Handling Business

The term ‘handling business’ means different things to different people.  Business in general to some people means making money.  People that go into business with the goal and expectation of making money often end up working for someone else or fail repeatedly in their ventures.  People who go into business because of the love for what they are doing or to make a difference, often become very successful and very wealthy as a result.  But that doesn’t occur overnight.  It is a gradual process that comes about through learning and experience.  It also requires surrounding yourself with people who can assist, having perseverance and proper planning among other things.  Therefore, it can be said that whether or not a person is successful in business is greatly determined by the motivation to begin a business.  It is then heightened by their efforts to remain in business.  If you have an idea, it doesn’t mean it will be instantaneously profitable.  Many people get involved in or develop get rich quick schemes.  Some of them actually make money, but they don’t have any longevity.  Either because the scheme is illegal, immoral or it’s just not sustainable through economic changes.     

Handling business to some people also means taking care of their responsibilities.   Whether or not a person is capable of taking care of themselves is often a factor that determines if they will have success in business and in life.   If a person is heavily reliant on others for their survival or well being, we often will view that person as being immature and incapable of handling their business.  Responsibility is a huge weight for a human being to carry.  It is also a mark of a person’s character or lack thereof.  Often people prefer to make others responsible for their circumstances and failures.  They believe that this will exonerate them from any repercussions that may arise.  However, they are quick to take responsibility for success, if it comes.  Being responsible is more than about claiming the idea or the potential profits.  Being responsible requires taking that idea seriously and investing the time, energy and effort into nurturing the idea until it is successful.  That isn’t to say that a person who doesn’t take responsibility can’t learn to.  They actually can.  Unfortunately, they usually learn to be responsible through traumatic occurrences resulting from being irresponsible.

Over the last fifteen years of my life I have endured a great deal of responsibility, in business and personally.  I had my son when I was eighteen years old; I was a homeowner at nineteen and was working in Corporate America.  In business, I have co-owned a general contracting company, I’ve been a Realtor, and I’ve been a union steward.  Not only have I had to be responsible for myself at a young age, but I’ve had to be responsible for many other people as well.  It has taught me a great deal.  Every lesson wasn’t easy or enjoyable, but I’ve taken what I’ve learned and invested it into myself and my future success.  Many people assume that I’m egotistical so I just woke up one day and decided that I would become Super Woman.  The truth is that I was given the name because of what I’ve survived.  People have referred to me as “super” in one capacity or another for many years.  I didn’t decide to become Super Woman; I already was Super Woman, I just didn’t know it until two years ago.

To achieve success as an entrepreneur there are a few things a person needs to consider.  You need to have an idea, but you also need to have motivation that is beyond making money.  You need to handle your business personally because your personal life has a “trickle over” effect into your business life.  You need a team of people who will enhance what you lack, won’t just tell you what you want to hear, will tell you when you are wrong or foolish, and won’t take advantage of your dreams.  Super Woman is a company, a woman and a brand, but there’s a team of people that help to make it possible.  My team of people may be different from others, but they are people whom I know I can trust and I have built a relationship with them that goes beyond business.  I don’t take advantage of them and they don’t take advantage of me.  They know that my motivation to be successful goes beyond making money and they help to preserve that motivation.  They never force their desires on me and they are reliable and available when I need them to be.  They have individual abilities and viewpoints that enhance what I possess and make up for what I lack.  They are my Super Team and no matter how much money I make, their support is a lot more valuable to me. 

Once you can take responsibility for your own failures and success, you become an entrepreneur.  Once you become an entrepreneur, you become powerful.  Once you become powerful, you become humbled; because to whom much is given, much is required.  Entrepreneurship is a journey to humility.  Be thankful for the journey; it is a blessing.   Handle your business.

Change and Choices – Part 1

Personal change begins within.  Often we seek to change the minds and hearts of others without realizing that the heart and mindset of another person is based upon their personal experiences and what they have learned from their families and friends.  Those experiences, whether good or bad, have shaped their perspective.  Their personal perspective dictates their actions and reactions to situations and relationships.  Any change that takes place in a person’s heart or mind therefore is the result of a personal choice made by that individual.

We all choose whether or not we want to have a successful relationship, or not.  We choose whether or not we want to follow in the footsteps of those who had toxic relationships also.  You are a product of your environment but you also have the power as an individual to overcome any circumstance that you may have encountered.  If you come from a broken home, you do not have to create a broken home situation for your own children.  If you had an absentee parent, you do not have to be absent from your children’s lives.  If your parents divorced, you do not have to fear marriage, commitment or experience divorce in your own relationship.  If your household was abusive, you do not have to be a victim or victimizer of abuse.  You are not a slave to your past or that of your family.  You are free.  Free to make choices for yourself.  You are free to be better than what you’ve seen, been taught or witnessed.  You are free to make changes to improve your situation and provide a safer life for your children so that they will see a positive example that they can refer back to.        

Statistically more than 70% of Black women in America are single, and approximately 40% of those women have never been married.  However, more than 40% of Black men in America are also single and have never been married either.  This means that just as many Black men as Black women have never been married.  Why is that? Logically you could say that if the 40% of Black women and the 40% of Black men meet, they could get married.  Maybe they just reside in different areas of the country so it’s a factor of distance more than anything else.  Realistically it means that a large percentage Black men do not have the desire or goal to become married.  This means that the 40% of single and never married Black women have to explore other options, such as crossing racial divides, in order to find a mate.  And with there being an overabundance of single and desperate women willing to share a man for the sake of not feeling lonely, many men do not feel it necessary to commit to one woman when they can have a different woman everyday.   

In my own dating experience I meet a lot of single Black men who “do not want a relationship”, don’t consider it a “priority” and do not want to be committed to just one woman.  They are fearful of the possibilities of failure in their relationships because of their past experiences (marriages and divorces) and the situations in which they were raised (single parent homes without their fathers present), or they have so many women pursuing them that they feel they’d be “giving up” something (ego) in order to commit to just one woman.  These men make a choice, regardless of it being conscious or subconscious.  It’s sad, but true.  It’s the reality of dating in the world we live in.      

People are very cynical and negative about personal relationships.  However, that negativity can be overcome through positive experiences and examples.  In spite of some of the bad relationships I’ve had, I recall the ones that were healthy and positive.  Those set an example and developed a standard for me as I move forward in life.  The good relationships taught me that there is hope and the possibility of love.  Those relationships reiterated to me that all men are not dogs, or trifling, or useless.  Those relationships allowed me to value and respect my authentic self and understand what positive attributes I bring to a relationship.  Those relationships also allowed me to improve myself as an individual and as a woman.  I have made a choice that I will have a healthy and successful relationship.  I have made a choice that I want to be married.  I have made a choice that when the day comes, I will work to have the type of marriage I want and deserve.  The only thing I’m missing is a like-minded and like-hearted man who also has the same desire, goals and resolve that I have. 

To be continued…

Days Like This I Need a Cloning Machine

Life is full of changes.  I’m excited by all of the opportunities coming my way, but there are some days, like today, when I wish that I had a cloning machine.  I’m preparing for a lot of different things all at the same time.  To add pressure to the pot, I’m suffering from a cold.  I earned the name Super Woman because I’m always multi-tasking and I’m able to do it seamlessly.  It’s my dream come true and more than I imagined.   However, there are days when I wish there were at least two more exact duplicates of myself whom I could delegate tasks to.  Since I’m meticulous in my approach and everything I do must be done to the best of my ability, it’s difficult for me to delegate tasks to others who may not treat my ideas with the same sense of priority.  For me everything is a priority – even if it has to be delayed, it never really is.  It’s just re-prioritized to another level to be revisited later after something else is completed.  That’s the method to my madness.

I’m not alone in my need for a cloning device.  There are women like me everywhere who have a ton of things that need to get done and who would also like to have a clone of themselves capable of helping them.  They are mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, counselors, chauffeurs, coaches, teachers, physiologists, referees and chefs; everyday all day long.  Women – we do it all and we do it well.  A cloning device would help a lot of us in our day to day lives.  Unfortunately, the technology has yet to catch up with the need.  Or has it?  That’s the beauty of supply and demand.  If you build it, they will buy.   

I have been blessed to have a tightly knit team of Super friends who are very supporting of my endeavors and they help to keep all of this crazy that is I, in check.  But I can’t take advantage of them because they also have their own families, careers, goals, and endeavors that they need to apply their own energy to as well.  That is the common thread that explains why they are my Super friends. 

On days like this I have to plan, plan, and plan some more to get things done.  I call on those who are able, and have to time to do something for me.  I barter and negotiate to get things done.  I try to remember to eat, squeeze in some meditation and prayer and try to exercise also.  I plug into my mp3 player for focus because I can’t work in dead silence.  I drink my green or chai tea and take by vitamin B12.  I operate on as much sleep as I possibly can get and vow to rest when I’m rich; preferably in the Caribbean.  Then when all is said and done I thank God, get up and do it all over again the next day.  

Until cloning technology is available, and harmless, I will continue to do what I do; put all of myself into my tasks to turn out a good product/service.  I will continue to lose sleep, forget to eat, do too much too often in an effort to do it all.  It’s what I do.  It is who I am.   After all, I am Super Woman and to whom much is given, much is required. 

…but a cloning device would really help. ♥

So you have 5000 Facebook Friends. Now what?

So you have 5000 Facebook Friends.  Now what?

For some people it signifies the need to create a second profile page.  For some it means that they allow the system to reject potential friends on their behalf.  For others they may even delete friends that they do not have any interest in or desire to stay connected to in order to be-friend others.  But once you’ve reached this “accomplishment”, how will you use it?  For you is Facebook a glorified popularity contest, a marketing and promotional tool or something to occupy the time that you don’t know what else to do with?  It all depends on the person.  Everyone has their own agenda and plans in the quasi-reality that is Facebook.  For some it allows them to be someone that they are not because they are unhappy with whom they truly are.  Some people use it to stay in contact with people they do not get to speak with or see face to face often.  Others use it to avoid actual realistic social contact and emotional intimacy with people.  After all, if you have 5000 Facebook Friends, who needs real friends? 

Nothing against Facebook.  It is a business.  It is a product.  It fulfills many needs; some good and healthy, some not so much.  But it is what it is – a part of our lives whether we want it to be or not, in one capacity or another.  But it does make me wonder if we use it as a substitute for the real thing too much.  I like organic connections.   I prefer using words to communicate with people verbally.  Although there are times when verbalizing is difficult for me because I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or because I can be emotional, therefore I choose to write what I feel instead, I still like organic communication.  But Facebook, just like every other advancement in technology and communication was inevitable.  Change is inevitable and change is good. 

I embrace change.  However, we need to be very mindful of how we use it.  There’s a lot going on.  The majority of people use Facebook harmlessly and without malice.  But there are others who use it for the wrong reasons.  Simply put, they use it for evil.  They use it to commit adultery, con people, commit crimes, bully and harass others.  Of course it is easy to say that Facebook “should be doing something to prevent this”, but the technology has to catch up to the culprit.  Evil is often a step ahead of good.  Facebook does provide tools to users to report acts that they know are not suitable, but if the tools are not used, it’s not the developers or programmers fault.  After all, it is a “social” network and thereby it truly represents all of the facets of a society, both good and bad. 

That means we have to take responsibility and speak up, instead of turning a blind eye to something we see that is out of order, unsuitable for minor’s, or illegal.  Now, someone’s personal, political views and opinions are not evil simply because you disagree with them, so don’t go reporting people all willy-nilly because you disagree with their politics.  However, a woman posting a picture of her behind propped up on a bathroom sink in a g-string that she took with her camera phone, or an aspiring “model” whose pictures appear to be more like those of a porn star, are not the types of things everyone should see on Facebook, especially if it’s their profile picture.  I’m just saying.  There should be some ethical and social boundaries. 

But we’re relaxing boundaries in real society and as a result they are beginning to trickle into Facebook society.  As a matter of fact, to some degree they are running over full force like Victoria Falls into Facebook.  We make excuses for everything someone does, of course until they do it to us.  And we keep them as our Facebook friends.  God forbid we remove or un-friend anyone because we saw something completely inappropriate that they posted on someone else’s wall.  What would people think if we started doing that? 

Until recently I had just a little fewer than nine hundred Facebook friends and was seriously considering deleting hundreds of people and not accepting anymore friend requests.  I had been stalked by a man who literally had created over twenty Facebook profiles to harass me.  I have had married men try to “date” me on numerous occasions so I had to change my interests to read friendship and networking.  I have had men send me messages asking me to “model” for them, and then become angry at my decline of their offer.  I’ve never been very gullible, but I’m more than positive that a lot of women between 18 and 50 years old have fallen for the “okey-doke” of one or more of these types of men before, or else the men wouldn’t keep using the same scams.  I see scams coming before I person can open their mouth.  The only thing that stopped me from repeatedly hitting the delete button was my PR rep.  He told me to focus on using Facebook as a marketing tool and unless I encounter someone like the before mentioned types of predators, that I should accept the friend requests I receive.  I conceded.  Thanks to my God given intuition and overly healthy self-esteem I haven’t had anymore problems

Also, I’m adjusting to how I utilize my Facebook platform.  The caliber of my Facebook friends is high for the most part.  There have been times when I spoke up about something inappropriate I saw on Facebook.  So, I’m not suggesting you do anything I wouldn’t do myself.  Someone (else) did attack me verbally for what I said. I didn’t care.  I wasn’t wrong and I wasn’t addressing her to begin with, but she was “offended” because I pointed out a potential consequence to someone because of the content on their page. This woman wasn’t my Facebook friend so I quickly blocked her.  She was seeking attention using Facebook because she didn’t know how else to receive attention.  After she had her verbal temper tantrum, I won with my intelligence.  Her blood pressure is probably still elevated.  Right is right and if we treat Facebook like a freaky-deeking-free-for-all-do-whatever-without-any-consequences, that is exactly what it will turn into. 

I don’t know about you, but I like Facebook.   I will never replace my love of organic contact and communication with other human beings, but I hope it stays around for awhile and remains a place where my friends, family and business associates can communicate with each other when we can’t talk on the phone, email or have organic communication. 

So you have 5000 Facebook friends.  Now what are you going to do?

Prioritizing Love

Priority – somebody or something that is ranked highly in terms of importance or urgency; the state of having preceded something else.

Prioritize – to order things according to their importance or urgency; to regard something as most important or urgent.

Temptation – a desire for something considered wrong; the incitement of desire or craving in somebody.

Necessity – something that is essential; a basic requirement; water, food, shelter, clothing, love and acceptance; the condition of being needed or required.  

Blessing – something to be glad or relieved about; a favor or gift bestowed by God, thereby bringing happiness.

Someone recently told me that a relationship is not a priority for them.  I’ve heard this a million times.  I believe that anything that someone wants badly enough becomes a priority to that person.  A person’s lack of desire for something doesn’t make it less important in life, just less important to that particular person.  According to Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, our human needs are, in order of importance from most to least, (1) physiological, (2) safety, (3) social, (4) esteem, and (5) self-actualization.  Physiological includes what we know as basic human needs; food, shelter, sex, and breathing.  Safety includes security of body, employment, resources, morality, family, health and property.  Social includes love, friendship, family and sexual intimacy.  Esteem includes confidence, achievement/success, and respect of and by others.  Self-actualization includes morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, lack of prejudice and acceptance of facts. 

If you understand the Maslow Hierarchy principle, then you know that social includes relationships with others both related to us by blood and by emotion.  Our esteem is connected to our achievements and status in society.  If this is true, then why do so many of us look at love as less of a priority than career?  Why do we put our goals and desires to succeed and make money above having someone to share those achievements with?  Why do we prioritize love as the least important element in our day to day life?  Why do we view love as a temptation instead of a necessity? 

The happiest people I’ve ever met are not the wealthiest financially.  However, they are considered very wealthy because they have mates.  They have taken the time to cultivate strong and resilient relationships that include emotional bonds with their mates.  They have families, friendships and great sex.  They have prioritized love into their lives.  Then there are the single people who strive to make more money, gain more position, and obtain more respect from people whom they don’t share any emotional connection with.  They already possess the physiological and safety needs, so they feel that they can overlook the social needs and continue on to the esteem and self-actualization needs.  Do they ever go back and try to capture the social aspects?  Yes.  And sometimes they fail to do so because since it was not a priority to them, they passed on every opportunity for love that came their way.  In their minds when the opportunity arose, it was not the “right” time.  They had other priorities to concern themselves with that took precedence over love. 

Then there are the single people like myself who want everything.  We want to fulfill all five of the human needs in Maslow’s Hierarchy.  We believe that we can have balance, just like many of our married predecessors.  We may have even failed at love previously but we still believe it to be a necessity.  Unfortunately, we often find ourselves in encounters with the single, success-seeking individuals who do not view love as a priority.  They desire the money, status and respect of others, but do not desire to come home to the love and respect of a mate.  One of my biggest fears is being extremely successful, but not having anyone to share my experiences and success with.  Not having anyone to encourage my steps when I’m moving in the right direction.  Not having anyone to catch me when I fall or wipe my tears when I fail.  How lonely life could be with a huge bank account and no one to share life with.  No matter how much money I make, I can’t take it with me when I die [no one’s tombstone says “He made a lot of money”].  But I believe that I can share a love that lasts an eternity.     

People often throw themselves into their careers as a defense mechanism against love.  They fear love and the requirements of it.  Love requires commitment, focus, decisiveness, self awareness, honesty, and selflessness, among other things.  These requirements are often more difficult for a man, because in society men aren’t always celebrated for the wife they have, but instead for their professional achievements.  Love isn’t leisure, it is work.  You can’t take a vacation from love.  When love hurts, it can be debilitating.  There is no cure for love when it hurts.  When love is presented with problems, you can’t walk away from it, tear it down and start all over.  As a result some people opt to take the easy way out and decide not to include love.  Some people literally choose not to prioritize love into their lives.  They’re afraid of the work more than potential failure or pain.  In spite of our fears about love, under Maslow’s Hierarchy, without love, a human being is not “whole” in life.  A life without love isn’t living; it is just existing.     

So, the “timing” isn’t right when you meet someone.  When did humans become powerful enough to control “time”?  Everything happens for a reason, and it happens when it should, not necessarily when we want it to.  If an opportunity presented itself unexpectedly for your career, you would view it as a “blessing”, not an obstacle or a temptation.  You would do whatever was necessary to take advantage of that opportunity.  You would fear losing the opportunity and never getting another.  You would conquer your fears, travel long distances, empty your bank account, sale your car, change your routine or schedule, you would change your plans, and you would even disappoint others in order to accept the “blessing”.  You would pray about it, increase your tithe offering, burn sage and anything else necessary for that blessing.  Sometimes people are also a blessing in our lives.  They are brought to us for many reasons.  Some people come into our lives for a season, some for a reason and some for a lifetime.  Someone who comes into your life that you feel a connection to may also be the one you are meant to love.  But if you are unwilling to take advantage of the opportunity, it will pass you by.  That person will then become a blessing to someone else who was unafraid of love.  I heard Steve Harvey say that more love songs have been written by men about lost love because men fail to see what they have until it is gone.  They don’t view love as a priority.    

Time waits for no one and some opportunities only come around once in a lifetime.  If you are willing to make sacrifices for achievements and material possessions, why would you not also make sacrifices for love?

Not Taking Myself Too Serious

The more mature I become, the less serious I take myself.  I’ve learned to accept my idiosyncrasies and quirks because they have helped to shape my individuality.  I marvel at my own ability to reinvent myself so often and so well that even people who see me often sometimes do not recognize me.  I often find it curious how people react towards me when I walk into a room, until I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and think “Who is that? Oh, that’s me!”  I’m proud of my resilience and ability to learn quickly.  I even find my own state of organized chaos to be laughable at times.  Everything must be in its proper place, but my house is a mess.  The minute I clean up, I can’t find anything. 

When it comes to my professional life, I’m on point, at all times.  I have goals, ideas and plans that are thoroughly executed from thought to implementation and beyond.  However, my personal life is sometimes confusing, with all of its ups, downs and unknowns.  My love life is even more confusing, with the lack of consistency and the constant “getting to know someone new” process, which is both exhausting and disconcerting.  Needless to say, my resiliency comes in very handy, more so in my personal life.

The ME that I know best is silly, funny, competitive, and hardworking, yet still enjoys watching animated movies and cartoons.  I like to cook and eat.  I don’t like cleaning, but do it because it needs to be done and I’m particular about how.  I dislike exercising, but I do it because I want to maintain my health and appearance.  I love to travel, but I don’t like standing in lines to get where I’m going.  Music soothes me emotionally and spiritually, evidenced by my music collection and taste, which are very diverse.  I’m “positive” in my outlook on life the majority of the time, but I deal in harsh realities.  I know that although I want everything, there will always be something that isn’t meant for me to have.  I expect too much of myself because I have been blessed with so much.  I believe I can always to do better, even when I know I’ve done my best.  As much as I’d like life to be clear and concise, black and white, there are several things that are in shades of gray and beige, which I may never fully understand, but have to accept regardless. 

As a result, I have learned not to take myself too seriously.  I’ve learned to hug the girl I once was and love the woman that I am.  I’ve tried to learn from my past, so that I don’t repeat it in my future.  I’ve raised my child to be the man I never had in hopes that he’ll get married and have children of his own that love him as much as he loves me.  When I get upset I turn to my favorite comedians and movies to make me laugh. 

As Superas I am,  and I have earned the title twice over, I am also human.  I have had good days and bad, just like anyone else.  I have challenges and obstacles that throw me off temporarily, just like anyone else in my position my encounter.  I get my feelings hurt and I am disappointed by others, just like anyone else has.  I have kryptonite in various forms in my life, often shiny and distracting, however, never permanently damaging to me.   But it’s all a part of my journey and I’m thankful for it all.  And when I’m most pleased with myself, I take time to pull on my Betty Boop night shirt, bamboo socks, cuddle up with my stuffed animal, pull out the Godiva chocolate and watch a Disney movie.  What gives me individuality today hopefully will make me eccentric in my old age.  I hope that when that day comes, I still won’t take myself too seriously.

The Company, The Woman, The Brand

#primary { width: 200px; }
%d bloggers like this: