Tag Archives: choose

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

It’s Spring time! That means it is time to change, once again. I like change. I look at many opportunities that come my way as the opportunity for me to change personally and professionally. I believe that experiencing growth is never-ending in someone’s life and embracing change makes us stronger.

I also enjoy changing my appearance. I like going from work wear to after five attire and I really love getting red carpet ready. Doing so is the grown up equivalent of playing dress up for me. Now, much like the seasons, I need to change yet again. And I need the help of my Super Fans to make a very important decision. I have until April 9, 2013 to make my decision. Your feedback is much appreciated. Please watch this quick video and vote your opinion on which choice I should make.

I appreciate you.

Progress On Purpose

This year has started off surprisingly and pleasantly well for Super Woman Productions and Publishing. I have been pleased to include three phenomenal women to the Super Team in different capacities. I’m in the middle of an interview frenzy for interns to fill positions within the company that are structured for long-term opportunities. The FabLife Radio Show is showing consistent listeners each week with some significant growth as well. On March 8, 2013 we’re celebrating International Women’s Day and we have celebrity guests that are going to be on the show. We’re preparing for the launch of FabLife Apparel and Accessories this year and the fabulous ad campaign that will accompany it. I now also write a column for Thrive Detroit Street Newspaper which is sold at Source Books and D:Hive monthly. The February/March issue is available at both locations now for $1 per copy.

In this the fifth year since the birth of my brain child, I can say that I am truly happy and that I have learned how to enjoy the small accomplishments just as much as the larger ones.

Of course what I do isn’t easy (although I’m told I make it look like it is) and there are small challenges. But all of the challenges are a learning experience, as well as strength and character building exercises. Cultivating anything and doing it well, requires a lot of time, patience, persistence and work. People who blow up over night, are often forgotten about just as quickly. Where some people may feel that I’m not more “popular” because I have boundaries that I refuse to cross just for the sake of pleasing others, I’m perfectly comfortable with my current level of “popularity“. It allows me to maintain a life that I can enjoy without people being witness to my every move…for now. 

I have learned throughout this process (because that’s really what it is) that rejection and change are inevitable. I look at rejection as a necessary occurrence for people who I don’t need to exit stage left, so that the right people can be brought into my Super World. That often results in very positive change because the people who left had their own conflicting agendas. Anyone who tells me ‘no’ today, will one day beg to work with me. Not because I’m so much better than anyone else, but simply because everything that is taking place in my Super World is mapped out in the Master’s Plan.

It’s going to happen regardless of what anyone else thinks, says or feels.

So much of what I’ve achieved is not because of me; it is in spite of me. My accomplishments are in spite of me not having a degree. My accomplishments are in spite of me not having the understanding or acceptance of others (friends, family and peers). My accomplishments are in spite of me not being a reality TV star. My accomplishments are in spite of me not getting some of the opportunities I wanted to showcase my talents to others. Yet, I’m still here. I’m still growing. My business is still expanding. While others have yet to finish the same the projects that they told me ‘no’ to, I’m getting more projects of my own to work on. Daily new people all over the country (and in some corners of the world) organically discover Super Woman Productions and Publishing and are exposed to what I do.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from people is how “others” are able to progress in society because they have money or opportunities given to them that people of color (particularly Black people) don’t have access to. I disagree with that. I believe that all progress is deeply rooted in the desire of the individual or group of people. Sometimes in order to experience progress, an individual must put distance between themselves and the group because the group isn’t growing or supporting the process. Progress is intentional. It is conscious. It is strategic. It comes from having a plan and working that plan. It comes from being diligent and looking for ways to improve. It’s not dependent on or hindered by anyone or anything else, unless you allow it to be. So in your new year look at what you want to do, and determine what you need to do better in order to get there instead of looking for excuses not to get there. It doesn’t matter how much time it takes. Improve your time management skills. Time is an investment that pays off well if used wisely.

Make your progress intentional.

Make your progress conscious.

Make your progress strategic.

Progress on purpose.

Your success is waiting.

 

How To Get A Man To Pay Your Bills

Everyday a large amount of traffic comes to my website from women searching for “how to get a man to pay your bills“. I honestly have no idea how that happens because I’ve never written anything on that topic to my knowledge. I’ve written quite a bit and I really can’t remember everything I’ve ever written, so it may be a combination of the words resulting in the hits. Well, due to supply and demand, I decided to give a quick lesson on the subject.

Here’s how you get a man to pay your bills!

 

1. Don’t have any bills.

If you’re deep in financial debt in this economy, and you meet a man who also has financial responsibilities, the likelihood that he will want to pay your bills is very slim. Single men have bills also, even if they don’t have children. The only single men without bills are most likely living in their parent’s basement or still sleeping in the room they grew up in. That man can’t pay anyone’s bills or he’d have his own house. And let’s be honest, if you were already dating the wealthiest caliber of men to begin with, you wouldn’t be looking for a man to pay your bills in the first place.

2. Don’t ask a man to pay your bills.

Men look at women who ask for them to pay their bills as gold diggers. And that’s me being nice. Men actually call women who ask them to pay their bills garden tools. Here’s the thing, if you have something you can’t afford, a man doesn’t view it as his responsibility to make sure you keep it, particularly if you’re just “some chick” he met at the club, at the party, or even at church. Living above your means is not anyone’s problem but yours. So if you can’t afford that house, car, jewelry, those purses or shoes you covet, you may need to stop buying them or downsize until you can.

3. Don’t be a side chick.

In this society, the side chick gets nothing because she doesn’t know what her role is and has allowed herself to become over saturated. The over saturation of anything depletes its value. Therefore, the side chick (also referred to as the “jump off”, mistress or other woman) is no longer a commodity or convenience for a man to have. As a result, the smartest men will either elect to stay single, so they can date whomever they want, or get married and remain as faithful as possible. Smart men know that having a side chick is not worth losing everything they’ve worked for, no matter how beautiful she is or how good the sex is. The side chick is not likely to ever become his wife either, even if he does lose his marriage because of her. Plus, in this economy, unless a man is very wealthy (like Richard Branson wealthy), the wife isn’t necessarily going to divorce him. She may very well remain married to him and make his life miserable for as long as she feels like it. Either way, the wife gets everything.   

4. Become the wife.

Like I already said, the wife gets everything. The type of man who would pay a woman’s bills wants a woman who has proven herself to be loyal, outside of his wallet and bank account. She has had his back and held him down and when needed, she has also held him up. One example of this is seen in President and First Lady Obama. The woman a man of substance marries has been his motivating factor, his muse and his best friend. She may not be the mother of his children. She may not be the most beautiful woman in the world. She may not even be the smartest light bulb in the box. However, she has been his ego stroke when he needed it, and the necessary reality check when his ego got out of control. She has encouraged him more than she has belittled him. When he gets sick, she not only takes care of him, but she’ll make sure his business doesn’t fall to nothing by calling his supervisor and his doctor. That woman who made him feel better, stronger and taller than he’s ever felt before is the woman he will marry. And that man will pay her bills.

5. Be independent.

The only thing worse than a woman who walks around saying she doesn’t need a man, is a woman who is needy and can’t live without a man in her life. Men who pay bills, like women who have joy and purpose in their lives without needing a man around. A man wants to know that if something tragic were to happen to him (death, dismemberment or illness), that woman can take care of the kids, the house, the cars and the dog, without having to move another man in the very next day. If you can’t do anything for yourself, if you can’t go anywhere by yourself, if you have to always have a man’s attention to feel good about yourself, you will never get a man to pay your bills. You might be nice to look at, have sex with, go to the club with, but you aren’t going to be the woman who gets that man to pay her bills without being considered a garden tool in the process. When a man of substance opens his wallet, he likes to feel like a man while doing it; not like customer number 9

 6. Establish standards and goals that have nothing to do with getting a man to pay your bills.

This is highly essential in your pursuit. If your only standard is a man who will pay your bills and getting such a man is your primary focus and goal for a relationship, you might attain that…but at a cost. There’s a big difference between a man with money and a man who is chivalrous. A man could have all the money in the world. He could drive an expensive car, live in an expensive house, wear expensive clothes and have all the expensive toys he could ever dream of having. That does not mean that he is going to spend his money on you and your bills. In my experience, some of these same men are very insecure and selfish with their money. They don’t mind spending it on themselves and will do so at anytime, but the minute they meet you, they become afraid of letting you near their bank accounts. That’s because they didn’t grow up with money. They are what is considered “new money” or first generation money. Whatever they have financially, they had to either work  extremely hard for it, won the lottery or did something illegal to attain it. Therefore, giving it up isn’t easy for them. And if you manage to get them to give you their money, you now become their property. It’s a lot better to have a man who is chivalrous. A man who is chivalrous believes that his role in his WIFE’S life is to be a provider and he will spend money to make her smile, because he works hard, in every way, for her: he put in time and energy to meet her, court her and has invested his emotions into her. He cares for her and wants the two of them to have a good relationship. Buying gifts, paying bills, and so-on, are something he considers to be a part of who he is as a man in that particular woman’s life. He does so willingly, not by manipulation. Instead, develop personal goals and standards that will attribute to you building your own wealth and being able to pay your own bills. Upgrade yourself and your lifestyle by yourself. If your idea of traveling is going to Chicago for the weekend, you can’t expect to meet a man who has lived in Italy and speaks fluent Italian. You might have to actually go to Italy for that. Which means you need to have your own money. If you work harder at improving your financial situation without the aid of a man, your overall life will improve tremendously, and so will the caliber of men you meet. You attract what you are.    

This may not have been the advice you were searching for when you Googled, however, I don’t write, or speak to people just to tell them what they want to hear. That’s counterproductive. It only results in people continuing to do the same thing expecting different results. I tell people the truth, whether they like it or not. You don’t have to take my advice or adjust your mindset. It won’t change my life one bit if you don’t. However, if you pay attention, and look at yourself hard and long, take my words and put them into practice, it might change YOUR life for the better.     

~ When you know better, you do better.

What If Justice Wasn’t Blind?

Michael David Dunn

257 Ocean Residence Ct

Satellite Beach, FL 32937

 

Dear Michael,

What if instead of justice being blind, it was an eye for an eye? What if the system that you hide behind said that because you took a life, you had to give one equal to it other than your own? What if because you killed Jordan and shot at his friends, any of us other mothers and fathers across this country could come to your house and kill your child and shoot at your family? How would that make you feel?

I ask because it doesn’t matter that Jordan and his friends were young Black men. It doesn’t matter that you are white and apparently become violent after you drink. All that matters is that you thought you had the right to kill someone else for no reason. Music isn’t a weapon aimed at you. There was no gun in the car. None of the teenagers had a gun on their person. In fact, the only person wielding a weapon that day was YOU. YOU who thinks you have the right to police everyone else’s taste in music, actions and whereabouts. Yet you don’t have any self-discipline to police yourself. YOU, the coward, who thinks he can kill young Black men because you think they are beneath you. You, who thinks lying about feeling threatened will get you acquitted. You are an ignorant, prejudiced, homicidal maniac, who has absolutely no respect for human life.

You had just witnessed your son get married. Were you not happy about that occasion? Was it really necessary for you to leave a day of celebration and make someone else’s life a day of tragedy? You are a piece of trash. Not because I say so; but because your actions and excuses for them make you so. If someone had walked into your son’s wedding, just hours prior, and decided to shoot him because they didn’t like the wedding music he had elected to play, how would that have made you feel?

These are the things you need to consider while you spend the rest of your life in prison. I also want you to know that as a mother of a young Black man, had that been my son you killed, you’d already be dead.  I believe in an eye for an eye. Be thankful you get to remain breathing for a moment, Michael. I hope the state of Florida ends that soon and sentences you to execution along with the other 401 prisoners on the list. That probably won’t happen though, because it seems that the only people who are executed quickly and without remorse in Florida are young Black men, and you don’t fit the criteria.

I pray that if you and your buddy, George Zimmerman (with whom you apparently share the same hobby of killing innocent people), don’t get the execution you greatly deserve, that in exchange the two of you spend the rest of your lives getting raped in prison. The two of you aren’t what we would call “real” killers, so you won’t be able to handle what they do to you in there. No punishment handed down is powerful enough to bring Jordan and Trayvon back to their parents, but maybe it will make you appreciate human life a lot more before you die.  

 

Sincerely,

A mother of a young Black man and a citizen of the United States of America demanding justice

~ The “Stand Your Ground” law is a racist and prejudiced device used in Florida to kill us, not protect us. It is unequally applied at the whim of the judges and prosecutors. A Black woman, Marissa Alexander, was sentenced to prison for 20 years in 2012, for shooting a warning shot into a wall because her physically abusive husband attacked her. Yet, Michael Dunn and George Zimmerman both killed young Black men, who were minding their own business in public, not abusing anyone or committing any felonies in the process during the same year (2012) using the same exact defense. This is Michael Dunn’s real home address.

Pop Life

Everyone wants to be a celebrity. Unfortunately, many people are willing to do any and everything to get to that goal, except working hard for it. These same people often mistaken being famous for being popular and don’t understand the responsibility that comes with being a household name. They want the flash, bang and pop of celebrity status, but fail to recognize the sacrifices that are required and the expectations that people have. Most of the celebrities that exist, didn’t initially set out to become famous. Hard work and talent mixed with decisions, situations and opportunities resulted in the outcome of celebrity status. Many of them even regret being famous because they have lost their privacy, some relationships and have been under a microscope the entire time.

Being a celebrity was once a result of talent. Now it’s a result of over exposure and nudity, with a dash of who you’re sleeping with. It’s getting to be ridiculous. And it’s happening more and more. With all the reality television shows featuring women with no particular talent at the helm, earning million dollar checks because of the man they are connected to, being a celebrity is no longer what it once was. Being a celebrity has become too easy. Everyone is doing it…or trying to. From minor children posting videos of themselves fighting on YouTube and WorldStarHipHop.com, to adults fighting and bullying each other like children on television – everyone wants face time with lights, cameras and action. But no one wants to raise the bar, be accountable for their behavior and actions, or set a real, positive example for someone else to look up to. 

In entertainment, lately everyone wants to be the most popular kid in school, because it’s easier than being the kid who gets straight As. There are lots of women (in particular) taking their clothes off for money, bent over and spread eagle in an effort to become famous. There are many men who think their good looks don’t require that they have any skills and their goal is to become a 40 year old rapper. What happended to becoming educated, starting a business or becoming an inventor? Remember the most popular kid at your school? Where are they now? Remember the kid who got straight As? Where are they now? I bet if I did a poll of all the popular kids in school compared to all of the hard-working kids in school, the kids who worked hard and got good grades (even if they weren’t straight A students), probably have had the most longevity and success in their lives and careers. I’d bet money that the ratio would be staggering. The same holds true in the world of entertainment. Longevity requires hard work.  

Hard work trumps doing things the easy way any day. Everyone I know in entertainment has paid their dues. They studied under someone more experienced when they began, they practice their craft in between performances, they are constantly seeking to learn new things and about new developments in their field, they have a mentor in the industry, and most importantly, they don’t take any of it for granted. They have longevity, many awards and accolades, but are still humble. They are humble because they know what the fly-by-night-I-wanna-be-famous-because-I-don’t-have-anything-better-to-do-celebrity seekers don’t know.

Hard work pays off and lasts longer than anything else.

Reality television stars come and go. Tabloid talk shows are more about getting ratings for the show to remain on air. Very few people who are on these shows today will be around twenty years from now and still have us talking about them. The most many of them can hope for is to be featured on a “Where Are They Now” or “One Hit Wonder” thirty minute documentary on cable five to ten years from now. The desire to become a celebrity causes many people to resort to doing almost anything because they have stars in their eyes. Often people overlook the business side of the entertainment business. They jump in head first to accept the first offer that comes their way, completely clueless to how things actually work in the entertainment business. They have convinced themselves that how good they look is the deciding factor across the industry so they don’t work  to enhance their talent or skills. This opens up the door for opportunists and predators to walk right in.  

I’m going to use the following true story as an example of an attempt by a predator:

Recently a man, who has apparently been ogling over me online, sent me several messages telling me how beautiful he thinks I am. Each time, I either didn’t reply or I said ‘thank you’ and kept it moving. A compliment is just a compliment to me. A man giving me a compliment will never get more than a ‘thank you’ from me. Hearing “you’re so beautiful“, NEVER leads to an invitation to my bedroom because I hear it all the time. The next time I received a message from this man, he asked me to video chat with him. I told him ‘no‘ [sidenote: I don’t know him from a can of paint and he was begging. Begging is a very unattractive quality in a man to me, and it is a signal that a man is obsessive and even a potential stalker. I’m always leery of men who beg to see me and meet me. It’s creepy]. Then he escalated from asking me to video chat with him to asking me to make pornography with him. I’m so serious right now. Common sense would dictate that if I wouldn’t want to video chat with him, I also wouldn’t want to have sex with him or make pornography with him either. Alas, common sense is not common. 

At this point I know that this is his “line“.  Again, I told him ‘no‘ and went back to what I was doing, thinking he would give up. I was wrong. His next message said “I can make you a star. If you want to be a star I can pay you $10,000 and even get you in Playboy. You have the best body“. I fell out laughing at this point. Obviously, this idiot uses this fuckery yes, I said fuckery – on women regularly. He has no idea who I am, what I do and his only interest is in what I look like for the sake of his personal pleasure. He thinks that because I’m an attractive woman, that I’m desperate for his attention (or anyone’s) and that I need him to make me a star. I told him, “I’m already a star and you can’t do anything for me“. Then I used my blocking software to make sure he couldn’t contact me again.

Now, maybe this man’s “line” works on women without any self-esteem, who believe it necessary to objectify themselves at the request of a man in order to become “stars“, but I don’t allow anyone to pimp me, but ME. Anything using my image will be controlled by me. I don’t care who he claims he is, or what he claims he can do. I don’t care if he was President Obama, Hugh Hefner or Calvin Johnson. Ten thousand dollars is not enough money for me to sell out, lower my standards or objectify myself at the hands of any man. That’s the devil all day. Particularly when I know that my talents will make me a millionaire one day. Plus, let’s be honest, if he had the money or the connection, he would’ve approached me in a more professional and official capacity than sending me a message like that. He was just a creepy pervert looking for a woman to victimize. Unfortunately, the next woman he tries that “line” on, might actually fall for it and put herself in a compromising position to become a “star” because it’s easier than working towards it the right way. How do I know this to be true? I see it everyday. 

That’s why I decided to facilitate the Social Networking Etiquette and Safety Workshop at the I Feel Good: Mind, Body and Soul Women’s Conference on August 18, 2012 at H.Y.P.E. So that I could use some of my own experiences to teach women how to handle and avoid these types of situations. And encourage them to turn towards their talents, versus their physical appearance and who their man is as the only way to succeed in this world. My workshop won’t be just for the 11 to 18 years olds either. A lot of the women falling for the okey doke are grown women also. Being the next stripper turned basketball baby mama should not be a career goal of any woman. Being a forty-year old drug dealer turned rapper should not be a career goal of any man. If that is all a person has to aspire to in life, they need to reassess and refocus their life quickly or they will wake up and have wasted a lot of time and energy desperately seeking fame the easy way with minimal positive results. There’s more to life than being famous. God-given talents should be used productively and everyone has one. How you choose to use yours can make a difference in the quality of your life and those around you.  

Prince wrote “Pop Life” years ago, about the desires and disappointments that people feel when they seek fame and fortune the easy way, and the chorus alone still rings true today. 

Everybody needs a thrill
Pop life
We all got a space 2 fill
Pop life
Everybody can’t be on top
But life it aint real funky
Unless it’s got that pop

~ Becoming instantly famous has become the new hustle for those without talent. Many of whom are hustling backwards.  – Super Woman

 

Men Have Hair Issues

Recently, I’ve seen a lot of articles in magazines, such as Essence, and posts on Facebook and Twitter about women wearing “natural” hair versus weaves, wigs, etc. A lot of these debates are started by men who seem to think they are the authority on how women should look and wear their hair. From a man deciding to give women wearing their “natural” hair discounts to enter his nightclub, to men asking are there any “women who don’t wear a weave left”. None of these men are men who have cosmetology licenses or work in the hair care industry. Therefore, they cannot be trusted as SMEs (subject matter experts) on what is “natural” hair and what isn’t. Men who make their living making women look beautiful, never complain about how women choose to wear their hair. I wonder who I would trust more to give me advice about my tresses: the man with the cosmetology license and the hair salon full of other beautiful women, or the man with his own personal idea of how a woman should wear her hair to please him.

I’m disappointed in Black men, particularly, who harshly judge, minimize and glorify women simply based on how we choose to wear our hair, or on whether or not our hair is “natural” or not. Black men clearly STILL have hair issues when it comes to Black women. It is divisive and superficial. It is one of the reasons Black women harshly judge each other based on hair. Weaves, wigs, press and curls, relaxers, braids, locs – those are a woman’s choice, not the determining factor of a woman’s worth.

Men who do not work in the hair care industry, don’t even know what the true definition of “natural” hair is. They are only going off of their opinion of what it should be. Regardless of how a woman wears her hair, going to the hair salon still costs money, therefore men, I have news for you: You will not save money, by dating a woman just because she wears what you consider “natural” hair. All hair types require care by a professional at some point during its growth. Women with “natural” hair also experience problems such as hair breakage if their hair isn’t properly cared for. Therefore, men, if saving money is your concern, I bid you good luck with that.

I’m becoming tired of men who think that every woman on the planet should be their “type” of woman. If a man likes a woman to have certain qualities, he should date only those types of women. If a man likes a woman who has a certain hair type or texture, he should date only women with that hair type or texture. Every woman isn’t going to fit into every man’s “type”. FYI – you can’t make someone into what or who you want them to be (unless they are easily manipulated and unable to think and make decisions for themselves). Take a woman as she is, or leave her alone. Again, it’s a choice

God decided that there should  be a reflection of variety in everything about us. He proved that by making all of us a different skin tone and giving us a different hair texture. None of us is more beautiful in God’s eyes than someone else. We’re ALL made in His image. Aren’t we? Therefore, our hair strands are all natural, regardless of how we decide to wear them. As a woman who has worn my hair many, many ways over my thirty-six years of life, how I decide to wear it currently is completely a personal choice. Which it should always be. Most women are paying for their own hair services anyway. Women with self confidence don’t get their hair done for a man [She don’t do it for the man, man never notice – Drake “Fancy”]. We get our hair done for OURSELVES. It just so happens that men get the benefits of us doing so by being blessed to look at us afterwards ♥.

To the men of the world, (particularly Black men), who feel like a woman’s hair and how she chooses to wear it is such a huge factor, because you have hair issues, I say the following and I say it with love:

As women, we are very tolerant of your many PHYSICAL imperfections as men, not to mention some of your emotional imperfections. Please be aware that all of you don’t look like professional athletes, actors and male models. Some of you need to make a lot more frequent trips to the doctor, dentist, barber and gym. But we love you anyway. If you like certain kinds of women, that is your choice. Choose the kind of woman that you like, but please STOP trying to turn all the women of the world into the kind of woman that you like. It’s called having choices and respecting other’s choices. I respect your right, as a man, to choose women with nothing going for them but big butts, who have no brains and can’t cook, if that’s what you like, whether I agree with it or not. Therefore, respect our rights as women to choose to wear our hair the way we want to and change it when we want to. If women ever started judging men as harshly based on something as superficial as your hair, many of you wouldn’t get into the nightclub either.  

I am not my hair, and neither is she.