Category Archives: Uncategorized

My Particular Set Of Skills

You won’t believe this. It was recently  brought to my attention that I’m sitting on a secret that I have given to Fortune 500 companies for over two decades that I could be using to help small businesses grow. It’s a particular set of skills that I have, that I’ve developed over the course of my entire life, and use every single day in one capacity or another. I’m using the skill right now, literally, yet, I’ve never considered making these skills into a service for other business owners to benefit from.  That’s the benefit to having someone on the outside looking in telling  you what they see that you have that other people desperately need.

Let me apologize to all of you who have probably been seeking help in this area for the longest time because I was unaware that the need existed outside of the tall walls of corporate America. Sometimes we think our God given talents are only to be used in certain situations, and we don’t realize that thousands of people really need what we have to offer. So I’m taking my particular set of skills out of their old corporate America box and putting them into the hands of the small business owners, like myself, who need them.

This Friday (January 26, 2018) at 1 pm eastern time, on Facebook Live, I’m going to launch this service with a quick broadcast called The Right Words for Small Business Owners. Since it’s on Facebook Live it will be free to tune in. Just go to www.facebook.com/officialsuperwoman and LIKE the page today so that you can get a notification on Friday. That’s the beginning. Write down your questions in advance, but be patient to see if I answer them during the broadcast or not. There will be time for Q&A before I conclude the broadcast. Feel free to share this information for people you know.

Give Yourself Credit

I’ve always been intelligent and proud of it. Since I was a child I was a nerd and preferred compliments towards my brain and talents above anything else. I was never really the definition of pretty to a lot of people, but I could leave the board on Jeopardy and I flexed my brain.

For 2018 I set goals to learn more about myself and my industry so that I can be as successful as I truly want to be and can be. I have no interest in being what other people think or want me to be for their own agendas, therefore being good at using my God given talents is all I strive for. I want my business to be worth billions of dollars, I want to travel more, own more real estate and a plethora of other things that I have yet to experience. I want to accomplish all of my career and financial goals without needing to marry and possibly also divorce a rich man.

In order to accomplish my goals, I had to reach my own breaking point to realize my breakthrough. In the process, I learned that I know more than I have given myself credit for. I know more about film and television, the music business, the entertainment industry and myself as a woman than I thought I did. But there was this tiny piece of me that has been too worried about making people proud of me when those same people don’t know me, value me or even like me enough for me to care about what they think of me in the first place. Some of these people are relatives, some I thought were friends, some are merely associates. They are people who will never support my brand, my business, my goals or my decisions for my life. I don’t even care why because reasons are completely irrelevant now that I realize that I don’t need that energy in my life. They are nonfactors and no longer an attachment for me. The power I gave to them, I have reclaimed for myself. I have the power.

As I go into a new year, I have a new outlook on my life and the world, time and space that I occupy and what I truly want and need. The exact outcome is yet unknown but I won’t go backwards in search of what doesn’t help or serve me. I encourage you to take stock in yourself and give yourself credit for what you bring to the world, in spite of what other people say to or about you. Grow within yourself for yourself, not for other people’s approval or love. Reclaim your power. Use it to build your legacy and share it with your children.

Predators Are Not Sexy

There’s a screenshot of an alleged message from a man to a woman circulating around social media. In the message the man is demanding that the woman spend time with him. ICYMI :

Men, first of all, if you have to threaten, stalk, harass or intimidate a woman into going out with you, you’re a predator. If you are messaging women repeatedly trying to guilt, shame or demean them into going out with you, you’re a predator. If you think it’s perfectly acceptable to disrespect a woman and her boundaries because you want her attention focused on you, you’re a predator. If you think you have the right to have a woman’s time, attention, and body at your disposal simply because you have a penis, you’re a predator. If you are sleeping with a lot of women then emotionally hurting them, knowingly spreading STIs to them and trying to control them with sex, you’re a predator. If you become so angry that you would physically harm or kill a woman for rejecting your advances, you’re a homicidal sociopath….and a predator. If you are a man who cosigns this kind of behavior when conducted by other men, you’re a predator.

 

You’re a predator.

And until you raise your own self esteem and lower your male entitlement, you will always be a predator.

You’re the Harvey Weinsteins of the world. Lording your perceived power over women in the workplace, at the nightclubs, at the parks, churches, schools and on social media because you think your manhood makes you special. You forget that without women, you wouldn’t even exist. Your only existence is because of a woman giving birth to you. Yet you repay womankind by preying on us for your own pleasure. Deep down you know you’re insignificant, but instead of improving yourself, your self hatred spills over into how you speak to and treat women. Your self loathing isn’t repaired by the money in your bank account, the designer clothes you hide yourself in or the expensive car you drive.

In fact, a lot of predators have no significant financial means or career achievements to boast about. All they have is a penis. Because of that, these predators feel like women should die for their attention because that’s all they think women live for – getting a man.

A lot of predators that I’ve encountered think women are so desperate for attention from men that we should drop our lives, goals, kids, friends, family, plans & careers to be in their company. For what? What are you going to do with my time? Take me to a movie? Buy me a meal? Expect to have sex with me afterwards? Boy bye. Life is about so much more than some insecure, low self esteem having dude with too much time on his hands that wants to control women because he can’t control himself. Dates should be mutual and both parties should want to be together, otherwise it’s not special. It’s definitely not worth being threatened over.

What was most outrageous about the comments were ones from women saying they’d get dressed and leave the house with this man when he arrived. Very few women thought his language was a red flag of danger. In fact, they thought it was romantic because “he must’ve made important plans”. Plans? Really? To do what exactly? Why sit in a car, at a restaurant or movie theater with someone who clearly has anger issues while you feel uncomfortable? This is the kind of person that will kill you in an abandoned house, then go home to his wife like nothing happened. There’s nothing romantic about his message.

It’s disrespectful.

Then there are the men claiming a woman they don’t know (the recipient of the message) is a stuck up bitch because she’s playing games.

News Flash: being busy isn’t playing games.

Being busy is either actually being busy or trying nicely to tell you that there’s no interest in seeing you because just flat out saying that no longer works. I wonder how many of the men who commented in agreement with talking to women like this would also say it was OK for their daughter or sister to agree to going somewhere with this predator? Or does that change things for them? Why? I’m someone’s sister and daughter too; so is she…and so is she. If it was their daughter, sister or mother, receiving this type of message, those same men would want that other man dead or in jail because then it would be wrong. Predators with this mindset towards women lack overall respect for women until it happens to a woman they feel it shouldn’t happen to, like mom, sister and daughter, not realizing that mindset is exactly why it happened to mom, sister and daughter in the first place. That’s that “it’s OK for me to rape, stalk, harass, torment, disrespect your woman, but you can’t do it to mine” thought process that is a root cause to the problems of violence towards women.

Why can’t a woman’s boundaries be respected regardless of who she is? Some of us really have better things to do with our time than spend it with men we don’t want to be with. Why can’t men understand these complete sentences when spoken by a woman?

  • I’m busy.
  • No thank you.
  • No.
  • Don’t contact me anymore.

If a woman sent that kind of message to a man, she’d be called crazy and dangerous by both men and women.

Stalking isn’t the equivalent of romance. Threatening a woman is not the equivalent of making plans for a date. Predatory behavior is not acceptable. It never has been. It never will be. Pay attention to how many predators are losing their power. If you conduct yourself in this manner, eventually you will be next.

You Winning or Naw?

Black Twitter is outraged at Amanda Seales, who portrays Tiffany DuBois on the hit HBO series “Insecure“, for pointing out a few of the ways in which you’re either winning or losing in life. I personally agree with her Tweets, particularly these:

Yes, that is a screenshot from my phone. Yes, that is my reply to her tweets.

If you’re mad at Amanda Seales’ tweets, welllllll…. do better, get out your feelings, then watch “Feel Rich” on Netflix. It’s a similar concept, but directed towards our health and eating habits versus our spending habits.

Fact: We spend too much money on the wrong shit, usually material possessions, because we’ve been taught a lie that we need that shit to feel good, look good, be successful, have sex, have friends and be happy.

Wake up.

After we buy that shit and we don’t feel better, look better or get anything else we were promised, we just go out and buy more shit, then complain about all the money we don’t have, so we can’t do things like travel, eat right, exercise or learn something new.

Wake up.

Improving yourself is possible at every income level. No excuses. No debate. You either want it or you don’t. But don’t get mad at the spoken truth. Don’t get mad at Amanda Seales because you think she’s talking about you. Get mad at yourself because YOU FEEL LIKE SHE’S TALKING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE DOING THE SHIT SHE’S TALKING ABOUT.

It’s true that a person’s life experiences (traveling for instance), are of greater value to their lives than buying material things (houses, shoes, cars), regardless of race, gender or socioeconomic level. And if you can afford Jordans you can also afford to travel simply by saving the money you would have paid to buy those Jordans.

“But traveling is too expensive, let me count the ways…”

Planes aren’t the only form of transportation. There’s MegaBus, Amtrak, Greyhound and they all cost less than a pair of Jordans. Google it. If you can’t afford a 5 star hotel, there’s AirBNB options that are affordable. Hell, I’ve used AirBNB and could afford a 5 star hotel, but I just like getting more bang for my buck when I travel. Let’s also keep in mind that Living Social and Groupon are in the travel business now and have great destinations and inexpensive deals.

Traveling can be spontaneous, but it can also be planned, like a goal, and give you something to look forward to, which is something that also adds value to your life. Look at places that interest you now, pick a place and save up for the cost, then go. You always plan on buying those Jordans, so you can plan a trip, too.

“Only rich, black people from the suburbs can travel and have passports.”

I’m from Detroit. Not Detroit adjacent, not Detroit proper. Detroit. Born, raised and educated. The “hood”, and I’m proud of it. I own 2 pair of basic Nike’s that retail for less than Jordans and I still bought them on sale, so they cost me less than $100 each. I own a passport. In 2016 alone I traveled away from my state by plane or car a total of ten times. In 2017, while at the airport, I enrolled in CLEAR. I’ve already paid for my hotel stay in Miami for my 7th trip there in 2018. I’ve also started my plans to return to New Orleans for Essence Fest in 2018, which has become an annual trip for the last 6 years, regardless of where else I go. I’ve been traveling since I was in the first grade, so maybe I’m not the typical black person from the hood. However, I’ve been more places than some people I know who make more money than I do and have more education than I do and live in suburban anywhere. I can honestly say I’m surprised by how many successful, affluent black people I’ve met that don’t travel, but own expensive shit. It would he nice if more black people in general set their priorities better and strived to do more than impress people by buying Nike’s or Louboutins, especially if the greatest distance they ever traveled was either on someone else’s dime or only one state away from home.

You can’t convince me that traveling is hard to do if you wear expensive shoes, that you waited on for months and stood in line for hours to buy. But if that helps you sleep at night and gives you a false sense of winning, by all means, enjoy yourself.

Personally I’d rather stand in line at TSA and at my designated gate…..but that’s just me winning.

Dannon Doesn’t Taste Good Anyway

As a black feminist, in media, I think y’all are taking this Cam Newton ‘he said females are funny and is a sexist’ situation entirely too far. You beautiful citizens of America fell for the division once again. During a time when we should be getting our representatives in DC to provide us with stronger gun legislation, and the US Department of Justice is low key making it harder to be black, we’re turning a miscommunication and misunderstanding into a war, all because a female reporter had her feelings unintentionally hurt by her favorite football player and instead of raising her hand again and saying “excuse me, what do you mean by ‘funny’?”, she let it ruin her day.

She got an apology, but was still unhappy. Why? Because she didn’t ask a follow up question that would have determined Cam’s intent and clarified his statement. For those who are unaware, reporters ask the questions. Athletes answer to what they’re asked. I truly believe that Cam does need more effective media training (which he can hire me for) and a better publicist. However, he doesn’t need to be dragged through the press or social media when his body language alone shows his intent wasn’t meant to be offensive. In fact, it seems like he was impressed that she asked something that the male reporters didn’t even think of (because they often ask about his Instagram posts or other obvious shit that doesn’t interest him much) and he expressed that in a way that she took offense to, but never clarified. Did anyone besides me think there’s the remote chance he meant it as a compliment because she asked a question he found better than any others?

Again, Cam apologized, but she said he didn’t “seem” remorseful. Probably because he didn’t mean to offend her to begin with and offered an apology because he saw it bothered her unexpectedly, not because he felt he was wrong. And that’s OK. Ladies, we all know there’s a difference in the apology we receive when the men in our lives didn’t realize what they said was hurtful because they weren’t trying to be hurtful, and an apology following a malicious statement said to hurt us. The body language and tone are not the same. There’s no begging, or crying, or roses when he didn’t intend to be hurtful to begin with. You get an “I apologize”, then a few days later after it marinates, if you made sure he understands what exactly was hurtful, you may also get a token of that apology, like dinner at your favorite restaurant.

Again, reporters ASK questions. Maybe had she just hit him with that follow up question, she’d have some clarity instead of giving too many people ammunition to argue and turn this situation into everything racist, patriotic, anti-patriotic and sexist that it is truly becoming for no reason. It’s an unnecessary fire storm, over feelings that were unintentionally hurt and a failure to properly and effectively communicate. As women in media, asking a good question is fine, asking a good follow up question can be better. So while people are demanding that Cam needs to do better (I suggest by hiring me for his media training and getting a better publicist), I think the reporter should do better also and not allow her feelings to be used against others to create more division in a country already divided on so many issues. She’s also being dragged on social media and being called a cry baby, which impacts all women working with actual sexists in male dominated industries because she is their new barometer of women not being able to hold their own.

The only thing people seem able to agree on in the midst of all of this, is that Dannon yogurt doesn’t taste good anyway. I agree, it doesn’t and the company isn’t as clean and moral as you think they are. Watch the documentary “What The Health” on Netflix and you’ll see they are hypocrites. I advise you to watch before you stock up on groceries.

You know who’s really mad about all of this? Donald Trump. Because right now Cam Newton and NFL are trending more than he is.

Black Women vs Shea Moisture

For several days I’ve been observing the Shea Moisture public relations nightmare. The reaction on social media has sparked so much of what I wrote about in my book Breaking Through The Black Ceiling. Here are my thoughts about the situation:
  • This isn’t the first time Shea Moisture has “offended” people of color, it’s just the first time some people noticed. The company previously had an ad featuring a white baby which also caused an uproar.

 

  • Although I feel Shea Moisture had a disproportionate number of people of color represented in their recent ad, as a black business owner, I (still) wonder why people of color don’t think we (black business owners) should be allowed to earn revenue from consumers that don’t look just like us . Money is green and necessary for businesses to operate. That’s a fact. Businesses don’t exist for likes, the actually plan to make profits unless they structure themselves as a not for profit organization. White owned companies make revenue off of black people everyday. Many black people work for such companies and use their products daily. Let that marinate.

 

  • Hair care products are primarily marketed to WOMEN, who have a combined $5 TRILLION in spending power in the USA alone, so a smart business owner in the hair care business, who knows this would want to target ALL women in their ads. Several companies do. Loreal does it. In fact, if you open the May 2017 ESSENCE Magazine (a popular monthly publication which celebrates women of color), Loreal has paid for a 2 page FOUNDATION ad that includes several women of all races and complexions, along with a…      wait for it …..      Black MAN.  And before you get mad about that, men often need makeup applied when they’re ACTORS and MODELS. Contrary to what you see on social media, everybody isn’t perfected by the use of Photoshop. To me the ad makes sense.

Loreal cosmetics knows their products, and those of their competitors are used in film, television, theater and may be used by men, including make up artists.

As a woman, I’m not at all offended. As a business owner I’m not mad at Essence Magazine for securing that bag. There’s nothing to see here. It’s business. And it’s not bad business

  • Yes, Shea Moisture messed up in their casting process, and someone there should have insisted on having more diversity represented, prior to or after seeing the ad, however Carol’s Daughter also has women who aren’t black in their recent ads for their products. Are we going to get mad about that too, or naw?

 

  • The right to solely use products including ingredients such as shea butter, cocoa butter or castor oil are not exclusively reserved to black folks. In fact, if you make such products and only target black people as consumers, you’re greatly limiting the amount of revenue you could potentially make, doing your business a disservice. Black business owners SHOULD capitalize and profit off of our greatness too and that means thinking GLOBALLY instead of locally in some instances.
For the record, United Airlines is still winning the PR fuckery of the year award. Pepsi is still in second place. Shea Moisture is like #6 or something, bit they’re definitely not on the top 5. The mistake they made doesn’t hurt anyone directly, physically, financially or minimize important social issues with the assistance of a Kardashian. It was a bad idea, that can also serve as a wake up call towards something more important; how women of color make changes to address a lack of diversity. 
Instead of complaining on social media and “modeling” on Instagram, some women of color who aspire be seen for likes should show up for the next casting call held by Shea Moisture and make a difference that way – by going out for the opportunity to positively represent diversity. And more women of color should become educated to work in the business fields related to advertising and marketing so they can apply for the jobs that make those decisions in the marketplace.

The lesson from this issue to women of color is become the change you want to see in the world and secure a bag in the process. Otherwise, diversity will not be the goal for a lot of companies, including ones you’re already consumers of.