Tag Archives: how to get a man to pay your bills

Estrogen Economy

It is true that people, in the Black community, in particular, need to cooperate with each and support each other more. In a time when we should be learning to co-exist more peacefully with one another we are often too divisive among ourselves. We self segregate and hold onto mindsets that set us up for failure instead of embracing those that encourage us towards greatness. I recall sometime ago when speaking with my mentor about my business goals, he asked me what my demographic is. I told him “Detroiters” are my demographic and he told me I was wrong. I said “Black folks” are my demographic and again he told me I was wrong. I admitted to him that I was confused and didn’t quite understand what he was leaning towards. He told me “Your demographic is women. Not women in Detroit. Not Black women. Women, period. No matter where you go or where you’re from, women will be able to relate to you because you are a woman, too.

Although somewhere deep down, I probably already knew that, on that day it was like the hand of God Himself granted me infinite wisdom.

Some of what I was already doing in my business model was fitting my demographic; I just needed to be fully conscious of it. 

Yes, I’m from Detroit and I love my city, even when it doesn’t love me back. Yes, I’m Black and I love my people even when they don’t treat me or each other right. But at the end of the day, I love myself. And I am a woman.  I understand what that means from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head. I understand how women often are working and trying to achieve in male dominated fields, but lack support from other women and from men. I understand how many women have to work, go to school themselves and send their kids to school as well. I understand what sacrifices women make for their loved ones. I understand the issues women have with men, relationships, self-esteem and finances. I get it because I am a woman.

I’m also smart enough to know that if I sit around and just wait for specifically Detroiters and Black folks to embrace and support me, I will never get to where I want to be.

One of the things I’m most thankful for is that I understand and embrace diversity as well. Although I’m “prowoman, my Super Team is very diverse. We range in age, experience, race, class, education and culture. However, the majority of the members on my Super Team are, in fact, other women.  This wasn’t intentional or determined by company policy. It is what is meant to be and therefore it has developed into what it is. Simple. I don’t discriminate against men, but I do find it more difficult to work with them sometimes because of their preconceived notions based on physical attraction or what their experiences tell them a woman should be able to do…and not do. I’ve had more men claim that they would love to work with me then turn around and be deceitful and dishonest in their business practices, than women have, because unfortunately, the men started off with an agenda that wasn’t about business at all. I’m not the only woman who has had this experience with men in business either. I operate my business with integrity and character and I expect the same from all the people I do business with. It just so happens that the people I can work effectively with are other women.

This year thus far has had many amazing developments for The Brand. This month has been another fast paced, yet amazing one in my Super World. And throughout it there has been a common reoccurrence. I was being approached and embraced by the women in the room, no matter where I was at. It’s one of those things you have to step outside of yourself for a moment to realize and reflect upon. It’s a moment I have to enjoy at that moment. Which I have learned to do.

Women’s Day Tea was a complete success on Friday, March 8, 2013. It was a celebration of women in hip hop and women owned businesses. At the event we had Mae Day, Lola Damone, Smiley Davis and El DeBarge Jr. in attendance. Everyone that attended said how much they enjoyed the event. Many of whom wanted to know when we’d have another event and if we’d have another Women’s Day Tea in 2014. The answers are ‘yes‘ and ‘yes‘. I was so happy that everyone else enjoyed themselves. All of the stress was definitely worth the smiles and ‘thank you’s‘ from everyone.

We’re working towards completion of the I Feel Good: Mind, Body and Soul Women’s Conference this August. The goal is to reach young women and show them possibilities that will help them become stronger, better, more confident adult women; and help adult women become stronger and better as well. The goal is not to make women into what men think they should be, but to teach women to embrace what womanhood truly IS.  Womanhood is not us tearing each other down (‘she’s fake’, ‘look at her, she thinks she cute’, ‘I don’t like her because of her shoes’); it’s about us building and lifting each other up. Building and lifting each other up sometimes will require positive reinforcement, correction and constructive criticism. Those things are not esteem or dream killers; they are strength and confidence builders. We’re looking for ways to save money on the venues and materials as well so that we can have the young ladies ages 11 – 18 attend for free and then pass the additional cost savings on to women attending over the age of 18. We’ve also added the option of In-Kind donations for the items that we need to make the event a success, such as beverages, lunch, marketing materials and advertising. We’re seeking media partners across Metro Detroit who may be interested in being title sponsors in exchange for helping us get the word out. I Feel Good: Mind, Body and Soul Women’s Conference is promised to be another successful Super Woman Productions and Publishing event held in Detroit, just like the two we’ve had so far in 2013.

About a week before Women’s Day Tea, a brilliant concept popped into my head from God. It was two simple words:

Estrogen Economy ©

What is it? What can it do? How do we get it? And yes, I’m copyrighting it. It’s about to be huge.

Prior to the concept being gifted to me, I was already contributing to the concept. Women’s Day Tea on Friday, March 8, 2013 was clearly evidence of that. Super Woman Productions and Publishing was the only company in the state of Michigan that held an official celebration of International Women’s Day. That’s one point for the Estrogen Economy© already. Over the next several months, my other upcoming projects will also contribute to the Estrogen Economy© in many ways as well. I hope other women, and companies throughout the state of Michigan, will join this initiative over the next several months. Some have already indicated that they will. That makes me smile.

#EstrogenEconomy – 2013 through ∞ 

 

How To Get A Man To Pay Your Bills

Everyday a large amount of traffic comes to my website from women searching for “how to get a man to pay your bills“. I honestly have no idea how that happens because I’ve never written anything on that topic to my knowledge. I’ve written quite a bit and I really can’t remember everything I’ve ever written, so it may be a combination of the words resulting in the hits. Well, due to supply and demand, I decided to give a quick lesson on the subject.

Here’s how you get a man to pay your bills!

 

1. Don’t have any bills.

If you’re deep in financial debt in this economy, and you meet a man who also has financial responsibilities, the likelihood that he will want to pay your bills is very slim. Single men have bills also, even if they don’t have children. The only single men without bills are most likely living in their parent’s basement or still sleeping in the room they grew up in. That man can’t pay anyone’s bills or he’d have his own house. And let’s be honest, if you were already dating the wealthiest caliber of men to begin with, you wouldn’t be looking for a man to pay your bills in the first place.

2. Don’t ask a man to pay your bills.

Men look at women who ask for them to pay their bills as gold diggers. And that’s me being nice. Men actually call women who ask them to pay their bills garden tools. Here’s the thing, if you have something you can’t afford, a man doesn’t view it as his responsibility to make sure you keep it, particularly if you’re just “some chick” he met at the club, at the party, or even at church. Living above your means is not anyone’s problem but yours. So if you can’t afford that house, car, jewelry, those purses or shoes you covet, you may need to stop buying them or downsize until you can.

3. Don’t be a side chick.

In this society, the side chick gets nothing because she doesn’t know what her role is and has allowed herself to become over saturated. The over saturation of anything depletes its value. Therefore, the side chick (also referred to as the “jump off”, mistress or other woman) is no longer a commodity or convenience for a man to have. As a result, the smartest men will either elect to stay single, so they can date whomever they want, or get married and remain as faithful as possible. Smart men know that having a side chick is not worth losing everything they’ve worked for, no matter how beautiful she is or how good the sex is. The side chick is not likely to ever become his wife either, even if he does lose his marriage because of her. Plus, in this economy, unless a man is very wealthy (like Richard Branson wealthy), the wife isn’t necessarily going to divorce him. She may very well remain married to him and make his life miserable for as long as she feels like it. Either way, the wife gets everything.   

4. Become the wife.

Like I already said, the wife gets everything. The type of man who would pay a woman’s bills wants a woman who has proven herself to be loyal, outside of his wallet and bank account. She has had his back and held him down and when needed, she has also held him up. One example of this is seen in President and First Lady Obama. The woman a man of substance marries has been his motivating factor, his muse and his best friend. She may not be the mother of his children. She may not be the most beautiful woman in the world. She may not even be the smartest light bulb in the box. However, she has been his ego stroke when he needed it, and the necessary reality check when his ego got out of control. She has encouraged him more than she has belittled him. When he gets sick, she not only takes care of him, but she’ll make sure his business doesn’t fall to nothing by calling his supervisor and his doctor. That woman who made him feel better, stronger and taller than he’s ever felt before is the woman he will marry. And that man will pay her bills.

5. Be independent.

The only thing worse than a woman who walks around saying she doesn’t need a man, is a woman who is needy and can’t live without a man in her life. Men who pay bills, like women who have joy and purpose in their lives without needing a man around. A man wants to know that if something tragic were to happen to him (death, dismemberment or illness), that woman can take care of the kids, the house, the cars and the dog, without having to move another man in the very next day. If you can’t do anything for yourself, if you can’t go anywhere by yourself, if you have to always have a man’s attention to feel good about yourself, you will never get a man to pay your bills. You might be nice to look at, have sex with, go to the club with, but you aren’t going to be the woman who gets that man to pay her bills without being considered a garden tool in the process. When a man of substance opens his wallet, he likes to feel like a man while doing it; not like customer number 9

 6. Establish standards and goals that have nothing to do with getting a man to pay your bills.

This is highly essential in your pursuit. If your only standard is a man who will pay your bills and getting such a man is your primary focus and goal for a relationship, you might attain that…but at a cost. There’s a big difference between a man with money and a man who is chivalrous. A man could have all the money in the world. He could drive an expensive car, live in an expensive house, wear expensive clothes and have all the expensive toys he could ever dream of having. That does not mean that he is going to spend his money on you and your bills. In my experience, some of these same men are very insecure and selfish with their money. They don’t mind spending it on themselves and will do so at anytime, but the minute they meet you, they become afraid of letting you near their bank accounts. That’s because they didn’t grow up with money. They are what is considered “new money” or first generation money. Whatever they have financially, they had to either work  extremely hard for it, won the lottery or did something illegal to attain it. Therefore, giving it up isn’t easy for them. And if you manage to get them to give you their money, you now become their property. It’s a lot better to have a man who is chivalrous. A man who is chivalrous believes that his role in his WIFE’S life is to be a provider and he will spend money to make her smile, because he works hard, in every way, for her: he put in time and energy to meet her, court her and has invested his emotions into her. He cares for her and wants the two of them to have a good relationship. Buying gifts, paying bills, and so-on, are something he considers to be a part of who he is as a man in that particular woman’s life. He does so willingly, not by manipulation. Instead, develop personal goals and standards that will attribute to you building your own wealth and being able to pay your own bills. Upgrade yourself and your lifestyle by yourself. If your idea of traveling is going to Chicago for the weekend, you can’t expect to meet a man who has lived in Italy and speaks fluent Italian. You might have to actually go to Italy for that. Which means you need to have your own money. If you work harder at improving your financial situation without the aid of a man, your overall life will improve tremendously, and so will the caliber of men you meet. You attract what you are.    

This may not have been the advice you were searching for when you Googled, however, I don’t write, or speak to people just to tell them what they want to hear. That’s counterproductive. It only results in people continuing to do the same thing expecting different results. I tell people the truth, whether they like it or not. You don’t have to take my advice or adjust your mindset. It won’t change my life one bit if you don’t. However, if you pay attention, and look at yourself hard and long, take my words and put them into practice, it might change YOUR life for the better.     

~ When you know better, you do better.

What If Justice Wasn’t Blind?

Michael David Dunn

257 Ocean Residence Ct

Satellite Beach, FL 32937

 

Dear Michael,

What if instead of justice being blind, it was an eye for an eye? What if the system that you hide behind said that because you took a life, you had to give one equal to it other than your own? What if because you killed Jordan and shot at his friends, any of us other mothers and fathers across this country could come to your house and kill your child and shoot at your family? How would that make you feel?

I ask because it doesn’t matter that Jordan and his friends were young Black men. It doesn’t matter that you are white and apparently become violent after you drink. All that matters is that you thought you had the right to kill someone else for no reason. Music isn’t a weapon aimed at you. There was no gun in the car. None of the teenagers had a gun on their person. In fact, the only person wielding a weapon that day was YOU. YOU who thinks you have the right to police everyone else’s taste in music, actions and whereabouts. Yet you don’t have any self-discipline to police yourself. YOU, the coward, who thinks he can kill young Black men because you think they are beneath you. You, who thinks lying about feeling threatened will get you acquitted. You are an ignorant, prejudiced, homicidal maniac, who has absolutely no respect for human life.

You had just witnessed your son get married. Were you not happy about that occasion? Was it really necessary for you to leave a day of celebration and make someone else’s life a day of tragedy? You are a piece of trash. Not because I say so; but because your actions and excuses for them make you so. If someone had walked into your son’s wedding, just hours prior, and decided to shoot him because they didn’t like the wedding music he had elected to play, how would that have made you feel?

These are the things you need to consider while you spend the rest of your life in prison. I also want you to know that as a mother of a young Black man, had that been my son you killed, you’d already be dead.  I believe in an eye for an eye. Be thankful you get to remain breathing for a moment, Michael. I hope the state of Florida ends that soon and sentences you to execution along with the other 401 prisoners on the list. That probably won’t happen though, because it seems that the only people who are executed quickly and without remorse in Florida are young Black men, and you don’t fit the criteria.

I pray that if you and your buddy, George Zimmerman (with whom you apparently share the same hobby of killing innocent people), don’t get the execution you greatly deserve, that in exchange the two of you spend the rest of your lives getting raped in prison. The two of you aren’t what we would call “real” killers, so you won’t be able to handle what they do to you in there. No punishment handed down is powerful enough to bring Jordan and Trayvon back to their parents, but maybe it will make you appreciate human life a lot more before you die.  

 

Sincerely,

A mother of a young Black man and a citizen of the United States of America demanding justice

~ The “Stand Your Ground” law is a racist and prejudiced device used in Florida to kill us, not protect us. It is unequally applied at the whim of the judges and prosecutors. A Black woman, Marissa Alexander, was sentenced to prison for 20 years in 2012, for shooting a warning shot into a wall because her physically abusive husband attacked her. Yet, Michael Dunn and George Zimmerman both killed young Black men, who were minding their own business in public, not abusing anyone or committing any felonies in the process during the same year (2012) using the same exact defense. This is Michael Dunn’s real home address.

Miss Independent

By George! I think I’ve got it!

Men constantly say they want an independent woman. It seems that they do not understand the definition. Many women proclaim that they are independent women. They also have no clue as to what that really means. Everyone should be independent. Independent means that you are capable of taking care of yourself and what belongs to you. Independent means that you have a level of stability that is not reliant on other human beings. It means that you can work, and you have the basic necessities of life that include food, shelter and clothing. Independent means that you are secure within yourself. It means that you are capable of doing almost everything you want and need to do. An independent woman knows what she feels, can say what she believes and embraces her power. An independent man has a healthy relationship with his family and friends, is capable of providing his basic needs, is reliable and understands his role as a man. 

With all the men looking for independent women and all the women claiming to be  independent, why are there so many SINGLE people complaining that they can’t find anyone?

Independence is shown in actions, not in words. You can scream how independent you are all day long. And you can say you want independence in another, but until your actions show it, you don’t know what it is.

Independent does not mean that men and women don’t need each other. If man didn’t need woman, God wouldn’t have made Eve in the first place. God would’ve just allowed Adam to roam around by himself in the Garden of Eden and Adam would’ve eventually died. Alone. That would’ve been the end of mankind. Therefore, it can be argued and agreed upon that men and women need each other just to exist. Without one, the other will become extinct over time. That’s the reality.

When I hear women say they are independent and don’t need a man, I shake my head and roll my eyes. That is the biggest lie I’ve ever heard. Their misguided idea of independent is this: ‘I don’t need a man to pay my bills, I can pay them myself. I don’t need a man to get a car, a house or anything else, because I can get that for myself. I don’t even need a man for sex, I own a vibrator. No man can do anything for me. I’m independent.’ That is complete fuckery. Without a man – whoever your father is – you wouldn’t exist. Independence is not a shield or a sword for you to use against men. Independence is necessary to make sure that you survive with or without a mate, but it’s not a means to an end. So what you don’t ask a man for money. That just means you give yourself away for free. So what you can buy material possessions. They eventually go out of style and depreciate in value the second you walk out of the store. Being an independent woman doesn’t release a man from his role in this world. It just means you are capable of taking care of business if something happens to your man (he’s injured, loses his job or dies). A man is still required to protect and provide for a woman. That woman may not be you, since you’re so independent and all, but one day that man will protect and provide for a woman.

As independent and self-sufficient as I am, I at least need a man who’ll come and change my flat tire for me… and I’m Super Woman.

Men who say they want an independent woman are telling the next biggest lie I’ve ever heard. When men say that to me, again I shake my head and roll my eyes. I know eventually that same man will tell me he doesn’t feel needed or appreciated by whomever he’s dealing with intimately. All men want to feel needed and appreciated by a woman, by their children and at work. Any man who says that they want a woman who will never ask them for anything because she already has everything is lying. If you’re not needed by a woman, you have no place in her life. If a woman can’t ask you for anything, what are you there for? It can’t be for the sex. Remember, she’s independent so she doesn’t need you for sex because she owns a vibrator. If a woman can’t call you and ask you come fix something, lift something, move something, pay for something, help with something or any other manly task that takes place outside the bedroom in her life, you will never be needed or appreciated by her.

A truly independent woman will only ask a man for help if she has already exhausted all other options available to her and the issue is still unresolved. Therefore, if she’s calling you, either she thinks very highly of you or you’re her last resort. Either way, as a man, you’re needed in that moment. What man doesn’t want that? A man who truly understands the definition of an independent woman knows that means she’s capable of taking care of his family, managing his household and having his back when he needs her to. A man who truly understands that also knows that he’s paying for her time, attention and affection in one way or another if she is his woman. He’s protecting her and providing for her.

Here’s another reality for you. If a man can pay for porn, pay to go to a strip club or pay to buy a men’s magazine, he’s paying for sex, therefore he should also be able to pay for his woman’s wants and needs. A woman asking you to pay bills, help her financially or even take out the trash is not a gold digger. She’s a woman with some level of standards and expectations. She’s telling you the expectations of being involved with her. If the woman you are dealing with sexually is not your woman, you are still benefitting from your involvement with her and doing so without a committment. Last time I checked all benefits cost something. You don’t get medical insurance through your employer without having to go to work everyday. So why do you think you’re entitled to have a sexual involvement with a woman without having to also work for it?

And understand this men, your other male counterparts that are agreeing with you to your face and on Facebook, telling you that woman is crazy and saying that you shouldn’t be with that woman because she asked you for money (or anything else) are laughing at you behind your back. Those same men are going home to their wives or girlfriends and paying ALL OF HER BILLS, taking out the trash, fixing what needs to be fixed, and going to work the next day to do it all over again and again to keep her happy. Why? Because those are her standards and expectations and in order to be with her those are the things that he has to do. He wants to be with her, so he does it. Even when you are married, you are paying for your woman’s attention and affection in one way or another.   

Why do men think this mindset towards women is okay? I’ll tell you why. Because women let men get away with it. Yes, women, I blame you. Men only do to us what we allow them to do. When you are easy – a man doesn’t have to take you out, he can come to your house and have sex with you anytime he wants to, he doesn’t have to commit, he doesn’t have to give you quality time, etc. – you’re cheapening yourself and all the other women that man will meet after you as well. You’re letting him believe that he doesn’t have to work for you and therefore, if he didn’t have to work to get you, he doesn’t need to work to keep you or work for anyone else after you either. I’m sorry, but my daddy taught me that I’m a prize and even with all my independence I can’t cheapen myself as a woman. I believe that a man should be the provider, regardless of how much money I make. I believe that a man should protect me and do man’s work. I believe that a man should spend money on me if he wants my company and attention. And if I’m with a man for an extended period of time, I have the right to ask him for money if I need it and sometimes if I want it. There’s certain things I only do around the house when my son isn’t home. And when I mean not home, I mean when he’s seven hundred plus miles away at Clark Atlanta University. He does the man’s work and if it’s something he needs helps with, he calls another man to come assist him. Seriously.

I know what you’re thinking: why does she have her son fixing stuff and doing man’s work that she can probably do herself? BECAUSE I want my son to know, understand, appreciate and solidify his role as a man so that when he has a wife and a family he can protect them and provide for them. I don’t want him to believe that he can live in a woman’s house and not have to work. I don’t want him to believe that his penis is a magic key that gets him everything he wants from a woman and he doesn’t have to do anything for her in return. I want him to be secure in his manhood and it starts with him understanding that there are standards and expectations. I bet that same man who doesn’t give a woman he’s sleeping with any money and calls her a gold digger, will give his mother money if she asks and sometimes if she doesn’t. Why? That’s the standard his mother has established. He knows that he’s expected to protect and provide for her. Why shouldn’t he also do that for his woman?  

~ What do I need a man for if he’s not going to protect me and provide for me? I’m independent.