Come Back to the Future

Posted on May 20, 2012 by Super Woman

I’m astounded by how many people are offended, angry or disapproving of Whole Foods coming to Midtown. I’m willing to bet some of these same people live in the suburbs and shop at the local WalMart (which is known for paying low wages to their employees and for age discrimination). Some of these are the same people who complain about the blight and abandoned buildings in the city, but will protest new construction going up. Many people seem to also believe that all people in Detroit are poor and can’t afford Whole Foods prices. These same people are debating that Whole Foods coming into the Midtown community will put the “mom-and-pop” stores out of business resulting in lost jobs. The existing grocery store in Midtown IS NOT a “mom-and-pop” owned store; it is a Spartan store with extremely high prices and very poor quality food.  Mom-and-pop grocery stores barely exist anymore, particularly in Midtown. And the next nearest grocery store is a Kroger in Grosse Pointe Woods.

People are also complaining about how much Whole Foods will receive in tax incentives.

NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nearly every large company operating in Downtown DETROIT receives tax incentives and the only ones not paying back into the community as much as they receive from it are the three existing CASINOS, that gross millions of dollars per day. That seems like it would be something for people to get angry about. Unfortunately, no one has really noticed.

Change is good and positive progress is even better. A suburb is only as strong as the city that it surrounds. If Detroit doesn’t grow and flourish, Metro Detroit suburbs won’t either. It’s time for us to stop living in the 1800′s. The reason we don’t have more economic opportunities in Detroit is because of many of these same narrow-minded complainers who don’t even live in the city limits, don’t want to embrace positive change for what it is, and they work extremely hard to prevent the change from occurring. Instead they prefer to dwell on all of the fictional problems that they expect the change to cause, without even thinking for one second that a company like Whole Foods has already possible considered those and found solutions for them in advance.

So it’s ok for suburban neighborhoods to have grocery stores and the evil WalMart where everything is made in China, but it’s not okay to have a grocery store in Midtown?

While the complainers are steadily on the backs of Whole Foods, they overlooked additional growth taking place within the city - mostly because they are unable to multi-focus their complaints in more than one direction at the same time. That is actually a very good thing. It’s good because growth is under the radar for these complainers. Detroit is getting a Meijer store and “strip” mall at 8 Mile Road and Woodward opening in 2013.  Twitter (YES, TWITTER) and Chrysler are opening offices in downtown Detroit, not to mention the huge Olga’s Kitchen opening in the CompuWare building. Furthermore, Whole Foods has invested $1 Million to bring a non-traditional banking facility, that operates successfully in New York and California (with an impressively low minimal loan default ratio) to the city of Detroit that will help business owners fund their businesses and projects when the existing traditional banks deny them lines of credit.

Did you catch that?

Whole Foods is already making a positive change to help the city business owners and they just broke ground this month. 

All the nasty, bigoted, elitist comments being made on news posts and blogs are utterly ridiculous and extremely exaggerated. People are constantly saying that people residing in Midtown can only grocery shop with bridge cards and can’t afford Whole Foods. Guess what? Midtown Detroit has more doctors, nurses and professionals residing there than reside in Palmer Park and Boston Edison. The average household income in Midtown is over $100,000 per year. There’s also less crime in that part of the city thanks in large part to Wayne State University Police who patrol the entire area.

I commented on articles written by Detroit Free Press and Huffington Post Detroit because I was so surprised at all the negativity. This just reiterates what I said in my previous blog I Get It…I Really Do, about the negative mindsets of people living in Detroit.

I think that people residing in the suburbs who are against Whole Foods coming to Detroit are narrow minded…and negative. If they believe that Whole Foods is that bad for the City, they should have been more involved in getting a grocery that they find acceptable opened in the area. But it’s likely that they didn’t do so because it doesn’t directly impact them because they live in the suburbs and don’t see a correlation between them and the city. If Whole Foods does well (which I’m more than positive they will) and people become employed long-term as a result, and the neighborhood and residents benefit, those same individuals will probably still have something negative to say about it.
I urge Detroiters to back away from dark ages and come back to the future. It’s really nice there; if given the chance to develop. 
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I Get It…I Really Do…

Posted on May 11, 2012 by Super Woman

I’ve come to realize that Detroiters have a mindset unlike many other urban areas. The mindset that Detroiters have is one that says that Detroit is the only place on Earth where there are difficulties – in the school systems, in the economy and in the workforce.

That mindset is untrue.

However, that mindset permeates throughout the community, regardless of how many times we see other urban school districts show their educational issues or hear about how many absentee fathers there are in other cities, or see other people talking about how difficult it is for them to pay bills and buy groceries. Detroiters still believe they stand out and alone in every area. To a degree, we do. But we don’t. We have the same identical issues that almost every other urban area in the United States has. We really do. The difference is that we don’t use the same mechanisms they use to change our situation here. We think we’re SO different from everyone else that what has been done somewhere else, just won’t work here, without even trying it first. That’s what keeps us separate and unequal.

Detroit doesn’t TRY to make changes using the examples set by leaders in other urban cities to change the way things are in Detroit. Detroiters don’t like change. They like to complain. Detroiters don’t believe in tearing down buildings to rebuild. They just build new buildings next to the old ones. Detroiters don’t like to try anything new. Detroiters just seem to like doing the same things the same way, over and over again.  

Fear of CHANGE holds us hostage in Detroit more than anything else does. And excuse making is holding the gun to our heads.

Although I am the first to admit that we do have issues, including the lack of reliable mass transportation that other urban areas do have, I get tired of people who live in Detroit complaining about what we don’t have instead of using what we do have to make things better. The idea that we don’t have successful people living, working and contributing in Detroit is why magazines like UPTOWN, which prints a monthly Detroit edition, only has about 4 pages in it about Detroit. As a publishing company I’m sure they are thinking ‘Why print it if no one cares?‘  As a businesswoman, I see their point of view. As a writer, I want a freelance job to prove them wrong and showcase my own talents.   

Entrepreneurs often have a difficult time using the ‘if you build it, they will come’ model of business ingenuity when it comes to Detroit.  There are so many people who live here, yet they don’t know what’s going on in the city, who people in the city are or what the city has to offer. However, other people move here from other cities, and countries, open businesses, become successful and talk about the opportunities the city has to offer like this city was built yesterday. 

Why is it that people outside Detroit see the potential in the city, but people who live here don’t?  I think that is a large part of all of the issues. If you live here, but don’t know what good there is here, how can you take advantage of it? That, of course, is rhetorical.

Detroiters complain about the school systems and that children aren’t receiving quality educations. Yet Detroiters don’t use head start programs for their children or build an educational and disciplinary foundation at home so teachers don’t have to be wardens and teachers for eight hours everyday. Teachers in DPS are some of the most underpaid and over qualified teachers in comparison to other school districts and charter and private schools. Detroiters complain about the lack of jobs. But when companies open locations in downtown Detroit and hire, they don’t apply because they don’t want to work downtown. Or people won’t seek and attend job training for jobs that are available because they want to stick to building cars. Detroiters complain that there aren’t any upscale venues to go to dine or be entertained, but when upscale venues open, they don’t support them. Then they complain when the venues close.

Detroiters are so hard to please.

No city is an island or the epitome of all-inclusive. I travel because I like to see what other cities have or don’t. I like the experience of something different from what I’m exposed to in Detroit on a daily basis. As a result, I see the differences and still appreciate what Detroit has to a degree that I don’t think many other people do. But I’m just one person. I vote, I’m involved in the community, I stand up and fight when necessary against the things I see that are wrong on behalf of others regularly. But I’m just one person who is trying to set an example that I hope someone else will continue one day. Yes, I get it…I really do. Detroit has its problems; education, transportation, economic and societal. But Detroit’s biggest problem is the people within the boundaries of it and how we see the city as a separate entity, independent from its citizens,  instead of as a result of what we don’t do to make it better.

Detroit makes you want to quit. In my travels I’ve experienced different types of events, venues, locations, and attractions. I would love to bring the new hotness here for people to enjoy. But just like everything else that is new, it takes Detroiters a long time to embrace it… or even notice it for that matter. By the time Detroit knows about something, it’s already extinct in other cities. Sometimes I feel like we’re the only city in the world moving backwards instead of forwards. I understand why creative people feel the need to leave the city. I get it…I really do. Thanks to the encouragement of my team, who worked so hard, I’m going to try, just a few more times to see if I can bring Detroit forward. I decided to press ahead with Sequins & Suits and coordinate it with the I Feel Good: Mind, Body & Soul Women’s Conference in August of this year. I’m changing venues, and eliminating the bad business relationships and bringing in people who want to partner and produce something positive, new and necessary.

BUT I’m not going to keep giving Detroiters chances to disappointment me over and over. Much like J. Dilla, I can take my talents elsewhere and leave a mark as a legend. I have those options and other cities love creative people with fresh ideas and approaches – particularly ones that can become financially lucrative.  And it doesn’t hurt that I’m pretty. So even if Detroit doesn’t believe in Super Woman, somewhere else definitely will. I’m going to do what I said I would, and hold to my commitments, because that is how I am. But Detroit needs to show up or there won’t be anymore Super Events held here.

♦ Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.  - Proverb 

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Super Woman Resigns

Posted on May 7, 2012 by Super Woman

Quitting is not an option for a superhero. At least, it’s not supposed to be. One of the reasons I’m called Super Woman is because of my persistence, regardless of any adversity. I keep pushing forward and fighting obstacles, trying to resolve issues whenever I believe that it is possible to do so. I make the impossible possible even though I can’t explain how. I don’t know if it’s because I’m resourceful or blessed, or a combination of both. Sometimes I think it’s because I’m crazy, other times I think it’s a gift and a curse. The one thing I do know is this - It’s a thankless, tiring job, to say the least. I once thought that being a parent was the most thankless job in the world. But it isn’t. Being a good, reliable person is the number one thankless job. Always being the she-ro to others isn’t easy at all, I just make it look like it is. I rarely hear “thank you” or “good job“. People rarely call me and ask if I’m okay or if I need anything. When I am tired, there is no sidekick I can call. When I’m sick, everything comes to a screeching halt. When I am in need, there’s no one I can turn to because I’m everyone else’s she-ro. On more than one occasion people whom I have “saved” have turned their backs on me in my time of need and berated me to others behind my back saying things like, ”she’s nobody special” or “I never liked her“, yet they smile and tee-hee-hee in my face asking for my help to improve their lives. When I cut them off because they are ungrateful I become the villain.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of quitting like I would really like to.

Why?

Because if I quit, who is going to do it? Of course, it’s easy to say that someone else CAN do it, but the question is WILL they? Honestly, I don’t think other people would step up and do the things I do. If someone else were both willing and capable, I doubt people would ask me to complete the task in the first place. When I think about how we view our Superheroes, both “real” and fictional, I realize that Superheroes get a raw deal no matter what. Superheroes have minimal private lives. Superheroes are expected to be able to handle what ’normal‘ humans can not. Superheroes never get a day off.  Superheroes are expected to confront villains on their own turf and defeat them. Superheroes are expected to start and end sh*t while they rescue kittens with both hands tied behind their backs during thunderstorms. 

Well, maybe I don’t want to be “super” anymore.

Being “super”  comes with the burden that people believe that you don’t need them for anything, so they never approach a situation with committment. People often assume that because I’m ”super” that everyone else –  besides them –  will be there for me when the time comes, so they don’t have to. I’ve experienced this in my personal and professional lives. In my personal life, there have been many men that have told me that they never asked me out on a Saturday night because they assumed I already had a date. They never called and asked, they just assumed. As a result, I grew accustomed to going places and doing things by myself socially 99% of the time. If it weren’t for all the “honey, where’s your date?” questions from socialites and their husbands, I would be perfectly comfortable in any situation alone.

Professionally people always disappoint me and rarely if ever apologize for doing so. They think it’s okay because they assume that I can do it without them anyway. They assume that there are enough other people who will do the work or attend the event, that them not being there won’t be noticeable. That is what is happening now. Sequins & Suits is being cancelled because everyone is assuming that everyone else will attend, volunteer, assist and sponsor so they don’t have to. They assume that their few dollars won’t matter anyway, so why even try. As a result, it will take a miracle and a half to pull off the I Feel Good: Mind, Body & Soul Women’s Conference a few months from now. Which, by the way, I’m considering cancelling now to prevent me from being disappointed again later. After all, no one feels it’s that important anyway or they’d be doing something to help it come to fruition.  

People are selfish. People are hypocrites. They don’t care about anything or what happens to anyone else, until something happens to them. When something happens to them, their child, their parent, their school or their nonprofit organization they want everyone to rally on their behalf. But when someone else needed you before that tragedy happened, where were you? I was trying to adjust that selfish mindset and do so in an entertaining way. But no one cares. I was trying to do something preventative to uplift young women at an early age. But no one cares. A teacher told me this weekend that there is a 10-year-old girl in her school who is pregnant. Those are the young women I’m trying to reach before they get pregnant. But no one cares. Maybe I’m just not popular or dramatic enough for people to pay attention.

Detroiters don’t care, but want to cry and beg for help when things get worse. What were you doing before things got worse? Oh, I know. You were assuming someone else would do it so you wouldn’t have to. You were assuming that someone “super” would swoop in and rescue the kitten.  

Well, I’m not doing it anymore. This is my new manifesto:

I will not plan any charitable events or large-scale social events in the city of Detroit ever again out of the kindness of my heart, for the greater good or because it is the right thing to do. If anyone wants me to use my “super” powers and save the day in the city of Detroit, you will have to pay me to do it. I will consider planning events in other urban cities like Chicago, New York and Atlanta, but they will have to pay me too. I’ll host your Detroit event, but you will have to pay me. I’m not going to support anyone who doesn’t support me, professionally and personally. I’m not even buying a membership to your organization if it doesn’t directly benefit me. I’m no longer investing my money, my energy or time to do anything for people who don’t care or reciprocate.

If people in the city of Detroit don’t have the mindset to see the value in what I do or what I offer, I can’t force them to. If people in the city of Detroit don’t appreciate my efforts, I can’ t force them to. Therefore, it’s in my own best interest to only do what I need to do for myself, my family and my company. I’ve prayed all I can pray and I’ve done all that I’m capable of doing at this time. When the people of the city of Detroit wake up and start caring about something more than following trends, and doing the same old fuckery they’ve always done, maybe I’ll start giving out of the kindness of my heart again.

Until then, I quit.      

Not that anyone will even notice.     

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Acting Like A Lady

Posted on April 23, 2012 by Super Woman

I’ve been acting like a lady long before Steve Harvey wrote “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man“. I’ve been blessed to have a few men in my life put me up on game, and it doesn’t hurt that I was raised by good men who taught me to set standards when it comes to how I live as a woman, and that I should not lower those standards for a man or his ego because I am the prize. These men taught me to have a reasonable expectation for how I’m to be treated on a date and by men in public - a gentleman opens doors… all doors… all the time, and you step aside and let him do that. I was also taught that men judge themselves by what they do, who they are and how much money they make.  I’ve know this to be a fact my entire adult womanhood. This is also referred to as a man’s ego being connected to his wallet. These are just a few of the things I’ve learned from men; my grandfathers, father, uncles and male friends, over the last 37 years of my life. However, like other women, I’ve had difficulty with relationships with men and I’ve even been accused of acting like a man. I’ve had a lot of first dates that don’t materialize into anything more because I won’t lower my expectations of how a man should treat me on a date, nor will I necessarily have sex with him on the first date. I’ve had men ask me for my number, yet never call…or call and never call again. For the longest time (approximately the last 20 years), I couldn’t fully comprehend WHY dating and having relationships with men was such an issue for me. Although my best male friend and my male relatives told me repeatedly that I wasn’t DOING anything wrong, I constantly wondered ‘WHAT is WRONG with ME?’ It’s that female insecurity thing that a lot of women have when dealing with our male counterparts. We’re either in extreme denial about our issues, or we’re constantly trying to correct non-existent ones.

Then I had an epiphany.

I’m a bit of an enigma as a woman. I don’t care about being in a relationship (been there, done that), but I do care (because I want someone to celebrate and enjoy life with other than my son). I want a man in my life, but I don’t need a man to be happy and fulfilled. I can do almost anything a man can do, but I prefer to have men do those things sometimes so I don’t have to. I’m honest to the point that bruises some men’s egos, but I’m sweet and pink when I need to be. I’m aggressive, primarily in business, but I know when to be submissive to a man. I desire balance, but refuse to make sacrifices that take away from who I am. I’m open, but I hold information back. I’m nurturing, but I don’t accept excuses. I also raised a son as a single parent, but he’s not the mama’s boy people expect him to be as a result. I am that strange combination of woman, heavily influenced by the men in her life,  that very few men have ever understood, yet they are drawn to me like moths to a flame – until they get burned and fall to the ground. The enigma woman. And I’m not the only one.

When Steve’s book “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man“ was first released, I didn’t want to read it because I was writing my book about relationships during that time. I agree with 99% of what Steve says, therefore, I didn’t want my views to be perceived as me copying from him to sell books, because it was obvious that my book would be released later than his. So I changed what I was writing from a relationship book to a fictional novel based upon the same experiences and advice and titled it “He’s A Problem“. One of the things that I want to depict in ”He’s A Problem“  is how women make the mistake in believing that they can change a man and how that attitude is a contributing factor in why our relationships fail sometimes. I don’t believe you can change anyone – man or woman - they have to want to change themselves. Change begins within and sometimes the catalyst is going without.  I’ve already gotten heat from men who assume that “He’s A Problem” is a man-bashing book written by an angry, bitter, lonely woman who can’t get a man. I even got hate e-mail from one man telling me that I need to make sure I examine myself after I finish talking about men’s flaws.  WOW! I asked him in response “How can you judge the context of a book that hasn’t even been published yet?”  That is both ignorance and fear. Ignorance because so many men assume that single women are all bitter, angry, lonely man-bashers, and fearful that they may somehow be exposed in the book and lose out on future opportunities to play games with women. These are some of the same fears that men have about Steve’s book and why some of them consider him a traitor to all MANkind. But Steve isn’t the only man who knows the game and has been teaching it to women. He’s just the first to write it all out in a book for women to read.

This weekend when I went to see the highly anticipated movie ”Think Like A Man“, I didn’t expect to LEARN anything new, I just expected to be entertained and lend my support to filmmakers and the  all-star cast. The movie was phenomenal! However, I feel that Steve Harvey forgot to portray the woman like me. The enigma. The woman who already knows that men need to feel accomplished within themselves before they can be with a woman. The woman who knows that the majority of men attempting to make her acquaintance are doing so with the intention of sleeping with her. The woman who has male influences that she can go to who will tell her the ugly truth and how to protect herself from players and recognize mama’s boys. The enigma woman is willing to walk away from a situation when she sees it isn’t going anywhere. The enigma woman is often mistaken for the Woman Who Is Her Own Man (portrayed by Taraji P. Henson in the film), but she in fact, is the one woman who knows that she can’t make a man into a MAN; he has to WANT to do and REACH for that on his own – even if she is a motivating factor. I’ve met so many men who aren’t there yet. Regardless of their age, education, career or background, some men just haven’t solidified their footprints in cement to the degree that they would like to in their own lives. These are the men who always say they will have a relationship “one day” or “when they get their money right”. I understand and respect that and have learned to recognize and avoid that as well. I tell those men to call me when that day comes and if I’m not otherwise engaged we can see what happens. I don’t have the time or patience for the waiting game. Time waits for no MAN. I truly believe that a man who thinks I’m worth the effort and wants a committed relationship, will put in the work he needs to as an individual and come into/return into my life prepared. And it won’t take him forever.

Although I didn’t learn anything new from “Think Like A Man“, I did LEARN more about myself as a woman and I have better insight into the minds of men and how they perceive me. I learned that as a woman I’m not doing anything WRONG. Maintaining my standards protects me from men who don’t want a committment. If I lower my guard too much, I will end up with someone who is only sports fishing, not fishing to eat. In fact, I’ve been doing everything Steve Harvey suggests that a woman should do in order to have the relationship she wants – prior to reading the book or seeing the movie. And I’m not going to change that. I’m just going to be more consistent. I just need to remember what the men in my life have tried to drill into me and believe it for a change – I just haven’t met the RIGHT man for me yet. Not the perfect man…the RIGHT man. Or maybe I have already met him and he’s getting himself together so that he can protect and provide for me the way I deserve.

Until then, I’m going to continue to act like a lady…and think like a BOSS. I have things to do.  

Check out one of my many projects Sequins & Suits Charity Gala, May 11, 2012 at The Henry Hotel in Dearborn, MI. Tickets are on sale now at EventBrite. Please support this cause so that we can teach young women how to act like ladies also.

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Fashion…Not Forward

Posted on April 10, 2012 by Super Woman

This weekend I attended a fashion show in Detroit. There were many beautiful pieces presented by different designers presented. HOWEVER… sadly, there were also many lessons on what NOT to do when presenting yourself to the public. The first lesson was punctuality. Some of us still haven’t mastered the idea of truly starting on time; particularly when people are paying us. The 8 pm fashion show didn’t start until well after 9 pm.  During this long lag time, they didn’t offer anyone anything for the inconvenience. No free drinks, no backup entertainment to fill the void, except for a DJ who was obviously playing his ‘runway” set, no stand up comedy – nothing. I caught a few people taking a nap right in their VIP seats along the runway. For other businesses, this would be considered poor customer service.

Another lesson that could be learned was putting your models in danger by not making sure they have a safe runway to walk on. The elevated runway was carpeted, with a sheet of shiny gift wrap…or aluminum foil, I’m not sure which… down the center of it, that wasn’t tacked down, so it kept moving out of place. At the front of the runway, from where the models took their first steps, was a weak stepladder for the models to use to step up on the runway. The majority of models were wearing six inches or higher stilettos. Further, as one model walked down the runway, the next model stood at the beginning, and they passed each other on the catwalk. Did I mention that these were plus size models? During the show at least three models lost their balance and several punctured the gift wrap laid before them like a silver brick road. Even the event hostesses Christina Mendez was leery of the runway and she’s a professional model with many accolades. For any other business, this would be considered unsafe working conditions.

The next lesson was on improper fitting clothes. I don’t fault the designers for wanting to sell the garments after the show, therefore they didn’t tailor the clothing to fit each model. HOWEVER…that’s what double-sided tape and safety pins are for. The back of dresses shouldn’t have gaps, whether the model is a size two or a size twenty-two. Then there was the makeup. Every clothing look shouldn’t have the same makeup look. This caused the models to all look like mannequins. Mannequins who didn’t smile because they were fearfully watching every step they took on the runway. The there were the undergarments worn by the models. Why could I see bras on open-backed dresses and panties under swimwear and lingerie? Has anyone heard of thongs and low back/backless bras? For any other business, this would be considered poor marketing.

As pretty as many of the clothes were, all of these before mentioned “lessons” were a distraction for anyone who noticed. Many of these issues could have been corrected had there been a creative director, or even someone more experienced in the production of fashion shows, on staff. If either of these people were behind the scenes… well, I’ll just say this: when you know better, you do better. All of these fashion show lessons made me think about my upcoming photo shoot and what I need to make sure I don’t do. I’ve very particular about the standards that I set for my public and professional image. Even when it comes to writing erotica, how I’m viewed matters to me. So now, I’m double checking how the clothes selected for my photo shoot fit me and I’m making sure that I have the appropriate undergarments for every single outfit.

This fashion show also made me think about how I want the fashion show for the upcoming I Feel Good: Mind, Body & Soul Women’s Conference to be handled. I already have an actual foremost fashion stylist to the stars on deck to make sure things are done correctly,and with style and class. Having a small amount of modeling experience myself, I’m going to make sure that the models feel comfortable on the runway as well. My first goal is to show young women what they can wear for many occasions and outings that won’t embarrass themselves or their parents. My second goal is to show adult women that regardless of their age, size and shape that they can be sexy and attractive, while also being age and shape appropriate. My next goal is to put on a good show without any potential mishaps that would cause people to fall on to the floor or on top of anyone else. My final goal is to assist young women to strive for all of the positive opportunities that living a purpose driven life can provide. So this summer, if all goes well, and I obtain a lot more sponsorships (because money is needed for this to be successful), I hope that we’ll be taking fashion a step forward from what I witnessed this past weekend.

The name of the fashion show and participating designers have been omitted from this blog to protect them from potential embarrassment.

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Mean Girls

Posted on March 26, 2012 by Super Woman

Earlier this month, researchers at Iowa State University published “Frenemies, Fraitors, and Mean-em-aitors: Priming Effects of Viewing Physical and Relational Aggression in the Media on Women“. The study, which observed 250 college women, found that viewing mean girl antics such as social exclusion, gossip and emotional bullying on shows like Basketball Wives, Love & Hip-Hop and Real Housewives of Atlanta, primed viewers to be more aggressive towards each other. The part of me that believes in Sisterhood, found this surprising, disturbing and sad. The part of me that is logical, viewed this as a sign that we are weak-minded, easily influenced and lack moral fortitude. The part of me that is in entertainment said ‘here we go, blaming television for our problems again’.  When Essence Magazine first published a related article on their website, I posted the following comment:

“They say if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. The fact that a person’s behavior can be altered by watching other people’s ignorant behavior on television is very sad and disappointing. I think it speaks more to how weak-minded and fickle these women are if they begin to emulate the bad behavior they see (on television). So then my question becomes this: if they are inundated with more positive behavior represented on television, will they adapt and emulate that positive behavior also? I’m just saying, while we’re brainwashing, we should make it worthwhile.”
 

I’ve previously admitted to watching reality shows. Lately, I’ve found myself wondering “whose reality is this really“, where women are constantly backstabbing, backbiting, fighting and behaving as if they are wild animals fighting over the last scraps of prey, that they didn’t even hunt? This behavior is evident on Basketball Wives (which has turned into WWE Part 2 in Miami), Love & Hip Hop concluded their season after lots of fist fights and drink throwing, no matter what city they were in, and Real Housewives of Atlanta has turned into Sheree versus Everybody Else. Not to mention the woman who threw a ziplock bag full of flour on Kim Kardarshian while she walked the red carpet at a recent charity event. Who does that? Mean Girls do that.

I’ve never been the type of woman to surround myself with a lot of other women. I was raised to believe that you only need one really good girlfriend and a few close girlfriends, but no more than five. I’ve lived like that for almost 40 years now. I’ve learned through experience that the more women present in a room, the more problems could arise. In my younger years, I had more than my fair share of girls and young women who were jealous of me for what I viewed to be silly and superficial reasons, so I preferred to keep to myself. I believed that things would improve as women matured, and if not, that’s okay because I enjoy my company just fine. 

Then something happened.

I met a Mean Girl. Unbeknownst to me, she was already in my midst – like a snake. She is someone I’ve known for the last few years and considered to be a dear sister-friend. I was clearly wrong and had ignored her character flaws, possibly out of love or because I just wasn’t paying attention. Maybe she was just that slick. Well, recently she showed her true colors, as snakes often do. For the last few years, I’ve been so busy working on things in my life that were important to me (traveling, building the Super Woman Brand, sending my son to college, and enjoying my life), and avoiding men with hidden agendas, that I completely overlooked the woman who had come into my life with a hidden agenda of her own and envy in her heart. She flew right in under the radar and nested herself into my life for the sole purpose of getting whatever benefits were attached to being associated with me and being known as my friend. And she got away with it for years. Once she couldn’t get her way any longer, because I have my own life, goals and dreams, she began to show herself to not be a good friend, but to be a superficial, insecure, vindictive and malicious person. My life had never revolved around her to begin with, but for some strange reason, she assumed she was my only friend and that I somehow relied on her for my mere existence. I found that to be hilarious. She actually had the blatant audacity to send me a text message that said ”you’re gonna need me before I need you“. For what?  When I think back, that wasn’t true, and wouldn’t be true. She hadn’t contributed to any of my personal or business accomplishments. She hadn’t introduced me to anyone of importance. She hadn’t done anything truly significant. So again, I ask – for what? She doesn’t have anything that I would covet and my only competition is myself. 

Just like the Mean Girls on reality television, she began to say terrible and untrue things about me (mostly behind my back to anyone she thought would listen, because that’s what cowards do). I immediately recognized this as an attempt on her part to make her feel superior because she is insecure. Strangely enough, she’s at a time in her life where she should be happy. She’s recently got married and has a beautiful blended family, bought a house and has a grandchild. So when others would be relishing in their life’s accomplishments, this woman is directing her energy into attempting to discredit or harm me. Obviously, she’s not very happy. However, I’m not responsible for her happiness and nor will I take responsibility for her unhappiness.

Mean Girls develop their own false truth. A false truth that is often laced with insecurities and judgment against others, that they persuade themselves into believing in order to compensate for what they lack as an individual. Fortunately, for me (a) I have real girlfriends (b) I have self-esteem and confidence that is virtually unbreakable by another human being, and (c) I have a life. Therefore, I’m not too concerned about this woman and the lies that she attempts to spread out of anger and animosity. No one of any importance knows her or cares about the venom she’s spitting. I’m also not too concerned about any other women like her, regardless of who they are. Personally, I believe that if she were both a mature and respectable woman, she’d have a conversation with me, face-to-face, woman-to-woman, instead of talking about me to other people behind my back like a second grader. Instead of telling other people what (she thinks) I am or not, she’d tell me directly what her problem is with me. Instead of her stalking my Facebook pages to see what I’m doing, and who I’m doing it with, she’d be enjoying her new husband and family. Instead of telling other people how much money (she thinks) I have or don’t, she’d be building her own career. By the way, if she wants to count my money and assets, she should make sure to include my copyrights, trademarks, service marks, intellectual property and stock dividends. I don’t have a lot of material possessions because I don’t need them to be happy. I have everything that I truly need; God, food, clothing, shelter, family, career … and a fabulous shoe collection.

I truly pity Mean Girls. They are so consumed with making other people miserable, being dishonest, fighting and being manipulative, that they miss out of the joys of true friendship and sisterhood. They are so concerned with the latest trends and material possessions, that they forget what life is truly about. No matter how much stuff you buy, you can’t take it with you when you die. No matter how much stuff you buy, it won’t make you a happier or a better person. No matter how much stuff you buy, it’s not going to add value to who you are, because you’re likely buying it to impress people who don’t like you very much or are just as materialistic. If a woman considers her material possessions, her mean attitude, who she’s married to, what kind of car she drives or what city she resides in to be the sole determining factors of her worth in comparison to another woman’s, she has a very sad existence.

She’s not just a Mean Girl… she’s also a Sad Girl.

I learned to be more observant of people who try to come into my life, as a result of this experience. But I still don’t have time to revolve my life around someone else’s to make them feel good about themselves. I’m responsible for myself. My goals and achievements are mine to either attain or take responsbility for if I fail. Plus, jealous words from unhappy individuals don’t hold any weight in my world. My world is already Super.  

*Those I trust most, are those who have earned my trust, by not betraying my trust* – Urban Confucius

 
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Talent in Detroit

Posted on March 14, 2012 by Super Woman

With all of the bad news, crime statistics and potential for receivership under an Emergency Financial Manager (regardless of what Mayor Bing said in his State of the City address a few days ago), we often forget about the talent that is deeply rooted and often overlooked in the City of Detroit. Detroit receives worldwide attention for the North American International Auto Show, the government scandals and the uprise of foreclosures leading to additional blight, but Detroit doesn’t receive the same level of attention for the talent that has grown and exists here. So many people have left the arms of the City of Detroit for the softer, greener pastures of Atlanta, Los Angeles and New York (where the competition is stiffer), in an effort to become break out stars. Many of whom have achieved that goal, while others have been sent running home with their tails tucked.

As I look at all of the talented people in Detroit, I sometimes overhear people stating that they want to step out on faith, leave the city and become successful elsewhere. This makes me wonder ~ If they put the same energy into remaining and working on their craft here, as they put into their plans for exodus, how successful would they become? The same plans a person has to become successful in another city, can be implemented for them to become successful in Detroit. Don’t get me wrong, I clearly understand that Detroit is behind the eight ball in technology, infrastructure, commerce and entertainment compared to larger urban meccas like Atlanta, the bright lights of Hollywood and the always busy streets of the Big Apple. However, that doesn’t mean it can’t improve. Improvement requires people with ideas, just as much as improvements cost money. I sometimes think that we’re getting what we get from our leadership simply because we don’t demand more from them. They have cut the arts from schools, they don’t appropriate Federal funds into the community the way they should and they would rather lay people off from work than have an Emergency Financial Manager uncover their corruption. This results in people losing hope and feeling that the promised land is elsewhere instead of underneath their feet. Those are some of the same issues other large cities have. It’s the national recession. It just hits cities like Detroit harder.

This weekend I had the privilege of attending Fashion in Detroit, an event sponsored and organized by Denise Ilitch (her father is the founder, owner and business mogul behind Little Caesar’s Pizza, the Detroit Red Wings and Detroit Tigers), and Joe Faris (Project Runway contestant and Michigan native); two individuals who obviously have business and creativity in their blood. The afternoon was full of beautiful fashions designed mostly by Detroiters. Yes, fashion is present and alive in The D. Have you ever heard of a talented young lady by the name of Tracey Reese? She’s a graduate of Cass Technical High School in DETROIT.  Have you heard of Kevan Hall? He also is a native Detroiter. Shoe designers Shane and Shawn are also Detroiters and graduates of Cass Technical High School. If you didn’t know this, please allow me the privilege of educating you briefly…

Detroit has been fashionable since it was named Motown.  

Then there are the big names in entertainment like Tim Allen, Jerry Bruckheimer, Ellen Burstyn, Francis Ford Coppola, Jeff Daniels, David Alan Grier, Madoon, Eminem, Tom Selleck, Kid Rock, the late Sonny Bono, the late Aaliyah, Blair Underwood, Diana Ross, Smokey Robinson, Bill McKinney, Big Sean, J Dilla, Brandon T. Jackson, Anita Baker, Aretha Franklin, The Clark Sisters, The Winans, and many, many others. The list of heavy hitters in entertainer from Detroit is so long that it would take another 500 words for me to name them all. But I think you get the point. Detroit is full of talent. But we have to nurture its growth. Even if success eventually pulls people from the city, we need those people to be proud of where they came from. It doesn’t hurt for them to come back and visit sometimes. I honestly believe that if the most successful people who originated from Detroit, would occasionally show up and embrace this city as their home. and use their influence to improve the city’s image, the leadership here would be compelled to do a better job representing the community. That’s just my opinion and I could be wrong. But will anyone step up and attempt to prove me wrong with action? Worse case scenario: Detroit receives POSITIVE media attention.

I know that the city requires a lot of work to rise from the ashes of the last several years. I believe that it can be done. I”m working to do my part to change its image. But I’m just one person. And I’ve noticed that the Detroit community hasn’t quite embraced The Brand; mostly because it’s not what they are accustomed to. Michigan is a working class state. As a result, creativity is often frowned upon and viewed as mere craziness. This attitude results in talented people feeling the need to flee to other cities where they hope to be more “accepted”. I’m blessed to have the encourage of my supporters to keep me from feeling defeated by the lack of love I receive from my city. The first major publication to interview me was Rollin’ Out Magazine which is published out of Atlanta. The first talk show to contact me to make an appearance was also in Atlanta. There are a lot of opportunities for me in Atlanta, that I will take advantage of very soon. Taking those opportunities may result in me temporarily relocating, which I’ve planned for when the time comes. But my movie writing career is rooted here in Detroit (more on that forthcoming) and my business is headquartered here. These are things that will always spark me to declare that I’m Imported from Detroit. I hope that one day my city re-embraces creatives and supports the local talent more than it has over the last several years. If not, it won’t limit the opportunities for creatives elsewhere, but it will have a detrimental effect on the way the world views what was once called Motown.

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He’s A Problem

Posted on March 1, 2012 by Super Woman

If you’ve been following my blogs from their inception, you know that my dating life is the stuff that fiction is made from. You also know that I admit to not being talented enough as a writer to make this stuff up. I’m turning all of my mis-adventures in dating into a novel called “He’s A Problem“. I had planned to release ”He’s A Problem” long before now, but I have what I initially thought was writer’s block and I have been unable to finish it.  I recently discovered that what I have isn’t writer’s block at all. Apparently, God in all His infinite wisdom, and sense of humor, apparently felt that I needed additional material to make “He’s A Problem“  a successful and entertaining read for all of you.

So I’m going to share one of the encounters that I recently had with a man, and another reason I’m single and have learned to embrace it versus trying to have something that isn’t in the Master’s Plan for my life.

A man contacted me stating that he wanted to do business with me and that he was in need of writing services for his business. We met, and I gave him a price quote based on the needs he communicated with me. During the meeting he started talking about being “friends” and “getting to know me“. Anyone who knows me, knows that when my mind is on business, that is all I care about. I gave him the nod and smile but in the back of my mind I was saying “Here we go again. Another man pretending to want to do business with me to try to get me into bed“.  Over a few days, he never said if he had accepted my quote for the work to be done. His entire conversation was personal.  He kept claiming he wanted “to get to know me” and “know about what I do“.  I honestly wasn’t buying it. I had heard that same thing too often from other men who couldn’t tell you my middle name or my eye color if you put a gun to their heads.  He also called too much (every 10 – 20 minutes during the course of a few hours) and talked too much.  Both traits I find to be unattractive. If a man says he’s going to call me back later, I expect for later to actually arrive before I hear from him again. Even when he’d ask me a question, he’d interrupt my answer, not allowing me to finish a complete thought. He was a terrible listener and misunderstood almost everything I said to him resulting in arguments. I knew he wouldn’t last longer. Men always eliminate themselves when they don’t measure up, so there’s no need for me to be mean.

Now, comes the day of reckoning. I had a radio appearance coming up and I invited him to come to the radio station with me to give him the opportunity to get an idea of what I do.  Afterall, he claimed that he wanted to get to know me, right?  When I offered him this opportunity, he immediately decided that he didn’t want to wait an hour and a half with me and watch the show, so he counter offered to drop me off and pick me up. I asked him what he’d do during that time and he said “just drive around and go do something else“. Not one to argue, I agreed to letting him drop me off and pick me up. On the morning of the radio show, he sends me a text message saying ‘Good morning. Are you ready for your show? And are you going to give me gas money or pay for dinner after?’

Does anyone else see the problem with that?

If not, let me clarify:

  • Dropping me off and picking me up was his idea, not mine. I invited him to see what I do because he claimed to want to know. If I just wanted a ride, I would’ve reserved a chauffeur driven sedan instead.
  • If he didn’t have gas in his vehicle, he should have said that before the day of the radio show and I would’ve caught a taxi instead. Plus his idea to ”just drive around and go do something else” for an hour and a half shouldn’t be paid for by me when he could have stayed his monkey ass at the radio station with me instead.

*exhales*

I told him he was rude, and reminded him that dropping me off and picking me up was HIS idea. He had the nerve to then say “I don’t need the gas money. I just wanted to see what you would say“. Oh, really? Then he tries to text argue with me for the next hour. I wasn’t even angry. I wasn’t even surprised. He started cursing and then even called my voicemail and cursed and screamed into my voicemail saying “I’m such a man, I’ll still take you and won’t even try anything“. After I stopped laughing, I thought to myself ‘Does he seriously think I would ever go anywhere with him? And what’s that supposed to mean? Was that a threat? Is he saying that I need my 9 mm?‘ Of course I told gas-money man to lose my number, don’t text me, tweet me, inbox me or even look at me on the street – ever again. I also decided to start charging and billing an hourly fee to men who book meetings with me under the guise of doing business.

Wasting my time: $250.  

The good thing about these problematic experiences with men is that they make great fiction. I’m now able to add this event to the novel, ”He’s A Problem” and…[drum roll please], I’m writing a short film script based on my book (∞), that will hopefully debut before the book’s publication [applause]. See. Everything works out for the best in the end. I needed to have more hilariously unbelievable and ridiculous dating experiences so that I could be creative and provide a well written and humorous book for my supporters to enjoy. I’ve even found an incredibly sexy man for my book cover and possibly to co-star in the short film. He’s multitalented and recently appeared on the Bill Cunningham daytime talk show and Divorce Court. He is quite the muse. Below is a brief look at him.

Enjoy!  

(warning: you should be 18 years old and not easily offended by sexiness to view the following video).

 Construction Worker

 

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Are We There Yet?

Posted on February 24, 2012 by Super Woman

To answer my own question…not yet. This is an unknown journey that I’m on. Many of my mornings start as early as 4:30 am now. My alarm goes off an hour later. I’m tired a lot of days and fall asleep with my laptop or notes on my lap many nights. I awaken only to turn the television, that has been watching me while I sleep, off. Everything feels like it’s moving at the speed of light lately. My fan base is growing, which is noticeable in the amount of hits this website receives, as well as how many views I get on my YouTube Channel. I have more LinkedIn connections than I know what to do with and Twitter has introduced me to people who I didn’t even know knew I existed. I’m getting so much love and encouragement from already successful people, and even celebrities, telling me to continue pressing forward. People in the entertainment industry that I’ve been a fan of, are now apart of my support system. Just like you all are. I don’t consider you fans anymore. You’re my supporters. Fans are the people who only like my pictures, but have no idea what I do.

It’s almost the end of February 2012 and I’ve already seen my business begin to shift into a more positive, and potentially profitable, direction ∞. But I’m still not there yet. Creatively, ideas are flowing, but I lack time. There are only 24 hours in a day and eight of those I give to Corporate America daily. Unfortunately, I can’t leave Corporate America yet. Bills still need to be paid and like many other people, I require consistent income. Super Son is in college and tuition isn’t cheap. Plus, I feel God telling me it’s not the right time to leave Corporate America – yet. When He tells me differently, I’ll bolt for the door, and I won’t ever look back. That’s, after all, one of my many motivations – to develop financial security doing what I want, what I love and what I am talented in.

But I’m still not there yet. That’s the burden of an overachiever. I want, need and strive for more. Bigger, better, faster, harder, stronger, smarter…

I hired one employee this year. That’s quite an achievement for me. I hired a Personal Assistant. She’s valuable to me and I hope that I can teach her enough about business that she will have a foundation towards her future career. I don’t expect her to stay with me forever. I expect her to grow and evolve into her own dreams and career. And I’m going to try not to get on her nerves too much. I know that I can be difficult to work for because my standards are extremely high. When you’re a one woman show, there’s a lot at risk involved, therefore the standards should be high because it’s your shoulders that carry the weight.

But I’m still not there yet. I want to be in a better position to hire additional staff and provide additional opportunities, so that my business can eventually grow to become nationally recognized. Detroit is home base so I’m beginning here.   

Opportunities are coming. FAST. Some of which I have to continue to keep under wraps for a little while longer, but I promise it will be worth the wait. One opportunity I can share now is that I’ve been asked to become a permanent on air radio personality (aka Co-host) on the Kelly’s Kitchen Radio Show. If you’re not familiar with it, Kelly’s Kitchen is a internet-based radio show that I’ve been on a few times as a guest and as a host. It was started by Kelly White and Kalu Jones, here in Detroit on WHPR (Highland Park) a few years back. The show is Kelly’s dream child. I am now the First Lady on the team. If you haven’t listened to the show before now, I hope that you will become a regular. It airs every Saturday night at 9 pm EST on www.svmixradio.com. You can also listen to it on your smart phone.

But I’m still not there yet.

But this is a good start. Even though I lose a lot of sleep, I struggle with dating (which is going to make a great novel one day soon) as a result I come home to an empty house, I still have a great deal that I’m thankful for. And I appreciate all of you who take time out of your days to keep up with my crazy world.

The best part about getting there is still unknown to me now. But I’m really looking forward to finding out. I hope you will continue to lend me your support along the way.

Smooches!

 

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Who’s Mad At Brian White?

Posted on February 14, 2012 by Super Woman

I follow actor Brian White’s career as a fan and on Twitter. Early in February 2012 he did an interview with Shamika Sanders of Hello Beautiful, during which she asked Brian why he thinks people hate Tyler Perry. His reply was, “Because Tyler holds a mirror up to people. Stereotypes are not stereotypes today. The most popular character [in, Why Did I Get Married?], and it’s not the one that Tyler picked as the most popular, is Tasha!”  What he said is completely true. But, Shamika Sanders decided to call her article, “Does Brian White Hate Black Women or Is He Spot On? EXCLUSIVE”.

Does anyone else see what I see or is everyone going to side with Shamika on this?

Shamika was supposed to interview Brian about his upcoming movie projects. She asked him a question. He gave an honest answer and backed it up with several examples to support his point of view and at no time did this man say anything about hating black women. What in fact Brian White said, to sum it up in my own words, is that black AMERICA in general gravitates towards the more negative and stereotypical portrayals of ourselves (both men and women) in television and in movies, instead of looking at the more positive, learning the lessons filmmakers like Tyler Perry are trying to teach us, and appreciating the quality projects that are put out that portray us positively.

Did you understand that?

Brian’s reply got turned into a one black man versus all the black women in the world debate by Shamika Sanders. Maybe it was not her intention to do so. Maybe she doesn’t write well. Maybe she was unable to convey what Brian was saying using the written word. Maybe she doesn’t understand responsible journalism. Maybe she forgot what her interview was supposed to really be about. Maybe she was personally offended by what Brian White said and thought it would be a perfect opportunity to take his words out of context, pour gasoline on them and light them on fire to boost her own career. Anything is possible.

I agree in large part with a lot of what Brian said in his interview, although it was skewed to be more negative than he intended it to be. He touched on how black women behave on reality shows and therefore are also portrayed as characters in movies. However, we complain about being stereotyped when WE are the ones watching and supporting the shows and behaving in the same manner. I admit I watch Love & Hip Hop and RHOA, along with a few other reality shows. Part of it is entertainment and part of it is research for me as a writer (and a woman) for ‘what not to do’. The reality shows starring black women aren’t any different from reality shows starring white women. White women fight on television, too. But it’s often handled with a different approach by the media. It’s also handled with a different approach by their peers. In black AMERICA we constantly criticize, scrutinize, disrespect, and demean each other, then turn around and do the exact same thing we were mad about someone else doing. What do I mean by that? Women get upset with Mona Scott Young for being the brains behind Love & Hip Hop because Chrissy Lampkin acts a fool, fights and argues constantly on the show, but those same black women are trying to get on reality shows themselves; and not in an effort to change the way we’re portrayed in the process. They want to be famous, just like Chrissy…or Kim Kardashian, or whomever they idolize that particular week. They think that reality television will be their in into acting or fame because going to acting school or developing a talent takes too long.  Often for black women, reality televisions shows only end up as their way into a men’s magazine…bent over. But the white women who participate in reality shows receive spin offs and offers for Dancing With The Stars. But, I digress.  

Maybe Brian White needs more media training to learn how to phrase his opinions differently so that sensitive people who can’t digest the absolute truth won’t get offended. But at the same time, the fact that some black women are actually angry about what he said astounds me completely. It speaks to the misconceptions we have about how other people look at us when we’re on television and on movie screens. It speaks to the fact that we allow ourselves to have lower standards of ourselves in television and movies than we should (Brian would like us to support quality work, period).  It also speaks to the fact that we (black women) can take the most genuine comment in support of Tyler Perry and make it all about us for absolutely no reason.  

I’m not mad at Brian White at all. He said what he meant and he stood behind his convictions without apology. Maybe if more of us did the same thing, we wouldn’t embarrass ourselves or each other as much as we do on television in the first place.

◊ When you know better, you do better.

∞ Support the I Feel Good: Mind, Body & Soul Women’s Conference in Detroit, MI so that young black women know that they don’t have to be on reality television to make something of themselves in this world. www.ifeelgoodmbs.com

 

 

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