotional intimacy with people.  After all, if you have 5000 Facebook Friends, who needs real friends? 

Nothing against Facebook.  It is a business.  It is a product.  It fulfills many needs; some good and healthy, some not so much.  But it is what it is – a part of our lives whether we want it to be or not, in one capacity or another.  But it does make me wonder if we use it as a substitute for the real thing too much.  I like organic connections.   I prefer using words to communicate with people verbally.  Although there are times when verbalizing is difficult for me because I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or because I can be emotional, therefore I choose to write what I feel instead, I still like organic communication.  But Facebook, just like every other advancement in technology and communication was inevitable.  Change is inevitable and change is good. 

I embrace change.  However, we need to be very mindful of how we use it.  There’s a lot going on.  The majority of people use Facebook harmlessly and without malice.  But there are others who use it for the wrong reasons.  Simply put, they use it for evil.  They use it to commit adultery, con people, commit crimes, bully and harass others.  Of course it is easy to say that Facebook “should be doing something to prevent this”, but the technology has to catch up to the culprit.  Evil is often a step ahead of good.  Facebook does provide tools to users to report acts that they know are not suitable, but if the tools are not used, it’s not the developers or programmers fault.  After all, it is a “social” network and thereby it truly represents all of the facets of a society, both good and bad. 

That means we have to take responsibility and speak up, instead of turning a blind eye to something we see that is out of order, unsuitable for minor’s, or illegal.  Now, someone’s personal, political views and opinions are not evil simply because you disagree with them, so don’t go reporting people all willy-nilly because you disagree with their politics.  However, a woman posting a picture of her behind propped up on a bathroom sink in a g-string that she took with her camera phone, or an aspiring “model” whose pictures appear to be more like those of a porn star, are not the types of things everyone should see on Facebook, especially if it’s their profile picture.  I’m just saying.  There should be some ethical and social boundaries. 

But we’re relaxing boundaries in real society and as a result they are beginning to trickle into Facebook society.  As a matter of fact, to some degree they are running over full force like Victoria Falls into Facebook.  We make excuses for everything someone does, of course until they do it to us.  And we keep them as our Facebook friends.  God forbid we remove or un-friend anyone because we saw something completely inappropriate that they posted on someone else’s wall.  What would people think if we started doing that? 

Until recently I had just a little fewer than nine hundred Facebook friends and was seriously considering deleting hundreds of people and not accepting anymore friend requests.  I had been stalked by a man who literally had created over twenty Facebook profiles to harass me.  I have had married men try to “date” me on numerous occasions so I had to change my interests to read friendship and networking.  I have had men send me messages asking me to “model” for them, and then become angry at my decline of their offer.  I’ve never been very gullible, but I’m more than positive that a lot of women between 18 and 50 years old have fallen for the “okey-doke” of one or more of these types of men before, or else the men wouldn’t keep using the same scams.  I see scams coming before I person can open their mouth.  The only thing that stopped me from repeatedly hitting the delete button was my PR rep.  He told me to focus on using Facebook as a marketing tool and unless I encounter someone like the before mentioned types of predators, that I should accept the friend requests I receive.  I conceded.  Thanks to my God given intuition and overly healthy self-esteem I haven’t had anymore problems

Also, I’m adjusting to how I utilize my Facebook platform.  The caliber of my Facebook friends is high for the most part.  There have been times when I spoke up about something inappropriate I saw on Facebook.  So, I’m not suggesting you do anything I wouldn’t do myself.  Someone (else) did attack me verbally for what I said. I didn’t care.  I wasn’t wrong and I wasn’t addressing her to begin with, but she was “offended” because I pointed out a potential consequence to someone because of the content on their page. This woman wasn’t my Facebook friend so I quickly blocked her.  She was seeking attention using Facebook because she didn’t know how else to receive attention.  After she had her verbal temper tantrum, I won with my intelligence.  Her blood pressure is probably still elevated.  Right is right and if we treat Facebook like a freaky-deeking-free-for-all-do-whatever-without-any-consequences, that is exactly what it will turn into. 

I don’t know about you, but I like Facebook.   I will never replace my love of organic contact and communication with other human beings, but I hope it stays around for awhile and remains a place where my friends, family and business associates can communicate with each other when we can’t talk on the phone, email or have organic communication. 

So you have 5000 Facebook friends.  Now what are you going to do?

Prioritizing Love

Priority – somebody or something that is ranked highly in terms of importance or urgency; the state of having preceded something else.

Prioritize – to order things according to their importance or urgency; to regard something as most important or urgent.

Temptation – a desire for something considered wrong; the incitement of desire or craving in somebody.

Necessity – something that is essential; a basic requirement; water, food, shelter, clothing, love and acceptance; the condition of being needed or required.  

Blessing – something to be glad or relieved about; a favor or gift bestowed by God, thereby bringing happiness.

Someone recently told me that a relationship is not a priority for them.  I’ve heard this a million times.  I believe that anything that someone wants badly enough becomes a priority to that person.  A person’s lack of desire for something doesn’t make it less important in life, just less important to that particular person.  According to Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, our human needs are, in order of importance from most to least, (1) physiological, (2) safety, (3) social, (4) esteem, and (5) self-actualization.  Physiological includes what we know as basic human needs; food, shelter, sex, and breathing.  Safety includes security of body, employment, resources, morality, family, health and property.  Social includes love, friendship, family and sexual intimacy.  Esteem includes confidence, achievement/success, and respect of and by others.  Self-actualization includes morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, lack of prejudice and acceptance of facts. 

If you understand the Maslow Hierarchy principle, then you know that social includes relationships with others both related to us by blood and by emotion.  Our esteem is connected to our achievements and status in society.  If this is true, then why do so many of us look at love as less of a priority than career?  Why do we put our goals and desires to succeed and make money above having someone to share those achievements with?  Why do we prioritize love as the least important element in our day to day life?  Why do we view love as a temptation instead of a necessity? 

The happiest people I’ve ever met are not the wealthiest financially.  However, they are considered very wealthy because they have mates.  They have taken the time to cultivate strong and resilient relationships that include emotional bonds with their mates.  They have families, friendships and great sex.  They have prioritized love into their lives.  Then there are the single people who strive to make more money, gain more position, and obtain more respect from people whom they don’t share any emotional connection with.  They already possess the physiological and safety needs, so they feel that they can overlook the social needs and continue on to the esteem and self-actualization needs.  Do they ever go back and try to capture the social aspects?  Yes.  And sometimes they fail to do so because since it was not a priority to them, they passed on every opportunity for love that came their way.  In their minds when the opportunity arose, it was not the “right” time.  They had other priorities to concern themselves with that took precedence over love. 

Then there are the single people like myself who want everything.  We want to fulfill all five of the human needs in Maslow’s Hierarchy.  We believe that we can have balance, just like many of our married predecessors.  We may have even failed at love previously but we still believe it to be a necessity.  Unfortunately, we often find ourselves in encounters with the single, success-seeking individuals who do not view love as a priority.  They desire the money, status and respect of others, but do not desire to come home to the love and respect of a mate.  One of my biggest fears is being extremely successful, but not having anyone to share my experiences and success with.  Not having anyone to encourage my steps when I’m moving in the right direction.  Not having anyone to catch me when I fall or wipe my tears when I fail.  How lonely life could be with a huge bank account and no one to share life with.  No matter how much money I make, I can’t take it with me when I die [no one’s tombstone says “He made a lot of money”].  But I believe that I can share a love that lasts an eternity.     

People often throw themselves into their careers as a defense mechanism against love.  They fear love and the requirements of it.  Love requires commitment, focus, decisiveness, self awareness, honesty, and selflessness, among other things.  These requirements are often more difficult for a man, because in society men aren’t always celebrated for the wife they have, but instead for their professional achievements.  Love isn’t leisure, it is work.  You can’t take a vacation from love.  When love hurts, it can be debilitating.  There is no cure for love when it hurts.  When love is presented with problems, you can’t walk away from it, tear it down and start all over.  As a result some people opt to take the easy way out and decide not to include love.  Some people literally choose not to prioritize love into their lives.  They’re afraid of the work more than potential failure or pain.  In spite of our fears about love, under Maslow’s Hierarchy, without love, a human being is not “whole” in life.  A life without love isn’t living; it is just existing.     

So, the “timing” isn’t right when you meet someone.  When did humans become powerful enough to control “time”?  Everything happens for a reason, and it happens when it should, not necessarily when we want it to.  If an opportunity presented itself unexpectedly for your career, you would view it as a “blessing”, not an obstacle or a temptation.  You would do whatever was necessary to take advantage of that opportunity.  You would fear losing the opportunity and never getting another.  You would conquer your fears, travel long distances, empty your bank account, sale your car, change your routine or schedule, you would change your plans, and you would even disappoint others in order to accept the “blessing”.  You would pray about it, increase your tithe offering, burn sage and anything else necessary for that blessing.  Sometimes people are also a blessing in our lives.  They are brought to us for many reasons.  Some people come into our lives for a season, some for a reason and some for a lifetime.  Someone who comes into your life that you feel a connection to may also be the one you are meant to love.  But if you are unwilling to take advantage of the opportunity, it will pass you by.  That person will then become a blessing to someone else who was unafraid of love.  I heard Steve Harvey say that more love songs have been written by men about lost love because men fail to see what they have until it is gone.  They don’t view love as a priority.    

Time waits for no one and some opportunities only come around once in a lifetime.  If you are willing to make sacrifices for achievements and material possessions, why would you not also make sacrifices for love?

Not Taking Myself Too Serious

The more mature I become, the less serious I take myself.  I’ve learned to accept my idiosyncrasies and quirks because they have helped to shape my individuality.  I marvel at my own ability to reinvent myself so often and so well that even people who see me often sometimes do not recognize me.  I often find it curious how people react towards me when I walk into a room, until I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and think “Who is that? Oh, that’s me!”  I’m proud of my resilience and ability to learn quickly.  I even find my own state of organized chaos to be laughable at times.  Everything must be in its proper place, but my house is a mess.  The minute I clean up, I can’t find anything. 

When it comes to my professional life, I’m on point, at all times.  I have goals, ideas and plans that are thoroughly executed from thought to implementation and beyond.  However, my personal life is sometimes confusing, with all of its ups, downs and unknowns.  My love life is even more confusing, with the lack of consistency and the constant “getting to know someone new” process, which is both exhausting and disconcerting.  Needless to say, my resiliency comes in very handy, more so in my personal life.

The ME that I know best is silly, funny, competitive, and hardworking, yet still enjoys watching animated movies and cartoons.  I like to cook and eat.  I don’t like cleaning, but do it because it needs to be done and I’m particular about how.  I dislike exercising, but I do it because I want to maintain my health and appearance.  I love to travel, but I don’t like standing in lines to get where I’m going.  Music soothes me emotionally and spiritually, evidenced by my music collection and taste, which are very diverse.  I’m “positive” in my outlook on life the majority of the time, but I deal in harsh realities.  I know that although I want everything, there will always be something that isn’t meant for me to have.  I expect too much of myself because I have been blessed with so much.  I believe I can always to do better, even when I know I’ve done my best.  As much as I’d like life to be clear and concise, black and white, there are several things that are in shades of gray and beige, which I may never fully understand, but have to accept regardless. 

As a result, I have learned not to take myself too seriously.  I’ve learned to hug the girl I once was and love the woman that I am.  I’ve tried to learn from my past, so that I don’t repeat it in my future.  I’ve raised my child to be the man I never had in hopes that he’ll get married and have children of his own that love him as much as he loves me.  When I get upset I turn to my favorite comedians and movies to make me laugh. 

As Superas I am,  and I have earned the title twice over, I am also human.  I have had good days and bad, just like anyone else.  I have challenges and obstacles that throw me off temporarily, just like anyone else in my position my encounter.  I get my feelings hurt and I am disappointed by others, just like anyone else has.  I have kryptonite in various forms in my life, often shiny and distracting, however, never permanently damaging to me.   But it’s all a part of my journey and I’m thankful for it all.  And when I’m most pleased with myself, I take time to pull on my Betty Boop night shirt, bamboo socks, cuddle up with my stuffed animal, pull out the Godiva chocolate and watch a Disney movie.  What gives me individuality today hopefully will make me eccentric in my old age.  I hope that when that day comes, I still won’t take myself too seriously.

Reaping a Bad Harvest

Karma.  It is a word used in the Hindu and Buddhist philosophies.  Its definition is the quality of someone’s current and future life as determined by that person’s previous behaviors.  The Good Book says, “You reap what you sow”.  The principles are the same.  You get what you give.  If you give heartache, drama and pain, at some point in your lifetime, the same will be returned to you, often in higher doses that are much more difficult to swallow. 

As I embark on this journey that is the fulfillment of God’s plan for me, I’m finding that I have to be very mindful about who I select to spend my personal time with and whom I allow into my inner circle.  Most of those people are loyal and understanding.  They know that my dreams are important to me and they support me completely.  Although I’m not yet at the level of success I am striving to obtain as the next reigning Queen of All Media, it’s just over the horizon because I’m working towards it.  As a result of my future plans for myself and Super Son, I’m very selective, especially when it comes to my interpersonal relationships with men.      

Before I began on this journey I had some painful relationships with the men in my life.  I had been rejected and heartbroken, even battered and abused.  I have healed from that and it made me a much better judge of character.  Now I can tell when man is a problem a lot earlier, sometimes even when I first look at him.  Even the men that weren’t problems have still caused me pain to some degree, even if unintentionally.  Then there are those few who know that they made absolutely no attempt to treat me well and they tried to take my kindness for weakness.  Those are the men who seem to think they always deserve another chance in my life – especially now.  Now that I’m in the Google search engine, my phone tings and rings from the “past loves”.  Those are the men who toss the word love into their text messages without fully understanding how to show love.  Now they see that everything I ever dreamed about is coming to fruition.  Everything they told me I would never be, I am becoming.  And they want back in the game. 

I find it most interesting that these same men, since ending their relationships with me, are having difficulty in their careers, with their families, with their finances, with their new woman; regardless of their level of education, upbringing or social status.  They are all suffering in one way or another.  The men who told me I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough or I didn’t make enough money to be their wives, are still single, and a lot older.  The women they pursue now mistreat them.  They are all reaping their harvest and it is rotten.  Attempting to invade my garden will not clear up their karma.  If they now know better, they have to do better.  The first step is not telling me what they think I want to hear in hopes that they can resuscitate what has died.  The first step is recognition of what they’ve done, followed by a sincere apology.  On the other hand, the men who treated me well are happy, successful, have financial security and very little drama in their lives, if any at all.  Their harvest is bountiful because they treat people well in their lives.  If any of these men wanted a second chance at a relationship with me, I would gladly consider it. 

When a person sets out to treat others with compassion and respect, kindness and understanding they often reap the benefits of those good relationships.  When a person is honest and considerate without being condescending or demeaning, they often receive respect from others.  When a person operates with integrity and good character, it’s a lot easier to accept them as an individual regardless of what you may dislike about their personality.  When a person shows you that they care for you with their actions, you can believe them when they say “I love you”.   These are the same people who are fully realized, happy individuals with good Karma.  And I am happy for them.   

I know that my life is a road trip, full of interesting stops along the way.  However, I can’t drive forward, if my car is in reverse.  I can’t fulfill my heart’s desire for mutual love if I allow those who do not love me to inhabit that space.  I give to others and I’m being blessed in return.  As I compare the two types of men I’ve had in my life, I am thankful for both.  They have helped make me who I am today and who I will be tomorrow.  To those who were loving and supportive, regardless of how it ended between us, I’m thankful for the experience and friendship.  To those who tried to break me, damage me, belittle me and who doubted me, I appreciate you also.  Because now I am fabulous.  And the best revenge is to be fabulous.      

I encourage you to be mindful of how you treat each other.  Be careful of how you treat those whom you profess to love.   Love is an action word, not a filler in place of remorse.  You only get one life and you don’t want to spend it reaping a harvest full of bad Karma.

Define Your Success

There’s a lot said about money.  [The love of] Money is the root of all evil.  Money can’t buy love.  More money, more problems.  Although all of those things may be true to some degree, money is still a major factor in our day to day lives.  Without it, life can be a lot more difficult; with it, life can be more interesting.  A wealthy person can never tell a homeless person that money isn’t important or rewarding to have.  The homeless person only knows that their lack of money contributes to their homelessness.  A middle class person won’t fully comprehend the isolated feeling that wealthier people have because they fear being taken advantage of because of their net worth.  They only see the opulence that the money affords a wealthier person and believe that wealth brings happiness.  Wealth is wealth.  Happiness is not wealth.  Happiness is a by-product of good relationships, love, self esteem and personal achievements.     

For some people having money is equivalent to being successful.  Although the word successful is synonymous with victorious or winning, not wealthy or rich, ask any teenager through early twenty-year-old to define success and they will include having money in their definition.  This is the society in which we live.  A society where we see money as the definition of success, and we view those who have lots of money, as also being very successful.  This is sometimes true; for a moment.  Eventually the reality comes to the surface.  It’s not the money or how much of it you have that makes you successful; it’s the way you obtained the money and what you do with it that will really matters.

In a world where money is coveted by those who don’t have it, or want more of it, there are individuals who will often sacrifice their morals to obtain it.  They set dangerous agendas for others they come in contact with.  They will mistreat, manipulate and abuse others, for a few dollars.  They behave dishonestly and even maliciously to “get money”.  They take advantage of other people’s kindness, steal and even are willing to kill for money, all along never realizing that their actions will not allow that money to remain in their possession very long.  All ill-gotten gains eventually burn down to nothing.

We need to redefine what constitutes a successful person.  It’s not the money that makes a person successful.  It’s the work and time that the person put forth to become a success to begin with that defines their success.   The money is simply one of the rewards for the work.  Who did you help on your way to becoming rich?  Who did you step on or step over to gain your success and wealth?  When you became rich, did you go back and do for others where your roots grew from?  These are just a few questions that should be answered when a person is considering their wealth and success.  Everyone has the ability to make a lot of money – either legally or illegally.  It’s a choice based on morals, principles and standards and whether a person is willing to sacrifice theirs for linen paper. 

When  person dies, on their tombstone there are two dates; the day a person was born and the day the person died.  The dash in the middle represents life and that’s the legacy that remains that people will remember most.  People will remember if you were giving and unselfish and they will honor that memory of you more than if you were greedy, malicious and calculating.  People will miss you if you were charitable, loving and caring, more than if you had a large monetary will that people fought over in probate.  Which person do you prefer to be remembered as?  What will the dash on your tombstone represent and say about you after the money is gone? 

Consider this when defining your success:

No one’s tombstone says “He made a lot of money”.           

Letter to Young Women

I understand you better than you know.  Being a young woman in today’s society is difficult.  There are so many situations to deal with on a daily basis and you have not been equipped to handle them as you should have been.  There are so many values and traditions that haven’t been handed down to your generation.  There are skills that haven’t been taught to you.  There are instincts that you were born with that haven’t been properly honed.  Your self esteem hasn’t been enhanced.  Your self love hasn’t been preserved.  Morals have been forgotten.  We are no longer women of virtue, value and respect.  We are now reduced to the value of our physical appearance and our sex.  We’ve gone from being treasured to being commodities.  We’ve gone from being respected to demeaned.  We’ve gone from being royalty back to being slaves all over again. 

However difficult it all seems, it can change for the better.  It takes only a few young women strong enough to fight whatever adversities they’ve encountered.  It takes only a few young women brave enough to let go of any pain and disappointment they have experienced.  It takes only a few young women to recognize that they are more than the sum of their body parts and what their physical appearance may translate.  It takes only a few young women to know that they are priceless because they are creative, intelligent beings with a history of remarkable contributions to this world.   

It’s not hard to do.  It’s not difficult at all to let go of the pain and anger.  It’s not hard to wake up from a nightmare.  All you have to do is want to.  All you need to do is try your best.  You’ll need to stop making excuses and blaming others for your situation, your past and lack thereof.  You will need to start living and creating a new future, today; so that you can make the next generation better, stronger and wiser, as my ancestors did for me and as I planned for you. 

You are not alone in your struggles.  I’ve been where you are.  The difference between me and you is how I chose to deal with issues that arose in my life.  I am here for you now to teach you to do the same.  If you need my help, all you need to do is ask for it.  But, I forewarn you.  I won’t always tell you what you want to hear or agree with you because you expect me to.  That is not my purpose.  My purpose is to help you to become a better version of your current self and the best version that God intended you to be.  My purpose is not to mislead you into thinking the world is going to always be easy to navigate.  I will give you tough love and constructive criticism to help you develop strong integrity and character.  I will debate you to make you think and analyze situations thoroughly in your decision making processes.  I will put obstacles in your path to teach you how to maneuver around them.  I will challenge you, nurture you and discipline you.  That is my purpose.  Your growth has to start with your desire to grow.  Without that commitment from you, I am hindered.  You are the seed and I am here to ensure that you grow.       

Please share this with young women that you know by posting it to your Facebook or Twitter or by sending this link to them