No Sex in My City

Rejection is so difficult to take. Primarily from someone you love or care for. Especially when you know you have done your best, been yourself and given so much to that person, but they still reject you. This weekend I decided that I no longer want to be Carrie Bradshaw and he is not Mr. Big. If you’re a fan of “Sex and the City“, you know what I mean. For years Carrie and Big had this on again, off again, heartbreaking, emotional tug of war between them. I think in television time, this tug of war may have lasted for approximately ten years, beginning when Carrie was still in her thirties, and it climaxed with them finally getting married at the end of “Sex and the City: The Movie“, and becoming Mr. and Mrs. John James Preston. And yes, I was very happy for Carrie. All of her hard work and heartache had finally resulted in a return on her investment. Big had finally come to his senses and married the woman who he had cheated on his previous wife with and had dated off and on for a number of years in between enjoying his bachelor days.  At this stage in my life and in this dating game, I can’t be Carrie.

I think I may have fallen in strong “like” with someone. It started as a crush a number of years ago. But I never thought that I’d actually meet this man. Then last year, what I thought was impossible, happened. For the last nine and a half months (long enough for human beings to conceive and a woman to give birth to a baby), he and I have been Carrie and Big. He’s the same man I’ve mentioned in some of my other blogs. The major difference between us and them is that Big took Carrie out in public with him on numerous occasions. Carrie met Big’s associates, some of his friends, and they went to various types of events. In spite of Big’s issues with commitment, he seemed to enjoy spending time with Carrie and being with her publicly, and showing her affection. I was not so lucky. Two dates in public in nine and a half months. That’s all I got. That’s all he thought I was worth. His excuse? The same excuse a lot of men have. Money and the lack of it. Strangely, he had enough money to go to the movies, he played golf, and he went on trips. Not once, did he think to invite me to join him. Not once was I important enough. I invited him to attend the upcoming BravoBravo! event at the Detroit Opera House in June. He declined my invitation, telling me that he doesn’t go to parties because he’s been there, done that…blah, blah, blah. However, this past weekend, guess what he did? He went to a party. Without me. And he texted me to tell me where he was. So you can clearly see where this is going? In case you don’t, let me tell you.

I dumped him – again. Yes, I said “again”. This was already his second chance in nine and a half months. In January of this year, he asked for the opportunity to spend more time with me, but he apparently had other things he wanted from me. He obviously doesn’t care about my feelings or how his actions affect those feelings. A few weeks ago he said that people should have relationships that benefit them. He told me our [non-committed] relationship allowed him to have someone to spend his time with because he is human and needs companionship. I told him that a benefit for me would be him doing more with me and supporting my endeavors and attending parties with me, even though it’s not something he “does” anymore. He told me he’d think about that. I got his answer this weekend. His answer was to go to a party, without me.

He and I would’ve made a great team, but unfortunately for him, he has tunnel vision and doesn’t see that as a possibility. He’s more focused on his career and doesn’t notice how one area of a person’s life is connected to another. Career not where you want it to be and your personal relationships fail? There might be a connection there. Nine and a half months ago I would’ve been more than glad to have a business relationship with him had he approached me with that as an option, but he didn’t. I would’ve even been open to just having a sexual relationship, had he told me that was all he wanted. But he didn’t. Honesty ~ it’s a good thing and it allows a person to decide if they want to be bothered or not. Instead he dosed me with a facade. The same facade he dosed himself with as he told me repeatedly that sex wasn’t all he wanted from me. Amazingly, his actions reflect that sex is the only purpose he thought I served for him, whether he wants to admit it [to himself] or not. He didn’t want a committed relationship, a business relationship and he didn’t want to be seen in public with me. Those were not his words, those were his actions. Is he remorseful? Not likely. He probably feels that he hasn’t done anything wrong. He was honest about his whereabouts this weekend… so he gets a half a point for that.  But he gets an “F” for everything else.

So I did what Carrie has done to Big so many times in the past. I walked away from him. But unlike Carrie, it would probably take an Old Testament Act of God to convince me to go back. After all, this is my real life, not a character’s on television, and I lack the patience to wait for nothing to ever develop. How do I know that nothing would ever develop between me and him? Easy, it has already been nine and a half months. Men don’t need an eternity to know if they love a woman or want to have a relationship with her or not. He’s already 46 years old and I’m 36. If he doesn’t appreciate me, respect my feelings or care about hurting me today, staying around him isn’t going to convince him to change his behavior towards me. It will just give him license to continue to take advantage of me. I figure he doesn’t want me in his life today, it is unlikely to change in ten years. At the very least, this city girl, deserves someone who genuinely does want to be with me – in private and in public.

3 thoughts on “No Sex in My City”

  1. When you’re treated this way it means the man is hiding something or someone, he’s vague, deceitful, dishonest, disappears, never shares anything too personal , leaves you hanging and doesn’t respect nor value you. Stop waiting for him to call, tweet or come around. Its all about what’s in it for him and not about you. Ask him how many times he’s been married, how many children he has and supports, how often he calls his mother. Who was the last person he helped and how. He loves to golf . Has he taken you out to teach you yet or play a round. Answers to these will reveal his true character. Don’t let the church thing fool you either. Church’s have some of the biggest hypocrites as members who quote the scriptures and can recite the preachers sermon verbatum on Sunday but they don’t live the word Mon-Sat. He’s probably a self employed/unemployed hustler, perpetrating as a big name has been celebrity trying to mkae it global. You realize that he wants you only for sex, hey that goes both ways, a woman needs it too. but he’s so good you don’t see all of the other benefits he gets from you. You time, your dinners, your conversation, a listening ear (because its all about him) and most of all your dignity.

    Turn that crush you had for this man into the reality that he’s the very type of man you don’t need in your life. ‘rSee the light that eveyone else has seen, you’re partially blind now You deserve someone of good character, integrety. and as a help mate rather than a F— friend. That’s what it boils down too. He will continue to have a “woe is me” attitude and never ever take time to listen and address your needs. It will always be about the books, the new idea for a reality show, the opportunities to travel and motivate others. Forget about a relationship, he’s too dysfunctional and immature even as your senior to manage a healthy honest loving relationship. As they say in the scary movies GET OUT . 9 months is too long and you’re right its the time it takes to have a baby. He probably has 1,2,3,4!

    1. I agree with you completely. Some of the things you mentioned are issues I had with him and addressed specifically with him on more than one occasion. I even attempted to end our non-existent relationship on more than one occasion. Each time he claimed that we’d spend more time together, etc. etc. etc. if I would just give him more time. However, when I saw he was just saying what he thought he needed to say in order to stay in my good graces, instead of just being honest and admitting that his only interest in me was physical, I judged his character as a man with little integrity who will lie to get his way, lie to keep his way and doesn’t care about who his lie affects. By the time I wrote this blog, I had already made up my mind that he and I were done. He had 2 chances within 9 months and didn’t do anything productive during the time he was given, so giving him anymore of my time was completeless worthless. I haven’t spoken to, texted, tweeted, facebooked, emailed this man at all because there’s absolutely no point in doing so. He’s not for me, and that’s that. A lot of the things you said about him are on point. Either you also know this man, know women who know this man, or men cut exactly like him, or you’re a therapist. LOL. Either way, you are correct in your assessment of him. This blog was my “therapy”, like most of my writing is. The one good thing I got from my experience with him was really GOOD material for the novel that I’m writing. Every cloud has a silver lining in my life. Maybe the only purpose of me meeting him was for material for my book to begin with. Thank you very much for your comment. It was greatly appreciated.

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