Tag Archives: television

Looking Forward – New Year, New You

There was a time in my life when I was deeply depressed during the holidays. I felt terribly alone and dreaded the entire experience. I realized later in life that those feelings of depression were brought about because I didn’t know my purpose and therefore couldn’t fulfill it. Now I love the holidays. For me it signifies a renewal process. As much as I don’t like snow, or ice, or salt trucks, I know seeing them is a sign of progression of the seasons and the years. Every holiday for the last few years, I have set attainable goals for myself, both personally and professionally. I have achieved each and every one of those goals, along with some I didn’t expect to achieve, such as becoming the 2013 Confident Woman Award recipient.

This holiday isn’t any different. I’m writing my third book. I’m producing and creating more video content. I’m making myself available for speaking engagements going into 2014. We officially have a BBM Channel as of December 2013, we have a mobile app being developed for release in 2014, a Vimeo Channel, an official YouTube Channel (that’s not new, but it’s still cool), and we’ll be producing more online content starting next year. We’re also already scheduling our guests for The FabLife Radio Show, which reached over 43,000 listens and had over 50 subject matter experts and celebrity guests in 2013. We will resume live shows the first Friday of January. I’m growing the Super Woman Brand and I’m looking forward to another new year of growth and progress.

I’ve come a long way and I want to be an example to others that life is truly what you make of it. Many of us have had experiences that haven’t been pleasant, some of us more than our fair share. But instead of looking at every situation as a tragedy, I now look to discover what I’m meant to learn from it. And sometimes what I think is a tragedy is actually a blessing for me. As we go into the holiday season which will close out this year, I’d like for you to look back on some of the situations you’ve experienced this last year. Look at what your role was in the situation, but don’t blame yourself, just accept responsibility for what you did or didn’t do so that if you’re ever in that situation again, you will know better. Apologize to those you have wronged, forgive those who have wronged you, while keeping in mind that you’re not obligated to include them in your life going forward, but closure can be healing. Healing allows you to grow and move forward.

Don’t regret anything for any reason. I’ve learned that regret will hold you hostage if you’re not careful. Everything happens and yes, sometimes we let opportunities pass us by, but if you know you did you best, you shouldn’t  have any regrets. If you know that your regret comes from the fact that you didn’t do your best and you could have done something better, you actually have time to rectify that if you choose to. Sometimes the fear that an opportunity has completely passed us by is the main reason we don’t try. Not trying is the only regret I condone. If you don’t at least try, you will never know if you are able to do better or obtain closure.

Look forward. The past is behind you for a reason. It’s not coming back. So concentrate on the present and the future. Be realistic in your endeavors and goal setting. Everyone can’t be a super model or a professional athlete. Take the time to discover what the Master’s Plan for your life is that includes your talents and abilities, and strive towards cultivating that. Trying to be something other than what you were meant to become is a complete waste of time and energy. Trying to be what someone else is out of envy is also a complete waste of time and energy. Instead put in the work to be the absolute best version of yourself that you can be in 2014 and beyond. Discover what you do best and do that. 

That’s my focus  – to be the best version of myself, today, tomorrow and everyday after. It’s my own personal New Year, New You project. I didn’t necessarily plan any of this, and I’ve had to make some very unexpected sacrifices to get this far. I know that more sacrifices will be required of me but in the end, the life I’m meant to live will be well worth it because I will have been a blessing to others in the process.

Thank you for your support of Super Woman Productions and Publishing and I will have a lot more for you in 2014.

Happy Holidays! 

 

Progress On Purpose

This year has started off surprisingly and pleasantly well for Super Woman Productions and Publishing. I have been pleased to include three phenomenal women to the Super Team in different capacities. I’m in the middle of an interview frenzy for interns to fill positions within the company that are structured for long-term opportunities. The FabLife Radio Show is showing consistent listeners each week with some significant growth as well. On March 8, 2013 we’re celebrating International Women’s Day and we have celebrity guests that are going to be on the show. We’re preparing for the launch of FabLife Apparel and Accessories this year and the fabulous ad campaign that will accompany it. I now also write a column for Thrive Detroit Street Newspaper which is sold at Source Books and D:Hive monthly. The February/March issue is available at both locations now for $1 per copy.

In this the fifth year since the birth of my brain child, I can say that I am truly happy and that I have learned how to enjoy the small accomplishments just as much as the larger ones.

Of course what I do isn’t easy (although I’m told I make it look like it is) and there are small challenges. But all of the challenges are a learning experience, as well as strength and character building exercises. Cultivating anything and doing it well, requires a lot of time, patience, persistence and work. People who blow up over night, are often forgotten about just as quickly. Where some people may feel that I’m not more “popular” because I have boundaries that I refuse to cross just for the sake of pleasing others, I’m perfectly comfortable with my current level of “popularity“. It allows me to maintain a life that I can enjoy without people being witness to my every move…for now. 

I have learned throughout this process (because that’s really what it is) that rejection and change are inevitable. I look at rejection as a necessary occurrence for people who I don’t need to exit stage left, so that the right people can be brought into my Super World. That often results in very positive change because the people who left had their own conflicting agendas. Anyone who tells me ‘no’ today, will one day beg to work with me. Not because I’m so much better than anyone else, but simply because everything that is taking place in my Super World is mapped out in the Master’s Plan.

It’s going to happen regardless of what anyone else thinks, says or feels.

So much of what I’ve achieved is not because of me; it is in spite of me. My accomplishments are in spite of me not having a degree. My accomplishments are in spite of me not having the understanding or acceptance of others (friends, family and peers). My accomplishments are in spite of me not being a reality TV star. My accomplishments are in spite of me not getting some of the opportunities I wanted to showcase my talents to others. Yet, I’m still here. I’m still growing. My business is still expanding. While others have yet to finish the same the projects that they told me ‘no’ to, I’m getting more projects of my own to work on. Daily new people all over the country (and in some corners of the world) organically discover Super Woman Productions and Publishing and are exposed to what I do.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from people is how “others” are able to progress in society because they have money or opportunities given to them that people of color (particularly Black people) don’t have access to. I disagree with that. I believe that all progress is deeply rooted in the desire of the individual or group of people. Sometimes in order to experience progress, an individual must put distance between themselves and the group because the group isn’t growing or supporting the process. Progress is intentional. It is conscious. It is strategic. It comes from having a plan and working that plan. It comes from being diligent and looking for ways to improve. It’s not dependent on or hindered by anyone or anything else, unless you allow it to be. So in your new year look at what you want to do, and determine what you need to do better in order to get there instead of looking for excuses not to get there. It doesn’t matter how much time it takes. Improve your time management skills. Time is an investment that pays off well if used wisely.

Make your progress intentional.

Make your progress conscious.

Make your progress strategic.

Progress on purpose.

Your success is waiting.

 

Married To Super Woman

I follow Michael McDaniel on Twitter and we’re Facebook friends. Recently he posted a question asking if a person would marry themselves. It was a very interesting question to me because I knew what he meant. He wanted people to examine if they were the kind of person they would want to be married to, if they were the opposite sex. It’s a self-assessment of ones values and qualities. We often don’t self-assess ourselves and our faults or even our good qualities. We just go into relationships seeking validation and perfection from the person that we are in a relationship with. We often forget that we attract who and what we are most of the time. In those instances when you attract those who pretend to want to be what you are, knowing that they fall short of your expectations and standards, you get a pass. But it’s a short pass because you don’t have to give that person your attention.

So I thought about Michael’s question as it relates to me personally. I’ve had more than one person tell me that I’m my own husband. I don’t think people who said this about me meant it as a compliment, but I took it as one. I took it as a compliment because it means I embody the qualities that I would want in a mate if I had one.

  • I’m dynamic
  • I’m confident
  • I’m talented
  • I’m intelligent
  • I’m a good parent
  • I’m suspenseful
  • I’m a person of action
  • I’m articulate
  • I’m ambitious
  • I’m hardworking
  • I’m inspiring
  • I’m self motivated
  • I’m unique
  • I’m aware of how other people perceive me (and I often don’t care because my purpose isn’t to please everyone else) 
  • I’m a protector of those I love and care for
  • I’m a provider

Now, I’m not the dysfunctional woman who doesn’t believe that she needs a man. Men and women need each other. But in a society where marriages last less than 90 days and people get married because they think they love someone, but didn’t take the time to get to know someone, I’m okay with the idea of being married to myself. After all, what is marriage? Marriage is a committment before God to another person. If two men or two women can marry each other in some states, I should be able to marry myself and it be acceptable until I meet a man who is equally yoked.

I’m not saying that we don’t need the affections of or appreciation from a person of the opposite sex. I’m saying we need to take inventory of ourselves before we can expect someone else to have what we are looking for. Having a spouse isn’t going to make a tremendous difference in my life. At least, not that I can see at this time in my life. Any man who wants  a long term relationship with me will truly have to enhance every area of my life. I have what I have because of the work and time that I have invested in myself. Likewise, I lack in areas where I lack due to my own fault. I am responsible for myself. But when the day comes for me to be a partner with and wife to a man (if it’s in the Master’s Plan), I want to bring more to the table than my pretty face. Particularly since so many men think that’s all I have going for me. I want to be a positive contributor to the relationship in every way, shape, form and fashion; emotionally, spiritually and financially. I also want to be a motivator to my husband. 

In my experiences, it has been the men who said they loved me the most who treated me the worse. I no longer value those three words; I care more about the actions of a person. Being “married” to myself is a level of dedication that I give to myself that isn’t predicated upon how someone else feels about me or what that person thinks of meI’m “married” to myself – the woman that I am and the woman that I will become. I fully love and appreciate myself more than a man could. I know myself better than any man does.

Feat not, for I am not losing my romantical mindset. I’m also am not saying that Superman doesn’t exist. He’s just extinct. In fact, there are several men interested in filling the position of Superman in my life. Which is how my upcoming reality show Finding Superman came to exist in the first place. Many men have tried, and several have failed over the years. A man can no longer proclaim he’s my Superman and expect me to do hand stands in excitement to be with himA man has to embody the traits and characteristics that a Superman should. I’m also putting my life on reality television because I want a man who is proud to be with me and wouldn’t have a problem saying so publicly. Being with me requires going places, networking and attending high-profile black tie events. Superman can’t be a hermit or be ashamed of being seen with me. Many men say what they feel (and what they think I want to hear) privately. But I want someone who is willing to go through challenges, publicly, in order to show me. The job of Superman is not one for the weak, fractured, or timid. It is for the right man and it isn’t easy.

Go to the Finding Superman Reality Show Official Facebook Page and show your support with a LIKE and a SHARE. The show will be filmed here in Detroit and will not depict African-Americans or women negatively in the way that other shows have done recently. The show is also Super Fan interactive, so the Finding Superman Reality Show Official Facebook Page is very important for those who will watch the show because your vote will count. When each Fan Challenge is met, information about the show will be released. We are just  TWO (2) LIKES away from releasing the contestant criteria. Then we can move on to completing the next Fan Challenge and the next stage in the project. By the way, my friends and family will be heavily involved in the process, although I will not so that I can remain neutral.

In the end, there can only be one Superman.

~ To whom much is given, much is required.

How Does Your Garden Grow

This past several days have been full of hot weather and a lot of rain. The rain caused many shifts in the temperature within just a day. Much like the weather, these past few days have created some shifts in my life. The shifts have sparked refocus for me into different directions, both personally and professional. Of course my life is much like any superhero’s (constantly singular), and I don’t get much time off from working hard to make a difference. In spite of that, there are days when I’m thankful for the rain storms that come along even when they are coupled with 103 degree temperatures. Many states are and have been experiencing record high temperatures and storms these past few days. Likewise, many people experience storms in their lives.    

Heat is known to burn and scorch the Earth. Heat is often looked at as a destructive force for many reasons, and it can be sometimes. But heat also has cleansing properties to it. Have you ever seen a field that has been burned and wondered what happened to it? In agriculture there’s a process called slash and burn, or controlled burn, where a field is cut and is intentionally burned so that the ashes can provide nutrients to the soil in that area. For those of us who are not familiar with this process, we would think that something tragic had happened to the soil and that it would no longer be useful for growing a crop. But the opposite is true. From heat many things become renewed. In mythology a phoenix is said to rise from ashes of the fire that it died in, and diamonds are created by a mineral process when coal (or magma, according to some) is heated to temperatures of 1000 degree celsius. Some people practice bikram yoga because it is meant to reduce stress and tension while allowing a deeper stretch because the muscles of the body are warmer. Many of the islands we find so beautiful resulted from erupting volcanoes that now lay dormant. Heat has its place in our lives and it can be useful and beneficial, if used correctly.

Rain storms can also be looked upon as very destructive. I personally believe that into each life a little (sometimes a lot, depending on who you ask) rain must fall. Rain storms come through and create power outages, topple trees and even flood or wash away areas that can’t withstand the pressure. We sometimes are fearful of the rain because the weather reports tell us that we should be. Much like heat, rain serves other purposes. Rain nourishes the Earth.  Rain also allows for growth in desolate places. Rain in a person’s life cleanses the soul. Without rain, life is dry. Rain can also wash away all the dirt that tries to settle in places where it shouldn’t, both literally and figuratively. The more dirt there is, the stronger the rain storm has to be to wash it away, in nature and in life.

Sometimes (when I can), I look at my life from what I can remember as a child up until now. Although my life has always been good, it has had its share of heat and rain. Sometimes I think I got more than my fair share of heat and rain, but you know what they say, God never gives us more than we can handle. I’ve been truly blessed. I look at it as a blessing because I know that heat and rain are a process and necessity in our lives. They are changing forces. Change is good.

I look at my life as a garden. Doing so allows me a better grasp of my life and understanding of my purpose. In my garden there are all the things I need along with some of the things I want. It is all given to me because of the Master’s Plan. Everything in my garden serves a purpose, whether I understand it or not and whether I like it or not. Just like any other garden, weeds grow and destructive insects try to infiltrate and destroy my garden and turn it into what they want it to be. This is contradictory to the Master’s Plan. When this occurs, to rectify the situation, weeds have to be pulled, insecticides have to be introduced to the environment, and rain storms form to wash away the dirt, weeds and dead insects. In extreme situations, when God sees fit or when there aren’t any other options to get my garden back in order, it is completely burned and regrown. The  weeding of my garden’ is what I refer to it as. Others call it by many names: break ups, divorce, bankruptcy, miscarriage, death of a loved one, unwanted change in career, friendships that end, betrayal, car accidents.  

Typically my garden is weeded every few years. Lately, it has been happening every month for the last few months. I see exactly what it is for what it is. It is the process that is necessary to keep those who don’t fit into my life away from me and enhanced security of what I’m meant to have and achieve. It’s my spiritual shield, armor and bullet proof vest.  

The process of weeding my garden is never much fun. It sometimes causes pain and even heartache. However, I recognize it as a necessity so that I can live the purpose driven life that I’m meant to live. I understand that everything I may want isn’t what I’m meant to have. I know that I have something that I bring to this world that is of value and requires I have certain people in my life. I also know that everyone that I meet is not meant to be in my life for the rest of my life. Those who are already destined to be with me for a long time have already been put in place and proven themselves as friends. I know that these, along with other life events, people, places and experiences are all elements in my garden and that it will grow, change, bloom with perennials and annuals and occasionally will require weeding. I know that the heat and rain that come are essential to the process of maintaining my garden as well. It all works together to make me who I am and who I’m meant to be.

Everyone has a garden and it needs to be taken care of. Sometimes we’re not able to make the hard decisions because of our personal desires. Sometimes we’re not able to tell a person who is hurting us that we don’t want or need them around because we love them. Sometimes we’re not able to change a situation just because we want it to. Sometimes we don’t do what we need to do willingly to improve our lives and circumstances. Sometimes we need a Godly intervention. That is what the heat and rain are that you experience in your life:

God moving you to where you should be, when you need to be there, even when you resist it.     

So how does your garden grow? Are you allowing the heat and rain to cleanse and renew your garden when necessary? Do you welcome the growth that comes about afterwards? Or do you like having weeds and pests?

Pop Life

Everyone wants to be a celebrity. Unfortunately, many people are willing to do any and everything to get to that goal, except working hard for it. These same people often mistaken being famous for being popular and don’t understand the responsibility that comes with being a household name. They want the flash, bang and pop of celebrity status, but fail to recognize the sacrifices that are required and the expectations that people have. Most of the celebrities that exist, didn’t initially set out to become famous. Hard work and talent mixed with decisions, situations and opportunities resulted in the outcome of celebrity status. Many of them even regret being famous because they have lost their privacy, some relationships and have been under a microscope the entire time.

Being a celebrity was once a result of talent. Now it’s a result of over exposure and nudity, with a dash of who you’re sleeping with. It’s getting to be ridiculous. And it’s happening more and more. With all the reality television shows featuring women with no particular talent at the helm, earning million dollar checks because of the man they are connected to, being a celebrity is no longer what it once was. Being a celebrity has become too easy. Everyone is doing it…or trying to. From minor children posting videos of themselves fighting on YouTube and WorldStarHipHop.com, to adults fighting and bullying each other like children on television – everyone wants face time with lights, cameras and action. But no one wants to raise the bar, be accountable for their behavior and actions, or set a real, positive example for someone else to look up to. 

In entertainment, lately everyone wants to be the most popular kid in school, because it’s easier than being the kid who gets straight As. There are lots of women (in particular) taking their clothes off for money, bent over and spread eagle in an effort to become famous. There are many men who think their good looks don’t require that they have any skills and their goal is to become a 40 year old rapper. What happended to becoming educated, starting a business or becoming an inventor? Remember the most popular kid at your school? Where are they now? Remember the kid who got straight As? Where are they now? I bet if I did a poll of all the popular kids in school compared to all of the hard-working kids in school, the kids who worked hard and got good grades (even if they weren’t straight A students), probably have had the most longevity and success in their lives and careers. I’d bet money that the ratio would be staggering. The same holds true in the world of entertainment. Longevity requires hard work.  

Hard work trumps doing things the easy way any day. Everyone I know in entertainment has paid their dues. They studied under someone more experienced when they began, they practice their craft in between performances, they are constantly seeking to learn new things and about new developments in their field, they have a mentor in the industry, and most importantly, they don’t take any of it for granted. They have longevity, many awards and accolades, but are still humble. They are humble because they know what the fly-by-night-I-wanna-be-famous-because-I-don’t-have-anything-better-to-do-celebrity seekers don’t know.

Hard work pays off and lasts longer than anything else.

Reality television stars come and go. Tabloid talk shows are more about getting ratings for the show to remain on air. Very few people who are on these shows today will be around twenty years from now and still have us talking about them. The most many of them can hope for is to be featured on a “Where Are They Now” or “One Hit Wonder” thirty minute documentary on cable five to ten years from now. The desire to become a celebrity causes many people to resort to doing almost anything because they have stars in their eyes. Often people overlook the business side of the entertainment business. They jump in head first to accept the first offer that comes their way, completely clueless to how things actually work in the entertainment business. They have convinced themselves that how good they look is the deciding factor across the industry so they don’t work  to enhance their talent or skills. This opens up the door for opportunists and predators to walk right in.  

I’m going to use the following true story as an example of an attempt by a predator:

Recently a man, who has apparently been ogling over me online, sent me several messages telling me how beautiful he thinks I am. Each time, I either didn’t reply or I said ‘thank you’ and kept it moving. A compliment is just a compliment to me. A man giving me a compliment will never get more than a ‘thank you’ from me. Hearing “you’re so beautiful“, NEVER leads to an invitation to my bedroom because I hear it all the time. The next time I received a message from this man, he asked me to video chat with him. I told him ‘no‘ [sidenote: I don’t know him from a can of paint and he was begging. Begging is a very unattractive quality in a man to me, and it is a signal that a man is obsessive and even a potential stalker. I’m always leery of men who beg to see me and meet me. It’s creepy]. Then he escalated from asking me to video chat with him to asking me to make pornography with him. I’m so serious right now. Common sense would dictate that if I wouldn’t want to video chat with him, I also wouldn’t want to have sex with him or make pornography with him either. Alas, common sense is not common. 

At this point I know that this is his “line“.  Again, I told him ‘no‘ and went back to what I was doing, thinking he would give up. I was wrong. His next message said “I can make you a star. If you want to be a star I can pay you $10,000 and even get you in Playboy. You have the best body“. I fell out laughing at this point. Obviously, this idiot uses this fuckery yes, I said fuckery – on women regularly. He has no idea who I am, what I do and his only interest is in what I look like for the sake of his personal pleasure. He thinks that because I’m an attractive woman, that I’m desperate for his attention (or anyone’s) and that I need him to make me a star. I told him, “I’m already a star and you can’t do anything for me“. Then I used my blocking software to make sure he couldn’t contact me again.

Now, maybe this man’s “line” works on women without any self-esteem, who believe it necessary to objectify themselves at the request of a man in order to become “stars“, but I don’t allow anyone to pimp me, but ME. Anything using my image will be controlled by me. I don’t care who he claims he is, or what he claims he can do. I don’t care if he was President Obama, Hugh Hefner or Calvin Johnson. Ten thousand dollars is not enough money for me to sell out, lower my standards or objectify myself at the hands of any man. That’s the devil all day. Particularly when I know that my talents will make me a millionaire one day. Plus, let’s be honest, if he had the money or the connection, he would’ve approached me in a more professional and official capacity than sending me a message like that. He was just a creepy pervert looking for a woman to victimize. Unfortunately, the next woman he tries that “line” on, might actually fall for it and put herself in a compromising position to become a “star” because it’s easier than working towards it the right way. How do I know this to be true? I see it everyday. 

That’s why I decided to facilitate the Social Networking Etiquette and Safety Workshop at the I Feel Good: Mind, Body and Soul Women’s Conference on August 18, 2012 at H.Y.P.E. So that I could use some of my own experiences to teach women how to handle and avoid these types of situations. And encourage them to turn towards their talents, versus their physical appearance and who their man is as the only way to succeed in this world. My workshop won’t be just for the 11 to 18 years olds either. A lot of the women falling for the okey doke are grown women also. Being the next stripper turned basketball baby mama should not be a career goal of any woman. Being a forty-year old drug dealer turned rapper should not be a career goal of any man. If that is all a person has to aspire to in life, they need to reassess and refocus their life quickly or they will wake up and have wasted a lot of time and energy desperately seeking fame the easy way with minimal positive results. There’s more to life than being famous. God-given talents should be used productively and everyone has one. How you choose to use yours can make a difference in the quality of your life and those around you.  

Prince wrote “Pop Life” years ago, about the desires and disappointments that people feel when they seek fame and fortune the easy way, and the chorus alone still rings true today. 

Everybody needs a thrill
Pop life
We all got a space 2 fill
Pop life
Everybody can’t be on top
But life it aint real funky
Unless it’s got that pop

~ Becoming instantly famous has become the new hustle for those without talent. Many of whom are hustling backwards.  – Super Woman

 

Who’s Mad At Brian White?

I follow actor Brian White’s career as a fan and on Twitter. Early in February 2012 he did an interview with Shamika Sanders of Hello Beautiful, during which she asked Brian why he thinks people hate Tyler Perry. His reply was, “Because Tyler holds a mirror up to people. Stereotypes are not stereotypes today. The most popular character [in, Why Did I Get Married?], and it’s not the one that Tyler picked as the most popular, is Tasha!”  What he said is completely true. But, Shamika Sanders decided to call her article, “Does Brian White Hate Black Women or Is He Spot On? EXCLUSIVE”.

Does anyone else see what I see or is everyone going to side with Shamika on this?

Shamika was supposed to interview Brian about his upcoming movie projects. She asked him a question. He gave an honest answer and backed it up with several examples to support his point of view and at no time did this man say anything about hating black women. What in fact Brian White said, to sum it up in my own words, is that black AMERICA in general gravitates towards the more negative and stereotypical portrayals of ourselves (both men and women) in television and in movies, instead of looking at the more positive, learning the lessons filmmakers like Tyler Perry are trying to teach us, and appreciating the quality projects that are put out that portray us positively.

Did you understand that?

Brian’s reply got turned into a one black man versus all the black women in the world debate by Shamika Sanders. Maybe it was not her intention to do so. Maybe she doesn’t write well. Maybe she was unable to convey what Brian was saying using the written word. Maybe she doesn’t understand responsible journalism. Maybe she forgot what her interview was supposed to really be about. Maybe she was personally offended by what Brian White said and thought it would be a perfect opportunity to take his words out of context, pour gasoline on them and light them on fire to boost her own career. Anything is possible.

I agree in large part with a lot of what Brian said in his interview, although it was skewed to be more negative than he intended it to be. He touched on how black women behave on reality shows and therefore are also portrayed as characters in movies. However, we complain about being stereotyped when WE are the ones watching and supporting the shows and behaving in the same manner. I admit I watch Love & Hip Hop and RHOA, along with a few other reality shows. Part of it is entertainment and part of it is research for me as a writer (and a woman) for ‘what not to do’. The reality shows starring black women aren’t any different from reality shows starring white women. White women fight on television, too. But it’s often handled with a different approach by the media. It’s also handled with a different approach by their peers. In black AMERICA we constantly criticize, scrutinize, disrespect, and demean each other, then turn around and do the exact same thing we were mad about someone else doing. What do I mean by that? Women get upset with Mona Scott Young for being the brains behind Love & Hip Hop because Chrissy Lampkin acts a fool, fights and argues constantly on the show, but those same black women are trying to get on reality shows themselves; and not in an effort to change the way we’re portrayed in the process. They want to be famous, just like Chrissy…or Kim Kardashian, or whomever they idolize that particular week. They think that reality television will be their in into acting or fame because going to acting school or developing a talent takes too long.  Often for black women, reality televisions shows only end up as their way into a men’s magazine…bent over. But the white women who participate in reality shows receive spin offs and offers for Dancing With The Stars. But, I digress.  

Maybe Brian White needs more media training to learn how to phrase his opinions differently so that sensitive people who can’t digest the absolute truth won’t get offended. But at the same time, the fact that some black women are actually angry about what he said astounds me completely. It speaks to the misconceptions we have about how other people look at us when we’re on television and on movie screens. It speaks to the fact that we allow ourselves to have lower standards of ourselves in television and movies than we should (Brian would like us to support quality work, period).  It also speaks to the fact that we (black women) can take the most genuine comment in support of Tyler Perry and make it all about us for absolutely no reason.  

I’m not mad at Brian White at all. He said what he meant and he stood behind his convictions without apology. Maybe if more of us did the same thing, we wouldn’t embarrass ourselves or each other as much as we do on television in the first place.

◊ When you know better, you do better.

∞ Support the I Feel Good: Mind, Body & Soul Women’s Conference in Detroit, MI so that young black women know that they don’t have to be on reality television to make something of themselves in this world. www.ifeelgoodmbs.com